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(Huffington Post)   A parenting trend most of Fark can get behind   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 145
    More: Amusing, CTFD, attachment parenting  
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13429 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2013 at 12:28 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-18 11:58:08 AM
If you allow your kids to cruise TFD threads I would seriously have to question your parenting style.
 
2013-07-18 12:02:50 PM
Ok, I can live with that.

/2 kids
 
2013-07-18 12:03:57 PM

Diogenes: If you allow your kids to cruise TFD threads I would seriously have to question your parenting style.


My kids submit most of the stuff in TFD, which explains a lot.
 
2013-07-18 12:11:13 PM
Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.
 
2013-07-18 12:28:38 PM
fark you
 
2013-07-18 12:28:39 PM
If some folks were any calmer about their parenting they'd slip into a coma.
 
2013-07-18 12:29:53 PM
Abortion?
 
2013-07-18 12:30:33 PM
If only there was some kind of medication that could help with that...
 
2013-07-18 12:31:01 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.


And a third, and a fourth, etc.
 
2013-07-18 12:31:46 PM
No, I prefer the parenting method of "Control Your Farking Kid". I see families on the MBTA where the parents let their kids run crazy and go kicking around so they hit you in the leg and whatnot. I try to avoid being near families on the T.

And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.
 
2013-07-18 12:32:01 PM
I predict well reasoned, rational discussion in this thread.
 
2013-07-18 12:32:54 PM
Righteous belt-whuppuns? Because that's a trend I could get behind.

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-18 12:33:44 PM
CTFD followed by telling your kid to STFU.

All you need to know about taking your kid in public.
 
2013-07-18 12:34:53 PM

markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.

And a third, and a fourth, etc.


Right out to the car.

It only has to be done once really.  Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

//All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry.  In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.
 
2013-07-18 12:35:20 PM

Krieghund: If only there was some kind of medication that could help with that...


1000mg of Whupass will cure a kid of misbehaving
35mg of Wudshed will also work
10,000mg of NotBeingAPussyParent in case either of those don't work
 
2013-07-18 12:35:47 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: I predict well reasoned, rational discussion in this thread.


Good luck with THAT!
 
2013-07-18 12:36:40 PM
I predict this will end in disaster.

rlv.zcache.com
 
2013-07-18 12:38:06 PM
I expected the BLSOLB method, Beat the Living Sh*t Outta the Little Bastard.
 
2013-07-18 12:38:23 PM

meat0918: //All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry. In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.


Which astounds me when I see toddlers at the store at 10 at night, screaming throwing a fit and the parent(s) are yelling or hitting them to stop.

Hey jackass, get your crotch fruit to bed you ass wagon!
 
2013-07-18 12:38:36 PM
Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings
kiss them in between hugs
tell them how proud you are of them
don't hit their mom
don't cheat on their mom
tell them the family is a team and fark everyone else
calm the fark down indeed
 
2013-07-18 12:38:45 PM

Krieghund: If only there was some kind of medication that could help with that...


farm4.staticflickr.com
 
2013-07-18 12:38:52 PM
I look forward to a lengthy, rancorous discussion filled with snotty comments about helicopter parents, snowflakes, crotch droppings, breast feeding, etc.

/my first green, if I'm not mistaken
//Thanks, Fark, and Huffington Post
 
2013-07-18 12:39:21 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary


No.
 
2013-07-18 12:39:40 PM
I still remember putting our (at the time) 2 year old daughter on time-out at the San Diego County Fair once.  She was pitching a fit, so we sat her down between some bales of hay and made her sit alone for 2 minutes...wouldn't start the timer until she stopped crying either.  We were standing about 10 feet away watching.

The looks of horror on peoples' faces were hilarious.  Like, "How dare you discipline your child for acting like an ass!"  Yeah...we discipline our kids where and when they need it.  Doesn't matter if it's the zoo, the fair, or school.
 
2013-07-18 12:40:11 PM
As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.
 
2013-07-18 12:40:13 PM

Smelly Pirate Hooker: I look forward to a lengthy, rancorous discussion filled with snotty comments about helicopter parents, snowflakes, crotch droppings, breast feeding, etc.

/my first green, if I'm not mistaken
//Thanks, Fark, and Huffington Post


It is your fourth green light it says so on your profile. Maybe you are a little too calm.
 
2013-07-18 12:41:48 PM
Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.
 
2013-07-18 12:41:57 PM

markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.

And a third, and a fourth, etc.


What do you tell a kid with two black eyes?

Nothing they've already been told twice.
 
2013-07-18 12:42:27 PM
Can I still bang the nanny?
 
2013-07-18 12:42:36 PM
I tried to parent by this method bringing my kids up. Seemed to work. They are now happy, healthy adults for the most part. I think they still like me. Or at the least, they tolerate me.
 
2013-07-18 12:42:37 PM
Oh and I will set clear rules and boundaries, and will inform my child on the consequences of their actions if they refuse to heed what I'm saying.  I will follow-through with those consequences if they do not adhere to what I'm saying.

I won't be the parent in the movie theater who kindly asks their 7-10 year old child to "please quiet down" 20 times, and on the 21st time I won't say "you need to stop talking or we will leave" another 20 times before giving up.
 
2013-07-18 12:43:42 PM

gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.


Keep telling yourself it was a voluntary decision, you need a willing sexual partner to get a woman pregnant.
 
2013-07-18 12:43:48 PM
I recommend the university of Minnesota's spankalogical institute for a few months.

