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(The Daily Caller)   Bro-choice: Supporting abortion because it increases your chances of getting laid   (dailycaller.com) divider line 268
    More: Obvious, University of Colorado at Boulder, male students, abortions, Caleb Bonham  
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6529 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2013 at 9:56 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



268 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-16 08:26:59 PM
I'll sum up: A douchey conservative videographer asked a bunch of frat douchebags and sorority girls at America's #3 party university a loaded question about abortion and edited the responses.
 
2013-07-16 08:32:18 PM
This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.
 
2013-07-16 08:34:17 PM
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-07-16 09:15:35 PM

bdub77: I'll sum up: A douchey conservative videographer asked a bunch of frat douchebags and sorority girls at America's #3 party university a loaded question about abortion and edited the responses.


I was looking for the satire disclaimer halfway through, but realized pretty much ^^this^^ after I remembered what the daily caller is. Actually I wouldnt be surprised if the quotes were made up.
 
2013-07-16 09:21:44 PM

Shostie: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 600x400]


A (nother) rose, by any other name...
 
2013-07-16 09:58:18 PM

Shostie: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 600x400]


Then maybe we'd all be Muslim and facing the same damn fundamentalism, just with different labels.
 
2013-07-16 09:59:44 PM
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-07-16 10:01:32 PM
Came for Dogma reference - leaving satisfied.
 
2013-07-16 10:01:48 PM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.


Pass this on to 5 friends and it'll totally come true this weekend at the bar!

/wink wink
 
2013-07-16 10:03:26 PM

bdub77: I'll sum up: A douchey conservative videographer asked a bunch of frat douchebags and sorority girls at America's #3 party university a loaded question about abortion and edited the responses.


Thanks for saving me the click.
 
2013-07-16 10:03:38 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

/it was a tough decision between this image and the Picard facepalm.
//As in; does the author actually believe this is what "bro-choicers" believe or does he just want to knock down some strawmen?
///Three!
 
2013-07-16 10:04:05 PM
*facepalm*
 
2013-07-16 10:05:10 PM
Its just simple math.  The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice.  For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

Someone should venn diagram it for clarity.
 
2013-07-16 10:05:10 PM

bdub77: a loaded question


If the interviewer's premise makes no distinction between a day-after pill and a third-trimester partial-birth abortion, I don't believe they are being intellectually honest.
 
2013-07-16 10:07:21 PM
Bro v. Wade: Getting laid without protection because fark it, that's what abortions are for.
 
2013-07-16 10:07:58 PM
*shrug*

Can't be any worse than the common wisdom of "You should always go after moms, because you know they put out."
 
2013-07-16 10:08:46 PM
I always just toss my one night stand chicks down a flight of stairs on their way out of the apartment...ye old abortion clinic style...
 
2013-07-16 10:09:44 PM
What would happen the other way?

Potential hookup: "I gotta tell you, I'm pro-life and if I get pregnant, I'm going to have your child."

Ok, who's up for it?
 
2013-07-16 10:10:09 PM
This was supposed to be a secret, guys.

F*cking turds in the punch bowl.
 
2013-07-16 10:10:23 PM
Abortion? I avoid the potenital of pregnancy by only banging virgins, you know because you can't get pregnant the first time. Well that's what I hear and down here in Texas we don't have sex ed to done teach us no better.

/I'm 33 so I'm old enough that when I was in middle school and high school we actually had proper sexual education.
//the GOP retardation of my great state pains me
///the political flipping of Texas can't come quick enough
 
2013-07-16 10:11:15 PM

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math.  The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice.  For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

Someone should venn diagram it for clarity.


95% of everything a man in his 20's does and says is in the pursuit of getting laid.  OF COURSE you say you are pro-choice.  Or even pro-life, if you are trying to bang that hot church girl.
 
2013-07-16 10:11:26 PM
"cdn.semihuman.com
 
2013-07-16 10:13:50 PM

GORDON: TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math.  The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice.  For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

Someone should venn diagram it for clarity.

95% of everything a man in his 20's does and says is in the pursuit of getting laid.  OF COURSE you say you are pro-choice.  Or even pro-life, if you are trying to bang that hot church girl.


THIS.

There isn't an "obvious" tag big enough.
 
2013-07-16 10:14:19 PM
College aged males support causes that will fool women into thinking they're concerned about them.

The strategy is common because it works.

/Ric Romero reports
 
2013-07-16 10:15:35 PM
from the comment section:

i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-07-16 10:16:00 PM

Shostie: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 600x400]


Somebody else would've made up a story about a mythical Sky Daddy instead, and we'd all be worshipping (and fighting over) the Pasta, the Sauce, and the Holy Meatball?
 
2013-07-16 10:16:04 PM
well. isn't that the point?
what the problem is?
 
2013-07-16 10:16:09 PM
Subby: may you never breed.
 
2013-07-16 10:16:12 PM

GORDON: TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math.  The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice.  For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

Someone should venn diagram it for clarity.

95% of everything a man in his 20's does and says is in the pursuit of getting laid.  OF COURSE you say you are pro-choice.  Or even pro-life, if you are trying to bang that hot church girl.



True, one has to take into account local considerations.  If your set of potential lays is a bunch of church girls (and pretty conservative ones at that...) then a pro-life stance might be more effective.

It would be a good idea to broaden that set though, because that set would also probably want to marry you afterwards.
 
2013-07-16 10:16:16 PM
Is this kind of like how pro-life people only pretend to care about the child until it's born?
 
2013-07-16 10:16:52 PM
I thought the article was going to be about a new slang term for the word gay.
 
2013-07-16 10:17:06 PM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]


Whereas the right views women as sluts who must be punished for the fact that the condom broke?
 
2013-07-16 10:17:09 PM
Totes true, bro. After lax prax one day my slampiece was givin' me dome, which was chill, but I wanted some pink. I told her if she got preggers we could see a bro of mine who knows a doc, get it set up. She was so hot for that she was chill. We even did it standing up, which like helps keep the swimmers down. I'm sensitive like that. Then she made me a sandwich, got me a Natty. So chill.
 
2013-07-16 10:18:04 PM

Mentalpatient87: [i1.ytimg.com image 480x360]


came for this
 
2013-07-16 10:18:24 PM

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math.  The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice.  For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

Someone should venn diagram it for clarity.


That's not the reason you should be pro-choice and should make sure your partner is too. If you're with a woman who's pro-life, in the event of an accidental pregnancy she'll carry the kid to term and you'll be stuck supporting it for 18 years. She could still do that even if she's pro-choice, but at least you have a chance whereas in the other direction you're 100%
 
2013-07-16 10:19:14 PM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]


The irony is lost on him isn't it?
 
2013-07-16 10:20:00 PM

theorellior: Totes true, bro. After lax prax one day my slampiece was givin' me dome, which was chill, but I wanted some pink. I told her if she got preggers we could see a bro of mine who knows a doc, get it set up. She was so hot for that she was chill. We even did it standing up, which like helps keep the swimmers down. I'm sensitive like that. Then she made me a sandwich, got me a Natty. So chill.


You're too late, and trying too hard. Pocket Ninja already brought the funny, and now you just seem like the warm-up act who arrived after the show was over.
 
2013-07-16 10:20:06 PM
I've heard that if you look at any protest pic from the sixties, half the guys in the crowd were only there because they wanted to score with some hippie-chick.
 
2013-07-16 10:20:07 PM
What the fark did I just read?

Did I just have terrible sex? Or am I drunk? Or did I just read a horrible article?

I hate everything that happened here, stubby.

/trick question (sort of)
//always drunk after 7ish
///the other question are still applicable
 
2013-07-16 10:21:12 PM

megarian: Did I just have terrible sex? Or am I drunk? Or did I just read a horrible article?


Why stop at just one? It could easily be all three.
 
2013-07-16 10:21:47 PM
HA! * QuestionS.

shuddup.
 
2013-07-16 10:21:47 PM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]



Unintentional conservative humor is best conservative humor.
 
2013-07-16 10:22:27 PM

gweilo8888: megarian: Did I just have terrible sex? Or am I drunk? Or did I just read a horrible article?

Why stop at just one? It could easily be all three.


...touché.
 
2013-07-16 10:22:47 PM

gweilo8888: You're too late, and trying too hard. Pocket Ninja already brought the funny, and now you just seem like the warm-up act who arrived after the show was over.


You're being harsh, bro. Pocket Ninja was using more of a generic young guy persona, I was going with a complete brodude characterization. I think they both complement and enhance each other.
 
2013-07-16 10:22:51 PM

Mrtraveler01: Is this kind of like how pro-life people only pretend to care about the child until it's born?


It's kind of like how anti-abortion, pasty white, hard core right wing Christians insist abortion is murder except when their rebellious 17 year old daughter gets knocked up by her black boyfriend.
 
2013-07-16 10:22:55 PM

cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.


FTFY.
 
2013-07-16 10:24:07 PM
What do you think that chances are they have the rights to re-host and use the Spring Breakers picture at the top?
 
2013-07-16 10:24:30 PM
Wasn't getting laid the reason we gave women suffrage in the first place?
 
2013-07-16 10:25:46 PM

theorellior: gweilo8888: You're too late, and trying too hard. Pocket Ninja already brought the funny, and now you just seem like the warm-up act who arrived after the show was over.

You're being harsh, bro. Pocket Ninja was using more of a generic young guy persona, I was going with a complete brodude characterization. I think they both complement and enhance each other.


Dude, I hate to harsh your bro-buzz or whatever but PocketNinja is not going to let you suck his cock.
 
2013-07-16 10:26:11 PM
While the term "bro-choice" has long existed

I somehow doubt that.

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math. The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice. For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.


That works in this case because of the progressive/conservative aspect of it, but in the general case... I wonder:
If 75% of women support X and 25% oppose X, nearly all men in it for getting laid will also claim to support X. That means 75% of women matched with 90%+ of such men vs. 25% of women matched with < 10% of such men. Depending on the balance, being in the minority might actually put you in a niche position where you're in higher demand. Though if you're guessing blind, the majority is still the safer bet.

/Or you know, just be honest
 
2013-07-16 10:27:36 PM

zedster: What do you think that chances are they have the rights to re-host and use the Spring Breakers picture at the top?


Given that it's a promotional image, at greatly-reduced resolution, and could likely be considered fair use anyway? I'd say 99.99999%.
 
