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(The Iowa Republican)   Republican Iowa Senate hopeful says, if elected, "he would invite New York Senator Chuck Schumer to lunch so that he could share the good news of Jesus Christ"   (theiowarepublican.com) divider line 126
    More: Hero, Iowa Senate, New York Senator Chuck Schumer, Iowa, Republican, Jesus Christ, Cedar Rapids, Fundamentalist Christianity, Linn County  
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1723 clicks; posted to Politics » on 17 Jul 2013 at 1:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



126 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-17 04:38:34 PM

jcooli09: I don't get the hero tag.


When the derp is too much for the dumbass tag to hold, a hero is summoned to take its place.
 
2013-07-17 04:42:16 PM

Diogenes: Headline:  "The Messiah has not arrived yet."


Or you could believe the words of Jesus and believe that he did in fact come.
Twice.*
And you are still here, left behind.  This is the "Good News".  Other possible news: he lied (Mormon belief seems to include a third path where he shows up elsewhere, but it makes Jesus sound like a complete weasel if he didn't stop by Jerusalem  to grab up the Christians and judge the rest).

* Jesus clearly prophesied  the second coming as happening no later than the early second century (while some hearing him at the time was still alive).  This makes him ineligible as a Jewish prophet under Moses law (unless he did, in fact return).
 
2013-07-17 05:00:01 PM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Aarontology: "I would use my position of political power to covert that Jew"

No, no, zayt nisht meshuge!


COP A WALK, 'SALRIGHT.  GEZINT.

/leaving satisfied
 
2013-07-17 05:08:30 PM

Dr Dreidel: // knock on my door on a Sunday morning, ignoring the "No Soliciting" sign on my door - especially if you don't speak English - and I'll call the cops


If they don't speak English, how can you expect them to understand your "No Soliciting" sign on your door?
 
2013-07-17 05:25:14 PM
Speaking as a former Iowa Republican, they can go fark themselves.
 
2013-07-17 05:30:28 PM

BarrRepublican: Speaking as a former Iowa Republican, they can go fark themselves.


I'm not easily impressed, but that takes amazing flexibility.
 
2013-07-17 05:30:32 PM

BarrRepublican: Speaking as a former Iowa Republican, they can go fark themselves.


From which condition did you recover, good sir?
 
2013-07-17 05:48:10 PM

FlashHarry: this primary is going to be fun. i really hope steve king is the nominee though. i'd love to see him get his ass handed to him in a statewide election.


Sorry, the gop chorus of "AW HELZ NO!", and "LIKE FARK YOU IZ!" made him bow out.
 
2013-07-17 05:53:26 PM
cdn-images.hollywood.com
"So tell me, Joo. Now that I've shared the good news about Jesus Christ to ya, how do you feel?"
 
2013-07-17 05:59:54 PM
"If elected, I promise to be a real big dick to one of them elitist New York Jews!"

He could have just said that.
 
2013-07-17 06:01:02 PM
Christianity is tacky and obnoxious enough to be put on a rack in the lobby of a Cracker Barrel.
 
2013-07-17 06:08:27 PM
Is that guy out of his mind? Sunday is Schumer's press-conference day.
 
2013-07-17 06:10:41 PM

Vodka Zombie: Christianity is tacky and obnoxious enough to be put on a rack in the lobby of a Cracker Barrel.


"Cracker Barrel." Funny name. The place is always chock full of white folks, so there's a delicious double entendre.
 
2013-07-17 06:23:05 PM

Fuggin Bizzy: Vodka Zombie: Christianity is tacky and obnoxious enough to be put on a rack in the lobby of a Cracker Barrel.

"Cracker Barrel." Funny name. The place is always chock full of white folks, so there's a delicious double entendre.


At first, when you walk into a Cracker Barrel, you think that's the wooden floor creaking beneath your feet.  But, it strikes you as sort of off and slightly out of time with your footsteps.

Suddenly, you realize, it's not the floor that's creaking.  It's the sound of countless arteries hardening inside the dining room.
 
2013-07-17 06:49:28 PM
Better invite a camera crew to be saved, too, or Schumer won't bother attending.
 
