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(ABC)   It's still reel to me, dammit   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 35
    More: Amusing, Elliot Sudal, Nantucket  
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6656 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2013 at 10:57 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-17 09:36:11 AM
i.imgur.com

What a FARKer wrestling a shark might look like.
 
2013-07-17 10:03:20 AM
Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles
 
2013-07-17 11:00:55 AM
WWF
 
2013-07-17 11:02:01 AM
the finned predators. Last month a video emerged of a teen hitching a ride on a 30-foot whale shark,

This reminds me of the time I almost got AIDS from lemonade.
 
2013-07-17 11:02:02 AM
Stupid question - How does one get the hook out of a shark? Just letting it swallow a hook or let it sit there is not very "conservation minded" as the guy claims to be... but damn if I would ever try to use pliers or my hand near their mouth in attempt to remove it.
 
2013-07-17 11:06:54 AM

jboy: Stupid question - How does one get the hook out of a shark? Just letting it swallow a hook or let it sit there is not very "conservation minded" as the guy claims to be... but damn if I would ever try to use pliers or my hand near their mouth in attempt to remove it.


They make long handled hook removers for this very purpose.
 
2013-07-17 11:09:07 AM
Also, hooks in sea water disintergrate in a very short period of time.
 
2013-07-17 11:09:31 AM
That's how you do it. And your kid will think you are some kind of super hero.


/deep sea fisherman for 4 years
//surf fisher for life
 
2013-07-17 11:10:16 AM

blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles


Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.
 
2013-07-17 11:16:06 AM
"I always let the sharks go," he said. "It's important to release these things. I'm very conservation-minded when it comes to taking care of them."

Right... Hey dbag, if you're that concerned - why not leave them the hell alone to start off with?

Aside from the need to play at being an hero, that is...

/Prays to the FSM that this tjop Irwins sometime soon...
 
2013-07-17 11:16:52 AM

Albert911emt: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.


Jeez, tell me how. I'm using Chrome and it happily autoplays whatever ABC decides to vomit up.
 
2013-07-17 11:18:26 AM
Okay fellas, come on in here for a minute. I've got something just tremendous to say to you.
Men, you are down two opportunities to nothing to the San Jose Sharks. That's twice now that they've just taken the tremendous opportunity to seize the moment and enjoyed it, and twice that you have done just a fantastic job not seizing the moment.


But that's okay. I know all of you play this game for fantastic opportunities like tonight, and I know that our best players are going to do a terrific job seizing that moment. I'm a big believer in not shiatting the bed in important games. That's an important part of playing at this time of year.


Besides, I can tell you how we're gonna win fellas, because I've killed a shark before. I have - it was a great white, I found it in a saltwater tank in a little resort on the coast of Africa. I spent my bonus for our finals appearance last year paying to have the tank constructed and the shark trapped in a net, brought onto a boat and helicoptered in from the ocean. It was just a fantastic opportunity to kill something I had never killed before and I really wanted to just be a part of it.


That's what life is, you know fellas? You seek out an opportunity to kill something new, you realize it, you savour it, you remember it. And then you get back out there and look for some new dangerous animal to murder.


I've killed a lot of things, fellas. I have. I've had some tremendous luck in terms of just being in the right place with the right gun and the right game in my sights. But man, the moment when I killed that shark? That was a special moment. I felt I really just responded to the challenge of ending the life of an endangered species. There's no question, in my mind, that to take apart an animal as old and dangerous and as feared as a great white shark, your best weapons have to be your best weapons, and fellas I felt my mind and my machine gun really stepped up in that battle.
But the fact that I ultimately blew dozens of holes through that shark's brain stem before blowing the fark out of it with a huge-ass grenade isn't really important right now. What's gonna help you, fellas, is how I gave myself the opportunity to do that.


You see, I like to kill things with shotguns and machine guns and sometimes with grenades. I find that grenades are just a tremendous way to blow animals up. Very satisfying. But you can't really use those weapons in salt water, especially not with a shark swimming around all friggin fast and buzzing around your net looking to take a bite out of your arm. I'm a big believer in the importance of having all your limbs operational when you are locked in combat with a predator. That's a huge part of fighting for your life. You cannot afford to lose your limbs at this stage of the game.


And in that tank, under the water, the shark had the advantage. There's no question, the gills were a huge part of that. Being a creature that lives underwater, having this fight take place in a tank full of the stuff was a tremendous way for the shark to keep the upper hand, swimming around and being underwater and everything that goes along with that. It was a very difficult challenge for me to overcome. I felt like the shark was dictating the pace of the fight.


I knew that in order to really kill that shark, I had to find a way to get myself onto my home ice. The same home ice that we're going to be on tonight. So I ignored the shark for a moment, and used my shotgun ammunition to blast dozens of holes into the walls of that tank. Then I hopped out of the water and sat there on the edge of the tank, enjoying what was just a fantastic alcoholic beverage as I watched the water level slowly sink to nothing.