2013-07-16 10:30:34 PM

ProfessorOhki: While the term "bro-choice" has long existed

I somehow doubt that.

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math. The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice. For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

That works in this case because of the progressive/conservative aspect of it, but in the general case... I wonder:
If 75% of women support X and 25% oppose X, nearly all men in it for getting laid will also claim to support X. That means 75% of women matched with 90%+ of such men vs. 25% of women matched with < 10% of such men. Depending on the balance, being in the minority might actually put you in a niche position where you're in higher demand. Though if you're guessing blind, the majority is still the safer bet.

/Or you know, just be honest



A complication is that many who oppose X support Z, where Z is a requirement for getting laid in the first place (ie, no sex before marriage)
 
2013-07-16 10:31:06 PM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.


Like a hand grenade in a flock of pigeons...
 
2013-07-16 10:31:13 PM
Came for the It's Always Sunny reference, leaving satisfied.
 
2013-07-16 10:31:17 PM
I'm going back to college as a 30-year-old. I now know what to wear. Thanks bro-choice.
 
2013-07-16 10:31:35 PM
Abortion should be legal until the 36th month.  STOP THE WAR ON WOMEN!
 
2013-07-16 10:32:30 PM

HiFiGuy: What would happen the other way?

Potential hookup: "I gotta tell you, I'm pro-life and if I get pregnant, I'm going to have your child."

Ok, who's up for it?


Fake name and throw-away cell works every time.
 
2013-07-16 10:33:10 PM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.


This is what crazy conservatives are afraid actually happens, completely overlooking that banning abortion won't do anything about that so long as hangers and stairs are still legal.

The only thing about Mitt Romney that I was okay with was that he admitted that legalized abortion just meant that anyone that did have an abortion had a better chance of surviving the process.

/Bring on the dickbags.
 
2013-07-16 10:34:14 PM
Seems the conservatives bias has led them into a fantasy land of projection with non-stop sex with everyone.
 
2013-07-16 10:34:17 PM

gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.


Well, bless their pointy little heads, they do try so hard:

http://thelookingspoon.com/blog/84-2013/march-2013/4515-the-dumbest- an d-most-frightening-bumper-sticker-you-ll-ever-see.html

I mean, "vision pollution"... farking brilliant, no?
 
2013-07-16 10:34:49 PM

DubtodaIll: Wasn't getting laid the reason we gave women suffrage in the first place?


Yeah, but it didn't work. So we made booze legal again because it is a much more reliable method of getting them to put out.

/drink till I am good looking, Darling.
 
2013-07-16 10:35:08 PM

Propain_az: Abortion should be legal until the 36th 225th month.  STOP THE WAR ON WOMEN!


Fixed
 
2013-07-16 10:37:10 PM

TheDirtyNacho: ProfessorOhki: While the term "bro-choice" has long existed

I somehow doubt that.

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math. The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice. For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

That works in this case because of the progressive/conservative aspect of it, but in the general case... I wonder:
If 75% of women support X and 25% oppose X, nearly all men in it for getting laid will also claim to support X. That means 75% of women matched with 90%+ of such men vs. 25% of women matched with < 10% of such men. Depending on the balance, being in the minority might actually put you in a niche position where you're in higher demand. Though if you're guessing blind, the majority is still the safer bet.

/Or you know, just be honest


A complication is that many who oppose X support Z, where Z is a requirement for getting laid in the first place (ie, no sex before marriage)


Yup.
 
2013-07-16 10:37:32 PM
You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.
 
2013-07-16 10:37:34 PM
He's not getting laid no matter how many popped collars he's got.
 
2013-07-16 10:37:49 PM
It's a well-known fact that not being a religious shiathead drastically increases your chances of getting laid.
 
2013-07-16 10:38:17 PM

cc_rider: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

Well, bless their pointy little heads, they do try so hard:

http://thelookingspoon.com/blog/84-2013/march-2013/4515-the-dumbest- an d-most-frightening-bumper-sticker-you-ll-ever-see.html

I mean, "vision pollution"... farking brilliant, no?


Hillary Clinton/Michelle Obama would be an awesome presidency though. Imagine two ex-presidents who have a somewhat difficult relationship, an active female president, and an active female vice president. My only stipulation is that there would have to be a reality show about it.
 
2013-07-16 10:38:39 PM
I have some high-end camera equip, because...well, because I'm paid too much, and I wish that I was instead a photographer.

Sometimes I ponder doing things like this.  Or things like  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ge7i60GuNRg
 
2013-07-16 10:39:19 PM
Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-07-16 10:40:02 PM
Silly me, I thought bro-choice was frat boys experimenting with homosexuality.
 
2013-07-16 10:40:07 PM

Shostie:


So, uh, what's the talent like over there on your side?
 
2013-07-16 10:41:28 PM

gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.


My Mom said I was an accident. Does that make me unintentional?
 
2013-07-16 10:41:45 PM

L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]


Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?
 
2013-07-16 10:41:48 PM

mrswood: Silly me, I thought bro-choice was frat boys experimenting with homosexuality.


I'm given to understand it's not gay if the balls don't touch.
 
2013-07-16 10:42:28 PM

mrswood: Silly me, I thought bro-choice was frat boys experimenting with homosexuality.


No it's nothing like that. You just get to choose which bro you want to watch porn and masturbate with.
 
2013-07-16 10:43:07 PM

theorellior: mrswood: Silly me, I thought bro-choice was frat boys experimenting with homosexuality.

I'm given to understand it's not gay if the balls don't touch.


If the balls don't touch, what's the point?
 
2013-07-16 10:43:18 PM
Women like it when I tell them I want them to have my abortion.
 
2013-07-16 10:43:36 PM
GOP: Being anti-abortion because your wife will cut you off if otherwise.
 
2013-07-16 10:43:56 PM

WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.


I'm going to get cocaine, whisky, and loose wimmins?!??!?!?

Soooooo much better than Christmas.
 
2013-07-16 10:44:08 PM

Conservative Humor: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

My Mom said I was an accident. Does that make me unintentional?


I told that b*tch to get an abortion.
 
2013-07-16 10:44:48 PM

theorellior: I'm given to understand it's not gay if the balls don't touch.


That's absolutely true.

it's got to be...
 
2013-07-16 10:46:27 PM

Shostie: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 600x400]


And we're done.
 
2013-07-16 10:47:11 PM
In after all those who try to discredit the obvious.

skullkrusher: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?


Only in it's creators fantasy.
As it always has been.

/Don't think about that too hard, it may hurt.
 
2013-07-16 10:47:50 PM

megarian: I'm going to get cocaine, whisky, and loose wimmins?!??!?!?

Soooooo much better than Christmas.


Add in some truck stop hookers, a '69 Charger, and a map to Mexico and we got a deal!

LoL! Thank you for cheering me up - you're always the best meggers!
 
2013-07-16 10:48:38 PM
content8.flixster.com
 
2013-07-16 10:49:13 PM

megarian: WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.

I'm going to get cocaine, whisky, and loose wimmins?!??!?!?

Soooooo much better than Christmas.


Personally, I like my wimmins to be tight.
 
2013-07-16 10:49:24 PM
Someone's giving away the DATING SECRETS LIBERALS DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW!
 
2013-07-16 10:51:11 PM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]


i.qkme.me
 
2013-07-16 10:51:22 PM
If you are attempting to bed a woman and the concept of abortion comes up in conversation, you have done something horribly, horribly wrong. Burn your pick up strategy to the ground and start again.
 
2013-07-16 10:51:57 PM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: In after all those who try to discredit the obvious.skullkrusher: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?

Only in it's creators fantasy.
As it always has been.

/Don't think about that too hard, it may hurt.


In after all those who try to discredit the obvious.

skullkrusher: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?


Only in it's creators fantasy.
As it always has been.

/Don't think about that too hard, it may hurt.

Come to think of it, This Modern World has always been a fantasy for american liberals of How Conservatives Think.  I can't remember the name of the guy who creates it, but has anyone seen him and Aaron Sorkin at the same time?
 
2013-07-16 10:52:19 PM

megarian: What the fark did I just read?

Did I just have terrible sex? Or am I drunk? Or did I just read a horrible article?

I hate everything that happened here, stubby.

/trick question (sort of)
//always drunk after 7ish
///the other question are still applicable


LoL, just have sexy time with me no risk of getting preggers and I'm easy going king of girl.
 
2013-07-16 10:52:26 PM

L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]


That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.
 
2013-07-16 10:53:04 PM

cc_rider: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

Well, bless their pointy little heads, they do try so hard:

http://thelookingspoon.com/blog/84-2013/march-2013/4515-the-dumbest- an d-most-frightening-bumper-sticker-you-ll-ever-see.html

I mean, "vision pollution"... farking brilliant, no?


Ha, found this in the comments:
"There are too scenarios:
1. Sec. Clinton is the obvious choice. (President Clinton as First Gentleman.)
2. The other possibility is Michelle Obama running with the promise that she will be a figurehead for the current President Obama. He'll do all the heavy-lifting (and golf), she'll sign the bills and go shopping."

He managed to pull off the history's worst monster/empty suit double think in only 7 words, and unironically to boot. Throw in the "too scenarios", and just...wow.
 
2013-07-16 10:53:52 PM

thurstonxhowell: If you are attempting to bed a woman and the concept of abortion comes up in conversation, you have done something horribly, horribly wrong. Burn your pick up strategy to the ground and start again.


So you're saying "I bet we'd have beautiful babies...in the trash"--- is a bad pick up line?
 
2013-07-16 10:54:10 PM

thurstonxhowell: If you are attempting to bed a woman and the concept of abortion comes up in conversation, you have done something horribly, horribly wrong. Burn your pick up strategy to the ground and start again.


That's flirting in Portland.
 
2013-07-16 10:55:35 PM

Molavian: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.


They are indeed on the bleeding edge of all those folks who enjoy thinking the exact same way about the important things.
 
2013-07-16 10:55:42 PM
Self interest, rightly understood.  It's what made America great!
 
2013-07-16 10:56:13 PM

megarian: WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.

I'm going to get cocaine, whisky, and loose wimmins?!??!?!?

Soooooo much better than Christmas.


Can I join in on this?
 
2013-07-16 10:57:21 PM

j__z: I always just toss my one night stand chicks down a flight of stairs on their way out of the apartment...ye old abortion clinic style...