2013-07-17 07:26:34 PM

El Dudereno: jcooli09: I don't get the hero tag.

When the derp is too much for the dumbass tag to hold, a hero is summoned to take its place.


he's trying to save a man from writhing in the everlasting flames of the lake of fire, if that's not a hero I don't know what is
 
2013-07-17 08:00:44 PM

dforkus: El Dudereno: jcooli09: I don't get the hero tag.

When the derp is too much for the dumbass tag to hold, a hero is summoned to take its place.

he's trying to save a man from writhing in the everlasting flames of the lake of fire, if that's not a hero I don't know what is


So you don't know what a hero is. Got it.
 
2013-07-17 08:20:53 PM

mongbiohazard: dforkus: El Dudereno: jcooli09: I don't get the hero tag.

When the derp is too much for the dumbass tag to hold, a hero is summoned to take its place.

he's trying to save a man from writhing in the everlasting flames of the lake of fire, if that's not a hero I don't know what is

So you don't know what a hero is. Got it.


I think... never mind.
 
2013-07-17 09:11:34 PM

dionysusaur: BarrRepublican: Speaking as a former Iowa Republican, they can go fark themselves.

From which condition did you recover, good sir?


I recovered from the latter during the last decade or so.

Unfortunately their recession caused the former to become South Cackalacky
 
2013-07-17 10:38:30 PM
Hey, at least he didn't call Schumer a putzhead. . .

/Probably not obscure.
 
2013-07-17 11:37:30 PM

give me doughnuts: God Is My Co-Pirate: DamnYankees: Aarontology: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

Free latkes.

Damn, that is good news.

Yeah, until the great Applesauce vs. Sour Cream Schism of 2024.


Sour Cream! Or are you a heretic?


I like both on my latkes. I realize that I'm a heretic, and I'll be the first against the wall as a spy for the other side.
 
2013-07-17 11:42:03 PM

Xanadone: FlashHarry: this primary is going to be fun. i really hope steve king is the nominee though. i'd love to see him get his ass handed to him in a statewide election.

But suppose the Iowa Democratic Party came up with such a loser of a candidate that King won?  Many Iowans would be forced to emigrate to Nebraska to avoid the crushing shame.


The seat should stay blue - we're leaning pretty comfortably that way on a statewide level. I don't know what's wrong with the yokels in the northwest armpit of the state, but the rest of us tend to look down on some of the things that King supports. Like dog fighting.

Also, Nebraska's politics are weird. They're pretty red on most issues... unless you dare to fark with the environment in that state. They made a state holiday about planting trees, and are the ones who probably deserve credit for stopping the Keystone XL scam.
 
2013-07-18 04:37:19 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Aarontology: "I would use my position of political power to covert that Jew"

No, no, zayt nisht meshuge!



Sag nicht keinmal


Selena Luna: give me doughnuts: God Is My Co-Pirate: DamnYankees: Aarontology: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.
Free latkes.
Damn, that is good news.
Yeah, until the great Applesauce vs. Sour Cream Schism of 2024.
Sour Cream! Or are you a heretic?
I like both on my latkes. I realize that I'm a heretic, and I'll be the first against the wall as a spy for the other side.



*heh* This makes me so glad that I'm not Ashkenaz:  Soufganiot.
 
2013-07-18 07:36:39 AM

hardinparamedic: Oh wow. Trolltastic use of the hero tag.

DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls.

[www.abreojogo.com image 450x430]


Blasphemy!

He takes no damage at all.  Everyone knows Jesus has Improved Evasion.
 
2013-07-18 07:47:19 AM
Jim_Callahan

That... was... amazing.
 
2013-07-18 07:49:39 AM

BarrRepublican: dionysusaur: BarrRepublican: Speaking as a former Iowa Republican, they can go fark themselves.

From which condition did you recover, good sir?

I recovered from the latter during the last decade or so.

Unfortunately their recession caused the former to become South Cackalacky


Congratulations, I'm sorry.  (2 years in Cola, SC - scary farkin' place, even after 3 years in Lubock, TX)
 
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