/Worked for that little fu*kr Ned Flanders
//Damn that kid was annoying!
 
2013-07-18 12:43:53 PM
After my friend's husband left her when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant, her two sisters and mother stepped in and helped out. Her poor son is a mess. He comes from a dysfunctional family of women, who always did have their hearts in the right place. I shudder when I see him (he's 4). Maybe he'll grow out of the maniac he has become.

/CSS
 
2013-07-18 12:45:13 PM

Rev.K: Ok, I can live with that.

/2 kids


Yeah, seems pretty easy
 
2013-07-18 12:45:19 PM

Smelly Pirate Hooker: I look forward to a lengthy, rancorous discussion filled with snotty comments about helicopter parents, snowflakes, crotch droppings, breast feeding, etc.

/my first green, if I'm not mistaken
//Thanks, Fark, and Huffington Post


Login:Smelly Pirate Hooker (Want to http://www.fark.com/totalfarksignup?SponsorLogin=Smelly%20Pirate%20Hoo ker">sponsor this Farker for TotalFark?) (What's Fark account number:609171Account created:2010-11-07 23:26:12Submitted links approved:4
 
2013-07-18 12:45:40 PM
My 3 year old son is running around here naked, covered in dirt, holding a plastic shovel and fighting an invisible monster (to me at least).

/he is awesome
 
2013-07-18 12:46:01 PM
image.spreadshirt.com
 
2013-07-18 12:46:37 PM
CrazyCracka420:
They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.


Wait, wait wait! Are you aware of how many kids get kidnapped every year? There are child predators in every neighborhood. Just get on the internet and you will see how crazy this world is.

This never happened in 1990. It's as if the internet made people go crazy and kill and rape people.
 
2013-07-18 12:46:58 PM
Daddy drinks because baby cries.
 
2013-07-18 12:47:18 PM

Grumpy Cat: After my friend's husband left her when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant,


Damn, dats farked up.

At least get the kid to walking age before jumping the fence for the border
 
2013-07-18 12:47:37 PM

CrazyCracka420: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Keep telling yourself it was a voluntary decision, you need a willing sexual partner to get a woman pregnant.


a.abcnews.com

"No you don't."
 
2013-07-18 12:47:44 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


Good luck with that.  I thought the same thing.  Babies cry because they want to be fed, or changed, or they're cold or too hot.

Ignoring it doesn't really work until they reach the age they start using crying to consciously manipulate you, but by then you can tell the difference between a fake cry and a real one.
 
2013-07-18 12:47:56 PM

neongoats: CTFD followed by telling your kid to STFU.

All you need to know about taking your kid in public.


This. Also, mastering the whispered "WAIT UNTIL WE GET TO THE CAR." is a brown belt level qualifier. Being able to cut your eyes at your kid and have them STFU gets the black belt.

My kid is a good kid. People remark on how grown up he is, and how polite he is in social situations. He still acts like a kid, and he's funny and charming, but he knows not to act like an asshat or there will be consequences. I figure I'm doing ok.
 
2013-07-18 12:49:09 PM
Typical loving family...

img9.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-18 12:49:17 PM

meat0918: Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.


That's the key that so many parents fail to understand. There have to be consequences, not just vague threats.

If you're the kind of parent I see in the grocery store who is saying, "Now Eric, stop hitting your sister no Eric, don't do that put that back Eric, you can't have that Eric, I told you not do that Eric, stop annoying the lady Eric, Eric quit it, I said no, Eric Eric come over here right now, what did I tell you Eric quit running Eric Eric stop no Eric don'tdothatEricEricstopbehavingthatwaynoEricquititEricEricEricEricEric EricEricEricEric..." then you have failed as a parent.
 
2013-07-18 12:51:35 PM

cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]


I have the weirdest boner right now
 
2013-07-18 12:52:02 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary


In seven years across two of them, it's never been necessary. Psychological warfare is much more effective since, you know, you're supposed to be smarter than they are. if they're too young to be mentally manipulated, they're too young for spanking. Thus, no.
 
2013-07-18 12:54:23 PM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: meat0918: Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

That's the key that so many parents fail to understand. There have to be consequences, not just vague threats.

If you're the kind of parent I see in the grocery store who is saying, "Now Eric, stop hitting your sister no Eric, don't do that put that back Eric, you can't have that Eric, I told you not do that Eric, stop annoying the lady Eric, Eric quit it, I said no, Eric Eric come over here right now, what did I tell you Eric quit running Eric Eric stop no Eric don'tdothatEricEricstopbehavingthatwaynoEricquititEricEricEricEricEric EricEricEricEric..." then you have failed as a parent.


I've left a shopping cart of stuff in the aisle (I apologized to the nearest employee), and took the kids home.  The deal was, they behave while I need to get stuff at the hardware store, and then I would take them to the toy store so they could spend some birthday money they had been saving.  They didn't behave, so home we went.

I generally only have to remind them of that incident if they start acting up.

The real key that everyone (myself sometimes included) is "Behavior rewarded is behavior repeated".
 
2013-07-18 12:54:30 PM

CrazyCracka420: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Keep telling yourself it was a voluntary decision, you need a willing sexual partner to get a woman pregnant.


You do know that women don't actually have the ability to shut the whole thing down and that men can get unwanted erections, don't you?
 
2013-07-18 12:54:49 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: Grumpy Cat: After my friend's husband left her when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant,

Damn, dats farked up.

At least get the kid to walking age before jumping the fence for the border


It's also weird because her father left her mother while her mother was 8 months pregnant with her. (Sorry about all the pronouns.) The patterns I see in this family are amazing.
 
