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(Huffington Post)   A parenting trend most of Fark can get behind   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 145
    More: Amusing, CTFD, attachment parenting  
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13428 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2013 at 12:28 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-18 12:54:49 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: Grumpy Cat: After my friend's husband left her when she was 7 1/2 months pregnant,

Damn, dats farked up.

At least get the kid to walking age before jumping the fence for the border


It's also weird because her father left her mother while her mother was 8 months pregnant with her. (Sorry about all the pronouns.) The patterns I see in this family are amazing.
 
2013-07-18 12:55:32 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now


O_o
 
2013-07-18 12:56:48 PM

cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now

O_o


It's me, should it really surprise you that much?

Grumpy Cat: It's also weird because her father left her mother while her mother was 8 months pregnant with her. (Sorry about all the pronouns.) The patterns I see in this family are amazing.


Like an Escher painting of cruelty and despair
 
2013-07-18 12:57:40 PM

meat0918: Good luck with that.  I thought the same thing.  Babies cry because they want to be fed, or changed, or they're cold or too hot.

Ignoring it doesn't really work until they reach the age they start using crying to consciously manipulate you, but by then you can tell the difference between a fake cry and a real one.


My son cried very little for the first 6 months.  He slept through the night the first night home (well, at least 6 hours).  He is calm, nothing gets to him, nothing frustrates him, and is well behaved.

My daughter is 18 months old, still cries at least once a night (or every other night).  Even though she is not even two, she is judgmental and manipulative (you can see it in her eyes) and wants things her way and damned be anybody who dare stand in her way!  She has a set of lungs on her as well.  Did I mention she is a curly redhead....

/I would say "God have mercy on my soul", but I believe my daughter has claimed it for herself
 
2013-07-18 12:58:18 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

It's me, should it really surprise you that much?


You still do.  *shivers*

:P
 
2013-07-18 12:59:26 PM

FTFA:

Using CTFD assures you that -- whichever way you choose to parent -- your child will be fine (as long as you don't abuse them, of course).

How'd that work out for the martin family?
 
2013-07-18 12:59:58 PM

cowgirl toffee: You still do. *shivers*

:P


Bringing my A game every day
 
2013-07-18 01:00:10 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


As the parent of a 4 year-old, all I can say is good luck with that. A newborn will cry because that's the only way it can communicate. The only way to discourage that is to be Johnny on the spot with a bottle or a new diaper.
The rest I agree with, assuming you're not just trolling.
 
2013-07-18 01:00:15 PM

Oakenshield: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

In seven years across two of them, it's never been necessary. Psychological warfare is much more effective since, you know, you're supposed to be smarter than they are. if they're too young to be mentally manipulated, they're too young for spanking. Thus, no.


I really understand you but sometimes, your child is just not intelligent enough.

What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.
 
2013-07-18 01:01:43 PM

Burr: Did I mention she is a curly redhead....


you can hope she mellows as she grows up.  I'm told my fiancee (curly redhead0 was just like that as a kid, but she's pretty calm now.
 
2013-07-18 01:02:18 PM
Castrate The Farking Dog?

Threats work.
 
2013-07-18 01:03:08 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Oakenshield: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

In seven years across two of them, it's never been necessary. Psychological warfare is much more effective since, you know, you're supposed to be smarter than they are. if they're too young to be mentally manipulated, they're too young for spanking. Thus, no.

I really understand you but sometimes, your child is just not intelligent enough.

What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.


It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!

/who knew?!
 
2013-07-18 01:03:34 PM

Burr: My 3 year old son is running around here naked, covered in dirt, holding a plastic shovel and fighting an invisible monster (to me at least).

/he is awesome


The aristocrats?
 
2013-07-18 01:04:51 PM

amishkarl: Burr: Did I mention she is a curly redhead....

you can hope she mellows as she grows up.  I'm told my fiancee (curly redhead0 was just like that as a kid, but she's pretty calm now.


Damn, I was hoping that I was raising the worlds next despot or something...

/I have fun with it :D
 
2013-07-18 01:06:12 PM
Stop breeding if you aren't going to be responsible for that little shaitstain until they turn 18 and you kick them out.
 
2013-07-18 01:06:45 PM

cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: Typical loving family...

[img9.imageshack.us image 602x440]

I have the weirdest boner right now

O_o


Is that your professional opinion?
 
2013-07-18 01:09:41 PM
1. Get Laid
2. Have kid
3. ???????
4. Profit

Amirite?
 
2013-07-18 01:10:31 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: You still do. *shivers*

:P

Bringing my A game every day


When I think of "IdBeCrazyIf" and "A game", this comes to mind for some reason...

img94.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-18 01:12:05 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

Is that your professional opinion?


