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(Huffington Post)   A parenting trend most of Fark can get behind   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 31
    More: Amusing, CTFD, attachment parenting  
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13430 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2013 at 12:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-18 12:39:40 PM
3 votes:
I still remember putting our (at the time) 2 year old daughter on time-out at the San Diego County Fair once.  She was pitching a fit, so we sat her down between some bales of hay and made her sit alone for 2 minutes...wouldn't start the timer until she stopped crying either.  We were standing about 10 feet away watching.

The looks of horror on peoples' faces were hilarious.  Like, "How dare you discipline your child for acting like an ass!"  Yeah...we discipline our kids where and when they need it.  Doesn't matter if it's the zoo, the fair, or school.
2013-07-18 12:38:36 PM
3 votes:
Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings
kiss them in between hugs
tell them how proud you are of them
don't hit their mom
don't cheat on their mom
tell them the family is a team and fark everyone else
calm the fark down indeed
2013-07-18 01:47:29 PM
2 votes:

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


You have some noble aims.  But remember "Life is what happens when you're making plans for something else."
As others said above -- don't ignore your child when he/she is trying to tell you something.  Unruly, disruptive, crotchfruit come from parents who didn't  engage with their kids needs and desires.   Well-adjusted children come from parents who are involved, who don't sweat the little things and don't give a fark what anyone else thinks about their style of parenting. (within reason).
Also it appears that you are the paternal side of the family production process -- as fathers, we can make all the rules and procedures we want, but all bets are off with a crying child when Mama's maternal instinct kicks in.

///Good luck, it's a hell of a ride.
// but well worth it.
/ Have a 17yo daughter who's a cheerful, well-adjusted kid in spite of being a teenager.
2013-07-18 01:33:02 PM
2 votes:
Years ago, when women trusted me, or at least one particular woman did, I was tasked with looking after her 6 year old boy, and 9 year old daughter.  So, I brought over a case a beer, and let them do their thing, while I explored the wonderful universe that was pay-tv.  At some point, my ears started to hurt due to their screamings of some such, which disturbed my enjoyment of both beverage and moving pictures.  I confronted the pair of spawn thusly:

Me:  Quit Fighting!  I'm concentrating on something important.

Boy: She started it!

Girl: He stole my *whatever*

Me:  That'll get you far in the middle east negotiations.  I don't really care what you were fighting about.  Quit it!

Boy (or girl):  blah blah blah

Me: Okay, listen....Apparently laws have changed, and I can no long strike you, which not only limits my options, but oddly makes me jealous of my parents.  So, I am going to do the next best thing.  I am going to take away the letter "A" {quizical looks}.  Neither of you can use the letter A for the rest of the night.  You can't use any words with the letter A within them....not talking, nor writing.
Girl:  What?!?!?!

Me: No, that is not allowed!  You can ask "Why" or maybe "How" but not "What" as there is an A in that word {further quizzical looks, though they seem to be getting the idea".  And if you break those rules, I will go further and take away "E".   If you think A is hard, E is 3 times harder.

This had an interesting effect.  They both stared at each other, then tried to talk to each other for the rest of the night without using the letter "A", without screaming, I will note.  There was peace in the house and I was able to get good and drunk, and everything was great.

Still have no kids, but I bet I would do a good job if I did.  I think I would have a good shot at middle east peace negotiator, too.

The end.
2013-07-18 01:22:32 PM
2 votes:

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).


(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)
2013-07-18 12:34:53 PM
2 votes:

markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.

And a third, and a fourth, etc.


Right out to the car.

It only has to be done once really.  Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

//All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry.  In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.
2013-07-18 12:11:13 PM
2 votes:
Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.
2013-07-18 05:39:16 PM
1 votes:

profplump: What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".


I remove them from my life.

dustygrimp: Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic

.

