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(National Geographic)   Something is killing first-born dolphin calves   (news.nationalgeographic.com) divider line 86
    More: Scary  
•       •       •

8535 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jan 2004 at 7:35 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



86 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2004-01-08 07:24:22 PM  
At first I thought why would enviromental poisons affect only the first born but the way they address that makes sense. How long have we been dumping shiat in the sea?
 
2004-01-08 07:35:43 PM  
I would guess this is the work of Vengeful Dolphin God. "Let my porpoises go!"
 
2004-01-08 07:35:46 PM  
It is the archangel "Flipper".
 
2004-01-08 07:37:19 PM  
Damn Yahweh!
 
2004-01-08 07:38:12 PM  
If they had just painted their dorsal fins with tuna blood death would have gone on...
 
2004-01-08 07:38:16 PM  
Sorry. I didn't know it would bother anyone. I'll stop.
 
2004-01-08 07:38:24 PM  
they should put lamb's blood on the lintels of their doorframes thereby scaring away the angel of death.

(third cup already? slurrrp..)
 
2004-01-08 07:39:48 PM  
nod to tallguywithglasses

[image from images.allposters.com too old to be available]
 
2004-01-08 07:41:31 PM  
Pinko commie liberals twist this into a "Republican environmental policy" Bush-bash in 3.. 2..
 
2004-01-08 07:41:43 PM  
Your shark wants baby dolphin.
 
2004-01-08 07:42:06 PM  
Bevets! Quote us some scripture on this.

"And the Lord sayeth, Thou shalt sacrifice your firstborn calf to me, and thou shalt chirp with approval and flap thy slippery fins."

I Flipper 14:21
 
2004-01-08 07:42:50 PM  
Mad Cow.. Wait.. Nevermind.
 
2004-01-08 07:43:32 PM  
So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Between the sun activity lately and now this, I think we're about to be brushed aside for a freeway.
 
2004-01-08 07:43:56 PM  
Maybe Dolphin mothers are just really bad with the first one? Sort of like my sister's "I didn't know he'd run out in front of the car"? (yes the kid is fine). By the second one they have figured it out?

Besides most animals lose more of their first born. OK most is over stating what I know, I know it's true for monkeys in captivity, and now dolphins in the wild.

So the environmental cause seems a bit of a reach.
 
2004-01-08 07:44:22 PM  
This is what happens when you outlaw dolphin abortions!
 
2004-01-08 07:44:44 PM  
Maybe a dingo ate their babies.
 
2004-01-08 07:44:47 PM  
First their kids, then ours. Finally.

Working quickly and gently, they wrapped each dolphin in a bear hug, conducted a quick exam..

Reminds me of Dolphinsex.org which, of course, is not safe for anyone.
 
2004-01-08 07:47:47 PM  
It's probably the C.H.U.D.S
 
2004-01-08 07:49:55 PM  

Do deformed dolphin babies have fingers?

/Stummies, anyone?

 
2004-01-08 07:50:21 PM  
I wonder what porpoise this serves?
 
2004-01-08 07:50:57 PM  
LesPhilky's_Evil_Twin:

DO NOT MOCK THE HOLY MAKE BELIEVE INVISIBLE FRIEND SKYGHOST GOD. THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN BE USED TO DESCRIBE HOW TOTALLY POWERFUL HE IS. HE CAN TURN WATER INTO WINE, AND ROCKS IN TO BREAD. IF HE REALLY WANTED TO, HE COULD TURN FLOWER INTO COCAINE, VITIMINS INTO SPEED, AND DANCE ON HIS GRAVE. THAT IS SO COOL. HE CAN ALSO PLAY GUITAR BETTER THAN JIMMI HENDRIX.

NO WONDER THERE ARE SO MANY CHRISTIANS.
 
2004-01-08 07:51:43 PM  
Die by my hand
I creep across the land
Killing first born PHIN
Die by my hand
I creep across the land
Killing first born man
 
2004-01-08 07:51:52 PM  
And here I thought dolphins were supposed to be these super smart sea mammals... but they are obviously no better than the other weak animals. I've lost all respect for dolphins now, they are going to have to put a dolphin on the moon before I believe they are an intelligent species again.
 
2004-01-08 07:52:28 PM  
LesPhilky's_Evil_Twin:

DO NOT MOCK THE HOLY MAKE BELIEVE INVISIBLE FRIEND SKYGHOST GOD. THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN BE USED TO DESCRIBE HOW TOTALLY POWERFUL HE IS. HE CAN TURN WATER INTO WINE, AND ROCKS IN TO BREAD. IF HE REALLY WANTED TO, HE COULD TURN FLOWER INTO COCAINE, VITIMINS INTO SPEED, AND DANCE ON HIS GRAVE. THAT IS SO COOL. HE CAN ALSO PLAY GUITAR BETTER THAN JIMMI HENDRIX.

NO WONDER THERE ARE SO MANY CHRISTIANS.
 
