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(The Iowa Republican)   Republican Iowa Senate hopeful says, if elected, "he would invite New York Senator Chuck Schumer to lunch so that he could share the good news of Jesus Christ"   (theiowarepublican.com) divider line 126
    More: Hero, Iowa Senate, New York Senator Chuck Schumer, Iowa, Republican, Jesus Christ, Cedar Rapids, Fundamentalist Christianity, Linn County  
•       •       •

1741 clicks; posted to Politics » on 17 Jul 2013 at 1:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



126 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2013-07-17 11:03:08 AM  
Oh wow.
 
2013-07-17 11:06:09 AM  
"I would use my position of political power to covert that Jew"
 
2013-07-17 11:07:52 AM  
He can only do that if he's elected? "Vote for me or else I'm keeping Jesus a secret from all the Jews!"
 
2013-07-17 11:08:31 AM  
He then continued, "Cause he's a jay-ee-dubbayew, y'know!"
 
2013-07-17 11:09:07 AM  

Aarontology: "I would use my position of political power to covert that Jew"


No, no, zayt nisht meshuge!
 
2013-07-17 11:09:43 AM  
Wow, you really are putting Christ's best foot forward aren't you there, skippy?
 
2013-07-17 11:11:27 AM  
So wait, Jews in Israel means the GOP sucks their cocks, but Jews in America means "CONVERT OR ELSE, JESUS HATING BASTARD!"

Ok, got it.
 
2013-07-17 11:24:41 AM  
If Chuck went through any schooling where they teach anything remotely related to Middle Ages/European history, I think he's already heard the "good" news.

[crusades.jpg]
 
2013-07-17 11:27:33 AM  

Dr Dreidel: If Chuck went through any schooling where they teach anything remotely related to Middle Ages/European history, I think he's already heard the "good" news.

[crusades.jpg]


Don't be silly. The crusades were a just struggle to reclaim the holy land from the insidious Saracen.
 
2013-07-17 11:27:49 AM  
this primary is going to be fun. i really hope steve king is the nominee though. i'd love to see him get his ass handed to him in a statewide election.
 
2013-07-17 11:28:28 AM  
Everyone in the room knew that "the brotherhood" was code for the gang of moderate senators who seek compromise instead of advancing a conservative agenda in the Senate. While Young said coming back to Iowa every weekend will keep him grounded, Clovis stated that there's nothing out there that's going to tempt or impress him. He then said, as a fighter pilot, he's flown at the speed of sound, seen the curvature of the Earth, and is married to the love of his life. Good answer.

Yes, "good answer" in the sense that it's utterly nonsensical.
 
2013-07-17 11:37:47 AM  

Slaxl: Dr Dreidel: If Chuck went through any schooling where they teach anything remotely related to Middle Ages/European history, I think he's already heard the "good" news.

[crusades.jpg]

Don't be silly. The crusades were a just struggle to reclaim the holy land from the insidious Saracen.


And he should just ignore the fact that every crusade started with a pogrom.
 
2013-07-17 11:56:02 AM  
In the words of another Schumer, "My people already heard the Good News... um, maybe you didn't hear the Bad News."
 
2013-07-17 12:15:36 PM  

Mike Chewbacca: Slaxl: Dr Dreidel: If Chuck went through any schooling where they teach anything remotely related to Middle Ages/European history, I think he's already heard the "good" news.

[crusades.jpg]

Don't be silly. The crusades were a just struggle to reclaim the holy land from the insidious Saracen.

And he should just ignore the fact that every crusade started with a pogrom.


Nothing gets the old juices flowing quite like a good ethnic cleansing.
 
2013-07-17 12:24:56 PM  
What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.
 
2013-07-17 12:33:42 PM  

DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.


Free latkes.
 
2013-07-17 12:39:35 PM  

Aarontology: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

Free latkes.


Damn, that is good news.
 
2013-07-17 12:42:21 PM  

DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.


You could save as much as 15% on your car insurance.
 
2013-07-17 12:44:24 PM  
It's like the story of the nativity.

And the angel of the Lord did spake:'Good news, everyone!'
 
2013-07-17 12:46:35 PM  
Schumer is Jewish. Jesus is Jewish.

Can't be a coincidence ...
 
2013-07-17 12:48:07 PM  
And Jesus did cry out: 'Wernstrum!'
 
