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(New York Daily News)   A Tennessee burglar mistakes cremated remains for cocaine. He was upset when he found out about his mistake. *sniff* *sniff*   (nydailynews.com) divider line 44
    More: Dumbass, aggravated burglary, Jerry Cantrell  
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4096 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2013 at 1:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-22 01:33:19 PM
[*insert lame Keith Richards joke here]
 
2013-07-22 01:33:21 PM
You people laugh now, but when Kenny's soul goes in the potroast you'll be sad!
 
2013-07-22 01:33:37 PM
i.imgur.com

Approves
 
2013-07-22 01:34:47 PM
dear old dad?
 
2013-07-22 01:34:51 PM
I bet it wasn't the first time the victim's mother was sniffed by a stranger.
 
2013-07-22 01:35:35 PM
I know Ive seen that guy in a fark stoty before
 
2013-07-22 01:35:46 PM
Cremains is a real word.
 
2013-07-22 01:37:08 PM

lostcat: Cremains is a real word.


If this guy couldn't poop after he snorted them, would he be cremainstipated?
 
2013-07-22 01:41:20 PM
pluckyoutoo.files.wordpress.com

/can dig it, man
 
2013-07-22 01:43:48 PM
Who takes mug shots in 3D?
 
2013-07-22 01:45:54 PM

Carn: lostcat: Cremains is a real word.

If this guy couldn't poop after he snorted them, would he be cremainstipated?


Yes, and he might need cremainoplasty.
 
2013-07-22 01:46:17 PM

D135: [*insert lame Keith Richards joke here]


Yeah, we're pretty much done here.
 
2013-07-22 01:47:49 PM
No mention which end of the state it was, let alone which city?

Yay for shiat journalism!
 
2013-07-22 01:52:33 PM
Sounds like he went straight...to the bone...

//YEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH
 
2013-07-22 01:52:42 PM
As I understand it, cremains are not exactly a powdery substance.  This guy could not have been that br...

assets.nydailynews.com

Oooooohhhh.  I get it.
 
2013-07-22 01:57:36 PM
Billy Cantrell has an ash hole in the middle of his face.  Oh and...  he thought he'd done found him a box of cocaine is what he thought,"
 
2013-07-22 02:01:22 PM
FTFA: "William thought it was drugs; he thought he'd done found him a box of cocaine is what he thought," Cantrell's grandma, Wanda Allen, told News Channel 5.

I read that as :

"William thought it was drugs, but what he got was a box of grandma." , Wanda Allen, told News Channel 5.
 
2013-07-22 02:12:25 PM
Stealing human ashes? Perhaps he deserves a good haunting from the ghost of that person.
 
2013-07-22 02:18:36 PM
Ramzor did it first!
 
2013-07-22 02:25:14 PM
Billy had always been rash
he pilfered what seemed like a stash
he snorted the snow
but little did he know
he'd ingested an old lady's ash
 
2013-07-22 02:29:26 PM
...deadly powder
 
2013-07-22 02:32:31 PM
If he confused coke and ashes, it's likely the coke he had before, wasn't.
 
2013-07-22 02:33:55 PM
Was really hoping to see white powder under his nose.
 
2013-07-22 02:39:19 PM
When he found out, his face went ashen.
 
2013-07-22 02:42:34 PM

ReverendJynxed: If he confused coke and ashes, it's likely the coke he had before, wasn't.


How farked up do you have to be to confuse the two?
"Hey, here is a box on the mantle, what is this powdery substance? Christ, it's gotta be coke, oh halleluiah."
From what I have read, cocaine has a distinctive, slightly acidic smell, I am guessing cremains don't have that odor, or do they?
 
2013-07-22 02:44:49 PM
He looks like a white hispanic... Interesting
 
2013-07-22 02:47:57 PM
grandpa is a hell of a drug
 
2013-07-22 02:55:11 PM
Stealing cocaine is not acceptable. You have to urn it.
 
2013-07-22 02:56:47 PM
ll-media.tmz.com
 
2013-07-22 03:18:22 PM
So, uh, does this mean there's a sack of cocaine that's been interred in some cemetery somewhere?

/just asking
//twitches nervously
///just asking
 
2013-07-22 03:33:16 PM
South Park did it.

"A Ladder to Heaven", Season Six.

Some damn fool will eventually make this premise into a sitcom script.

Hilarity ensues when a dumbass burglar snorts the ashes of Kenny McCormick and becomes The Man with Two Spirits. Gay Native Americans will protest the show and the cowards at Fox will pull it after episode two but it will return on Comedy Central for an additional four episodes.
 
2013-07-22 03:37:39 PM

brantgoose: South Park did it.

"A Ladder to Heaven", Season Six.

Some damn fool will eventually make this premise into a sitcom script.

Hilarity ensues when a dumbass burglar snorts the ashes of Kenny McCormick and becomes The Man with Two Spirits. Gay Native Americans will protest the show and the cowards at Fox will pull it after episode two but it will return on Comedy Central for an additional four episodes.


there have been several movies/shows that did a play on ashes and coffee or tea, so i doubt it would be looked at too harshly
 
2013-07-22 03:39:49 PM
www.findmall.com
 
2013-07-22 03:52:16 PM
www.lewiscreekglassworks.com

What a spoonful of cocaine might look like...
 
2013-07-22 04:23:39 PM

karmaceutical: [www.findmall.com image 320x194]


That's not even a screengrab is it? That's just chevy chase in the 70s..
 
2013-07-22 04:27:24 PM
In all fairness, our duggies are farking stupid.  We're the same ones that had the story a few years back of the idiot that tried to microwave his pot in the gas station microwave.  While the cop was standing in line to check out.  And we had the infamous Zombie Hooker.

Crooks down here have about as many brain cells as they do teeth, apparently.
 
2013-07-22 04:29:13 PM
That wasn't herb tea... that was Herb!
 
2013-07-22 04:31:27 PM

theborg1of4: That wasn't herb tea... that was Herb!


(not sure if that's the exact quote - maybe "That's not herb tea... that's Herb!")
 
2013-07-22 04:35:12 PM
So, what's his dealer been cutting his coke with?
 
2013-07-22 04:47:19 PM
"He thought he'd done found him a box of cocaine is what he thought..."

i.imgur.com

"American" education.  It's true.  The rumours are true...
 
2013-07-22 04:49:48 PM
 
2013-07-22 07:46:34 PM

weltallica: "He thought he'd done found him a box of cocaine is what he thought..."

[i.imgur.com image 400x224]

"American" education.  It's true.  The rumours are true...


It was his Grandmother that told them that.  I don't think she is that big an indictment of the current education system.
 
2013-07-22 09:13:02 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: Stealing cocaine is not acceptable. You have to urn it.


I see what you did there
 
2013-07-22 11:53:11 PM
t3.gstatic.com
 
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