Yes.  That will be $150.  :P

Cute family, btw.  :)
 
2013-07-18 01:12:35 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).



...The baby cries because it has  literally no other method of communication. Babies cry not just for food\diaper changes\burping, but for  attention. Babies need to be held almost constantly, and don't fuss without reason. Just because  you don't see the reason doesn't mean it's not there. Leaving it alone just makes the baby feel even  shiatter, because in the baby's mind you just left and, since object permanence isn't a thing, are  never coming back. Native Americans and other tribal societies didn't want crying babies because it could get them killed--you don't actually need to mimic that behavior.
 
2013-07-18 01:13:51 PM

cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

Is that your professional opinion?

Yes.  That will be $150.  :P

Cute family, btw.  :)


Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?
 
2013-07-18 01:16:48 PM

Rev.K: Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary

No.


If you don't spank your kids somebody else will beat their ass.  You will have restraint, they won't.
 
2013-07-18 01:17:14 PM

meat0918: markfara: The My Little Pony Killer: Actually, if your child is acting up in public, then there *is* a second step after Calm the fark Down.
And a third, and a fourth, etc.
Right out to the car.
It only has to be done once really.  Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

//All bets are off if the kid is tired or hungry.  In that case, get them home as quickly as possible.


Just to be a maximally invasive parent, how useful would a medical tricorder (basically some means of broadcasting the kid's bloodsugar levels and any easily available similar hungry/tired indicators).  Would be as a general parenting device?  It would pretty much make a great alarm, and possibly save the day.  Grab screaming kid, go for a walk and pull out a MEALSTM* so the kid can recover.

* I'm pretty sure I have never seen my nephew or niece eat an actual meal that required *any* amount of preparation.
 
2013-07-18 01:18:37 PM
My dad would whup us every night untll a quarter after 12.
Then he'd get too tired and he made us whup ourselves.
Then he chopped me into pieces and played frizbee my brain.
Let me tell you junior, you never heard me complain!

/when I was your age
 
2013-07-18 01:19:08 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?


Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P
 
2013-07-18 01:20:29 PM

skinink: No, I prefer the parenting method of "Control Your Farking Kid". I see families on the MBTA where the parents let their kids run crazy and go kicking around so they hit you in the leg and whatnot. I try to avoid being near families on the T.

And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.


CTFD!
 
2013-07-18 01:20:55 PM
I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

or

"I paid 300 dollars for this stroller!"
"Oh, did you get it on sale?  Mine was much more than that!"

or

"Oh, I like those jeans!  Where did you get them?"
"Oh, at Gap."
"I usually get mine at this little boutique downtown.  Mine cost something like 500 bucks, but it's all hand sewn!"
 
2013-07-18 01:22:32 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).


(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)
 
2013-07-18 01:23:09 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings
kiss them in between hugs
tell them how proud you are of them
don't hit their mom
don't cheat on their mom
tell them the family is a team and fark everyone else
calm the fark down indeed


FTFY
 
2013-07-18 01:23:09 PM
There's really no reason to have kids when you can just have abortions
 
2013-07-18 01:25:28 PM

cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?

Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P


Shame, no Eip
 
2013-07-18 01:26:34 PM
You can always just drug the little shiat into submission. Kids can't back talk if they're drooling on themselves after being pumped full of anti-psychotics.

BPTC: Better Parenting Through Chemistry.
 
2013-07-18 01:27:50 PM

Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: Abuse Liability: cowgirl toffee: IdBeCrazyIf: cowgirl toffee: ...

...

Professional profile stalker :-)
/ Can you help diagnose my constant need for BIE?
//Or my love of sending WIE?

Well... show me what you've got so I can see if I can help you.  :P

Shame, no Eip


What?! Its in there.
 
2013-07-18 01:29:25 PM

gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.


Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.
 
2013-07-18 01:30:12 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-18 01:31:10 PM
My dad used the "benign neglect" parenting style. Seems to have worked out ok for me and my brother.
 
2013-07-18 01:31:43 PM

whizbangthedirtfarmer: I was absolutely stunned at the competitiveness a lot of moms had with one another about their kids.  I was a stay-at-home dad for the first year or so my son was around, and I ended up in the mom club.  Maybe it was the devastating boredom of raising a baby, but damn, they went after each other.

"My child already learned his first letters" (he's 1)
"Oh, my little boy learned his last week!"

or

"I paid 300 dollars for this stroller!"
"Oh, did you get it on sale?  Mine was much more than that!"

or

"Oh, I like those jeans!  Where did you get them?"
"Oh, at Gap."
"I usually get mine at this little boutique downtown.  Mine cost something like 500 bucks, but it's all hand sewn!"