I tell you fellas, the look on the face of that shark when it realized what I was doing ... just utter helplessness, fear and confusion. You savour moments like that. Those are the moments that make you feel like, 'Boy, I am just a fantastically devious killing machine.' Those are the moments you look back on years from now.


When you come up with an ingenious plan to give yourself a complete advantage over one of nature's oldest and most-efficient man-eaters, you know you've earned it.
And when that water was all gone, and that six-metre-long, two-and-a-half ton shark was wiggling around helpless in the empty tank. Fellas, that was when I understood what home-ice advantage is all about.
'You're on my turf now,' I said to that shark. 'And I've got just a tremendous opportunity to blow the fark out of you right now.'


And fellas, the smile on my face as I unloaded clip after clip into that endangered animal ... that's a smile that I'll keep with me forever. And the swig of liquor I took directly after I climbed out of the bloodstained tank, tossing my grenade over my shoulder as I walked away ... that's just a fantastic taste that I will tell my grandkids about someday.


So yes, fellas, you are in a dire position tonight. And you have a tremendous opportunity to put yourself in a hole that not even I could shoot my way out of. But you also have just a wonderful, fantastic chance to seize the moment and really just kill something and watch it die. And there's nothing better in life than that, fellas. When you kill something with your teammates, and I really believe this, you walk together forever, walking on an African safari, killing all sorts of other things.
That's all men, now, go and have yourself just a fantastic meal and nap and I'll see you back here a couple of hours before the game.


(team begins to leave the ice)


Wait ... Todd, you come with me for a second. We need to have a that talk again. The one about the difference between killing animals and killing people and about taking fantastic metaphors literally. We've taken enough penalties in this series already.
 
2013-07-17 11:21:06 AM
Sign him up for sharknado part deux.
 
2013-07-17 11:24:28 AM

Albert911emt: Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.


Having a shark gnaw on one's face is much better than using IE.
 
2013-07-17 11:28:17 AM

nulluspixiusdemonica: "I always let the sharks go," he said. "It's important to release these things. I'm very conservation-minded when it comes to taking care of them."

Right... Hey dbag, if you're that concerned - why not leave them the hell alone to start off with?

Aside from the need to play at being an hero, that is...

/Prays to the FSM that this tjop Irwins sometime soon...


Yeah, he's very conservation minded by exhausting a predator with a 45-minute fight and then throwing it back into its hostile environment to starve. I'm sure his hobby was worth risking its life.
 
2013-07-17 11:30:13 AM
"It just kind of seemed sharky," - FTW
 
2013-07-17 11:31:58 AM
AUTO-LOAD VIDEO WEBSITES SUCK AND SHOULD NOT BE GREENLIGHTED!!

ESPECIALLY SITES THAT WILL NOT LET YOU PAUSE THE VIDEO!!

Who disagrees with me?
 
2013-07-17 11:39:42 AM

Richard_The_Clown: AUTO-LOAD VIDEO WEBSITES SUCK AND SHOULD NOT BE GREENLIGHTED!!

ESPECIALLY SITES THAT WILL NOT LET YOU PAUSE THE VIDEO!!

Who disagrees with me?


I've made comments about it numerous times.  HuffPo is notorious for it.  As soon as I hear autoplay starting, I close the page and find another source if I'm interested enough in the story.
 
2013-07-17 11:40:37 AM
You pull them in to ankle-deep water, then wrestle them to shore, by the tail.

That's what I did with my 6-foot bull shark catch on a South Carolina beach a few years ago.

And, hell no, you don't put your hand near their mouth to retrieve the hook. Cut the line as close as possible; hook will either come out or disintegrate in several days.

Catching a shark is pretty common when surf fishing. The same bait you use to catch redfish, king mackerel, stripers, jacks, snook, and probably a dozen other surf/nearshore species will catch a variety of sharks, as well.
 
2013-07-17 11:41:23 AM

buckler: Albert911emt: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.

Jeez, tell me how. I'm using Chrome and it happily autoplays whatever ABC decides to vomit up.


Settings; Advanced; Privacy; Content; Plug-ins; Click to play
 
2013-07-17 11:45:15 AM

Richard_The_Clown: AUTO-LOAD VIDEO WEBSITES SUCK AND SHOULD NOT BE GREENLIGHTED!!

ESPECIALLY SITES THAT WILL NOT LET YOU PAUSE THE VIDEO!!

Who disagrees with me?


That, or take it as a hint to get a better freaking browser.

I don't have this issue with Firefox (Pale Moon) with Adblock and NoScript.

If videos auto-play on your machine, you've got issues that you need to address.
 
