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(CafeMom)   Eight things to say to new parents if you think their baby is ugly. "Here's a banana for your monkey" surprisingly absent   (thestir.cafemom.com) divider line 158
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12174 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2013 at 3:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



158 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-18 03:39:20 PM  
Breathtaking
 
2013-07-18 03:40:24 PM  
What a lovely child, your majesty.
 
2013-07-18 03:40:46 PM  
I tend to flail back with a guttural "Eyuuuuuhhhhhrrrg!"
 
2013-07-18 03:40:50 PM  
I got this one, a wine tastings if you don't like the wine just say interesting.  Bet it would work here
 
2013-07-18 03:41:04 PM  

Klippoklondike: Breathtaking


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-18 03:41:09 PM  
Is it really THAT hard to just say 'Wow, what a cute kid.' and move on? Do we actually need an article telling us this?
 
2013-07-18 03:41:18 PM  
www.hollywoodreporter.com
 
2013-07-18 03:41:51 PM  
The kid probably has at least one "acceptable" feature. Compliment that.

Worst case scenario (assuming he has all 10 fingers)... "What precious little fingers he has!"....Reach a finger out so he can grasp it.... "Oh, and so STRONG too."
 
2013-07-18 03:42:27 PM  
I actually said this to a lady I know when I saw her huge headed infant:
How do you spell macroencephaly?
/kid grew up to be  an intolerable asshole, too.
 
2013-07-18 03:43:17 PM  
Breathta

Klippoklondike: Breathtaking


dammitsomuch
 
2013-07-18 03:43:28 PM  
"what do you feed it?"
 
2013-07-18 03:43:37 PM  
I suppose vomiting on the newborn would be frowned upon in polite society.
 
2013-07-18 03:44:13 PM  
Wow, she's...obviously a mammal!
 
2013-07-18 03:44:15 PM  
Whooooaah!  He really inherited your looks didn't he?!?!
 
2013-07-18 03:44:34 PM  
All babies look the same, they don't come in handsome, good looking or ugly varieties. Just Churchillian and Mel Smith.

Well... unless they are born with some terrible disease.
 
2013-07-18 03:44:35 PM  

Klippoklondike: Breathtaking


That is one *snuggly baby
 
2013-07-18 03:45:02 PM  
Those are some seriously butthurt moms in the comments.
 
2013-07-18 03:45:04 PM  

Klippoklondike: Breathtaking


Sometimes you say something just to be polite.
 
2013-07-18 03:45:43 PM  
"Do you know who the father is?"
 
2013-07-18 03:45:48 PM  
God damn what a farking ugly babby.  Send it back and ask for a cute one.
 
2013-07-18 03:48:07 PM  
I've been looking at your baby for five minutes and still can't tell which end gets the diaper.
 
2013-07-18 03:48:12 PM  

Antagonism: Those are some seriously butthurt moms in the comments.


I can't believe there are so many "OMG ALL BABIES ARE ADORABLE YOU CRETINS DIE DIE IN A FIRE!"

Not all babies are cute.  I was not a cute baby.  It's ok to make some completely vanilla statement and go on.
 
2013-07-18 03:49:00 PM  
Or, just be honest and say what you really feel.  Years ago one of my coworkers had a baby and while on maternity leave she showed up at the office with her baby to show off to everyone.  Well, she showed up a time when we were always busy and she knew it was a busy time.  But that did not stop her from going from desk to desk and saying, "Isn't she beautiful?"  When she got to me I was actually working on something for a customer that was time critical so I quickly turned to her and said, "No" and went back to what I was doing.  She got so pissed off that she left the office.  When she finally came back to work she refused to speak to me (except for work related issues, and then she was very curt with me) for several months.  Of course, he kid was ugly, else I would not have said so.
 
2013-07-18 03:49:11 PM  
OMG!!! STICK IT BACK IN!!   IT'S NOT DONE COOKING YET!!!!

www.everythingscary.com
 
2013-07-18 03:49:56 PM  
"I give up. What is it?"
 