2013-07-17 12:59:32 PM  

doyner: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

You could save as much as 15% on your car insurance.


t3.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-17 01:15:19 PM  
Oh wow. Trolltastic use of the hero tag.

DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.


Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls.

www.abreojogo.com
 
2013-07-17 01:18:18 PM  
Headline:  "The Messiah has not arrived yet."
 
2013-07-17 01:31:14 PM  

hardinparamedic: Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls


In fact, that's where the phrase "holy roller" originates.  "Come 7, come 11, for only through me shalt thou get to heaven!"
 
2013-07-17 01:34:26 PM  

Cyberluddite: hardinparamedic: Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls

In fact, that's where the phrase "holy roller" originates.  "Come 7, come 11, for only through me shalt thou get to heaven!"


Jesus is a pretty cool character. He's got no cooldown on Exorcism and Lay on Hands. The only bad part about it is that when you die, the rez timer has a 3 day window.
 
2013-07-17 01:35:00 PM  

DamnYankees: Aarontology: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

Free latkes.

Damn, that is good news.


Yeah, until the great Applesauce vs. Sour Cream Schism of 2024.
 
2013-07-17 01:41:21 PM  
Okay, am I the only one who saw the picture in the article and thought "hey, why are they using a still from 'O Brother Where Art Thou'?"
 
2013-07-17 01:48:07 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-17 01:49:34 PM  

Cake Hunter: It's like the story of the nativity.

And the angel of the Lord did spake:'Good news, everyone!'


hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-07-17 01:49:56 PM  
ranger.gamebanana.com
 
2013-07-17 01:51:48 PM  
I realize that New York City is just some jerkwater town far off the beaten path, but in fact, many of us here have heard the news about this Jesus fellow. Last I heard, some New Yorkers had actually built some churches around his religion, but that could just be a rumor.
 
2013-07-17 01:51:54 PM  

hardinparamedic: Cyberluddite: hardinparamedic: Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls

In fact, that's where the phrase "holy roller" originates.  "Come 7, come 11, for only through me shalt thou get to heaven!"

Jesus is a pretty cool character. He's got no cooldown on Exorcism and Lay on Hands. The only bad part about it is that when you die, the rez timer has a 3 day window.


He also has Water Walking and Summon Food and Drink.  Unfortunately, his DPS is really low and while Remove Curse is helpful, he can't really tank, DPS or be a main healer for anything bigger than a 13 man raid.
 
2013-07-17 01:54:33 PM  
Yes tell him the good news that Jesus of Nazareth never existed. That Christians, who are not very Christ like are following a bunch of stories made up by illiterate goat herders in the 6th century AD. That science has proven there is no heaven, no hell, and that homosexuals are the best sexuals to be. Abortions and freedom flags for everyone!
 
2013-07-17 01:55:55 PM  

Slaxl: Dr Dreidel: If Chuck went through any schooling where they teach anything remotely related to Middle Ages/European history, I think he's already heard the "good" news.

[crusades.jpg]

Don't be silly. The crusades were a just struggle to reclaim the holy land from the insidious Saracen.


Plus a jobs-program for all the excess sons of the nobility. Son #1 inherits. Son #2 to serve the duke/king/etc. Son #3 to the Church (whether he likes it or not). Son #4, 5, ... off to the Holy Land either die or establish his own fiefdom (while tithing some that newly seized swag back to Rome).
 
2013-07-17 01:55:55 PM  
Surprisingly, the Republicans have mostly been able to avoid putting their feet in their mouths when talking about Jews, as opposed to every single other ethnic group. Here's hoping that they've finally found the guy to change that.
 
2013-07-17 01:57:02 PM  
note to self;

do not click on The Iowa Republican.
do not read comments posted on The Iowa Republican.
 
2013-07-17 01:57:27 PM  
Young said as a Senator, he would invite New York Senator Chuck Schumer to lunch so that he could share the good news of Jesus Christ


s12.postimg.org
 
2013-07-17 01:57:36 PM  

Dr. Whoof: He also has Water Walking and Summon Food and Drink.  Unfortunately, his DPS is really low and while Remove Curse is helpful, he can't really tank, DPS or be a main healer for anything bigger than a 13 man raid.


Low DPS?

He can one-shot a tank just by looking at him, man!
 