That was the best laugh I've had in days! You, sir, are hilarious!
 
2013-07-16 10:57:37 PM

mrswood: So you're saying "I bet we'd have beautiful babies...in the trash"--- is a bad pick up line?


You beautiful, sick bastard, you owe me a keyboard and a spleen.
 
2013-07-16 10:58:15 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: Can I join in on this?


You can never remember whether you like me or not, but yes. Yes. The answer is yes.
 
2013-07-16 10:58:46 PM

bdub77: Conservative Humor: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

My Mom said I was an accident. Does that make me unintentional?

I told that b*tch to get an abortion.


She would have had to drive to the next state, and because she didn't take government handouts, there was no money.
 
2013-07-16 10:58:49 PM
I always show potential dates my frequent abortion reward card and say "Don't worry, the next one's on the house."
 
2013-07-16 10:59:14 PM
Tomorrows Jezebel Headline:

"Why we need to end abortion now!"
 
2013-07-16 10:59:42 PM

j__z: I always just toss my one night stand chicks down a flight of stairs on their way out of the apartment...ye old abortion clinic style...


/sorry but that made me laugh.
 
2013-07-16 10:59:52 PM

I was at a bar recently.  A woman walked up and she had on a T-shirt that said:


I ♥ ROE VS WADE


and it was really surreal to look over and see a T-shirt with my favorite pick-up line on it.

-Todd Barry
 
2013-07-16 11:00:03 PM

WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.


What's r/politics?
 
2013-07-16 11:00:09 PM

Molavian: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.


Post some conservative humor comics. Those are always a blast.
 
2013-07-16 11:00:34 PM

Conservative Humor: bdub77: Conservative Humor: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

My Mom said I was an accident. Does that make me unintentional?

I told that b*tch to get an abortion.

She would have had to drive to the next state, and because she didn't take government handouts, there was no money.


And yet, here you are. We can all celebrate.
 
2013-07-16 11:01:28 PM

thurstonxhowell: If you are attempting to bed a woman and the concept of abortion comes up in conversation, you have done something horribly, horribly wrong. Burn your pick up strategy to the ground and start again.


this?  though, I'm with my second girlfriend still...about 20 years on now.  So I'm not exactly an expert on the subject.   Seems rather logical to me, however....
 
2013-07-16 11:03:43 PM

Conservative Humor: What's r/politics?


Just assuming the sarcasm button is off, trying to be helpful, it's a default forum on reddit - http://www.reddit.com/r/politics
 
2013-07-16 11:04:10 PM

max_pooper: Abortion? I avoid the potenital of pregnancy by only banging virgins, you know because you can't get pregnant the first time. Well that's what I hear and down here in Texas we don't have sex ed to done teach us no better.

/I'm 33 so I'm old enough that when I was in middle school and high school we actually had proper sexual education.
//the GOP retardation of my great state pains me
///the political flipping of Texas can't come quick enough


Agreed, fellow Texan! I don't think it will be soon enough to do any good for my kids even-- and they are high school and college age
 
2013-07-16 11:05:52 PM

Lando Lincoln: Molavian: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.

Post some conservative humor comics. Those are always a blast.


I feel you may have got stung with that New Yorker jibe--do you want to share? You are among friends.
 
2013-07-16 11:05:57 PM

thurstonxhowell: If you are attempting to bed a woman and the concept of abortion comes up in conversation, you have done something horribly, horribly wrong. Burn your pick up strategy to the ground and start again.


Totally true story, a friend of my old girlfriend went on a first date with a guy, this guy asked her if she knew what an abortion sounded like. Before she could respond he proceeded to make a loud sucking sound through his mouth. He had intended it to be a joke.

The best part about this is that she was really not the type of person you make that joke with.
 
2013-07-16 11:06:54 PM

WhoopAssWayne: Conservative Humor: What's r/politics?

Just assuming the sarcasm button is off, trying to be helpful, it's a default forum on reddit - http://www.reddit.com/r/politics


You read reddit.

/sorry.
 
2013-07-16 11:09:15 PM

Conservative Humor: gweilo8888: cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best the only conservative humor.

FTFY.

My Mom said I was an accident. Does that make me unintentional?


Hmmm. Depends - Was your father an "unintentional man of mystery?"
 
2013-07-16 11:11:15 PM
sheshistory.com

We all know Mr. Banks only accepted his wife's silly cause to get some PEACE AND QUIET.
 
2013-07-16 11:11:22 PM

ProfessorOhki: While the term "bro-choice" has long existed

I somehow doubt that.

TheDirtyNacho: Its just simple math. The majority of college age women (or american women in general, actually) are pro-choice. For many in this set of women, it is a core belief - the opposite being a repulsor that decreases the chance they will have much to do with you.

So, if you want to increase the odds of getting laid, go with the majority.

That works in this case because of the progressive/conservative aspect of it, but in the general case... I wonder:
If 75% of women support X and 25% oppose X, nearly all men in it for getting laid will also claim to support X. That means 75% of women matched with 90%+ of such men vs. 25% of women matched with < 10% of such men. Depending on the balance, being in the minority might actually put you in a niche position where you're in higher demand. Though if you're guessing blind, the majority is still the safer bet.

/Or you know, just be honest


Really? You did maths for bro-choice?
 
2013-07-16 11:11:46 PM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: You read reddit. /sorry.


Don't apologize. I'm just glad people are replying at all and I wasn't shadow-banned forever after my epic drunk the other night.
 
2013-07-16 11:13:32 PM

bdub77: I'll sum up: A douchey conservative videographer asked a bunch of frat douchebags and sorority girls at America's #3 party university a loaded question about abortion and edited the responses.


The summary is concise and accurate. However I found the unintentional irony in this post rather funny. I hope I'm not the only one who noticed.
 
2013-07-16 11:14:11 PM

Lando Lincoln: Post some conservative humor comics. Those are always a blast.


brandtstandard.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-07-16 11:15:31 PM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: WhoopAssWayne: Conservative Humor: What's r/politics?

Just assuming the sarcasm button is off, trying to be helpful, it's a default forum on reddit - http://www.reddit.com/r/politics

You read reddit.

/sorry.


I wasn't going to say it.
 
2013-07-16 11:16:05 PM
Well duh.

Turns out that men have been the biggest beneficiaries of the women's movement.  Those gals accomplished things for us that we could have never done on our own.....to wit..

1960's Bra burning?  Yeah we were really appalled at that, lol.
1970's You mean "doing the honorable thing" is paying for the abortion?  And no fault divorce?  Well, the organization has been thinking of going younger at your position at that....
1980's Career - you can have it all!  We'll help with the house, promise.
1990's Blowjobs aren't sex.  Bill Clinton we thank you.

You kids can add to the list.  Hope you fare as well as us old farts who laid (pun intended) the ground work for you.
 
2013-07-16 11:16:18 PM
crasstalk.com
 
2013-07-16 11:16:37 PM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.


Believe it or not, most people like to fark.
 
2013-07-16 11:16:38 PM

WhoopAssWayne: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: You read reddit. /sorry.

Don't apologize. I'm just glad people are replying at all and I wasn't shadow-banned forever after my epic drunk the other night.


So you're used to reddit? Is that how it works over there?
 
2013-07-16 11:16:46 PM
This has me conflicted. On one hand, this video is another example of how terrible conservative humor is. On the other, it highlights the stupidity of bro-masculinity pretty darn well. Hmmm...
 
2013-07-16 11:17:33 PM

itsaidwhat: Hmmm. Depends - Was your father an "unintentional man of mystery?"


Well, he was mysterious...but I think that was intentional.
 
2013-07-16 11:18:16 PM
Abortion is about objectifying women and denying the personhood of individuals who don't fight back when you try to kill them.

I don't understand why anyone would devote him/herself to fighting for that sort of ugliness.
 
2013-07-16 11:18:52 PM

rmcooper4: This has me conflicted. On one hand, this video is another example of how terrible conservative humor is. On the other, it highlights the stupidity of bro-masculinity pretty darn well. Hmmm...


What did I ever do to you?
 
2013-07-16 11:19:34 PM

Chach: Abortion is about objectifying women and denying the personhood of individuals who don't fight back when you try to kill them.

I don't understand why anyone would devote him/herself to fighting for that sort of ugliness.


0/10
 
2013-07-16 11:22:02 PM

cameroncrazy1984: So you're used to reddit? Is that how it works over there?


Don't you have the same username over there, or is it just some asshole making comments with your username?

//old but funny
 
2013-07-16 11:22:21 PM

Conservative Humor: Lando Lincoln: Post some conservative humor comics. Those are always a blast.

[brandtstandard.files.wordpress.com image 512x357]


(switches hats for a moment)

Ok seriously, independent of my voting...that's even more silly than "pro-life" meaning the opposite is "anti-life."  Most parenthoodness - independent of anything that organization does - is planned.
 
2013-07-16 11:23:13 PM

Conservative Humor: rmcooper4: This has me conflicted. On one hand, this video is another example of how terrible conservative humor is. On the other, it highlights the stupidity of bro-masculinity pretty darn well. Hmmm...

What did I ever do to you?


You didn't get me a Power Wheel for Christmas 1990.

/bitter
 
2013-07-16 11:24:25 PM
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-16 11:24:43 PM

cchris_39: You kids can add to the list.  Hope you fare as well as us old farts who laid (pun intended) the ground work for you.


at this point, even  sex doesn't count as sex anymore.  That said, it's not really that different - in that regard- from the 60s.
 
2013-07-16 11:25:57 PM
Well, yeah, one would imagine not holding a strong political opinion associated with hating women and wanting to turn them into second-class citizens would not be ideal for forming relationships with educated women.
 
2013-07-16 11:26:11 PM

rmcooper4: You didn't get me a Power Wheel for Christmas 1990.

/bitter


Sorry about that. My buddy Glenn needed a hand with...um... unloading.... something from his trunk.
 
2013-07-16 11:26:23 PM
I guess I'll take what I can get.

/DNRTFA
 
2013-07-16 11:28:02 PM

WhoopAssWayne: cameroncrazy1984: So you're used to reddit? Is that how it works over there?

Don't you have the same username over there, or is it just some asshole making comments with your username?

//old but funny


Well since I don't reddit, I don't get the joke.
 
