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(Think Progress)   Wisconsin Republican proposes amendment to state constitution that says fertilized eggs would be extended the rights of U.S. citizenship, 13 years faster than Mexicans   (thinkprogress.org) divider line 137
    More: Stupid, U.S. Citizenship, Mexico, U.S., constitutional amendments, Wisconsin, state constitution  
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1516 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 Jul 2013 at 6:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-16 09:26:40 PM
So a transvaginal ultrasound can't be performed without a warrant, since it would violate the fertilized egg's constitutional right against illegal search and seizure?
 
2013-07-16 09:27:27 PM
shiat, I just created a path to citizenship in my pants . . . at least, half a path.
 
2013-07-16 09:27:32 PM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Witty_Retort: What happens when a plane flies into one of the fetal citizen states? Does the FAA suddenly have to fine the airline for being over-crowded?

Fire regulations for buildings will be a mess.

It's going to wreak havoc on all you can eat buffet rules.


Riding in elevators, too.
 
2013-07-16 09:29:38 PM
Look at all those other fundamental rights fetuses can make great use of:

Speech: well known orators, all fetuses are known for their particularly complex and well-formed opinions.
Press: Did you know that Fox News determines the content of their story by the kicks of fetuses?  You do now!
Assembly: I cannot count the number of times I've seen a zygote out for a stroll to visit friends.
Religion: Sometimes you even have to stuff an islamic prayer mat up in there for the little guys.
Petition for redress of grievances: over 30% of change.org petitions are started before birth!
Right to bear arms: an organized militia of blastocysts saved my life on 3 separate occasions.
Quartering soldiers: I'm given to understand that the military never stores its members in wombs that don't want them.  Ever!
Unreasonable search and seizure: the multitude of private documents and private property that a fetus can earn by 3 months is astounding.
Right against self-incrimination: I've heard that cops would be willing to torture the barest beginnings of a central nervous system to extract a confession were it not for this right.

You know what, I think I've made my point.  There aren't any rights that fetuses can make use of because they're not people.
 
2013-07-16 09:33:40 PM
Fertility clinics have thousands of kidnapped US citizens housed in their freezers.

Oh. My. God.

i623.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-16 09:33:44 PM
LIFE BEGINS AT AROUSAL!

i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-16 09:36:36 PM
I'm declaring each of my sperm as a dependent for tax purposes.  And tissues, if used during work hours, count as legitimate childcare expenses.
 
2013-07-16 09:44:26 PM
Well, say goodbye to in vitro fertilization.
 
2013-07-16 09:51:45 PM

Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids...


I think I see where you went wrong.
 
2013-07-16 09:52:22 PM
I guess ever 28-32 days the criminal justice system of Wisconsin is going to be very busy.
 
2013-07-16 09:59:03 PM

BStorm: Did I miss the vote that granted Wisconsin's government overriding authority over matters of United States citizenship?


I can't believe it took this long for someone to mention that little fact.
 
2013-07-16 11:33:31 PM

Trivia Jockey: I would never have believed you if you had told me this morning I would go home tonight having heard the term "vaginal gerrymandering".


If someone told you you would hear it, then wouldn't you have heard it when they told you?
 
2013-07-16 11:34:51 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did


Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.
 
2013-07-16 11:48:31 PM
Wisconsin Lawmaker Revives 'Personhood' Push To Grant Embryos All The Rights Of U.S. Citizens
will they get photo IDs?
SSN?
can the mother deduct them on her taxes?
what about fertilized eggs which are kept frozen? do those count too?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
can I buy some fertilized eggs, claim tax deductions and just never bring them to term??
 
2013-07-16 11:56:58 PM
Every time I think, the Republicans can't get any stupider...
 
2013-07-16 11:57:59 PM
MS tried to pass this and failed. Mississippi for pity's sake couldn't get enough folks to vote for this.
 
2013-07-17 12:34:35 AM

Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.


#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days
 
2013-07-17 12:43:56 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.

#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days


What I mean is that women after menopause can't get pregnant. If they can't get pregnant, they know they will never have an abortion, so it's not their problem.