2004-01-08 07:53:20 PM  
A clear sign dolphins should stop keeping people in captivity. So it is written, so shall it be done.
 
2004-01-08 07:59:52 PM  
Whoa. I'm at college, right on Sarasota Bay. Talk about hitting close to home! That bay has a whole lot of pollutants in it b/c everyone here doesn't give a damn. =o(
 
2004-01-08 08:02:04 PM  
trawl net... the meaning of pain..
slow death. immense decay...
forced in...like tuna you are...
Angel of Death... SWIM FREE!

/Slayer!!!!
 
2004-01-08 08:02:31 PM  
Jessica Simpson says Chicken.
 
2004-01-08 08:06:01 PM  
One reason may be man-made pollutants
I like how quick they are to assign a reason to this phenomenon. Gotta love the scientific method.
 
2004-01-08 08:08:25 PM  
On topic I swear: Yeah, perhaps this is the beginning of some under sea book of exodus...

And off again: Yeah, that guy was a little off his rocker. Interesting they let him continue to post... What was your specific reason for being banned?
 
2004-01-08 08:12:05 PM  
Finger-food for this guy.
 
2004-01-08 08:12:28 PM  
You see, these three betas came from the east because they heard about a divine baby dolphin being born. They met King Triton and asked about the baby. Triton got nervous and orderred all of the newborn baby dolphins to be slaughtered...
 
2004-01-08 08:13:46 PM  
If we survive this year, I will be pleasantly surprised...
 
2004-01-08 08:14:38 PM  
I don't understand how "man-made pollutants" would know to kill firstborns exclusively.

And last I checked, the angel of death threw down his flaming sword, gave God the finger, lived in Wisconsin for about three or four thousand years, then got killed by Bartleby, so that theory's out.
 
2004-01-08 08:16:22 PM  
"I could kill all the first born dolphins"

"No, too Jewish."

/Blazing Saddles
 
2004-01-08 08:16:43 PM  
I say it's Cthulhu.
 
2004-01-08 08:17:30 PM  
Why in God's name did I click on that link?!?!? I'm going to have nightmares about being raped by a dolphin with a 14 inch dick.
 
2004-01-08 08:18:30 PM  
No_One_Special: RTFA -- Plausible explanation there.
 
2004-01-08 08:18:31 PM  
Well since King Herrod is dead it must be King Mackerel.
 
2004-01-08 08:19:17 PM  

ooo, so close! King HERRING! HERRING!

/still anal.

 
2004-01-08 08:22:15 PM  
Score a cokespray control, that would have been a great tagline.
 
2004-01-08 08:26:41 PM  
Hmm..well, there's the obligatory christian bashing, but no screaming about how this is all Bush's fault.

Ah well, it's still early.
 
2004-01-08 08:28:07 PM  
Some mysterious force is killing firstborn dolphins, and a ragtag team of biologists and navy seals must travel the depths of the ocean to find the answers, before it's too late.

From Jerry Bruckheimer comes..."Bloody Waters"
 
2004-01-08 08:31:04 PM  
Humans rule, Dolphins SUCK IT!!!
 
2004-01-08 08:33:04 PM  
this is what you get when Bush is in office. he only know of the miami dolphins anyway.
 
2004-01-08 08:34:37 PM  
It's Bush's fault.

/happy now?
 
2004-01-08 08:35:19 PM  
[image from aowz68.dsl.pipex.com too old to be available]
 
2004-01-08 08:36:16 PM  
Don't look at me. Ever since "they" said it was "immoral" to eat dolphin and they took it out of tuna I've been clean.

Except when I went to Japan. What a feast.

\promotes the eating of ALL animals, not just dumb ones
 
2004-01-08 08:36:23 PM  
I think the answer to this tragedy is obvious. We must milk the virgin dolphins before their first calf can suckle the tainted milk!

Um, volunteers anyone?
 
2004-01-08 08:37:06 PM  
I think it's payback for Dan Marino never getting a Super Bowl ring. Plus how they're always celebrating when the last undefeated team in the league looses.

Wait, you meant the marine mammals didn't you?
 
2004-01-08 08:37:45 PM  
...And the Dolphin Moses said "Let my people go!"
 
2004-01-08 08:38:13 PM  
Great minds think alike, FatherG. Damn shame though. Dolphins are the dogs of the sea... always friendly, except for those few mean ones that want to rip your face off.
 
2004-01-08 08:38:50 PM  
THE MESSIAH IS COMING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
 
2004-01-08 08:39:11 PM  
Is it a stairmaster? I'm gonna say a stairmaster. Stairmaster.
 
2004-01-08 08:40:13 PM  
Duuuuuuude. The dolphins are Egyptians!
 
2004-01-08 08:51:33 PM  
Something is killing the baby dolphins, huh?

Good.
 
2004-01-08 08:53:58 PM  
CARTMAN: Hey, stop defending your girlfriend for writing about some stupid fish.
STAN: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
CARTMAN: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
STAN: Dolphins are way smarter than you.
CARTMAN: If they're so smart, then why do they live in igloos?
STAN: Dolphins don't live in igloos! That's Eskimos!!
CARTMAN: Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap!
 