2013-07-16 11:28:20 PM

gweilo8888: mrswood: So you're saying "I bet we'd have beautiful babies...in the trash"--- is a bad pick up line?

You beautiful, sick bastard, you owe me a keyboard and a spleen.


And I'm totally anti abortion, but that's not funny at all.
 
2013-07-16 11:29:00 PM

cameroncrazy1984: Well since I don't reddit, I don't get the joke.


You wouldn't if you did.
 
2013-07-16 11:29:20 PM
Here's a simple truth about men.  We'd say we support genocide if we thought it would get us laid.

Yeah, we're pretty much idiots when it comes to sex.
 
2013-07-16 11:30:06 PM

Jim_Callahan: Well, yeah, one would imagine not holding a strong political opinion associated with hating women and wanting to turn them into second-class citizens would not be ideal for forming relationships with educated women.


HaHa! That's the joke!

You don't really think conservatives believe in educating women, do you?
 
2013-07-16 11:30:47 PM

WhoopAssWayne: cameroncrazy1984: Well since I don't reddit, I don't get the joke.

You wouldn't if you did.


Well, I'm just going to back away slowly now.
 
2013-07-16 11:32:52 PM

Peki: *shrug*

Can't be any worse than the common wisdom of "You should always go after moms, because you know they put out."


Hey, the girl I lost my virginity to had a baby in high school.


mrswood: gweilo8888: mrswood: So you're saying "I bet we'd have beautiful babies...in the trash"--- is a bad pick up line?

You beautiful, sick bastard, you owe me a keyboard and a spleen.

And I'm totally anti abortion, but that's not funny at all.


Maybe it's not funny to you because you're anti-abortion?
 
2013-07-16 11:34:22 PM

cameroncrazy1984: Well, I'm just going to back away slowly now.


Serious question, I know you live in Buffalo but are a Pats fan, wouldn't the Bills be better off in Canada?
 
2013-07-16 11:35:28 PM
Prog-choice -- Pro-choice because it disproportionately reduces the birth rate of the Democrats' core constituency.
 
2013-07-16 11:41:01 PM

Shostie:


I love that sign because who else will right wing Christians ignore if there had been no Jesus?
 
2013-07-16 11:41:14 PM
There is a little something to this.  I find it hard being an agnostic pro-lifer.  Democrats have played up this "war on women" propaganda so thoroughly that I can't get laid by that crowd.  But the vast majority of pro-life women are bible thumping teatards, so what's a guy like me to do?

/ It's basically my version of "I'm a nice guy, why do chicks always go for jerks?"
// My last relationship was with a pro-choice bible thumper.  Not exactly a combo for success.
 
2013-07-16 11:41:52 PM

WhoopAssWayne: Serious question, I know you live in Buffalo but are a Pats fan, wouldn't the Bills be better off in Canada?


Kevin Kolb at the mercy of the Canadian healthcare system

lulz
 
2013-07-16 11:42:15 PM

WhoopAssWayne: tinfoil-hat maggie: Can I join in on this?

You can never remember whether you like me or not, but yes. Yes. The answer is yes.


I'm pretty sure U don't like you in that grey color but if you have an alt well who knows.
 
2013-07-16 11:45:26 PM

DeaH: I love that sign because who else will right wing Christians ignore if there had been no Jesus?


St. Paul the Rule-Giver
 
2013-07-16 11:45:32 PM

serial_crusher: There is a little something to this.  I find it hard being an agnostic pro-lifer.  Democrats have played up this "war on women" propaganda so thoroughly that I can't get laid by that crowd.  But the vast majority of pro-life women are bible thumping teatards, so what's a guy like me to do?

/ It's basically my version of "I'm a nice guy, why do chicks always go for jerks?"
// My last relationship was with a pro-choice bible thumper.  Not exactly a combo for success.


Hookers?
 
2013-07-16 11:46:43 PM

Conservative Humor: Kevin Kolb at the mercy of the Canadian healthcare system


Flutie is rested and ready.

tinfoil-hat maggie: I'm pretty sure U don't like you in that grey color but if you have an alt well who knows.


Color me up sweety.
 
2013-07-16 11:50:36 PM
As George Carllin put it, it might be because most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fark in the first place.
 
2013-07-16 11:53:43 PM

fusillade762: Peki: *shrug*

Can't be any worse than the common wisdom of "You should always go after moms, because you know they put out."

Hey, the girl I lost my virginity to had a baby in high school.


mrswood: gweilo8888: mrswood: So you're saying "I bet we'd have beautiful babies...in the trash"--- is a bad pick up line?

You beautiful, sick bastard, you owe me a keyboard and a spleen.

And I'm totally anti abortion, but that's not funny at all.

Maybe it's not funny to you because you're anti-abortion?


I thought my joke was hillarious.
 
2013-07-16 11:56:23 PM

WhoopAssWayne: Flutie is rested and ready.


I would hope so. It's been 8 years or so since he last played.
 
2013-07-16 11:58:51 PM

mrswood: I thought my joke was hillarious.


Ah, wifey and I just watched Labyrinth for the first time in like 20 years the other day, nice profile pic!
 
2013-07-16 11:58:52 PM

GORDON: 95% of everything a man in his 20's does and says is in the pursuit of getting laid. OF COURSE you say you are pro-choice. Or even pro-life, if you are trying to bang that hot church girl.


"I don't like labels.  I think it's a very complex issue that can't be summed up as eloquently as 'pro-this' or 'anti-that'.  But enough about me, what are your thoughts on the subject?"
"Oh yeah, I really feel that (people should plan for the consequences of their actions | republicans should stay out of peoples' vaginas) too, but I don't like to put labels on it.  The (opposite) side are mostly good people who just have their priorities out of whack.  They just don't realize that (fetuses are people too | society as a whole would be so much better off if we kept abortion safe, legal, and rare)."

Works with plenty of other topics too.  Lets her know you care about her opinions AND just so happen to agree with her.
 
2013-07-17 12:00:15 AM

Conservative Humor: rmcooper4: This has me conflicted. On one hand, this video is another example of how terrible conservative humor is. On the other, it highlights the stupidity of bro-masculinity pretty darn well. Hmmm...

What did I ever do to you?


Look, man, there's something...this isn't easy...but there's something we gotta talk about. It's awkward, because everyone knows this but you, but I feel I should say something since everyone's talking about it. You deserve to be clued in. See, It's *deep breath* ... you're not funny. You're not, I'm sorry. Everything you say comes off whiny and bitter, and your "jokes" only seem funny inside the bubble because of safety, familiarity, and repetition. Endless repetition: dijon mustard, teleprompters, death panels, oh and let's not forget Chappaquiddick. Real timely stuff there.

Look, I can't tell you how to be funny - there's an art to it, and you either understand it or you don't. Anyway, here's an example, in case it helps: Larry the Cable Guy. He's pretty conservative. He's also pretty funny. I've been fortunate enough to see him live, and in spite of my being the libbiest lib that ever libbed, he literally made me L-O-L. You know what, though? He doesn't beat dead horses. He doesn't fark the chicken if the chicken's not down - if the chicken says no, he respects that. Occasionally he'll touch on a political note, but he's back off it again like four seconds later. You gotta go easy with the political overtones; I think that's the key. Or at least a key.

Hopefully I haven't hurt your feelings, but like I said: everybody's been talking about how you're just not funny. You seem to be out of the loop, and that's not right. You deserve to know. I'm trying to do right by you, man. Seriously. We still buds?
 
2013-07-17 12:00:32 AM

ox45tallboy: I would hope so. It's been 8 years or so since he last played.


tah dum tah *crash*

We have a quick one here Verne, now back to you .
 
2013-07-17 12:01:01 AM

mrswood: And I'm totally anti abortion, but that's not funny at all.


Just makes it funnier, if you ask me.
 
2013-07-17 12:05:58 AM
(R)emember, Life Begins at Legitimate Rape.TM
 
2013-07-17 12:08:09 AM
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-07-17 12:11:26 AM

Fuggin Bizzy: Look, man, there's something...this isn't easy...


Hey look! Someone on Fark acknowledges my existence!
 
2013-07-17 12:15:43 AM
Iq test required for having kids
120 or above and finish at least a 2 year college degree. Or a trade school certificate.
Also permits for ten years of military service
 
2013-07-17 12:15:57 AM
Any man who tries to mess with a woman's reproductive rights should be called Craster.

Seriously, this is not an issue I think any male should be allowed to vote on. Until men have to carry babies and give birth to them, it's something they absolutely should shut their damned mouths about.

I'm pro-choice, myself, but I'm male and I believe my opinion on this subject shouldn't matter.
 
2013-07-17 12:16:05 AM

gweilo8888: mrswood: And I'm totally anti abortion, but that's not funny at all.

Just makes it funnier, if you ask me.


I agree. But that's why I'm awesome.
 
2013-07-17 12:20:08 AM

serial_crusher: There is a little something to this.  I find it hard being an agnostic pro-lifer.  Democrats have played up this "war on women" propaganda so thoroughly that I can't get laid by that crowd.  But the vast majority of pro-life women are bible thumping teatards, so what's a guy like me to do?

/ It's basically my version of "I'm a nice guy, why do chicks always go for jerks?"
// My last relationship was with a pro-choice bible thumper.  Not exactly a combo for success.


Men?
(sorry, couldn't resist)
 
2013-07-17 12:22:21 AM

ZeroCorpse: Until men have to carry babies and give birth to them, it's something they absolutely should shut their damned mouths about.


Pregnant men should be able to get abortions too.
 
2013-07-17 12:23:56 AM

Duke_leto_Atredes: Iq test required for having kids
120 or above and finish at least a 2 year college degree. Or a trade school certificate.
Also permits for ten years of military service



College isn't for everyone. I make a very good living, and I dropped out of college several times. Your plans would basically not permit entrepreneurs of any kind to have children. Contractors, shop owners, restaurant owners, inventors, and lots of people in management careers may never have set food in college or trade school, and probably have better lives than a lot of pretentious dipshiats with liberal arts, IT, or medical technician degrees right now.

My fiancee went to college and earned a degree in her medical field. I dropped out of college and I earn one dollar less per hour than she does (but I get mileage and various reimbursements. She doesn't.)

My sister went to college and earned a degree in education. Our cousin started her own business and makes quite a bit more than my sister does.