2013-07-18 12:55:32 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now


O_o
 
2013-07-18 12:56:48 PM

cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now

O_o


It's me, should it really surprise you that much?

Grumpy Cat: It's also weird because her father left her mother while her mother was 8 months pregnant with her. (Sorry about all the pronouns.) The patterns I see in this family are amazing.


Like an Escher painting of cruelty and despair
 
2013-07-18 12:57:40 PM

meat0918: Good luck with that.  I thought the same thing.  Babies cry because they want to be fed, or changed, or they're cold or too hot.

Ignoring it doesn't really work until they reach the age they start using crying to consciously manipulate you, but by then you can tell the difference between a fake cry and a real one.


My son cried very little for the first 6 months.  He slept through the night the first night home (well, at least 6 hours).  He is calm, nothing gets to him, nothing frustrates him, and is well behaved.

My daughter is 18 months old, still cries at least once a night (or every other night).  Even though she is not even two, she is judgmental and manipulative (you can see it in her eyes) and wants things her way and damned be anybody who dare stand in her way!  She has a set of lungs on her as well.  Did I mention she is a curly redhead....

/I would say "God have mercy on my soul", but I believe my daughter has claimed it for herself
 
2013-07-18 12:58:18 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

It's me, should it really surprise you that much?


You still do.  *shivers*

:P
 
2013-07-18 12:59:26 PM

FTFA:

Using CTFD assures you that -- whichever way you choose to parent -- your child will be fine (as long as you don't abuse them, of course).

How'd that work out for the martin family?
 
2013-07-18 12:59:58 PM

cowgirl toffee: You still do. *shivers*

:P


Bringing my A game every day
 
2013-07-18 01:00:10 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


As the parent of a 4 year-old, all I can say is good luck with that. A newborn will cry because that's the only way it can communicate. The only way to discourage that is to be Johnny on the spot with a bottle or a new diaper.
The rest I agree with, assuming you're not just trolling.
 
2013-07-18 01:00:15 PM

Oakenshield: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

In seven years across two of them, it's never been necessary. Psychological warfare is much more effective since, you know, you're supposed to be smarter than they are. if they're too young to be mentally manipulated, they're too young for spanking. Thus, no.


I really understand you but sometimes, your child is just not intelligent enough.

What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.
 
2013-07-18 01:01:43 PM

Burr: Did I mention she is a curly redhead....


you can hope she mellows as she grows up.  I'm told my fiancee (curly redhead0 was just like that as a kid, but she's pretty calm now.
 
2013-07-18 01:02:18 PM
Castrate The Farking Dog?

Threats work.
 
2013-07-18 01:03:08 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Oakenshield: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

In seven years across two of them, it's never been necessary. Psychological warfare is much more effective since, you know, you're supposed to be smarter than they are. if they're too young to be mentally manipulated, they're too young for spanking. Thus, no.

I really understand you but sometimes, your child is just not intelligent enough.

What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.


It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!

/who knew?!
 
2013-07-18 01:03:34 PM

Burr: My 3 year old son is running around here naked, covered in dirt, holding a plastic shovel and fighting an invisible monster (to me at least).

/he is awesome


The aristocrats?
 
2013-07-18 01:04:51 PM

amishkarl: Burr: Did I mention she is a curly redhead....

you can hope she mellows as she grows up.  I'm told my fiancee (curly redhead0 was just like that as a kid, but she's pretty calm now.


Damn, I was hoping that I was raising the worlds next despot or something...

/I have fun with it :D
 
2013-07-18 01:06:12 PM
Stop breeding if you aren't going to be responsible for that little shaitstain until they turn 18 and you kick them out.
 
2013-07-18 01:06:45 PM

cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now

O_o


Is that your professional opinion?
 
2013-07-18 01:09:41 PM
1. Get Laid
2. Have kid
3. ???????
4. Profit

Amirite?
 
2013-07-18 01:10:31 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: You still do. *shivers*

:P

Bringing my A game every day


When I think of "IdBeCrazyIf" and "A game", this comes to mind for some reason...

img94.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-18 01:12:05 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

Is that your professional opinion?


Yes.  That will be $150.  :P

Cute family, btw.  :)
 
2013-07-18 01:12:35 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).



...The baby cries because it has  literally no other method of communication. Babies cry not just for food\diaper changes\burping, but for  attention. Babies need to be held almost constantly, and don't fuss without reason. Just because  you don't see the reason doesn't mean it's not there. Leaving it alone just makes the baby feel even  shiatter, because in the baby's mind you just left and, since object permanence isn't a thing, are  never coming back. Native Americans and other tribal societies didn't want crying babies because it could get them killed--you don't actually need to mimic that behavior.
 
2013-07-18 01:13:51 PM

cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

Is that your professional opinion?

Yes.  That will be $150.  :P

Cute family, btw.  :)


Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?
 
2013-07-18 01:16:48 PM

Rev.K: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

No.


If you don't spank your kids somebody else will beat their ass.  You will have restraint, they won't.
 
2013-07-18 01:17:14 PM

meat0918: markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.
And a third, and a fourth, etc.
Right out to the car.
It only has to be done once really.  Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

//All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry.  In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.


Just to be a maximally invasive parent, how useful would a medical tricorder (basically some means of broadcasting the kid's bloodsugar levels and any easily available similar hungry/tired indicators).  Would be as a general parenting device?  It would pretty much make a great alarm, and possibly save the day.  Grab screaming kid, go for a walk and pull out a MEALSTM* so the kid can recover.