Women are insane.

Mother's doubly so :).

Except for my wife, who really cannot stand other mothers because of that competitiveness.

Both strollers of ours were free, well, one was a gift, the other was a little umbrella stroller I acquired from the hotel I was working at in Oregon that had some Katrina refugees living there that said "Fark it, we're moving to LA, keep our shiat"

End CSB
 
2013-07-18 01:33:02 PM
Years ago, when women trusted me, or at least one particular woman did, I was tasked with looking after her 6 year old boy, and 9 year old daughter.  So, I brought over a case a beer, and let them do their thing, while I explored the wonderful universe that was pay-tv.  At some point, my ears started to hurt due to their screamings of some such, which disturbed my enjoyment of both beverage and moving pictures.  I confronted the pair of spawn thusly:

Me:  Quit Fighting!  I'm concentrating on something important.

Boy: She started it!

Girl: He stole my *whatever*

Me:  That'll get you far in the middle east negotiations.  I don't really care what you were fighting about.  Quit it!

Boy (or girl):  blah blah blah

Me: Okay, listen....Apparently laws have changed, and I can no long strike you, which not only limits my options, but oddly makes me jealous of my parents.  So, I am going to do the next best thing.  I am going to take away the letter "A" {quizical looks}.  Neither of you can use the letter A for the rest of the night.  You can't use any words with the letter A within them....not talking, nor writing.
Girl:  What?!?!?!

Me: No, that is not allowed!  You can ask "Why" or maybe "How" but not "What" as there is an A in that word {further quizzical looks, though they seem to be getting the idea".  And if you break those rules, I will go further and take away "E".   If you think A is hard, E is 3 times harder.

This had an interesting effect.  They both stared at each other, then tried to talk to each other for the rest of the night without using the letter "A", without screaming, I will note.  There was peace in the house and I was able to get good and drunk, and everything was great.

Still have no kids, but I bet I would do a good job if I did.  I think I would have a good shot at middle east peace negotiator, too.

The end.
 
2013-07-18 01:34:05 PM

skinink: And for heaven's sake, stop buying those baby strollers that are the size of a SUV.


My pet peeve. People lugging their kids around in giant carriers when it WOULD be easier to just carry the kid. It is like they don't want to touch their own baby. I understand if you are going to be wandering around the zoo all day and don't want to be drenched in baby-sweat, but damn if you are just doing a short visit pick up the kid?

And the strollers...
 
2013-07-18 01:35:57 PM
To all the anti-spankers out there: you are wrong.

If a child exhibits behavior puts itself in danger, or would put itself in danger later in life with the same actions, against your instructions, a spanking is necessary.  You know how children learn from pain and mistakes, so they have to fall and have bruises to learn?  Same thing here, except that the lesson would probably be fatal, so you must provide the surrogate lesson.

I'm talking running into the street, attempting to play with a gun, being violent, playing with the stove or fire unattended, running with a knife or other sharp object, or pointing one at someone.

It should be swift, non-excessive, not psychologically cruel, and never done with an object.  Afterwards, you show them love, affection, and make sure they understand that they could have hurt themselves or others much worse than this.  "Imagine what it would have felt like if...".
 
2013-07-18 01:37:16 PM

RassilonsExWife: CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying). First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

(wiping eyes) Heh. You're so adorable when you're being naïve.

More seriously... Good for you for thinking ahead. And try your best. But please be aware of two things (because I had the same plan as you):

1) It will all go straight to raging fark about 3/4 of the time. There is nothing is your previous existence that will prepare you for what's coming. All experts are full of shiat and so are any expectations you have of what this experience is going to be like. I promise. So any plans you might have made based on those expectations will make you laugh out loud in about a year.

2) That being so, be careful. Try to follow your plan. It's a good plan (except for letting the baby cry). But understand that very little will go according to plan. Forget the trolls on here implying that the author is saying "let your kids run wild". They're morons. It is the reactions (and over-reactions) of well-meaning people with parenting plans who find the plans are going all to fark that the author is warning against.

When your best intentions go straight to hell, calm the fark down.

I can't always remember to calm down when my kid is freaking me out - but when I can, almost everything gets better.

Good luck, fellow traveler. You're going to need it. But the best part of your life is about to begin (okay.. the worst at times... but mostly the best)


Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds
 
2013-07-18 01:42:55 PM

dustygrimp: gopher321: Made the decision not to have any kids so you can do whatever you want in your life? Calm the f*ck down.

...

Oh wait. I'm already calm.