I know people with average IQs who earned a degree. I have an IQ well above 120, and I opted out of it.

You can't judge people by whether or not they have a degree, and you certainly can't judge parental ability from the ability to parrot professors and pass quizzes while you buy your sheepskin.
 
2013-07-17 12:24:42 AM

ZeroCorpse: and lots of people in management careers may never have set foot


Ugh. Mobile device. FTFM.
 
2013-07-17 12:26:17 AM
Oh how will I maintain my loose and promiscuous lifestyle without abortion as my get out of jail free card.

/this is what conservatives actually believe.
 
2013-07-17 12:30:06 AM

Duke_leto_Atredes: Iq test required for having kids
120 or above and finish at least a 2 year college degree. Or a trade school certificate.
Also permits for ten years of military service


Do you really only want to restrict breeding to 5% of people (what an IQ of 120 means, it's a normal distribution with an sd of 15) even before adding further restrictions?

Because, as one of the people that fall into your range, I don't really know how I'd feel about being required to have 20+ children just to keep the collapse of the population numbers within an acceptable decrease.  That's a lot of children.
 
2013-07-17 12:32:43 AM

ZeroCorpse: Any man who tries to mess with a woman's reproductive rights should be called Craster.

Seriously, this is not an issue I think any male should be allowed to vote on. Until men have to carry babies and give birth to them, it's something they absolutely should shut their damned mouths about.

I'm pro-choice, myself, but I'm male and I believe my opinion on this subject shouldn't matter.


and yet, every single election cycle you are able to cast a vote on the matter, so I hope you vote wisely

/thanks for being pro-choice
 
2013-07-17 12:34:28 AM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: Molavian: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.

They are indeed on the bleeding edge of all those folks who enjoy thinking the exact same way about the important things.


He's no Mallard Fillmore that's for sure.
 
2013-07-17 12:38:52 AM
t2.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-17 12:40:44 AM
1)  Yes, the dailycaller is definitely an objective, unbiased source of news and one should never ever ever doubt the veracity of their "stories".

2)  Because it's not like birth control pill exists.

3)  Any person who would use the term "bro-choice" in any manner other than to mock frat boys is a moron, why would anybody lend them or their views credence in anything not beer-pong related?

4)  If you read this article and it strengthened your opinion and you feel it legitimized your views on why abortion should be illegal, I'm very sorry your family gave consent to have you lobotomized.  But my sympathy for your loss of brain matter does not make you any less stupid.
 
2013-07-17 12:42:47 AM

Duke_leto_Atredes: Iq test required for having kids
120 or above and finish at least a 2 year college degree. Or a trade school certificate.
Also permits for ten years of military service


Ladies and gentlemen... I give you Small Government Conservatism!
 
2013-07-17 12:43:38 AM

Brick-House: [t2.gstatic.com image 225x225]


Conservatives have no idea how to make a meme.
 
2013-07-17 12:46:12 AM

Hickory-smoked: Duke_leto_Atredes: Iq test required for having kids
120 or above and finish at least a 2 year college degree. Or a trade school certificate.
Also permits for ten years of military service

Ladies and gentlemen... I give you Small Government Conservatism!


Look on the bright side.  Based on his criteria, he's eliminated the entire GOP base from future breeding.
 
2013-07-17 12:47:20 AM

gweilo8888: theorellior: Totes true, bro. After lax prax one day my slampiece was givin' me dome, which was chill, but I wanted some pink. I told her if she got preggers we could see a bro of mine who knows a doc, get it set up. She was so hot for that she was chill. We even did it standing up, which like helps keep the swimmers down. I'm sensitive like that. Then she made me a sandwich, got me a Natty. So chill.

You're too late, and trying too hard. Pocket Ninja already brought the funny, and now you just seem like the warm-up act who arrived after the show was over.


Only one person per thread is allowed to attempt jokes, obviously.  The nerve of some people!
 
2013-07-17 12:51:32 AM
That makes no sense. At all.

Why would anyone need to *lie* about being pro-choice in order to get laid? Seems like being pro-choice is part of being someone who enjoys sex, and understands the risks of (and solution to) an unwanted pregnancy.

That's like a vegan pretending to be "pro-meat" in order to get cheeseburger coupons.
 
2013-07-17 12:54:37 AM

Shostie: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 600x400]


Then I wouldn't have idiots knocking on my door all the time asking if I've found god?
 
2013-07-17 01:00:53 AM
Bro choice? Really? Someone actually wants to make that a thing? Anybody who doesn't think that phrase is douchetastic needs to have their genitals eaten by rats.
 
2013-07-17 01:08:46 AM

ProfessorOhki: ZeroCorpse: Until men have to carry babies and give birth to them, it's something they absolutely should shut their damned mouths about.

Pregnant men should be able to get abortions too.


If men could get pregnant there would be a "Morning After" breakfast cereal and we would eat it every day, just in case.
 
2013-07-17 01:09:53 AM

LectertheChef: Bro choice? Really? Someone actually wants to make that a thing? Anybody who doesn't think that phrase is douchetastic needs to have their genitals eaten by rats.


As a bro-choice dude, I made my slampiece get an abortion after I went all Bro v. Wade on dat ass #totalfratmove
 
2013-07-17 01:13:16 AM
I control my Genetic Intellectual Property... If I want a derivative work to come to market I should have the choice!
 
2013-07-17 01:14:35 AM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.


You are trying to be funny, but I had a friend in college that if what this douche claims was even remotely true, would have used this line. You should have heard some of his lines. The dude was blunt. His most famous line was "Do you fark?"

/He was actually really nice guy despite his boorish pick up lines
 
2013-07-17 01:14:40 AM
thepeoplescube.com
 
2013-07-17 01:18:40 AM

TwoBeersOneCan: Only one person per thread is allowed to attempt jokes, obviously.  The nerve of some people!


Well, it does help if your joke isn't a lame copy of what preceded it.
 
2013-07-17 01:32:11 AM
atlantablackstar.com
"
I love going to abortion rallies to pick up women, 'cause you know they're farking."
 
2013-07-17 01:32:35 AM

gweilo8888: TwoBeersOneCan: Only one person per thread is allowed to attempt jokes, obviously.  The nerve of some people!

Well, it does help if your joke isn't a lame copy of what preceded it.


It was slightly funnier than your rendition of stoplikingwhatidontlike.jpg.

/I'll be sure to look out for pocketninja's posts in the future, though, he seems like a funny guy
//he may have posted once or twice before, IIRC
 
2013-07-17 01:38:46 AM

LectertheChef: Bro choice? Really? Someone actually wants to make that a thing? Anybody who doesn't think that phrase is douchetastic needs to have their genitals eaten by rats.


That's kinda the whole point. Some genius decided the real way to win the culture war was to portray pro-choice feminist men as douchebag horndogs, The men who really respect women are the ones willing to just hold hands and stay pure until marriage. Because that's what women really want.

/Wha... Y-you don't want to marry me? I HOPE YOU GET CERVICAL CANCER, YOU SLUT.
 
2013-07-17 01:54:12 AM

illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]


That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.
 
2013-07-17 01:57:20 AM

GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.



Or, he was just saying he preferred women with rotund backsides, and was incapable of inferring otherwise.
 
2013-07-17 01:57:41 AM

LindenFark: bdub77: a loaded question

If the interviewer's premise makes no distinction between a day-after pill and a third-trimester partial-birth abortion, I don't believe they are being intellectually honest.


This. I had gf that scurried off everytime to get the morning after pill whenever we had foreplay that concerned her. that's a bit different than a late term abortion. Then again, the folks most against abortion seem to have trouble accepting contraceptivesl
 
2013-07-17 01:57:46 AM

GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.


For that guy? Unlikely.
 
2013-07-17 01:59:42 AM

GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.


Actually, it's considered a valid alternate spelling, listed in most dictionaries.

Definitely not the most popular way to spell it though, probably because it's also an actual word ("having big hips") and that'd get a bit weird after a bit.
 
2013-07-17 02:00:22 AM

JorgiX: Bro v. Wade: Getting laid without protection because fark it, that's what abortions are for.


In Japan, that's how they roll.
 
2013-07-17 02:01:25 AM

bdub77: I'll sum up: A douchey conservative videographer asked a bunch of frat douchebags and sorority girls at America's #3 party university a loaded question about abortion and edited the responses.


Everyone is a douche at 21.  It also serves as a pretty good reason why abortion should be legal.  Anyone think these kids are making informed choices about anything?
 
2013-07-17 02:03:01 AM
This actually works, guys. Before, when I was pro-life, I couldn't get a woman to sleep with me to save my life. Now since I've gone pro-choice, I'm rolling in bros, and I've got more cock than I can handle.
 
2013-07-17 02:06:37 AM

GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.


I actually got curious and looked up the source of that image.
http://thepeoplescube.com/current-truth/flat-gareth-t4.html

He's not even there. He just photoshops himself (same pose, same sign) over protest photos, to mock those people foolish enough to think occupying Iraq wasn't a terrific idea.

Conservative humor.
 
2013-07-17 02:08:55 AM

Fano: JorgiX: Bro v. Wade: Getting laid without protection because fark it, that's what abortions are for.

In Japan, that's how they roll.


I was led to believe they rolled more along these lines:
www.finestchef.com
/try the veal
 
2013-07-17 02:11:30 AM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]


Why does my parallel universe self have to be so dumb?
 
2013-07-17 02:17:55 AM

burning_bridge: Everyone is a douche at 21.  It also serves as a pretty good reason why abortion should be legal.  Anyone think these kids are making informed choices about anything?


I know some good people that are 21.  I think it's less about absolute age than it is about having had a job or two and a few relationships and learned to take care of yourself without external support, which some folk manage by the time they're 18 and some haven't quite mastered by the time they've retired.

Basically, if I were to apply a one-factor standard to being able to make a responsible decision involving having a kid, it'd probably involve some sort of demonstration of being able to care for yourself rather than an arbitrary age cutoff.

This is kind of a roundabout way of saying I think you're justifying abortion from the wrong angle.  Abortion is legitimate because a fetus isn't a functional human being, and because the interests of actual human beings comes before that of pre-human plasm for basic biological and sociological reasons, as well as abstract reasons of personal liberty (in the US, anyhow).  To put it in terms of "well, it's bad, but what about these extenuating circumstances" is just putting the ball in the court of the anti-abortion idiots.  Abortion  isn't bad, it's quantitatively beneficial to both individuals and society in a myriad of demonstrable ways, no hedging necessary.
 
