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(AZ Family)   A man is found dead in the desert. He is wearing a backpack containing two reptiles. There are no other footprints near the body. How did he die?   (azfamily.com) divider line 140
    More: Dumbass, Daniel Genaro, Fish Department, Cochise County Sheriff's Office  
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18858 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2013 at 3:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



140 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-18 08:52:20 AM  

GunPlumber: Sand people. They travel single file to hide their numbers.


Can't call 'em Sand People anymore.  Too racist.  You're supposed to call 'em "Tusken-Americans" now.
 
2013-07-18 08:54:05 AM  

Rapmaster2000: /realizes this was supposed to the the Mojave


Freaked me out the first time I realized the Okie was Tobey Maguire.
 
2013-07-18 09:06:48 AM  
Ken Cuccinelli sucked the snake venom out but then had to kill him.
 
2013-07-18 09:11:45 AM  
Genaro was eaten by a T-rex while taking a dump.
 
2013-07-18 09:13:07 AM  
gfid: A state reptile? Hell, we have a state rock where I live. Our legislature apparently doesn't have anything better to do.

Amazingly enough, forty five of the fifty states have a state rock. Link 46 if you count crack cocaine as New Jersey's state rock.
 
2013-07-18 09:16:52 AM  

Boojum2k: phlegmmo: colinspooky: Heart attack? Cancers? Sudden death syndrome? Leukemia? Malaria? Typhoid?   Tuberculosis? Diarrheal Diseases? Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease?  AIDS? Cerebrovascular Disease?  Ebola? Polio?

Lupus

It's never lupus.


Except for that one time
 
2013-07-18 09:18:04 AM  
*borat voice*
Dehydration!
 
2013-07-18 09:18:34 AM  

varmitydog: gfid: A state reptile? Hell, we have a state rock where I live. Our legislature apparently doesn't have anything better to do.

Amazingly enough, forty five of the fifty states have a state rock. Link 46 if you count crack cocaine as New Jersey's state rock.


Do crystals count as a rock, they are a mineral right?

If so I nominate Crystal Meth for Missouri
 
2013-07-18 09:19:53 AM  
Oh!  I know! I know!

Now I haven't bothered to read the thread, so sorry if someone else already thought of the correct answer... but...

Clearly this guy is a sky diver.  But when he went to jump out of the plane, his jokester friends replaced his parachute with two reptiles.

Ta daaa!
 
2013-07-18 09:20:20 AM  
Arizona. The Austrailia of the northern hemisphere.
 
2013-07-18 09:21:11 AM  

abhorrent1: Rattlesnakes are protected there? Aren't those farker everywhere?


This species  is protected.  Others are fair game.
 
2013-07-18 09:24:09 AM  
This ghost-written account of "The Giant Rat of Sumatra" wasn't worth wait.
 
2013-07-18 09:41:16 AM  
Without reading the article?  Exposure to the elements... either dehydration or heat-stroke, or both...
 
2013-07-18 09:59:30 AM  
Give me an hour. I'll figure it out
i.usatoday.net
 
2013-07-18 10:02:22 AM  
Natural causes?
 
2013-07-18 10:12:44 AM  
Who run barter town?
 
2013-07-18 10:20:10 AM  
Ooh i read a book with this plotline.  they dropped him out of a helicopter
 
2013-07-18 10:29:14 AM  

vbob: He had severe Von Recklinghausen's Neurofibromatosis. One of the internal fibroids which, over the years, had attached to his proximal aorta finally caused a weakening of the vascular wall leading to an inevitable dissecting aortic aneurysm. The pain was too much, it was as if an invisible railroad spike was stabbing him through his chest and out of his back. He thought about some reptiles. He thought about his pregnant daughter living in St. Croix. He thought he heard his wife's voice calling to him .. his wife who had died so long ago. He looked up and she was standing in front of him .. telling him, "It's not your time, yet. You have much to do here." The pain seemed to abate somewhat, and as he struggled to his feet she whispered to him, "I'm just screwing with you." The aneurysm erupted into and throughout his mediastinum. He felt like a hand grenade had gone off inside of him. His body fell limp onto the earth. He was, as they say in Texas, D.R.T.