Yup, cuz it's all about you.  Narcissistic douche.


encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-18 01:45:54 PM
Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds

I adopted a newborn. The only hormones that bother me are my daughter's.

Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was! One time when she was 7 she said she wouldn't talk to me till I apologized. I said I would, but I had no idea what I was apologizing for. She put her hand on her hip and said "Well if you don't know what you did, I'm certainly not going to tell you."

And I thought - WTF... are we married?

On the plus side, girls are ridiculously easy to embarrass. As my daughter found out when we were out in public once and she began to misbehave. She chose to disbelieve my threat to start dancing if she didn't stop. And she kept on disbelieving till I got up on a nearby table and began dancing.

Now when we're in public and she starts any shiat, all I have to do is twitch my hips. The look of abject horror that spreads across her face is a joy to behold.
 
2013-07-18 01:47:29 PM

CrazyCracka420: As an expecting parent of our first child I'm going to go with the Native American approach and not going to encourage the baby to cry (by not responding to the crying).  First time it starts crying it's going to be hung up on a tree out back for 30 minutes (obviously exaggerating, but I will do my best not to respond to crying, as to not encourage it).

Will pay plenty of attention to the child, but will not be a helicopter parent.  I will teach them to be aware of their surroundings and will not be driving them everywhere.  They can walk to the bus stop and home without my supervision.  If we live close enough to the school, they can walk to the school and back without needing me to supervise or give them a ride to/from school.

I will not overfeed my child, I will do my best to feed them non-processed foods.  I will encourage them to be active physically as well as mentally.  I will not indoctrinate them with religion, I will allow them to be a child.


You have some noble aims.  But remember "Life is what happens when you're making plans for something else."
As others said above -- don't ignore your child when he/she is trying to tell you something.  Unruly, disruptive, crotchfruit come from parents who didn't  engage with their kids needs and desires.   Well-adjusted children come from parents who are involved, who don't sweat the little things and don't give a fark what anyone else thinks about their style of parenting. (within reason).
Also it appears that you are the paternal side of the family production process -- as fathers, we can make all the rules and procedures we want, but all bets are off with a crying child when Mama's maternal instinct kicks in.

///Good luck, it's a hell of a ride.
// but well worth it.
/ Have a 17yo daughter who's a cheerful, well-adjusted kid in spite of being a teenager.
 
2013-07-18 01:50:34 PM
If you can't parent with a look you have failed.

/special need kids exempt
 
2013-07-18 01:51:49 PM

RassilonsExWife: Tell her about the hormones. And how they rip your mind to shreds


Dear sweet Jesus! I didn't think girls got bat-shiat insane till puberty. How wrong I was!


This!

I didn't expect attitude until she was 12 or so. She is 3 and there are times I just can't believe it.
 
2013-07-18 01:53:30 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: Spank them when necessary
Hug them in between spankings


First, this is exactly what we see in domestic abuse -- hitting, followed by proclamations of caring and an explanation that the hitting was necessary "for their own good". We tell people that dynamic is bad in adult-adult relationships -- why is it good in adult-child relationships?

Second, I'll accept that spanking is necessary for children as soon as you accept that it's necessary for adults. But until you let your boss/other daily authority figure spank you for whatever they deem "misbehavior" you're just a hypocrite.
 
2013-07-18 01:54:28 PM

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: What do you do with children that just can't snap out of their selfishness.  Say what you want, but a light pop to their buttcheeks seems to make some children wake up.


What do you do with adults that just can't snap out of their selfishness?

Here's a hint -- it's not "hit them".
 
2013-07-18 01:56:25 PM

Prank Call of Cthulhu: meat0918: Just follow through, and they (generally) stop.

That's the key that so many parents fail to understand. There have to be consequences, not just vague threats.

If you're the kind of parent I see in the grocery store who is saying, "Now Eric, stop hitting your sister no Eric, don't do that put that back Eric, you can't have that Eric, I told you not do that Eric, stop annoying the lady Eric, Eric quit it, I said no, Eric Eric come over here right now, what did I tell you Eric quit running Eric Eric stop no Eric don'tdothatEricEricstopbehavingthatwaynoEricquititEricEricEricEricEric EricEricEricEric..." then you have failed as a parent.


Mom?

/jk I was not like that
// but that is my name
///slashies
 
2013-07-18 01:57:53 PM

Burr: It's almost like different children might have completely different personalities and may require differing parenting styles!


Adults are different and might have completely different personalities and may require completely different management styles. But none of those styles are allowed to including hitting, even for adults subject to reduced freedom or mental capacity. In fact we'd be particularly upset if we found that patients confined in a psychiatric facility were being hit to modify their behavior. Why it hitting acceptable for children?
 
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