The Republican Motto is "Fark you, I got mine". They don't care about other women.
 
2013-07-17 12:46:34 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.

#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days


I should restate that what I mean is that a woman who can get pregnant might, in the back of her mind, fear an accidental pregnancy and have to worry about if abortion is outlawed, then she can't get one.

A woman in menopause does not have this fear.

Add to that a "Fark you I got mine" and "Other women have abortions, NOT ME," and you get this.

Besides, it's been well documented that Pro-Life protestors will still take their daughter into the same abortion clinic when their little darling makes a mistake, and then turn right around and go back out and picket. THese people are hypocrits and scum.
 
2013-07-17 12:49:58 AM
so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??
 
2013-07-17 12:54:52 AM
In other words, this guy is a total piece of human garbage who has fanatical ideas about what fetuses represent.

What century are we living in again?
 
2013-07-17 12:55:54 AM

kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??


What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??
 
2013-07-17 01:36:45 AM

Gyrfalcon: kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??

What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??


They'd have to change the signage: HOV LANE 250,000,000+ ONLY
 
2013-07-17 01:40:10 AM

kxs401: Guess you couldn't deport a pregnant illegal immigrant.


And, this.
 
2013-07-17 01:41:27 AM

Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.


Don't forget carpool lanes!
 
2013-07-17 01:45:53 AM

Lochsteppe: Gyrfalcon: kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??

What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??

They'd have to change the signage: HOV LANE 250,000,000+ ONLY


That's discriminatory against us who have had a hot laptop and cheetoh dust pressed up against our genitals for several years.
 
2013-07-17 03:06:58 AM
America's national dialog is getting so truncated and absurd that farkers are now all making the same jokes at the same time.
 
2013-07-17 03:12:13 AM
I can't wait to retire nine months early.

.
 
2013-07-17 03:56:50 AM
Step Two is to declare that birth control pills and IUD's kill fertlized eggs.
 
2013-07-17 08:25:18 AM

Bung_Howdy: kid_icarus: One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.


THIS

/will happen sooner than you think


If this ever comes to fruition, I may be declared the worlds worst mass murderer.
 
2013-07-17 08:26:13 AM
Sometimes two eggs will get fertilizer but one will get larger quicker and absorb the sibling and later one fetus will kill another. Are they going to start slapping cuff on kids when they are born and arrest them on manslaughter charges.
 
2013-07-17 08:49:00 AM

Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.


Actually, that raises an interesting point.  If life starts at conception, does that grant someone the right to vote at 17 years and 3 months after birth?
 
2013-07-17 10:36:12 AM
What's bizarre is that the GOP wants to allow citizenship to embryos who can't make money and put said money into their pockets. I thought the GOP loved money.
 
2013-07-17 12:27:06 PM

Trivia Jockey: James!: Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.

Interesting question. As a full citizen would you tie your age to 9 months before you were born?

Aw man, they could drink before junior year of college.  Unfair.


And technically the egg cell(s)* that turned into you were created when your mother was in the womb, so 50% of you (and effectively the very first cell that would later get fertilized and split over and over to become you) was formed your age + your mothers age at birth + some months ago.

*multiple in case you are a chimera or have one of those dead siblings floating about in your body somewhere, etc.
 
2013-07-17 02:37:40 PM

Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Why is no one else pointing this out? It seems like it might be relevant to the current conversation.
 
2013-07-17 03:20:11 PM

Bung_Howdy: kid_icarus: One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.


THIS

/will happen sooner than you think


These guys love their biblical morality and there is definite biblical grounds for it. "Better your seed in the belly of a whore than spilled on the ground" and all that. Male farkers, I'm looking at you. If the religious right is able to fully realize their dreams, once they've thoroughly shrink-wrapped all the women in burkas they're coming for you.
 
2013-07-17 04:36:19 PM
ikanreed:

Quartering soldiers: I'm given to understand that the military never stores its members in wombs that don't want them.  Ever!


Soda from the nose twice in one thread...
 
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