* I'm pretty sure I have never seen my nephew or niece eat an actual meal that required *any* amount of preparation.
 
2013-07-18 01:18:37 PM
My dad would whup us every night untll a quarter after 12.
Then he'd get too tired and he made us whup ourselves.
Then he chopped me into pieces and played frizbee my brain.
Let me tell you junior, you never heard me complain!

/when I was your age
 
2013-07-18 01:19:08 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?


Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P
 
2013-07-18 01:20:29 PM

skinink: No, I prefer the parenting method of "Control Your Farking Kid". I see families on the MBTA where the parents let their kids run crazy and go kicking around so they hit you in the leg and whatnot. I try to avoid being near families on the T.

And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.


CTFD!
 
2013-07-18 01:20:55 PM
I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

or

"I paid 300 dollars for this stroller!"
"Oh, did you get it on sale?  Mine was much more than that!"

or

"Oh, I like those jeans!  Where did you get them?"
"Oh, at Gap."
"I usually get mine at this little boutique downtown.  Mine cost something like 500 bucks, but it's all hand sewn!"
 
2013-07-18 01:22:32 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).


(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)
 
2013-07-18 01:23:09 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings
kiss them in between hugs
tell them how proud you are of them
don't hit their mom
don't cheat on their mom
tell them the family is a team and fark everyone else
calm the fark down indeed


FTFY
 
2013-07-18 01:23:09 PM
There's really no reason to have kids when you can just have abortions
 
2013-07-18 01:25:28 PM

cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?

Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P


Shame, no Eip
 
2013-07-18 01:26:34 PM
You can always just drug the little shiat into submission. Kids can't back talk if they're drooling on themselves after being pumped full of anti-psychotics.

BPTC: Better Parenting Through Chemistry.
 
2013-07-18 01:27:50 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?

Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P

Shame, no Eip


What?! Its in there.
 
2013-07-18 01:29:25 PM

gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.


Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.
 
2013-07-18 01:30:12 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-18 01:31:10 PM
My dad used the "benign neglect" parenting style. Seems to have worked out ok for me and my brother.
 
2013-07-18 01:31:43 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

or

"I paid 300 dollars for this stroller!"
"Oh, did you get it on sale?  Mine was much more than that!"

or

"Oh, I like those jeans!  Where did you get them?"
"Oh, at Gap."
"I usually get mine at this little boutique downtown.  Mine cost something like 500 bucks, but it's all hand sewn!"


Women are insane.

Mother's doubly so :).

Except for my wife, who really cannot stand other mothers because of that competitiveness.

Both strollers of ours were free, well, one was a gift, the other was a little umbrella stroller I acquired from the hotel I was working at in Oregon that had some Katrina refugees living there that said "Fark it, we're moving to LA, keep our shiat"

End CSB
 
2013-07-18 01:33:02 PM
Years ago, when women trusted me, or at least one particular woman did, I was tasked with looking after her 6 year old boy, and 9 year old daughter.  So, I brought over a case a beer, and let them do their thing, while I explored the wonderful universe that was pay-tv.  At some point, my ears started to hurt due to their screamings of some such, which disturbed my enjoyment of both beverage and moving pictures.  I confronted the pair of spawn thusly:

Me:  Quit Fighting!  I'm concentrating on something important.

Boy: She started it!

Girl: He stole my *whatever*

Me:  That'll get you far in the middle east negotiations.  I don't really care what you were fighting about.  Quit it!

Boy (or girl):  blah blah blah

Me: Okay, listen....Apparently laws have changed, and I can no long strike you, which not only limits my options, but oddly makes me jealous of my parents.  So, I am going to do the next best thing.  I am going to take away the letter "A" {quizical looks}.  Neither of you can use the letter A for the rest of the night.  You can't use any words with the letter A within them....not talking, nor writing.
Girl:  What?!?!?!

Me: No, that is not allowed!  You can ask "Why" or maybe "How" but not "What" as there is an A in that word {further quizzical looks, though they seem to be getting the idea".  And if you break those rules, I will go further and take away "E".   If you think A is hard, E is 3 times harder.

This had an interesting effect.  They both stared at each other, then tried to talk to each other for the rest of the night without using the letter "A", without screaming, I will note.  There was peace in the house and I was able to get good and drunk, and everything was great.

Still have no kids, but I bet I would do a good job if I did.  I think I would have a good shot at middle east peace negotiator, too.

The end.
 
2013-07-18 01:34:05 PM

skinink: And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.


My pet peeve. People lugging their kids around in giant carriers when it WOULD be easier to just carry the kid. It is like they don't want to touch their own baby. I understand if you are going to be wandering around the zoo all day and don't want to be drenched in baby-sweat, but damn if you are just doing a short visit pick up the kid?

And the strollers...
 
2013-07-18 01:35:57 PM
To all the anti-spankers out there: you are wrong.

If a child exhibits behavior puts itself in danger, or would put itself in danger later in life with the same actions, against your instructions, a spanking is necessary.  You know how children learn from pain and mistakes, so they have to fall and have bruises to learn?  Same thing here, except that the lesson would probably be fatal, so you must provide the surrogate lesson.

I'm talking running into the street, attempting to play with a gun, being violent, playing with the stove or fire unattended, running with a knife or other sharp object, or pointing one at someone.

It should be swift, non-excessive, not psychologically cruel, and never done with an object.  Afterwards, you show them love, affection, and make sure they understand that they could have hurt themselves or others much worse than this.  "Imagine what it would have felt like if...".
 