2013-07-17 02:22:54 AM

Brick-House: [t2.gstatic.com image 225x225]


I'm sorry, I know I keep coming back to this, but Christ, I can't get over how awful it is.

It's like they told some Young Republican volunteer who's somehow never even been on the Internet to GIS the word "meme," pick an image at random and insert something about pro-choice men are bad.

It just makes zero sense. Has this guy even seen Lord of the Rings? Do he know what that line is supposed to mean? Seriously!
 
2013-07-17 02:23:49 AM

Jim_Callahan: burning_bridge: Everyone is a douche at 21.  It also serves as a pretty good reason why abortion should be legal.  Anyone think these kids are making informed choices about anything?

I know some good people that are 21.  I think it's less about absolute age than it is about having had a job or two and a few relationships and learned to take care of yourself without external support, which some folk manage by the time they're 18 and some haven't quite mastered by the time they've retired.

Basically, if I were to apply a one-factor standard to being able to make a responsible decision involving having a kid, it'd probably involve some sort of demonstration of being able to care for yourself rather than an arbitrary age cutoff.

This is kind of a roundabout way of saying I think you're justifying abortion from the wrong angle.  Abortion is legitimate because a fetus isn't a functional human being, and because the interests of actual human beings comes before that of pre-human plasm for basic biological and sociological reasons, as well as abstract reasons of personal liberty (in the US, anyhow).  To put it in terms of "well, it's bad, but what about these extenuating circumstances" is just putting the ball in the court of the anti-abortion idiots.  Abortion  isn't bad, it's quantitatively beneficial to both individuals and society in a myriad of demonstrable ways, no hedging necessary.


I was being a smart-ass.  And I fully agree with what you wrote.
 
2013-07-17 02:26:03 AM
Well, this is a weird troll thread.  And Supersized to the Main page, too.
 
2013-07-17 02:27:10 AM

burning_bridge: I was being a smart-ass.  And I fully agree with what you wrote.


Sorry, I live near a college and work there, so my Poe's law error bars are perhaps wider than strictly necessary.  My bad.
 
2013-07-17 02:28:46 AM
So...what you're trying to say is...you want these men, who are looking to procreate by any means possible including holding what you consider to be substandard morals, to be successful in their mission?
 
2013-07-17 02:29:47 AM

Hickory-smoked: GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.

I actually got curious and looked up the source of that image.
http://thepeoplescube.com/current-truth/flat-gareth-t4.html

He's not even there. He just photoshops himself (same pose, same sign) over protest photos, to mock those people foolish enough to think occupying Iraq wasn't a terrific idea.

Conservative humor.


I had nothing to do with that.
 
2013-07-17 02:31:52 AM

Jim_Callahan: GWSuperfan: illannoyin: [thepeoplescube.com image 217x250]

That might work if you spelled "hippie" correctly.

Actually, it's considered a valid alternate spelling, listed in most dictionaries.

Definitely not the most popular way to spell it though, probably because it's also an actual word ("having big hips") and that'd get a bit weird after a bit.


go hippy go with it
(Let me see what you're twirkin' with)
go hippy go with it
(Look at those hips)
 
2013-07-17 02:51:04 AM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: In after all those who try to discredit the obvious.skullkrusher: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?

Only in it's creators fantasy.
As it always has been.

/Don't think about that too hard, it may hurt.

In after all those who try to discredit the obvious.skullkrusher: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:


[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

Is This Modern World a conservative cartoon?

Only in it's creators fantasy.
As it always has been.

/Don't think about that too hard, it may hurt.

Come to think of it, This Modern World has always been a fantasy for american liberals of How Conservatives Think.  I can't remember the name of the guy who creates it, but has anyone seen him and Aaron Sorkin at the same time?


Do you NOT remember the 2012 season? They lost no less than 4 congressional seats and a farking Senate seat over it!

They literally would have had GAINS if the topics of Abortion and Rape had stayed out of their god damn mouths. And 3/4ths of the time it was unsolicited!

That's not a cartoon about about how liberals think conservatives think, it's a mockup of their 2012 election strategy.
 
2013-07-17 03:22:44 AM

Conservative Humor: rmcooper4: This has me conflicted. On one hand, this video is another example of how terrible conservative humor is. On the other, it highlights the stupidity of bro-masculinity pretty darn well. Hmmm...

What did I ever do to you?


Eh, there was one bit of conservative humor I liked tonight during the All-Star Game: They found Michael Moore, Bill Maher, and Salman Rusdie huddled together near the dugout, and they put them up on the scoreboard and labeled them "The Axis of Evil."

/The only thing that would've made that better is if they would've gotten Keith Olbermann over there with them.
 
2013-07-17 03:26:51 AM
Bro's and Internet White Knights, and other cockblockers of that sort have been pulling this BS for years.
 
2013-07-17 03:35:15 AM

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: I feel you may have got stung with that New Yorker jibe--do you want to share? You are among friends.


No, I don't want to share, I want to read some conservative humor. Let's see it.
 
2013-07-17 03:42:16 AM
So if she decides to keep it and sue your ass for child support, you'd be OK with that, right bro-choicers?  Right?
 
2013-07-17 03:50:17 AM

Lando Lincoln: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: I feel you may have got stung with that New Yorker jibe--do you want to share? You are among friends.

No, I don't want to share, I want to read some conservative humor. Let's see it.


A liberal walks into a bar. Open skull fracture.
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-17 04:11:57 AM

serial_crusher: There is a little something to this.  I find it hard being an agnostic pro-lifer.  Democrats have played up this "war on women" propaganda so thoroughly that I can't get laid by that crowd.  But the vast majority of pro-life women are bible thumping teatards, so what's a guy like me to do?

/ It's basically my version of "I'm a nice guy, why do chicks always go for jerks?"
// My last relationship was with a pro-choice bible thumper.  Not exactly a combo for success.


Pro-life liberal gal here but I'm spoken for.

/and fat
 
2013-07-17 06:05:36 AM

WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.


i18.photobucket.com
It's a mean old world, Wayne.
 
2013-07-17 06:25:08 AM

Lando Lincoln: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: I feel you may have got stung with that New Yorker jibe--do you want to share? You are among friends.

No, I don't want to share, I want to read some conservative humor. Let's see it.


What exactly constitutes conservative humor?  Just right-wingers cracking jokes in general, or specifically about politics, or only about something specific re: politics?

Because largely right-wing people tell the same jokes everyone else does, and it's funny about the same proportion of the time (i.e. 10%, in accordance with sturgeon's law).  Chicken crossing the road, dead baby, Obama's reading our e-mails, insert random meme here, etc.

As for political cartoons, none of them have ever been funny in the history of the comic strip.  Not once, not for any political alignment.  They're so lacking in humor that the Onion's fake strip is actually consistently funny just by making repeated jokes about how political cartoons aren't; that's how culturally ingrained political cartoons sucking is.

//Honestly most political humor that's actually funny doesn't really have a horse in the race, the speakers that are really attached tend to break down into rants, which are entertaining, but in a different way than actually being humorous.
 
2013-07-17 07:42:26 AM
This article affirms my suspicions towards guys in pink shirts
 
2013-07-17 07:54:45 AM

Alphax: Well, this is a weird troll thread.  And Supersized to the Main page, too.


wow.... almost as if... the main page is farking garbage?
 
2013-07-17 08:00:09 AM

LindenFark: bdub77: a loaded question

If the interviewer's premise makes no distinction between a day-after pill and a third-trimester partial-birth abortion, I don't believe they are being intellectually honest.


Since many pro-lifers are deliberately trying to ban both, as well as ordinary contraception, I'd say it's a fair question.
 
2013-07-17 08:18:43 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-17 08:28:06 AM

cc_rider: Unintentional conservative humor is best conservative humor.


It's really the only kind of conservative humor.
 
2013-07-17 08:31:23 AM
You can tell the pro-choice crowd doesn't actually want to believe what the pro-life crowd says is their position, or the position wouldn't be so mystifying. I'd *like* to think it's not simply intellectual dishonesty but it seems as if most people on both sides feel their ideas can't win and it's just easier to control the narrative in order to enforce their view of reality.
 
2013-07-17 08:58:11 AM
I hope some day they develop an in utero test for homosexuality, then see if liberals would support that couple's right to terminate the fetus for that reason.

/meltdown
 
2013-07-17 09:09:46 AM

Hickory-smoked: Brick-House: [t2.gstatic.com image 225x225]

I'm sorry, I know I keep coming back to this, but Christ, I can't get over how awful it is.

It's like they told some Young Republican volunteer who's somehow never even been on the Internet to GIS the word "meme," pick an image at random and insert something about pro-choice men are bad.

It just makes zero sense. Has this guy even seen Lord of the Rings? Do he know what that line is supposed to mean? Seriously!



You have to understand, brick house is that guy.

Brick house thinks hope and change is the best web comic ever.
He posts it all the time, mostly when it's making fun of the presidents wife.

Here's an example of hope and change.
img835.imageshack.us

This is par for the course for B.H.
 
2013-07-17 09:11:26 AM

Jim_Callahan: Lando Lincoln: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: I feel you may have got stung with that New Yorker jibe--do you want to share? You are among friends.

No, I don't want to share, I want to read some conservative humor. Let's see it.

What exactly constitutes conservative humor?  Just right-wingers cracking jokes in general, or specifically about politics, or only about something specific re: politics?

Because largely right-wing people tell the same jokes everyone else does, and it's funny about the same proportion of the time (i.e. 10%, in accordance with sturgeon's law).  Chicken crossing the road, dead baby, Obama's reading our e-mails, insert random meme here, etc.

As for political cartoons, none of them have ever been funny in the history of the comic strip.  Not once, not for any political alignment.  They're so lacking in humor that the Onion's fake strip is actually consistently funny just by making repeated jokes about how political cartoons aren't; that's how culturally ingrained political cartoons sucking is.

//Honestly most political humor that's actually funny doesn't really have a horse in the race, the speakers that are really attached tend to break down into rants, which are entertaining, but in a different way than actually being humorous.


I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, but I have no expectations of it being funny.