2013-07-17 11:45:43 AM

blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles


Uggghhhhh it's 2013 and I don't know how to use and maintain my computer uggghhhhg
 
2013-07-17 11:49:08 AM

AMonkey'sUncle: buckler: Albert911emt: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.

Jeez, tell me how. I'm using Chrome and it happily autoplays whatever ABC decides to vomit up.

Settings; Advanced; Privacy; Content; Plug-ins; Click to play


Grazie.
 
2013-07-17 11:52:35 AM

IntertubeUser: Richard_The_Clown: AUTO-LOAD VIDEO WEBSITES SUCK AND SHOULD NOT BE GREENLIGHTED!!
ESPECIALLY SITES THAT WILL NOT LET YOU PAUSE THE VIDEO!!
Who disagrees with me?

That, or take it as a hint to get a better freaking browser.

I don't have this issue with Firefox (Pale Moon) with Adblock and NoScript.

If videos auto-play on your machine, you've got issues that you need to address.


the_rhino: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.
/grumbles

Uggghhhhh it's 2013 and I don't know how to use and maintain my computer uggghhhhg


Could all the 12-year-olds please stop playing around on Fark during the day? Thanks ever so much.
 
2013-07-17 11:55:28 AM

the_rhino: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Uggghhhhh it's 2013 and I don't know how to use and maintain my computer uggghhhhg


mama2tnt: IntertubeUser: Richard_The_Clown: AUTO-LOAD VIDEO WEBSITES SUCK AND SHOULD NOT BE GREENLIGHTED!!
ESPECIALLY SITES THAT WILL NOT LET YOU PAUSE THE VIDEO!!
Who disagrees with me?

That, or take it as a hint to get a better freaking browser.

I don't have this issue with Firefox (Pale Moon) with Adblock and NoScript.

If videos auto-play on your machine, you've got issues that you need to address.

the_rhino: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.
/grumbles

Uggghhhhh it's 2013 and I don't know how to use and maintain my computer uggghhhhg

Could all the 12-year-olds please stop playing around on Fark during the day? Thanks ever so much.


You two know I was pretty much joking, right?  NO?  Alright then
 
2013-07-17 11:57:53 AM
Great white sharks off the coast of Cape Cod.
HAVE THESE PEOPLE NOT SEEN JAWS?!

I was going to yell about how this asshole is killing off endangered species, but I'm glad he practices catch and release, which is more than I can say for the poaching assholes at my local Asian market. They serve turtles (live) and sharks (dead). They also serve female crabs, which last I checked was against Fish and Wildlife regulations. It was funny because they were alive and many were making a break for it. Some were crawling on the floor.
 
2013-07-17 12:02:57 PM
What a man wrestling a shark may look like.
slam.canoe.ca
 
2013-07-17 12:20:04 PM

buckler: Albert911emt: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.

Jeez, tell me how. I'm using Chrome and it happily autoplays whatever ABC decides to vomit up.


Under "settings/advanced settings", click on "content settings".... click on "do not allow pop-us", and under "plug-ins" click on "click to play".  That should put a stop to the auto-play.
 
2013-07-17 12:21:05 PM

Fear the Clam: Albert911emt: Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.

Having a shark gnaw on one's face is much better than using IE.


LMAO
 
2013-07-17 12:22:56 PM
*pop-ups

\whoopsies
 
2013-07-17 12:34:15 PM

jboy: Stupid question - How does one get the hook out of a shark? Just letting it swallow a hook or let it sit there is not very "conservation minded" as the guy claims to be... but damn if I would ever try to use pliers or my hand near their mouth in attempt to remove it.


Actually, just cutting the line short and leaving it there is indeed often the best choice.  Aside from being more than a bit dangerous without a look remover, yanking and pulling on the hook will cause more damage.

Leaving it doesn't hurt the fish or keep it from eating and the odds are pretty good it will work loose and come out on its own.  Even if it doesn't work loose and come out, It isn't going to last long in salt water.

/Never caught a shark bigger than three feet long.
//Didn't want  to get my hand anywhere near that one's mouth.
 
2013-07-17 12:55:00 PM
Huh, looks like he got the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
 
2013-07-17 01:04:37 PM

buckler: AMonkey'sUncle: buckler: Albert911emt: blatz514: Hey, thanks for the auto-play that killed my computer.

/grumbles

Google Chrome will kill that auto play crap. Much better than using IE.

Jeez, tell me how. I'm using Chrome and it happily autoplays whatever ABC decides to vomit up.

Settings; Advanced; Privacy; Content; Plug-ins; Click to play

Grazie.


Prego.
 
2013-07-17 02:24:03 PM
Fark you and your autoplay, ABC
 
2013-07-17 03:55:34 PM
i.imgur.com
Too subtle?
 
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