2013-07-18 01:37:16 PM

RassilonsExWife: CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)


Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds
 
2013-07-18 01:42:55 PM

dustygrimp: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-18 01:45:54 PM
Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds

I adopted a newborn. The only hormones that bother me are my daughter's.

Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was! One time when she was 7 she said she wouldn't talk to me till I apologized. I said I would, but I had no idea what I was apologizing for. She put her hand on her hip and said "Well if you don't know what you did, I'm certainly not going to tell you."

And I thought - WTF... are we married?

On the plus side, girls are ridiculously easy to embarrass. As my daughter found out when we were out in public once and she began to misbehave. She chose to disbelieve my threat to start dancing if she didn't stop. And she kept on disbelieving till I got up on a nearby table and began dancing.

Now when we're in public and she starts any shiat, all I have to do is twitch my hips. The look of abject horror that spreads across her face is a joy to behold.
 
2013-07-18 01:47:29 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


You have some noble aims.  But remember "Life is what happens when you're making plans for something else."
As others said above -- don't ignore your child when he/she is trying to tell you something.  Unruly, disruptive, crotchfruit come from parents who didn't  engage with their kids needs and desires.   Well-adjusted children come from parents who are involved, who don't sweat the little things and don't give a fark what anyone else thinks about their style of parenting. (within reason).
Also it appears that you are the paternal side of the family production process -- as fathers, we can make all the rules and procedures we want, but all bets are off with a crying child when Mama's maternal instinct kicks in.

///Good luck, it's a hell of a ride.
// but well worth it.
/ Have a 17yo daughter who's a cheerful, well-adjusted kid in spite of being a teenager.
 
2013-07-18 01:50:34 PM
If you can't parent with a look you have failed.

/special need kids exempt
 
2013-07-18 01:51:49 PM

RassilonsExWife: Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds


Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was!


This!

I didn't expect attitude until she was 12 or so. She is 3 and there are times I just can't believe it.
 
2013-07-18 01:53:30 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings


First, this is exactly what we see in domestic abuse -- hitting, followed by proclamations of caring and an explanation that the hitting was necessary "for their own good". We tell people that dynamic is bad in adult-adult relationships -- why is it good in adult-child relationships?

Second, I'll accept that spanking is necessary for children as soon as you accept that it's necessary for adults. But until you let your boss/other daily authority figure spank you for whatever they deem "misbehavior" you're just a hypocrite.
 
2013-07-18 01:54:28 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.


What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".
 
2013-07-18 01:56:25 PM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: meat0918: Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

That's the key that so many parents fail to understand. There have to be consequences, not just vague threats.

If you're the kind of parent I see in the grocery store who is saying, "Now Eric, stop hitting your sister no Eric, don't do that put that back Eric, you can't have that Eric, I told you not do that Eric, stop annoying the lady Eric, Eric quit it, I said no, Eric Eric come over here right now, what did I tell you Eric quit running Eric Eric stop no Eric don'tdothatEricEricstopbehavingthatwaynoEricquititEricEricEricEricEric EricEricEricEric..." then you have failed as a parent.


Mom?

/jk I was not like that
// but that is my name
///slashies
 
2013-07-18 01:57:53 PM

Burr: It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!


Adults are different and might have completely different personalities and may require completely different management styles. But none of those styles are allowed to including hitting, even for adults subject to reduced freedom or mental capacity. In fact we'd be particularly upset if we found that patients confined in a psychiatric facility were being hit to modify their behavior. Why it hitting acceptable for children?
 
2013-07-18 02:00:23 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.


Yea, they lost me on a couple points.  This reads more like "Hippy parenting".  If your kid is being a jerk in public you aren't quickly and decisively addressing it you're doing it wrong.  It doesn't matter if they are allowed to act that way because they have helicopter spoiling parents or hippy nonchalant parents.
 
2013-07-18 02:03:49 PM

profplump: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.

What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".


You cut them out of your life. You do that with your kids and they call it child abandonment.
 
2013-07-18 02:04:51 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: dustygrimp: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.

[encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 300x168]


No one has to have kids.  My problem is with people that break their arms patting themselves on the back for choosing not to have kids because it will cramp their style.  Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic.  Make the decision if you want to, just be aware that it doesn't make you smarter than anyone else, it just means you are a little bit broken.
 
2013-07-18 02:08:28 PM
While this is an excellent method to keep the parent(s) in line, they also need to utilize the method of

Beat
Their
Ass
When
They
Misbehave

BTAWTM is highly effective when used properly and especially when partnered with

Remove
Offspring
From
Store
When
Acting
Like
Little
shiats
And
Don't
Turn
Around and
Buy
Them
Ice
Cream

otherwise known as ROFSWALLSADTABTIC.
 
2013-07-18 02:10:44 PM
Do you know why they call it the "Terrible Twos?"

Because saying your child is a f*cking asshole isn't socially acceptable.

I'm kidding


a little
 
2013-07-18 02:12:36 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"


I would have replied with "My child is learning not to be a pretentious biatch and become a well-adjusted adult!"
 
2013-07-18 02:13:58 PM

amishkarl: profplump: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.

What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".

You cut them out of your life. You do that with your kids and they call it child abandonment.


