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(Marketwatch)   Are your co-workers really spies, moles and agents provocateur? The answer may surprise you   (marketwatch.com) divider line 97
    More: Amusing, Army field manual, Office of Strategic Services  
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13263 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jul 2013 at 12:26 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



97 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-20 08:11:41 PM
It sounds like they are deeply imbedded in Congress.
 
2013-07-20 08:20:00 PM
yes. no it won't.
 
2013-07-20 09:43:51 PM
if they have a Van Dyke beard, yes obviously
 
2013-07-20 10:26:49 PM
No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.
 
2013-07-20 10:31:40 PM
"Either there is a massive secret campaign by U.S. intelligence services to spy on offices and undermine the economy, or half the people in your office are so incompetent and awful that their behavior actually fits the definition of "enemy sabotage" laid down by the CIA. "

I've heard that there are some effective medications that can aid in treating such editorials.
 
2013-07-20 10:42:47 PM
This is a list that describes every middle manager I've ever known, plus nearly everyone at every institute of Higher Education I've ever worked. That's a lot of spies:

1.Refuse to take shortcuts
2.Talk too much and waste everyone's time
3.Love committee meetings
4.Nitpick
5.Air grievances and already-settled issues at every meeting*

*I was once appointed the head of a committee where I specifically banned discussing anything that happened more than 6 months before. We got a lot done, wrapped up our charge and presented a proposal within 6 weeks, which then went directly into an upper management black hole, never to be seen again. But at least I only wasted 6 weeks on that crap.
 
2013-07-20 11:26:33 PM
i105.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-20 11:29:50 PM
They're all Vogons?
 
2013-07-21 12:22:09 AM
"Co-workers" implies they do something other than use oxygen I might want to use later
 
2013-07-21 12:33:52 AM

PacManDreaming: No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


So you stampede cattle through the Vatican for a living?

/Kinky!
 
2013-07-21 12:34:29 AM
Is it just me or did they just describe the House of Representatives and Senate Republicans?
 
2013-07-21 12:35:42 AM
i've known plenty of people who have commented about their workplace 'it's a small miracle anything gets out the door at all'
 
2013-07-21 12:36:23 AM
Despite what this article says, I am not a spy
 
2013-07-21 12:38:09 AM
My coworkers are too lazy, disengaged, and unmotivated to be spies. They could each be replaced with a potted plant.
 
2013-07-21 12:38:26 AM

PacManDreaming: No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


So, how ARE things on the Wall, mister Night's Watch?
 
2013-07-21 12:38:56 AM
They are not spies, just useless people trying to justify their existence. Also known as middle management.
 
2013-07-21 12:40:58 AM
I think my coworkers are Samoan.
 
2013-07-21 12:41:26 AM
Each point listed sounds like a republican playbook. I farking hate those guys.
 
2013-07-21 12:41:31 AM

PacManDreaming: No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


Sure sounds exciting. Any job openings there?
 
2013-07-21 12:41:56 AM
Or maybe spies are exploiting the obvious ways to deal with a ridiculous bureaucracy.

/best meeting ever: "Yes, I have a comment. [beat] What would Jesus do? ::finger-steeple-to-lips::"
 
2013-07-21 12:44:47 AM

MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Or maybe spies are exploiting the obvious ways to deal with a ridiculous bureaucracy.

/best meeting ever: "Yes, I have a comment. [beat] What would Jesus do? ::finger-steeple-to-lips::"


...well don't leave us hanging. What would he do?!
 
2013-07-21 12:47:01 AM

sithon: It sounds like they are deeply imbedded in Congress.


John Dewey: Is it just me or did they just describe the House of Representatives and Senate Republicans?


That

JerkyMeat: Each point listed sounds like a republican career politician's playbook. I farking hate those guys.


FTFY
 
2013-07-21 12:51:26 AM
I am literally attaching this to my emails. my company has a very forward thinking  problem solving culture, but my specific division is backwards.  anytime someone mentions a problem, the management asks "who said that" and then attacks the person who announced the problem.  with a straight face.
 