2004-01-08 09:00:52 PM  
Charlie Tuna WILL get into that can of Starkist. Oh, yes.
 
2004-01-08 09:06:49 PM  
agenda study. many people give money to dolphin groups and to keep the cash flow coming you need to create a crisis every so often. since liberals tend to give more money to the dolphins, it helps to tie in a bogeyman.

it is the same tactic that the tree huggers used when the tree hugger donations started drying up.

liberals hate the military...navy sonar kills dolphins ( and whales, we musn't forget the whales )

liberals hate petroleum....run a search on google websites using words "dolphins" and "off shore drilling" and you will see all the usual suspects have stories about how off shore drilling kills dolphins.
 
2004-01-08 09:14:47 PM  
I can't tell the difference between Cartman in bitteratti's post and Mr.Bastardo.

hilarious.
 
2004-01-08 09:22:10 PM  
"Oh my god, They killed Clicky!"
"You bastards!"

/old and busted joke
 
2004-01-08 09:23:23 PM  
[image from graphics.theonion.com too old to be available]

Oh shiat!
 
2004-01-08 09:28:05 PM  
The lead boat encircled the dolphins in a net "pen," and
a few researchers jumped in with them. Working quickly and
gently, they wrapped each dolphin in a bear
hug
, conducted a quick exam, and took a blood sample
from a vein in their tail. If the animal wasn't pregnant, a
veterinarian gently placed it aboard a second boat on
a stretcher for some quick measurements and additional body
fluid samples, carefully monitoring for any signs of
distress.


I wonder if the scientists were gentle enough?
 
2004-01-08 09:30:20 PM  
[image from img1.photobucket.com too old to be available]
Bad water.
 
2004-01-08 09:31:52 PM  
"Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one-night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them."
 
2004-01-08 09:38:08 PM  
GREAT ZOMBIE JESUS! or is it GREAT DOLPHIN JESUS! in this case?
 
2004-01-08 09:38:25 PM  
"Laces OUT, DAN!"
 
2004-01-08 10:01:28 PM  
I blame it on the cheap labor conservatives...
 
2004-01-08 10:03:07 PM  
Mothers give birth at about eight years old, so their firstborn calves receive an extra-large dose compared to later-born calves that come every two to three years, when the toxic load is lighter.

Indeed, if I had RT whole FA more sense would be made unto me.
 
2004-01-08 10:16:10 PM  
[image from wolverinesports.com too old to be available]

THIS IS A JOB FOR SEABERT!
 
vjp
2004-01-08 10:16:23 PM  
"So long, and thanks for all the toxic waste... bastards."
 
2004-01-08 10:17:59 PM  
WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....


WTF???? Dolfinsex.org is wrong on so many levels
 
2004-01-08 10:18:41 PM  
I meant Dolphinsex.org...
 
2004-01-08 10:18:45 PM  
I'm gonna wait to care until the 2nd and 3rd born start dying.
 
2004-01-08 10:24:46 PM  
Who you callin' 'something'?
 
2004-01-08 10:29:47 PM  
The world is farked up. PCBs shouldn't be showing up in dolphins, they're at the top of the food chain.
 
2004-01-08 10:36:16 PM  
It's all that "old-people" urine coming from the mainland.
Damned Geritites...
 
2004-01-08 10:46:34 PM  
Something is killing first-born dolphin calves

Wasn't me. Nobody saw me. You can't prove anything.

[image from felicitari.post.ro too old to be available]
 
2004-01-08 11:43:03 PM  
This is bad. Dolphins are pretty high up the food chain. We're next.
 
2004-01-09 12:19:22 AM  
i promise i was not in the ocean at the dates/times in question, but if one of those little squirmy bastards breaks into my house......
 
2004-01-09 12:56:07 AM  
Maybe it has something to do with the US Navy's sonar, which is the painful cause of whales beaching themselves and could (reportedly) be the root of various, newfound defects and tumors in marine life on both coasts of North America...


Just a few, pesky species left to endanger... Go get 'em!



USA! USA! USA!
 
2004-01-09 04:03:45 AM  
Every time Aquaman masturbates, Neptune kills a dolphin calve.
 
2004-01-09 10:07:53 AM  
One Word....CHUPACABRA.
 
2004-01-09 11:40:32 AM  
el_mas_pingon

That would be "chupadelfines." Get it straight.
 
2004-01-09 01:25:45 PM  
God sent me a hilarious vision yesterday: a VeggieTales version of the book of Revelations...
 
2004-01-09 05:44:27 PM  
I like that part in DolphinTales when Bottlemoses Dolphin opens up that water-spout thingee on the top of his head ans says to evil Pharoah Fisherman, who has been killing his first born by a nefarious combination of open-net trawling and corking the cavities of the first born, to "let my peep-holes blow."
 
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