Bah, you can drop kids off at fire stations and such.   http://www.wikihow.com/Drop-Off-an-Unwanted-Baby
 
2013-07-18 02:18:18 PM
dustygrimp:

No one has to have kids.  My problem is with people that break their arms patting themselves on the back for choosing not to have kids because it will cramp their style.  Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic.  Make the decision if you want to, just be aware that it doesn't make you smarter than anyone else, it just means you are a little bit broken.

mkay......


backs away slowly

sorry......


I didn't realize people got all that upset about this.
 
2013-07-18 02:18:23 PM
What I want is a CTFD Cable News channel. Is that too much to ask?
 
2013-07-18 02:22:02 PM

profplump: Burr: It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!

Adults are different and might have completely different personalities and may require completely different management styles. But none of those styles are allowed to including hitting, even for adults subject to reduced freedom or mental capacity. In fact we'd be particularly upset if we found that patients confined in a psychiatric facility were being hit to modify their behavior. Why it hitting acceptable for children?


Because it is the only consequence that some respond to. Yes, there a SMALL few number of children that magically do what they're told or fear punishment like having their video games taken away, but the majority do NOT respond to anything short of a couple of whacks on the ass with a belt (A COUPLE, not till their ass bleeds, you moron) and being stripped of all things "fun" and confined to their room like prison. Take a look at that kid that stole his grandmothers car a few years ago. That kid thinks he's hot shiat because of it and because there was no REAL punishment ("oh no, I'm grounded, but I've been on TV how many times?!"). You can take your coddling bullshiat and shove it up your ass. People like you are the reason we have to give trophies to failures and handouts to the lazy.
 
2013-07-18 02:24:51 PM

Rev.K: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

No.


Rev is right.  Don't spank only when necessary.  Spank early and often.  Additional spankings cover the things you didn't catch them doing.
 
2013-07-18 02:26:06 PM

dustygrimp: Satan's Bunny Slippers: dustygrimp: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.

[encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 300x168]

No one has to have kids.  My problem is with people that break their arms patting themselves on the back for choosing not to have kids because it will cramp their style.  Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic.  Make the decision if you want to, just be aware that it doesn't make you smarter than anyone else, it just means you are a little bit broken.


I'm "broken" because I recognized I'd be a shiatty parent?   Wow, what a load of BS.  There are choices to be made, and neither is better than the other.  For sure those of us who chose to be child free are not broken.
 
2013-07-18 02:26:35 PM

Clever Neologism: To all the anti-spankers out there: you are wrong.

If a child exhibits behavior puts itself in danger, or would put itself in danger later in life with the same actions, against your instructions, a spanking is necessary.  You know how children learn from pain and mistakes, so they have to fall and have bruises to learn?  Same thing here, except that the lesson would probably be fatal, so you must provide the surrogate lesson.

I'm talking running into the street, attempting to play with a gun, being violent, playing with the stove or fire unattended, running with a knife or other sharp object, or pointing one at someone.

It should be swift, non-excessive, not psychologically cruel, and never done with an object.  Afterwards, you show them love, affection, and make sure they understand that they could have hurt themselves or others much worse than this.  "Imagine what it would have felt like if...".


I only got spanked twice as a small child.  Both times it was about health/life/well-being when I had not listened and been warned.  Never for anything like just being naughty.  Failure to spank could be an argument for neglect at that point.  I still feel I earned it in those situations.  The threat of spanking after that meant I also did not repeat those actions as well as listened much better to warnings.  Definitely not abuse.
 
2013-07-18 02:26:57 PM

Rev.K: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

No.


fark you
 
2013-07-18 02:28:02 PM
Parenting trend? Try general approach to society. It'll do you well.
 
2013-07-18 02:32:26 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


I love you
 
2013-07-18 02:38:23 PM

dustygrimp: Satan's Bunny Slippers: dustygrimp: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.

[encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com image 300x168]

No one has to have kids.  My problem is with people that break their arms patting themselves on the back for choosing not to have kids because it will cramp their style.  Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic.  Make the decision if you want to, just be aware that it doesn't make you smarter than anyone else, it just means you are a little bit broken.


You don't think it is narcissistic to want to make little yous even though there are already too many people in the world?
 
2013-07-18 02:41:46 PM

sharpie_69: I'm "broken" because I recognized I'd be a shiatty parent?   Wow, what a load of BS.  There are choices to be made, and neither is better than the other.  For sure those of us who chose to be child free are not broken.


Recognizing you'd be a shiatty parent /= not wanting to put down the X-box controller.
 
2013-07-18 02:44:31 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


Oh man.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited the rest of us are for you.  I mean, I always pray that irresponsible drug addicted morons will have more kids.  It's just BETTER when they spout of nonsense about how they expect it's going to be.  Because then you can tell them how desperately wrong they are.
 
2013-07-18 02:45:27 PM

cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?

Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P

Shame, no Eip

What?! Its in there.


Done :-)
 
2013-07-18 02:48:03 PM

dustygrimp: sharpie_69: I'm "broken" because I recognized I'd be a shiatty parent?   Wow, what a load of BS.  There are choices to be made, and neither is better than the other.  For sure those of us who chose to be child free are not broken.

Recognizing you'd be a shiatty parent /= not wanting to put down the X-box controller.


I honestly don't own a single game console...  Never into it.

There are a multitude of reasons I know I'd make a terrible parent.  There is no need to bring a child into the world that has a parent to doesn't want that child 110% in their life.  It's not like the world is going to run out of people if I don't have kids.
 
2013-07-18 02:53:20 PM

elementcircle: profplump: Burr: It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!