The basic drive is to fark. Human beings don't have an estrous cycle, meaning our drive to fark isn't tied entirely to breeding.  We also have the conscious ability to choose whether or not to reproduce, unlike any other animal on the planet. If human beings desire to fark was only about reproduction, we'd only be able to fark during times when reproducing was possible. We wouldn't have a 'sex drive' when we're not fertile.

This 'basic urge to propagate the species' that you're talking about isn't a biological human reality. I don't feel any need or desire to reproduce. There's no part of me that looks at a baby and wants one of those. I'm not 'ignoring' some internal need or drive, because I don't have any drive to reproduce. I never did. No 'ignoring'. No 'denying'. No willful opposition to a self-compelled psychological or physical need. It isn't like food, water, or air, and there's nothing about not wanting kids that means forcing yourself to ignore your physiology.
2013-07-18 02:32:26 PM
1 votes:

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


I love you
2013-07-18 02:22:02 PM
1 votes:

profplump: Burr: It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!

Adults are different and might have completely different personalities and may require completely different management styles. But none of those styles are allowed to including hitting, even for adults subject to reduced freedom or mental capacity. In fact we'd be particularly upset if we found that patients confined in a psychiatric facility were being hit to modify their behavior. Why it hitting acceptable for children?


Because it is the only consequence that some respond to. Yes, there a SMALL few number of children that magically do what they're told or fear punishment like having their video games taken away, but the majority do NOT respond to anything short of a couple of whacks on the ass with a belt (A COUPLE, not till their ass bleeds, you moron) and being stripped of all things "fun" and confined to their room like prison. Take a look at that kid that stole his grandmothers car a few years ago. That kid thinks he's hot shiat because of it and because there was no REAL punishment ("oh no, I'm grounded, but I've been on TV how many times?!"). You can take your coddling bullshiat and shove it up your ass. People like you are the reason we have to give trophies to failures and handouts to the lazy.
2013-07-18 02:12:36 PM
1 votes:

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"


I would have replied with "My child is learning not to be a pretentious biatch and become a well-adjusted adult!"
2013-07-18 01:51:49 PM
1 votes:

RassilonsExWife: Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds


Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was!


This!

I didn't expect attitude until she was 12 or so. She is 3 and there are times I just can't believe it.
2013-07-18 01:45:54 PM
1 votes:
Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds

I adopted a newborn. The only hormones that bother me are my daughter's.

Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was! One time when she was 7 she said she wouldn't talk to me till I apologized. I said I would, but I had no idea what I was apologizing for. She put her hand on her hip and said "Well if you don't know what you did, I'm certainly not going to tell you."

And I thought - WTF... are we married?

On the plus side, girls are ridiculously easy to embarrass. As my daughter found out when we were out in public once and she began to misbehave. She chose to disbelieve my threat to start dancing if she didn't stop. And she kept on disbelieving till I got up on a nearby table and began dancing.

Now when we're in public and she starts any shiat, all I have to do is twitch my hips. The look of abject horror that spreads across her face is a joy to behold.
2013-07-18 01:37:16 PM
1 votes:

RassilonsExWife: CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)


Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds
2013-07-18 01:35:57 PM
1 votes:
To all the anti-spankers out there: you are wrong.

If a child exhibits behavior puts itself in danger, or would put itself in danger later in life with the same actions, against your instructions, a spanking is necessary.  You know how children learn from pain and mistakes, so they have to fall and have bruises to learn?  Same thing here, except that the lesson would probably be fatal, so you must provide the surrogate lesson.

I'm talking running into the street, attempting to play with a gun, being violent, playing with the stove or fire unattended, running with a knife or other sharp object, or pointing one at someone.

It should be swift, non-excessive, not psychologically cruel, and never done with an object.  Afterwards, you show them love, affection, and make sure they understand that they could have hurt themselves or others much worse than this.  "Imagine what it would have felt like if...".
2013-07-18 01:00:10 PM
1 votes:

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


As the parent of a 4 year-old, all I can say is good luck with that. A newborn will cry because that's the only way it can communicate. The only way to discourage that is to be Johnny on the spot with a bottle or a new diaper.
The rest I agree with, assuming you're not just trolling.
2013-07-18 12:58:18 PM
1 votes:

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

It's me, should it really surprise you that much?