Political humor on any side generally involves ridiculing your opposition's contradiction of his own positions (or more likely whatever strawman you've created of his positions).  It's hard to see jokes like that from the other side, because you don't--and shouldn't--agree with the premise.

Liberals also get more creative jokes because they come up with more creative strawmen.  Conservatives usually tend to dismiss liberals as naive idealists, whereas liberals paint conservatives as being part of some vast conspiracy against blacks/women/non-christians.  That creates a lot more material.
 
2013-07-17 09:14:36 AM

o5iiawah: I hope some day they develop an in utero test for homosexuality, then see if liberals would support that couple's right to terminate the fetus for that reason.

/meltdown



They likely wouldn't because homosexuality is not a disease. It's been observed in virtually all Mammalian species to some degree.
 
2013-07-17 09:19:00 AM

Raharu: Hickory-smoked: Brick-House: [t2.gstatic.com image 225x225]

I'm sorry, I know I keep coming back to this, but Christ, I can't get over how awful it is.

It's like they told some Young Republican volunteer who's somehow never even been on the Internet to GIS the word "meme," pick an image at random and insert something about pro-choice men are bad.

It just makes zero sense. Has this guy even seen Lord of the Rings? Do he know what that line is supposed to mean? Seriously!


You have to understand, brick house is that guy.

Brick house thinks hope and change is the best web comic ever.
He posts it all the time, mostly when it's making fun of the presidents wife.

Here's an example of hope and change.
[img835.imageshack.us image 800x388]

This is par for the course for B.H.


I'm a Republican but I recognize there's a humor deficit. I think the problem with conservative humor is that it desires to be biting, ends up going straight for offensive, with humor being a distant consideration. It's ideologically satisfying insults, not jokes. Dennis Miller came pretty close sometimes but rather than obscure references making for seasoning for punchlines they became the punchlines themselves, and then he started losing his shiat as he got old.
 
2013-07-17 09:19:53 AM

Lando Lincoln: Molavian: L Buff: Meanwhile ... Republican pickup lines:

[s3.amazonaws.com image 550x506]

That guy's hilarious!  Right up there with The New Yorker.

Post some conservative humor comics. Those are always a blast.

A ton can be found here.





Conservatives find the following web comic funny.
http://hopenchangecartoons.blogspot.com/
Hope and changes USA Alexa ranking is 105,385.
For comparison Farks is 1,485.

 
2013-07-17 09:20:48 AM

tinfoil-hat maggie: megarian: What the fark did I just read?

Did I just have terrible sex? Or am I drunk? Or did I just read a horrible article?

I hate everything that happened here, stubby.

/trick question (sort of)
//always drunk after 7ish
///the other question are still applicable

LoL, just have sexy time with me no risk of getting preggers and I'm easy going king of girl.


O_O

Okay yeah I'm in!
 
2013-07-17 09:27:20 AM

I want your skull: Propain_az: Abortion should be legal until the 36th 225th month.  STOP THE WAR ON WOMEN!

Fixed


18 3/4 years? They'll have been a voter for nine months.. You monster!
 
2013-07-17 09:34:31 AM

Mrfusticle: I want your skull: Propain_az: Abortion should be legal until the 36th 225th month.  STOP THE WAR ON WOMEN!

Fixed

18 3/4 years? They'll have been a voter for nine months.. You monster!


Yeah, but once we get it passed we can just claim that people older than 18 3/4 aren't affected and shouldn't have any say in the matter.  That leaves on the the 18-18.75 age range allowed to vote on whether or not to change it.  They'd obviously vote in droves against it, but fortunately we can just abort everyone in that age range before election day.
 
2013-07-17 09:48:41 AM

Ricardo Klement: I'm a Republican but I recognize there's a humor deficit. I think the problem with conservative humor is that it desires to be biting, ends up going straight for offensive, with humor being a distant consideration. It's ideologically satisfying insults, not jokes. Dennis Miller came pretty close sometimes but rather than obscure references making for seasoning for punchlines they became the punchlines themselves, and then he started losing his shiat as he got old.


The vast majority of Republicans aren't funny because they consist of only a few mostly unfunny factions:

1) a rich elite that wants to control the government and use it to enact things helpful to their businesses, regardless of the long term consequences. (most of these people are psychopaths) - business owners, some lawyers, lobbyists
2) religious leaders that want to control people and get rich off of them (most of these people are psychopaths or are merely unhinged)
3) a bunch of sheep swayed by religion (they lost their funny bones when they got crazy eyes) - as long as the GOP is anti-abortion and anti-gay these people will follow like lambs to the slaughter
4) different factions of white supremacists, gun nuts, anti-tax, misogynists, sovereign types - many are a combination of these - you've got a few comedians who can cater to this group, if you can call them that (Larry the Cable Guy)
5) Rushbots (they have some great jokes Rush told that are horribly offensive)
6) uninformed people whose parents were in the GOP, live or lived in a strong GOP area, and don't know better. (these people find stuff funny but are harder to reach)

Did I miss anyone?

Mostly though - none of these people are funny, and having a conversation with them will almost certainly lead to politics, because they're like the loud obnoxious person in the room.

Comedy is about talking about the absurd, and these people are absurd to begin with.
 
2013-07-17 10:18:46 AM
actually, a lot of guys are pro-choice for this very reason.  it may be unspoken, but it's not weird or uncommon or satirical or douchy.  it's perfectly reasonable.  decrease the adverse consequences of doing something fun, and more ppl will feel free to do that fun thing.  the limiting factor for all-out banging all the time with everyone has always been women.  of course guys like it when women feel less pressure to keep their legs closed.

a lot of men are pro-choice for the same reason that many women are.  increased sexual freedom.
 
2013-07-17 10:24:38 AM

Shadowtag: Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.

This is what crazy conservatives are afraid actually happens, completely overlooking that banning abortion won't do anything about that so long as hangers and stairs are still legal.

The only thing about Mitt Romney that I was okay with was that he admitted that legalized abortion just meant that anyone that did have an abortion had a better chance of surviving the process.

/Bring on the dickbags.


Mitt Romney felt that way because he actually knew a woman who died from an illegal abortion.

They can ban abortion all they want, it's still going to happen. It will just be a lot less safe and doctors will have to treat women with botched ones. Add to that you can get any pill you want over the Internet and a woman can easily get half the drug involved in a RU486 abortion.

This whole banning abortion is just to punish "dirty slut women" for having sex.

Of course they don't want to pay welfare to kids born so can we all agree to start calling them pro-birth. Because they don't give a fark about life after birth.
 
2013-07-17 10:26:35 AM

yapopo: actually, a lot of guys are pro-choice for this very reason.  it may be unspoken, but it's not weird or uncommon or satirical or douchy.  it's perfectly reasonable.  decrease the adverse consequences of doing something fun, and more ppl will feel free to do that fun thing.  the limiting factor for all-out banging all the time with everyone has always been women.  of course guys like it when women feel less pressure to keep their legs closed.

a lot of men are pro-choice for the same reason that many women are.  increased sexual freedom.


Or they don't feel the need to get in other people's personal decisions.
 
2013-07-17 10:30:31 AM

Fart_Machine: yapopo: actually, a lot of guys are pro-choice for this very reason.  it may be unspoken, but it's not weird or uncommon or satirical or douchy.  it's perfectly reasonable.  decrease the adverse consequences of doing something fun, and more ppl will feel free to do that fun thing.  the limiting factor for all-out banging all the time with everyone has always been women.  of course guys like it when women feel less pressure to keep their legs closed.

a lot of men are pro-choice for the same reason that many women are.  increased sexual freedom.

Or they don't feel the need to get in other people's personal decisions.


---------------------------------------

sure, that too.  i said "a lot", not "all".
 
2013-07-17 10:34:55 AM

Pocket Ninja: This is actually true. If you've never tried it before, you need to do this: Go up to the most attractive single woman in a bar, sit down next to her, lean in real close, and whisper in her ear the following: "I don't wear condoms, but don't worry, I'm pro-choice. Wanna bang a few out?" She'll be on you before you can blink. I swear to god this has worked so many times it's not even funny. You can buy her a drink if you want to, but it totally won't be necessary.



Actually, the wanna 'fark' line does work, just a lot of rejection along the way to the rare yes.  Confidence matters.


Agrees:
 
2013-07-17 10:34:59 AM

ZeroCorpse: pretentious dipshiats with liberal arts, IT, or medical technician degrees


I've heard IT guys and med techs called many things, but "pretentious" is a new one on me.
 
2013-07-17 10:37:56 AM

serial_crusher: whereas liberals paint conservatives as being part of some vast conspiracy against blacks/women/non-christians.


No, they're just greedy self-serving assholes. And they're proud of being assholes.
 
2013-07-17 10:42:06 AM

serial_crusher: Political humor on any side generally involves ridiculing your opposition's contradiction of his own positions (or more likely whatever strawman you've created of his positions).  It's hard to see jokes like that from the other side, because you don't--and shouldn't--agree with the premise.


That's fair, I guess.  There's also the fact that humor by its nature needs to be to some degree clean, streamlined, and snappy, so just knowing enough about how the system actually works can easily kill a punchline either by the issue it brings up having already been addressed in all seriousness or by the joker's attempts to make it actually match the full situation choke the joke in overcomplicated nuance.

So maybe not anyone's  fault it's not funny, just sort of the nature of the beast.

Also, in all fairness, while not strictly "jokes" I have to admit that basic insults/pollack jokes about political opponents do frequently make me giggle.  Which is one of the reasons I still like Obama so much, he's really the master of slipping in basic referential stuff that implies that his political opponents or the media covering him are idiots.  The continual references to his birth certificate and the roasting he gives everyone at the press corps dinners are always a good time.

//If you don't know what a pollack joke is, you are to be congratulated on being far more high-brow than me, probably.  They're jokes where the punchline is a basic claim that x group (traditionally poles, but insert group you don't like here) is stupid or worthless, and are distinguished by the fact that you've heard each one in five different versions targeting variously Blondes, Democrats, Republicans, Mexicans, etc...
 
2013-07-17 10:45:11 AM
It's a shame that Conservative ice queens (and this applies to both men AND women Conservatives) can't understand that contraception = less chance of getting knocked up.  It's also funny as hell when the Conservative ice queens go to places like CPAC and the sex business in the area always jumps significantly.
 