Adults are different and might have completely different personalities and may require completely different management styles. But none of those styles are allowed to including hitting, even for adults subject to reduced freedom or mental capacity. In fact we'd be particularly upset if we found that patients confined in a psychiatric facility were being hit to modify their behavior. Why it hitting acceptable for children?

Because it is the only consequence that some respond to. Yes, there a SMALL few number of children that magically do what they're told or fear punishment like having their video games taken away, but the majority do NOT respond to anything short of a couple of whacks on the ass with a belt (A COUPLE, not till their ass bleeds, you moron) and being stripped of all things "fun" and confined to their room like prison. Take a look at that kid that stole his grandmothers car a few years ago. That kid thinks he's hot shiat because of it and because there was no REAL punishment ("oh no, I'm grounded, but I've been on TV how many times?!"). You can take your coddling bullshiat and shove it up your ass. People like you are the reason we have to give trophies to failures and handouts to the lazy.


generatormeme.com
 
2013-07-18 02:56:00 PM
 
2013-07-18 03:01:23 PM
Disappointed.
The headline led me to believe the article would show a mom with a really nice butt.
So here's a GIS for same:
i703.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-18 03:02:58 PM

elementcircle: Because it is the only consequence that some respond to.


So why don't we hit impaired adults who have the behavior and mental capacity of children? Does being physically older magically impart them with some better response to "consequences"?

Also, you might consider not limiting your options for training and behavior modification to to punishment and deprivation. Those methods are not terribly effective on adults, and there's no reason to believe they're more effective on children.
 
2013-07-18 03:06:39 PM

amishkarl: You cut them out of your life. You do that with your kids and they call it child abandonment.


Well I'm against making parents keep children they don't want to care for. I'd be happy to help change child abandonment laws if you think they're a problem.

But I think you're probably skipping a step here. If your best friend started being a dick in scenario A you'd probably start with things like 1) asking him to stop 2) explaining why you don't think the behavior is tolerable 3) asking for the assistance of others in stopping the behavior 4) avoiding scenario A when your friend is around.

If you go right from "that's a selfish act that didn't stop immediately" to "I will never talk to this person again" or "I will hit this person until they stop" you're going to have trouble with relationships no matter the age of the other party.
 
2013-07-18 03:07:11 PM

elementcircle: The Singing Bush

Serious.


Wow - you should probably CTFD.  Do you not realize the hypocrisy of you chastising handouts for the lazy while trumpeting probably the laziest technique for disciplining a child?  That's one reason I thought you might be trolling.
 
2013-07-18 03:19:04 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.


It might make them stop annoying you, at least for the time being. But you have no idea what it actually teaches them. You're hoping that they somehow draw a connection between your wrath and the behavior that annoyed you, but that's a pretty iffy outcome.

Imagine you're wondering down the street, doing your own thing, and your friend walks up and slaps you across the face. You look around to see what's happening, but it's not immediately clear to you why they hit you. You ask why they hit you and they offer and explanation, but their reply doesn't seem to apply to the immediate situation -- they're clearly unhappy with your behavior, but it's not clear to you what they want. What would your learn from that interaction? Would it make you less selfish?

Assume that later, eventually, you understand what they wanted, either through your own introspection and learning, or via further explanation. And let's assume you agree with their assessment -- that you were in the wrong. Would you then appreciate them hitting you as a "learning aid", or would you rather they had taken the time to explain without hitting?

Or assume that you never understand. For whatever reason you are incapable of grasping the concept that seems so important to your friend -- you lake the experience or education or even just the mental capacity. Would them repeatedly hitting you somehow make you understand what they want, or would you just being afraid that you'd f-up whatever it is they get mad about?
 
2013-07-18 03:21:51 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


This reminded me of the Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin interview on SNL, which I can't find a video of on YouTube (as is generally the case because NBC is jerks about that sort of thing), but of which I was able to find a handy transcript of the relevant portion:

POEHLER AS COURIC: "What lessons have you learned from Iraq and how specifically, would you spread democracy abroad?"

FEY AS PALIN: "Specifically, we would make every effort possible to spread democracy abroad to those who want it."

POEHLER AS COURIC: "Yes, but specifically what would you do?"

FEY AS PALIN: "We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists."

POEHLER AS COURIC: "But again, and not to belabor the point. One specific thing."
(several seconds of FEY and POEHLER staring at each other)

FEY AS PALIN: "Katie, I'd like to use one of my lifelines."
 
2013-07-18 03:30:45 PM

elementcircle: whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

I would have replied with "My child is learning not to be a pretentious biatch and become a well-adjusted adult!"


Nah, I usually just listened with a mild case of shock.  On the plus side, many of them were wealthy because their hubbies were gone for long periods of time...
 
2013-07-18 03:59:42 PM

cowgirl toffee: When I think of "IdBeCrazyIf" and "A game", this comes to mind for some reason...


"The only way to win the game, is not to play"
 
2013-07-18 04:10:26 PM
Yeah, overly-nervous parents should calm down.  On the other hand, the ones who let their children climb out of restaurant chairs, jump up and down, scream, run up and down the aisle, and hang onto other diners' tables and stare at them need to move, with their children, to another planet.
 
2013-07-18 04:16:54 PM

Carth: Smelly Pirate Hooker: I look forward to a lengthy, rancorous discussion filled with snotty comments about helicopter parents, snowflakes, crotch droppings, breast feeding, etc.

/my first green, if I'm not mistaken
//Thanks, Fark, and Huffington Post

It is your fourth green light it says so on your profile. Maybe you are a little too calm.