Dead Right There.


Holy shiate... this... this is just awesome.
 
2013-07-18 10:46:14 AM  

MythDragon: you are a puppet: gfid: gwenners: Probably because he never named the horse.

Really, who goes through the entire desert without ever naming the horse?

Probably someone who feels good to be out of the rain.

Plus in the desert you can't even remember *your* name

I thought it was only if you're strange, that no one remembers your name.


La laaaaa laaaa lalala la lalala. LAAAAA laaaa...
 
2013-07-18 11:01:17 AM  
I believe that Indiana Jones HATES SNAKES!
 
2013-07-18 11:02:29 AM  
he was one of the Cinci IRS agents "targeting" conservative groups...

also...

Most people would be thrilled to be dumped in Miami. Sadly, I am not most people. Spend a few years as a covert operative, and a sunny beach just looks like a vulnerable tactical position with no decent cover.
 
2013-07-18 11:08:52 AM  
 When you go on the run, the first thing you do is lay down tracks in the opposite direction, but that only works if the bad guys find the trail and believe it's for real. Which means selling it. You need to put on a little show, make them feel clever. When you make somebody work to get a piece of information they'll believe it that much more because it's hard to get.
 
2013-07-18 11:11:17 AM  

dittybopper: GunPlumber: Sand people. They travel single file to hide their numbers.

Can't call 'em Sand People anymore.  Too racist.  You're supposed to call 'em "Tusken-Americans" now.


Jawa pleases...
 
2013-07-18 11:38:09 AM  
I personally am glad he decided to kill the snakes, rather than hit the lever. That would have been bad for all of us!!!!


/obscure?
//on Fark!??! NAH!
 
2013-07-18 11:53:40 AM  
www.virtuescience.com
 
2013-07-18 12:01:45 PM  
I'm more curious as to what killed the snakes.
 
2013-07-18 12:13:13 PM  
I'm gonna go with choked on vomit
 
2013-07-18 12:14:53 PM  
Was he scheduled to testify against Whitey Bulger?
 
2013-07-18 12:40:56 PM  
I love these old-school text adventures.

L
 
2013-07-18 01:10:57 PM  
Apaches. Apaches got 'im.

/why was the ground white at Custer's Last Stand?
//'cause the Injuns just kept a-comin' and a-comin'!
///GERONIMO!
 
2013-07-18 01:59:49 PM  

gibbon1: ecmoRandomNumbers: He died of Arizona in July.

Cause of death: Being Outside in July

In other news, we have a state reptile?

[www.bloomberg.com image 200x266]


Outstanding!
 
2013-07-18 03:20:34 PM  

Oldiron_79: I'm gonna go with choked on vomit


Though, not necessarily his own...

/You can't dust for vomit...
 
2013-07-18 03:57:16 PM  
He obviously died from a-reptile disfunction.
 
2013-07-18 04:35:49 PM  
I thought maybe Monk was getting renewed.
 
2013-07-18 07:00:51 PM  

gwenners: Probably because he never named the horse.

Really, who goes through the entire desert without ever naming the horse?


Look, in the desert, you can't even remember YOUR name.
 
2013-07-19 01:25:08 AM  

colinspooky: Heart attack? Cancers? Sudden death syndrome? Leukemia? Malaria? Typhoid?   Tuberculosis? Diarrheal Diseases? Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease?  AIDS? Cerebrovascular Disease?  Ebola? Polio?  I don't, subby. What are you getting at?



I figured the snakes managed to get loose just enough to bite him through the backpack, but not enough to get out. Or maybe they bit him when he caught them.
 
2013-07-19 02:28:42 AM  
Cause of death: Instant karma
 
2013-07-19 02:56:43 AM  
Nothing new here.  Illegal immigrants die all the time in the Arizona desert, most often due to exposure.  So it was going to be sooner or later that someone with illegal rattlesnakes dies in the Arizona desert.
 
2013-07-19 08:46:26 AM  
this guy obviously thought he was King Sh*t of F*ck Island.
 
2013-07-19 01:33:38 PM  
A giant icicle fell on him just right, so it stabbed him to death, and then the icicle melted.
 
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