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(Gothamist)   Contest to crown Brooklyn's tiniest penis will be held tomorrow. Contest delayed to get permits allowing extra parking for all the monster trucks   (gothamist.com) divider line 27
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10859 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jul 2013 at 3:37 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-19 01:33:49 PM
11 votes:
Um...

i.imgur.com
2013-07-19 07:23:57 PM
3 votes:

one-in-the-chamber: why is this even a thing? why would anyone want to attend, let alone participate in something like this? wouldn't you rather go to the beach? maybe have a cook-out with some friends? etc. the first time a friend suggests going to a penis contest (tiny or otherwise) I will punch him (or her) in the throat.


Says the guy with a gun-fetish username who would  deny until he got frothing mad that gun-fetishism is symbolic penis worship.
2013-07-19 03:29:35 PM
3 votes:

James!: The people who run that bar are friends of my girlfriend.  I once saw an argument in French turn into a fist fight there.


Can you get us a reduced entrance fee?
2013-07-19 04:13:23 PM
2 votes:
Obligatory
thinningtheherd.files.wordpress.com
2013-07-19 04:06:13 PM
2 votes:
Two guys are sitting in a bar. One of them says "I have the smallest head in the world." The other guy says "I have the smallest penis in the world." They decide to go to the Hall of Records to see if they're right. A few hours later they meet up and the first guy says "Whaddaya know! I do have the smallest head in the world!" The other guy says "Who the hell is Justin Bieber?"
2013-07-19 03:52:52 PM
2 votes:
www.smbc-comics.com
WGJ
2013-07-19 03:52:34 PM
2 votes:
Three midgets were sitting around getting drunk one day when they decided to go down the the Guinness place to see if they qualified for any records. One had teeny-tiny hands, 1 had teeny-tiny feet, and 1 had a teeny-tiny penis.

So they get there and the midget with the teeny-tiny hands goes in first. About 45 minutes later he comes out yelling "woo-hoo! I've got the smallest hands in the world!"

The midget with the teeny-tiny feet goes in next, and about 45 minutes later he comes out yelling "woo-hoo! I've got the smallest feet in the world!"

The midget with the teeny-tiny penis goes in last, and about 10 minutes later he comes out yelling "who the fark is WGJ?!?"
2013-07-19 03:42:49 PM
2 votes:
So they're going to crown King Needledick of Long island?
2013-07-20 07:16:46 AM
1 votes:
Curse me and my seven inches! Now if I just take this knife...
2013-07-19 05:10:42 PM
1 votes:
I saw G.G. Allin when I was 15. I saw him poop on the stage, attack the crowd, squirt beer up his ass with a turkey baster and smash the microphone into his forehead. But the thing that traumatized me the most was his little bitty penis. I see why he was so angry.
2013-07-19 05:07:54 PM
1 votes:
It's not funny!! It's a handicap!! I was born this way; you wouldn't laugh at a guy in a wheelchair!!!
2013-07-19 05:05:28 PM
1 votes:

traylor: It's just not fair if they don't hold a contest for the Brooklyn's biggest vagina.



No competition.  David Blaine.
2013-07-19 05:01:26 PM
1 votes:
Cunning plan: Compete, come in dead last, profit
2013-07-19 04:52:06 PM
1 votes:

Ambitwistor: [www.smbc-comics.com image 405x527]


It's funny because it's true! I bet, given the choice, more people would go for the guy with the  magnificently tiny penis, than the guy who was merely smallish. And I bet the guys with magnificently tiny penises are as cocky, no pun intended, as guys who are hung.


-- a parable --

The lioness was queen of the savannah, ruler of all she surveyed. But one day, as she stalked a gazelle, she stepped on a thorn, and fell to the ground in pain. "Come to me, O Gazelle, and remove this thorn from my paw, and if you do, I shall spare your life," she said. "I shall do as you ask, O Lioness," the gazelle replied, "that we may live in peace from this day forward. But beware: the thorn is deep, and it will be painful to remove. Do not, in your anger, forget your promise." The lioness replied, "You are a noble beast, Gazelle. I shall not forget my promise." So the gazelle went to work, removing the thorn. The lioness was greatly pained, and cried aloud, and shed many tears. But at last the thorn was free. The two animals parted in friendship, and the lioness kept her word to her dying day.

That same night, a mouse was heard to say: "Well what would you have done? She was sprawled wide open right there in front of me. Of course I farked her. And I'll tell you what, not only did I fark her, but you should have heard that biatch scream when I slipped it in."
2013-07-19 04:11:52 PM
1 votes:

traylor: It's just not fair if they don't hold a contest for the Brooklyn's biggest vagina.

/preemptively: your mom


farm1.staticflickr.com


/also these days, there'd be too many contestants
2013-07-19 03:59:24 PM
1 votes:
Where do I park?

img.photobucket.com
2013-07-19 03:52:37 PM
1 votes:
Great, another thing the Chinese will beat us at.
2013-07-19 03:49:43 PM
1 votes:
I was going to go, but they kept asking me if my entry was in...
2013-07-19 03:49:17 PM
1 votes:

Ryker's Peninsula: Some women like small dicks.
They're called "imaginary".


So all that asian porn is just a hoax? I thought small penises make women scream in pain when being impaled by a needle.
2013-07-19 03:48:50 PM
1 votes:
I was going to be in it, but had to pull out.
2013-07-19 03:48:34 PM
1 votes:
Hell, I would sign up just to come in last.  Talk about an ego boost.

/I'm the runner up?  shiat...
2013-07-19 03:47:08 PM
1 votes:
/penis


I WIN!!!
2013-07-19 03:43:27 PM
1 votes:

AaronK: new_york_monty: If it's really that tiny, how are they going to fit a crown on it?

They can borrow my tweezers and magnifying glass that I use to pee.


Good luck in the contest!
2013-07-19 03:42:43 PM
1 votes:

new_york_monty: If it's really that tiny, how are they going to fit a crown on it?


They can borrow my tweezers and magnifying glass that I use to pee.
2013-07-19 03:42:18 PM
1 votes:
Can we start giving out Most Cliche'd Toy Envy awards to every moron who keeps using this joke?
2013-07-19 03:41:15 PM
1 votes:

brap: James!: The people who run that bar are friends of my girlfriend.  I once saw an argument in French turn into a fist fight there.

Can you get us a reduced entrance fee?


images1.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-07-19 03:10:17 PM
1 votes:
i105.photobucket.com
 
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