Hell, I never look at that thing. Guess I should.
 
2013-07-18 04:25:53 PM

profplump: amishkarl: You cut them out of your life. You do that with your kids and they call it child abandonment.

Well I'm against making parents keep children they don't want to care for. I'd be happy to help change child abandonment laws if you think they're a problem.

But I think you're probably skipping a step here. If your best friend started being a dick in scenario A you'd probably start with things like 1) asking him to stop 2) explaining why you don't think the behavior is tolerable 3) asking for the assistance of others in stopping the behavior 4) avoiding scenario A when your friend is around.

If you go right from "that's a selfish act that didn't stop immediately" to "I will never talk to this person again" or "I will hit this person until they stop" you're going to have trouble with relationships no matter the age of the other party.


I expect most parents would try 1 and 2 before they got around to spanking as well. The OP didn't say to use spanking as a first resort. That was your own inference.
 
2013-07-18 04:26:08 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"


That's what intimidates me the most about becoming a parent: dealing with other parents. I don't want to fall into the trap of competitiveness. I was on the other side of that a bit; my mom would constantly brag about what I was doing, and I'm pretty sure it only made other people resent her--and me.

I'm pregnant and due in about two weeks, and I have two cousins-in-law with due dates within three weeks of me. We're all having our first children. (We also all announced at the Christmas dinner, which made things...interesting.) I can foresee the family making constant comparisons between them because they're always going to be the same age. I've made it a point to not even compare pregnancy symptoms lest it become a game of one-upmanship. I suspect one of them feels the same way, but another one keeps Facebook messaging us about all the great baby advice she's finding and what she heard the best products are and blah blah blah... Yeah, I'm just preparing myself to let that roll off my back for years to come.
 
2013-07-18 04:29:13 PM
DRTA: training your daughters to do pr0n cam?
 
2013-07-18 04:56:16 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: On the plus side, many of them were wealthy because their hubbies were gone for long periods of time...


Husbands being away for long periods of time causes women to become wealthy???
 
2013-07-18 05:39:16 PM

profplump: What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".


I remove them from my life.

dustygrimp: Being so about yourself that you ignore the basic drive to propagate the species or have life beyond your own is narcissistic

.

The basic drive is to fark. Human beings don't have an estrous cycle, meaning our drive to fark isn't tied entirely to breeding.  We also have the conscious ability to choose whether or not to reproduce, unlike any other animal on the planet. If human beings desire to fark was only about reproduction, we'd only be able to fark during times when reproducing was possible. We wouldn't have a 'sex drive' when we're not fertile.

This 'basic urge to propagate the species' that you're talking about isn't a biological human reality. I don't feel any need or desire to reproduce. There's no part of me that looks at a baby and wants one of those. I'm not 'ignoring' some internal need or drive, because I don't have any drive to reproduce. I never did. No 'ignoring'. No 'denying'. No willful opposition to a self-compelled psychological or physical need. It isn't like food, water, or air, and there's nothing about not wanting kids that means forcing yourself to ignore your physiology.
 
2013-07-18 07:35:25 PM
i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-07-18 09:33:47 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

...

Done :-)


omg.  :P
 
2013-07-18 11:34:43 PM
Well, It's pretty obvious now who here was spanked enough and who wasn't.
 
2013-07-19 09:03:02 AM

Forty-Two: whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

That's what intimidates me the most about becoming a parent: dealing with other parents. I don't want to fall into the trap of competitiveness. I was on the other side of that a bit; my mom would constantly brag about what I was doing, and I'm pretty sure it only made other people resent her--and me.

I'm pregnant and due in about two weeks, and I have two cousins-in-law with due dates within three weeks of me. We're all having our first children. (We also all announced at the Christmas dinner, which made things...interesting.) I can foresee the family making constant comparisons between them because they're always going to be the same age. I've made it a point to not even compare pregnancy symptoms lest it become a game of one-upmanship. I suspect one of them feels the same way, but another one keeps Facebook messaging us about all the great baby advice she's finding and what she heard the best products are and blah blah blah... Yeah, I'm just preparing myself to let that roll off my back for years to come.


I will say this from my perspective: our local "mom's club" was built almost entirely on the concept of one-upmanship and showing off.  The more level-headed women who did things like buy clothes at regular prices (or GASP! the thrift store), or didn't work hard to insert at list a small amount of bragging into their everyday sessions were usually a) not in the club, or b) kept at the fringes.  In the center of the club was about six or seven women who did little more than vamp for one another and brag non-stop about their kids.  So, yes, it is lonely to have a kid and also have common sense and individuality.
 
2013-07-19 05:35:58 PM

meat0918: markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.

And a third, and a fourth, etc.

Right out to the car.

It only has to be done once really.  Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.


Absolutely... Had to do it once... Once...

3 year old was told to stay close to me while we went into mcdonalds. He tried to run to the play area while we were in line at the counter, I grabbed his jacket. He wiggled out of it and ran to the play area. I followed, scooped him up into a fireman's carry and walked directly back out to the car. By the time he realized what had happened, he was already buckled into his carseat.

That night when mom got home and asked him 'What happened when Dad took you to McDonalds?' His response was "I went upside down!"
 
2013-07-19 05:57:13 PM
My favorite method of parenting is abortion. Lets the kids know right away who's boss.
 
2013-07-19 09:14:53 PM
The parenting was a lot better when moms could stay at home instead of joining the work force.  Raising children is very consuming and difficult, it takes a commitment that parents are not fulfilling at an increasing pace.
 
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