2013-07-21 12:52:27 AM
Everyone thinks everyone else's job is a piece of button pushing cake. Our bosses laid off half our lab staff and dropped the price we charge per sample, and wonder why we're continuously on thr boarder of being late getting samples out the door and why we're not bringing in as much profit with record sales.

farking MBAs.
 
2013-07-21 12:56:48 AM

megarian: MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Or maybe spies are exploiting the obvious ways to deal with a ridiculous bureaucracy.

/best meeting ever: "Yes, I have a comment. [beat] What would Jesus do? ::finger-steeple-to-lips::"

...well don't leave us hanging. What would he do?!


Jesus could turn me in to a leper or pillar of salt. I'd accept anything to get out of some meetings.
 
2013-07-21 01:00:15 AM
Face it everyone is a traitor fark them before they fark you!
 
2013-07-21 01:02:24 AM
I've got Russians on my project. If they're spies, they're really not trying very hard.

/funny, intelligent guys
//even though they have weird ideas about lunch
///meaning, they consume massive quantities of high-proof alcohol
 
2013-07-21 01:03:16 AM

simplicimus: "Either there is a massive secret campaign by U.S. intelligence services to spy on offices and undermine the economy, or half the people in your office are so incompetent and awful that their behavior actually fits the definition of "enemy sabotage" laid down by the CIA. "

I've heard that there are some effective medications that can aid in treating such editorials.


"Neverascribe to malice that which is adequately explained byincompetence"

That said, I've seen some great examples of incompetence.  I've seen some things which might fit the articles descriptions but i do not believe it was espionage.

At least in the jobs I've worked, it was incompetence.  There was nothing to be gained by it.

Unless the government was working for the competition, there would be no reason to spy and when it came to bribery and corruption I've worked for some of the best.
 
2013-07-21 01:09:28 AM
Is there a massive government conspiracy to sabotage the economy?
Are there secret agents working in your office, right now?
How big is it?


That's a rather personal question, sir.

How far does it go?

SIR?!

Do we ever know the real motives behind a conspiracy?
Or maybe it's a sinister foreign power who is using our own sabotage techniques against us?

You don't believe me?

I believe you chose to use "government" as a whipping-boy for behavior that has persisted in human organizations since the earliest dawn of agriculture in a piece for a business beat-off rag,
 
2013-07-21 01:09:30 AM
My co-workers are members of a cult dedicated to bringing the great old ones back to rule the earth.  They think they'll be given dominion over the earth and other people, but Cthulhu and his ilk will eat them first.
 
2013-07-21 01:10:05 AM

StopLurkListen: //even though they have weird ideas about lunch
///meaning, they consume massive quantities of high-proof alcohol


...

.. And?
 
2013-07-21 01:11:09 AM
Is this article supposed to be funny?
 
2013-07-21 01:12:13 AM

megarian: I think my coworkers are Samoan.


They sound delicious.
www.lucilleroberts.com
 
2013-07-21 01:12:34 AM

megarian: MusicMakeMyHeadPound: Or maybe spies are exploiting the obvious ways to deal with a ridiculous bureaucracy.

/best meeting ever: "Yes, I have a comment. [beat] What would Jesus do? ::finger-steeple-to-lips::"

...well don't leave us hanging. What would he do?!


F*ck a dying woman out of health insurance coverage, apparently.

Sorry, my life is not as glamorous as James Bond's.

/way to be a downer, megarian
 
2013-07-21 01:14:43 AM

Deacon Blue: My co-workers are members of a cult dedicated to bringing the great old ones back to rule the earth.  They think they'll be given dominion over the earth and other people, but Cthulhu and his ilk will eat them first.


They do not deserve to be eaten first. To do so would spare them the many horrors they so richly deserve to witness. No, the old ones shall eat you and I first, for we are truly worthy.
 