2013-07-17 10:55:10 AM

o5iiawah: I hope some day they develop an in utero test for homosexuality, then see if liberals would support that couple's right to terminate the fetus for that reason.

/meltdown


Why wouldn't they support that? The whole point of is that women has the right to exercise autonomy over their own bodies.

Now you, on the other hand, are suggesting that Conservatives will perform what they consider murder of infants because they hate gay people more than they love life or even their own children.

Is that what you mean by "meltdown?"
 
2013-07-17 10:59:01 AM

Jim_Callahan: serial_crusher: Political humor on any side generally involves ridiculing your opposition's contradiction of his own positions (or more likely whatever strawman you've created of his positions).  It's hard to see jokes like that from the other side, because you don't--and shouldn't--agree with the premise.

That's fair, I guess.  There's also the fact that humor by its nature needs to be to some degree clean, streamlined, and snappy, so just knowing enough about how the system actually works can easily kill a punchline either by the issue it brings up having already been addressed in all seriousness or by the joker's attempts to make it actually match the full situation choke the joke in overcomplicated nuance.

So maybe not anyone's  fault it's not funny, just sort of the nature of the beast.

Also, in all fairness, while not strictly "jokes" I have to admit that basic insults/pollack jokes about political opponents do frequently make me giggle.  Which is one of the reasons I still like Obama so much, he's really the master of slipping in basic referential stuff that implies that his political opponents or the media covering him are idiots.  The continual references to his birth certificate and the roasting he gives everyone at the press corps dinners are always a good time.

//If you don't know what a pollack joke is, you are to be congratulated on being far more high-brow than me, probably.  They're jokes where the punchline is a basic claim that x group (traditionally poles, but insert group you don't like here) is stupid or worthless, and are distinguished by the fact that you've heard each one in five different versions targeting variously Blondes, Democrats, Republicans, Mexicans, etc...


The best thing about brand of Obama's humor is when people try to respond seriously.  See the one where he compared global warming deniers to the Flat Earth Society, who then released an actual press release letting us all know that they do in fact accept that global warming exists and they're insulted that Obama compared them to the deniers.  THAT is true political humor.

/ there was a kid in my 4th grade class whose last name was pollack (pronounced "lack", not "lock"), so my friends and I reiterated a lot of those jokes about him without realizing they were racist against folks from Poland.  Got in a little bit or trouble.
 
2013-07-17 11:05:29 AM

TwoBeersOneCan: It was slightly funnier than your rendition of stoplikingwhatidontlike.jpg.


Yes, only slightly. And yet I wasn't even going for funny, just snarky.

/I'll be sure to look out for pocketninja's posts in the future, though, he seems like a funny guy
//he may have posted once or twice before, IIRC


Ah, now see. Actual humor. That's (mildly) funny, right there!
 
2013-07-17 11:21:50 AM

Mrfusticle: I want your skull: Propain_az: Abortion should be legal until the 36th 225th month.  STOP THE WAR ON WOMEN!

Fixed

18 3/4 years? They'll have been a voter for nine months.. You monster!


Or, since we're talking about abortion, there's roughly nine months of it being a fetus on the front side, if carried to term. Or do you believe that if a woman gets scraped at three months into the pregnancy, she actually killed a three month old child?
 
2013-07-17 11:21:51 AM
I still think there ought to be a group of guys that instead of protesting at abortion clinics, offer their hand in marriage to take care of the woman and the kid. Pregnant women can be quite hot. ;)
 
2013-07-17 11:24:31 AM

zedster: from the comment section:

[i42.tinypic.com image 622x135]


Oh, yeah, he's totally right: being Pro-Choice all about not respecting women.  That's all it is.
 
2013-07-17 11:28:21 AM

WhoopAssWayne: You know, if you really want fark to become a liberal circle-jerk like r/politics you're going to get exactly what you ask for drew/modmins.


i1086.photobucket.com
I'm sure we'll always have fine conservatives to come in and set us straight.
 
2013-07-17 11:30:13 AM
What's the big deal? If you don't want babies, there's always anal.
 
2013-07-17 12:07:24 PM

Jim_Callahan: //If you don't know what a pollack joke is, you are to be congratulated on being far more high-brow than me, probably.  They're jokes where the punchline is a basic claim that x group (traditionally poles, but insert group you don't like here) is stupid or worthless, and are distinguished by the fact that you've heard each one in five different versions targeting variously Blondes, Democrats, Republicans, Mexicans, etc...


Pollack?
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-17 12:13:44 PM

Hickory-smoked: Why wouldn't they support that? The whole point of is that women has the right to exercise autonomy over their own bodies.


lets not kid ourselves that abortion is the first, last any only instance that government interjects itself into telling men and women what they cant and cant do with their bodies.  Our food is regulated, drugs are prohibited and every medical procedure we undergo must first be approved by the FDA.  You cant pack your kids the lunch you want them to eat, send them to the school you want to send them to, or teach them about sex on a schedule that you feel is appropriate
 
2013-07-17 12:15:30 PM

LindenFark: bdub77: a loaded question

If the interviewer's premise makes no distinction between a day-after pill and a third-trimester partial-birth abortion a Repuplican, I don't believe they are being intellectually honest.


A more general form of your statement that seems to hold virtually without fail nowadays.
 
2013-07-17 12:17:01 PM

o5iiawah: Hickory-smoked: Why wouldn't they support that? The whole point of is that women has the right to exercise autonomy over their own bodies.

lets not kid ourselves that abortion is the first, last any only instance that government interjects itself into telling men and women what they cant and cant do with their bodies.  Our food is regulated, drugs are prohibited and every medical procedure we undergo must first be approved by the FDA.  You cant pack your kids the lunch you want them to eat, send them to the school you want to send them to, or teach them about sex on a schedule that you feel is appropriate


Last time I checked, medical procedures were regulated for two things: safety and efficacy. Abortions have been regulated for both and have been safe and effective for a long time. Pretending that morality is a good reason to regulate a medical procedure is just silly.
 
2013-07-17 12:17:02 PM

o5iiawah: Hickory-smoked: Why wouldn't they support that? The whole point of is that women has the right to exercise autonomy over their own bodies.

lets not kid ourselves that abortion is the first, last any only instance that government interjects itself into telling men and women what they cant and cant do with their bodies.  Our food is regulated, drugs are prohibited and every medical procedure we undergo must first be approved by the FDA.  You cant pack your kids the lunch you want them to eat, send them to the school you want to send them to, or teach them about sex on a schedule that you feel is appropriate


Yeah...being forced to have a baby is a lot like being forced not to use certain drugs, or being forced to not drink raw milk.

Very good parallels there.
 
2013-07-17 12:17:55 PM

rekoil: "[cdn.semihuman.com image 480x360]


Stop trying to set acceptable boundaries of discourse, asshole.
 
2013-07-17 12:41:25 PM

DarwiOdrade: What's the big deal? If you don't want babies, there's always anal.


Anal sex.  The smart choice for your future.
 
2013-07-17 12:43:37 PM

DarwiOdrade: Abortions have been regulated for both and have been safe and effective for a long time.


the problem is that the safe, legal and rare crowd (Of which I am a supporter) is being shouted over by the Any time, any place, any stage, for any reason and at public expense crowd.

Gosnell gets caught delivering children live and knifing them in the neck and all planned parenthood has to say is "we feel bad about that one woman that he over-sedated then ignored, resulting in her death"

Lando Lincoln: Yeah...being forced to have a baby


Is the choice the choice not to be pregnant or the choice to terminate the child?  Because there is a difference.
 
2013-07-17 12:52:16 PM

o5iiawah: Is the choice the choice not to be pregnant or the choice to terminate the child?  Because there is a difference.


"I don't want to have this baby!"

"Well, you should have chose earlier! Deal with it!" Says a guy that will never be pregnant.

It's not about protecting children. It's about forcing women into nuclear families.
 
2013-07-17 01:05:13 PM

o5iiawah: DarwiOdrade: Abortions have been regulated for both and have been safe and effective for a long time.

the problem is that the safe, legal and rare crowd (Of which I am a supporter) is being shouted over by the Any time, any place, any stage, for any reason and at public expense crowd.

Gosnell gets caught delivering children live and knifing them in the neck and all planned parenthood has to say is "we feel bad about that one woman that he over-sedated then ignored, resulting in her death"


You're full of it - I don't see a lot of people arguing for "any stage" or "at public expense". The 24 week cutoff and the Hyde amendment have been around for a long time.

Gosnell did some horrible things, and was found guilty of murder, but let's not pretend (like a rabid pro-lifer which you claim not to be) that he is representative of all abortion providers.

As for "safe, legal, and rare" I agree, but each of those things is determined differently: safe if guaranteed by regulations on medical procedures, legal is up to lawmakers, and rare is (and should be) up to women.
 
2013-07-17 02:13:31 PM

o5iiawah: Hickory-smoked: Why wouldn't they support that? The whole point of is that women has the right to exercise autonomy over their own bodies.

lets not kid ourselves that abortion is the first, last any only instance that government interjects itself into telling men and women what they cant and cant do with their bodies.


I wasn't aware of anyone suggesting otherwise.

 Our food is regulated,drugs are prohibited and every medical procedure we undergo must first be approved by the FDA.

Right. Some of these regulations are poorly or even maliciously written, others are important and necessary.

You cant pack your kids the lunch you want them to eat, send them to the school you want to send them to, or teach them about sex on a schedule that you feel is appropriate

I can, and I do all those things. Don't you?

Actually, rather than answer that, I'd prefer to hear something remotely related to the topic of discussion. You said liberals wouldsomehow change their position on abortion rights if Christian, "Pro-Life" Conservatives wanted to abort their otherwise wanted children if they could detect homosexuality in fetuses. Is this something you stand by, or were you trying to be absurd and boorish just for the sake of getting attention?
 
2013-07-17 02:31:24 PM

o5iiawah: the problem is that the safe, legal and rare crowd (Of which I am a supporter) is being shouted over by the Any time, any place, any stage, for any reason and at public expense crowd.


When you say "shouted over," do you mean there are Democratic legislators and national advocacy groups pushing for radical changes to how abortion is done, or do you mean that one photo of several unidentfied women holding signs?


Gosnell gets caught delivering children live and knifing them in the neck and all planned parenthood has to say is "we feel bad about that one woman that he over-sedated then ignored, resulting in her death"

They said rather more than that.
 
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