2013-07-17 01:57:44 PM  

sigdiamond2000: Everyone in the room knew that "the brotherhood" was code for the gang of moderate senators who seek compromise instead of advancing a conservative agenda in the Senate. While Young said coming back to Iowa every weekend will keep him grounded, Clovis stated that there's nothing out there that's going to tempt or impress him. He then said, as a fighter pilot, he's flown at the speed of sound, seen the curvature of the Earth, and is married to the love of his life. Good answer.

Yes, "good answer" in the sense that it's utterly nonsensical.


It's a good answer in a sense that he didn't use the N word. Baby steps, man. Baby steps.
 
2013-07-17 01:59:54 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: made up by illiterate goat herders in the 6th century AD


Hahaha no.  Otherwise, carry on.
 
2013-07-17 02:00:24 PM  
What's the good news? That he's still dead? However, I will leave with the two following jokes:

JOKE NO. 1:

Two Jews are walking past a church when they see a sign: CONVERT AND GET A THOUSAND DOLLARS. One of the Jews says "I'm gonna check it out." He goes into the church and comes out about two hours later. His friend says "Well? Did you get the money?" and he answers "Is that all you people think about?"

JOKE NO. 2:

A priest looks out his church door in Rome and sees two beggars sitting on the curb a few feet apart. One of them has a big wooden cross around his neck and the other a big wooden Star of David. All morning long people ostentatiously ignore the Jewish beggar and step around him to give money to the Christian one. Finally the priest can stand it no longer. He walks up to the Jewish beggar and says "My son, you are in Rome, the capital of Christendom. No one is going to give you money with a Christian beggar sitting a few feet away." The Jewish beggar turns to the Christian one and says "Hey Manny! This priest wants to give the Bernstein Brothers advice on marketing!"
 
2013-07-17 02:00:51 PM  

Dr. Whoof: hardinparamedic: Cyberluddite: hardinparamedic: Jesus Saves because he always has epic dice rolls

In fact, that's where the phrase "holy roller" originates.  "Come 7, come 11, for only through me shalt thou get to heaven!"

Jesus is a pretty cool character. He's got no cooldown on Exorcism and Lay on Hands. The only bad part about it is that when you die, the rez timer has a 3 day window.

He also has Water Walking and Summon Food and Drink.  Unfortunately, his DPS is really low and while Remove Curse is helpful, he can't really tank, DPS or be a main healer for anything bigger than a 13 man raid.


His CHA modifier is pretty high. Dude made his Bluff check easily when all those NPCs were going to stone that one chick in his party.
 
2013-07-17 02:01:07 PM  

sigdiamond2000: Everyone in the room knew that "the brotherhood" was code for the gang of moderate senators who seek compromise instead of advancing a conservative agenda in the Senate. While Young said coming back to Iowa every weekend will keep him grounded, Clovis stated that there's nothing out there that's going to tempt or impress him. He then said, as a fighter pilot, he's flown at the speed of sound, seen the curvature of the Earth, and is married to the love of his life. Good answer.

Yes, "good answer" in the sense that it's utterly nonsensical.


I think it means that he was not tempted by The Sex Aliens.
 
2013-07-17 02:02:05 PM  

markie_farkie: So wait, Jews in Israel means the GOP sucks their cocks, but Jews in America means "CONVERT OR ELSE, JESUS HATING BASTARD!"

Ok, got it.


Turns out that there is more than one religious opinion about the status of Jewish people and what they should do, and most of those views are represented among members of the Republican party.  All of them are offensive out of context, but so are most religious doctrines.

/the more you know
 
2013-07-17 02:03:20 PM  

hardinparamedic: Dr. Whoof: He also has Water Walking and Summon Food and Drink.  Unfortunately, his DPS is really low and while Remove Curse is helpful, he can't really tank, DPS or be a main healer for anything bigger than a 13 man raid.

Low DPS?

He can one-shot a tank just by looking at him, man!


That's a non-canon expantion pack. Not authorized by TSR or WoTC.
 
2013-07-17 02:04:36 PM  
Does Jesus really qualify as "news" anymore?
 
2013-07-17 02:05:59 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: DamnYankees: Aarontology: DamnYankees: What good news is this? As a Jew I assume I must have not heard about it yet.

Free latkes.

Damn, that is good news.

Yeah, until the great Applesauce vs. Sour Cream Schism of 2024.



Sour Cream! Or are you a heretic?
 
2013-07-17 02:06:43 PM  

Aarontology: "I would use my position of political power to covert that Jew"


The Inquisition would have gone over well in Iowa
 
2013-07-17 02:07:17 PM  
I don't get the hero tag.
 
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