2013-07-21 01:17:42 AM

StopLurkListen: I've got Russians on my project. If they're spies, they're really not trying very hard.

/funny, intelligent guys
//even though they have weird ideas about lunch
///meaning, they consume massive quantities of high-proof alcohol


Russians are awesome.  One minute they're pointing a finger in your face telling you you're a moron, the next minute you're throwing back vodka shots together.
 
2013-07-21 01:18:32 AM

PacManDreaming: No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.


they must like rape
 
2013-07-21 01:29:40 AM

Shakin_Haitian: Everyone thinks everyone else's job is a piece of button pushing cake. Our bosses laid off half our lab staff and dropped the price we charge per sample, and wonder why we're continuously on thr boarder of being late getting samples out the door and why we're not bringing in as much profit with record sales.

farking MBAs.


Dropped prices!?!?!

What magical contract lab is this? Every lab we use has consistently raised prices every year forever.

/your MBAs are morons
 
2013-07-21 01:30:02 AM
I just assume everyone is a spy until I throw pee on them or smack them with a frying pan.
 
2013-07-21 01:41:57 AM

sithon: It sounds like they are deeply imbedded in Congress.


How many times have spies tried to repeal Obamacare?
 
2013-07-21 01:43:17 AM

megarian: I think my coworkers are Samoan.


As your co-worker, I advise you to get a very fast car and lots of drugs.
 
2013-07-21 01:46:19 AM

Ghost Roach: PacManDreaming: No, my co-workers are more like a bunch of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers and Methodists.

So, how ARE things on the Wall, mister Night's Watch?


/If you know what I mean,and I think you do.
// I for one continue to enjoy Pizza Jedi posts.
///slashies come in threessssss
 
2013-07-21 01:48:58 AM

UsikFark: megarian: I think my coworkers are Samoan.

As your co-worker, I advise you to get a very fast car and lots of drugs.


We can't stop here. This is bat country!

/you'll see them soon enough
 
2013-07-21 01:49:28 AM

A Terrible Human: I just assume everyone is a spy until I throw pee on them or smack them with a frying pan.



i am truly amazed with your logic.. i'd never of figured that out. ty.
 
2013-07-21 01:49:51 AM
That manual is for sabateurs, not spies.  There isn't anything in there about spying, but asking whether your cow orkers are sabateurs doesn't have that scary ring to it, does it.
 
2013-07-21 02:03:54 AM

A Terrible Human: I just assume everyone is a spy until I throw pee on them or smack them with a frying pan.


No flamethrowers?
 
2013-07-21 02:06:48 AM

othmar: A Terrible Human: I just assume everyone is a spy until I throw pee on them or smack them with a frying pan.


i am truly amazed with your logic.. i'd never of figured that out. ty.


So do rainbows make you cry?
 
2013-07-21 02:13:29 AM

Shakin_Haitian: Everyone thinks everyone else's job is a piece of button pushing cake. Our bosses laid off half our lab staff and dropped the price we charge per sample, and wonder why we're continuously on thr boarder of being late getting samples out the door and why we're not bringing in as much profit with record sales.

farking MBAs.


You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense
 
2013-07-21 02:14:56 AM
I used to work at a startup that supported an open-source product that directly competed with similar products from IBM and Oracle.  There were persistent rumors that Oracle had directed some of their programmers to contribute deliberately bad code to our product, just to make their product look better in comparison.  And after seeing our product's nonsensical implementation of LDAP queries, I can totally believe it.
 
2013-07-21 02:15:50 AM

rappy: Shakin_Haitian: Everyone thinks everyone else's job is a piece of button pushing cake. Our bosses laid off half our lab staff and dropped the price we charge per sample, and wonder why we're continuously on thr boarder of being late getting samples out the door and why we're not bringing in as much profit with record sales.

farking MBAs.

You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense


Another student of Business English. Good luck with that.
 
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