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(Wired)   Scientists beginning to understand why the apes are flinging poo at you   (wired.com) divider line 13
    More: Interesting, great apes, orangutans, scientists, linden, chimps, Leipzig Zoo, Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology, apes  
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2830 clicks; posted to Geek » on 19 Jul 2013 at 11:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-19 08:02:57 PM
Their findings are the first report of such a long-lasting memory in nonhuman animals.

NO THEY AREN'T YOU ARROGANT, PENCIL DICKED, SHIAT HEAD!

There's reams and reams and reams of data from 1000s of years ago till this very day including many actual studies as well as historical evidence, expert testimony, and simple observable facts.

Do they find recruit journalists from a group of post apocalyptic children who lived in a sterile bunker their whole life? What the fark?
 
2013-07-19 09:01:56 PM

doglover: Their findings are the first report of such a long-lasting memory in nonhuman animals.

NO THEY AREN'T YOU ARROGANT, PENCIL DICKED, SHIAT HEAD!

There's reams and reams and reams of data from 1000s of years ago till this very day including many actual studies as well as historical evidence, expert testimony, and simple observable facts.

Do they find recruit journalists from a group of post apocalyptic children who lived in a sterile bunker their whole life? What the fark?


Ya know, when I fling poop I take a knuckleballers approach. It's not about the speed or the overall athletic ability.

What's the texture, what's the mass, under 3/4 a kilo, ya gotta adjust.

Peanut, corn? 2nd phalange contact point. Tighten your approach, enjoy your poo reality.

Pitching poo is not a skill, it's not an art, it's poo!

Swamp Thing?!! Woot!
 
2013-07-19 09:15:52 PM
What I'm interested in are what the neuroimages for certain visual stimuli are in apes and how they differ from our species and theirs.

cdn.zmescience.com
 
2013-07-19 09:24:18 PM
cinemaknifefight.files.wordpress.com

'We will fight like apes.'
 
2013-07-19 09:24:56 PM
img.gawkerassets.com
 
2013-07-19 09:30:27 PM
Since a great deal of primate behavior was considered just awful, most of the domesticated primates spent most of their time trying to conceal what they were doing. Some of the primates got caught by other primates. All of the primates lived in dread of getting caught. Those who got caught were called no-good shiats.

The term no-good shiat was a deep expression of primate psychology. For instance, one wild primate (a chimpanzee) taught sign language by two domesticated primates (scientists) spontaneously put together the signs for "shiat" and "scientist" to describe a scientist she didn't like. She was calling him shiat-scientist. She also put together the signs for "shiat" and "chimpanzee" for another chimpanzee she didn't like. She was calling him shiat-chimpanzee.

"You no-good shiat," domesticated primates often said to each other. This metaphor was deep in primate psychology because primates mark their territories with excretions, and sometimes they threw excretions at each other when disputing over territories.

One primate wrote a long book describing in vivid detail how his political enemies should be punished. He imagined them in an enormous hole in the ground, with flames and smoke and rivers of shiat. This primate was named Dante Alighieri.

Another primate wrote that every primate infant goes through a stage of being chiefly concerned with biosurvival, i.e., food, i.e., Mommie's Titty. He called this the Oral Stage. He said the infant next went on to a stage of learning mammalian politics, i.e., recognizing the Father (alpha male) and his Authority and territorial demands. He called this, with an insight that few primates shared, the Anal Stage. This primate was named Freud. He had taken his own nervous system apart and examined his component circuits by periodically altering its structure with neuro-chemicals.

Among the anal insults exchanged by domesticated primates when fighting for their space were: "Up your ass," "Go shiat in your hat," "You're full of shiat," "Take it and stick it where the moon doesn't shine," and many others.

One of the most admired alpha males in the Kingdom of the Franks was General Canbronne. General Canbronne won this adulation for the answer he once gave when asked to surrender at Waterloo. "Merde," was the answer General Canbronne gave.

When primates went to war or got violent in other ways, they always said they were about to knock the shiat out of the enemy. They also spoke of dumping on each other.

i.imgur.com

/not mine. Why, I'd be a no-good shiat if I didn't link to the source of the best explanation I've ever read about why we seem to spend so much time throwingpoop at each other.
 
2013-07-19 11:42:52 PM
Because the NRA refuses to arm the damned dirty apes in memory of Chuck.

The Weekly World News used to report that gorillas had been seen drilling with firearms in Deepest Darkest Africa, but the joke was old when EC Comics did it in the 50s.
 
2013-07-19 11:44:11 PM
Reading wired.com about orangutans and they start with a Proust reference?? eh, I'll pass, thanks.
 
2013-07-20 12:07:06 AM
I thought it was because I kept pointing and laughing at their asses.....
 
2013-07-20 01:16:46 AM

Twilight Farkle: Since a great deal of primate behavior was considered just awful, most of the domesticated primates spent most of their time trying to conceal what they were doing. Some of the primates got caught by other primates. All of the primates lived in dread of getting caught. Those who got caught were called no-good shiats.


Is this a quote from somewhere? If it is original I bow to you good sir because my consistent and repeated response to that article was to throw poo at it.

doglover:

Do they find recruit journalists from a group of post apocalyptic children who lived in a sterile bunker their whole life? What the fark?

I do not think it's fair to blame journalists for this mess. The fact is that this lunacy inhabits the academy and is still being taught to undergraduates left and right. It is of course the exact opposite of science but whatever the demerits of "American exceptionalism" it isn't anything compared to the persuasiveness of "human exceptionalism".
 
2013-07-20 01:41:17 AM
Huh, I just assumed it had to do with your taste in movies.
 
2013-07-20 01:58:35 AM

worlddan: Twilight Farkle: Since a great deal of primate behavior was considered just awful, most of the domesticated primates spent most of their time trying to conceal what they were doing. Some of the primates got caught by other primates. All of the primates lived in dread of getting caught. Those who got caught were called no-good shiats.

Is this a quote from somewhere? If it is original I bow to you good sir because my consistent and repeated response to that article was to throw poo at it.


Absolutely a quote, not original. Source is Robert Anton Wilson's Schrodinger's Cat. Start reading at "One Month To Go" and throw the poo wherever you like. The author died 6 years ago and won't mind, not that he would have minded even if he were alive. He would likely suggest that the world would be a better place if our leaders merely flung literal poo at each other instead of constructively engaging their adversaries through diplomatic channels. Such a system of resolving international disputes would at least have the benefit of honesty on its side, and everyone from the Alpha Greyback to the legions of Omega Poopflingers could live a long and happy life afterwards, provided they had a long hot shower.
 
2013-07-20 03:03:11 AM
The important thing to remember is that if you are at the zoo and a chimpanzee is screaming at you, never, ever shout back at them. Ever. There are three reasons for this.

1) Chimpanzees fling poo.
2) Chimpanzees have uncanny aim whilst doing so.
3) Your mouth is wide open.
 
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