You still do.  *shivers*

:P
2013-07-18 12:56:48 PM
1 votes:

cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now

O_o


It's me, should it really surprise you that much?

Grumpy Cat: It's also weird because her father left her mother while her mother was 8 months pregnant with her. (Sorry about all the pronouns.) The patterns I see in this family are amazing.


Like an Escher painting of cruelty and despair
2013-07-18 12:49:17 PM
1 votes:

meat0918: Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.


That's the key that so many parents fail to understand. There have to be consequences, not just vague threats.

If you're the kind of parent I see in the grocery store who is saying, "Now Eric, stop hitting your sister no Eric, don't do that put that back Eric, you can't have that Eric, I told you not do that Eric, stop annoying the lady Eric, Eric quit it, I said no, Eric Eric come over here right now, what did I tell you Eric quit running Eric Eric stop no Eric don'tdothatEricEricstopbehavingthatwaynoEricquititEricEricEricEricEric EricEricEricEric..." then you have failed as a parent.
2013-07-18 12:47:44 PM
1 votes:

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


Good luck with that.  I thought the same thing.  Babies cry because they want to be fed, or changed, or they're cold or too hot.

Ignoring it doesn't really work until they reach the age they start using crying to consciously manipulate you, but by then you can tell the difference between a fake cry and a real one.
2013-07-18 12:47:37 PM
1 votes:

CrazyCracka420: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Keep telling yourself it was a voluntary decision, you need a willing sexual partner to get a woman pregnant.


a.abcnews.com

"No you don't."
2013-07-18 12:46:01 PM
1 votes:
image.spreadshirt.com
2013-07-18 12:45:19 PM
1 votes:

Smelly Pirate Hooker: I look forward to a lengthy, rancorous discussion filled with snotty comments about helicopter parents, snowflakes, crotch droppings, breast feeding, etc.

/my first green, if I'm not mistaken
//Thanks, Fark, and Huffington Post


Login:Smelly Pirate Hooker (Want to http://www.fark.com/totalfarksignup?SponsorLogin=Smelly%20Pirate%20Hoo ker">sponsor this Farker for TotalFark?) (What's Fark account number:609171Account created:2010-11-07 23:26:12Submitted links approved:4
2013-07-18 12:40:11 PM
1 votes:
As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.
2013-07-18 12:38:23 PM
1 votes:

meat0918: //All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry. In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.


Which astounds me when I see toddlers at the store at 10 at night, screaming throwing a fit and the parent(s) are yelling or hitting them to stop.

Hey jackass, get your crotch fruit to bed you ass wagon!
2013-07-18 12:35:20 PM
1 votes:

Krieghund: If only there was some kind of medication that could help with that...


1000mg of Whupass will cure a kid of misbehaving
35mg of Wudshed will also work
10,000mg of NotBeingAPussyParent in case either of those don't work
2013-07-18 12:32:54 PM
1 votes:
Righteous belt-whuppuns? Because that's a trend I could get behind.

25.media.tumblr.com
2013-07-18 12:31:46 PM
1 votes:
No, I prefer the parenting method of "Control Your Farking Kid". I see families on the MBTA where the parents let their kids run crazy and go kicking around so they hit you in the leg and whatnot. I try to avoid being near families on the T.

And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.
2013-07-18 12:31:01 PM
1 votes:

The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.


And a third, and a fourth, etc.
2013-07-18 12:28:39 PM
1 votes:
If some folks were any calmer about their parenting they'd slip into a coma.
2013-07-18 12:03:57 PM
1 votes:

Diogenes: If you allow your kids to cruise TFD threads I would seriously have to question your parenting style.


My kids submit most of the stuff in TFD, which explains a lot.
 
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