2013-07-18 03:50:44 PM  
You don't say anything.  Just be nice and hope the kid can come to accept it's troglodyte heritage
 
2013-07-18 03:51:18 PM  
i1059.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-18 03:53:10 PM  

Slaxl: All babies look the same, they don't come in handsome, good looking or ugly varieties. Just Churchillian and Mel Smith.

Well... unless they are born with some terrible disease.


I did read once that all newborns look more or less like Winston Churchill. It's a surprisingly accurate description.
 
2013-07-18 03:53:21 PM  
You made this?

And you're proud of it?
 
2013-07-18 03:54:39 PM  
www.justsaypictures.com
 
2013-07-18 03:55:41 PM  
farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2013-07-18 03:56:21 PM  
"...To put it mild your new-born child's completely nutty fu-fu looking.
I'd shove him back into the oven until he is done cooking."

- Jimmy Pop (Bloodhound gang)
 
2013-07-18 03:56:24 PM  

ChipNASA: [www.justsaypictures.com image 300x371]


i.crackedcdn.com
Aaaaa! Kill it!
 
2013-07-18 03:56:43 PM  
 encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-18 03:57:00 PM  
"Awwwww, she looks just like you!"
 
2013-07-18 03:57:01 PM  
No, MelanieJK, they are not all adorable little miracles. Look up the definition of miracle and then pull your head out of your ass.

/your kid is ugly as sin
 
2013-07-18 03:57:16 PM  
If you are Southern you just say "Well bless his/her little heart!"
 
2013-07-18 03:57:52 PM  

Theaetetus: ChipNASA: [www.justsaypictures.com image 300x371]

[i.crackedcdn.com image 291x382]
Aaaaa! Kill it!


I LOVE THE KICKING BABBY ASSES STATUE!!!!
 
2013-07-18 03:57:58 PM  
Most newborns are goddamn ugly. I'm going to make sure when I have kids I resist the hormone-driven urge to post closeup snapshots of giant squishy squinting baby heads with cradle cap and and burgeoning acne all over my social media accounts. Maybe a quick shot of a swaddled infant to show people that, yes, I reproduced, then hold off on pics until the kid plumps up and starts smiling.

And even so, most babies are only "beautiful" to their parents. I've only seen a couple of babies that were actually, undeniably cute. You don't really get into the laser-powered cuteness rays shooting from their eyes until kinds get big enough to break things and have to stave off parental violence.
 
2013-07-18 03:59:33 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: "Do you know who what the father is?"



FTFY
 
2013-07-18 03:59:47 PM  
Babies are farking ugly, end of story.
 
2013-07-18 04:00:08 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-18 04:00:47 PM  
If you can't say anything nice, you know what to do.  If the newborn is just that unbearably hard to look at, slap the mother.
 
2013-07-18 04:01:44 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-18 04:01:51 PM  
www.buzzpatrol.com
 
2013-07-18 04:01:54 PM  

fappomatic: "what do you feed it?"


Why do you feed it?
 
2013-07-18 04:02:06 PM  
www.dilbert.com
 
2013-07-18 04:03:25 PM  

skinink: I've been looking at your baby for five minutes and still can't tell which end gets the diaper.


And now I can't breathe.
 
2013-07-18 04:03:35 PM  

Cybernetic: Slaxl: All babies look the same, they don't come in handsome, good looking or ugly varieties. Just Churchillian and Mel Smith.

Well... unless they are born with some terrible disease.

I did read once that all newborns look more or less like Winston Churchill. It's a surprisingly accurate description.


We were told they all look like either ET or Mr MaGoo..  Ours came out looking like an angry clenched fist and didn't lose the look for a couple months.
"That is the nastiest case of colic I've ever had the displeasure to be around" was a typical comment.
 
2013-07-18 04:04:56 PM  
farm3.static.flickr.com
 
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