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(Think Progress)   Wisconsin Republican proposes amendment to state constitution that says fertilized eggs would be extended the rights of U.S. citizenship, 13 years faster than Mexicans   (thinkprogress.org ) divider line
    More: Stupid, U.S. Citizenship, Mexico, U.S., constitutional amendments, Wisconsin, state constitution  
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1523 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 Jul 2013 at 6:21 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



137 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-16 03:42:23 PM  
Oh wow, that's great news, I created a path to citizenship with my wife just last night!
 
2013-07-16 03:45:58 PM  
Guess you couldn't deport a pregnant illegal immigrant.
 
2013-07-16 03:48:30 PM  
That could also make any baby conceived in this country a citizen, regardless of the origin of the parents.
Anchor Zygotes!
 
2013-07-16 03:49:50 PM  

kxs401: Guess you couldn't deport a pregnant illegal immigrant.


Anchor zygotes.
 
2013-07-16 03:50:25 PM  
Who knew the pathway to citizenship was a vagina?
 
2013-07-16 03:51:21 PM  
Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?
 
2013-07-16 03:52:29 PM  

James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?


Stand your ground.
 
2013-07-16 03:52:39 PM  

James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?


Stand your ground.
 
2013-07-16 03:53:14 PM  
10 seconds too slow.
 
2013-07-16 03:53:39 PM  

exick: James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?

Stand your ground.


wxboy: James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?

Stand your ground.


Ten seconds, guys.
 
2013-07-16 03:54:19 PM  

James!: exick: James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?

Stand your ground.

wxboy: James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?

Stand your ground.

Ten seconds, guys.


Coincidentally, the average time it takes to make an anchor zygote.
 
2013-07-16 03:55:19 PM  

exick: James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?

Stand your ground gonad.


FTFY.
 
2013-07-16 03:57:19 PM  
One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.
 
2013-07-16 03:59:58 PM  
Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.
 
2013-07-16 04:06:09 PM  

Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.


Interesting question. As a full citizen would you tie your age to 9 months before you were born?
 
2013-07-16 04:09:08 PM  

James!: Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.

Interesting question. As a full citizen would you tie your age to 9 months before you were born?


Aw man, they could drink before junior year of college.  Unfair.
 
2013-07-16 04:10:01 PM  
Will doctors have to read the Miranda warnings to a woman's abdomen before an abortion?
 
2013-07-16 04:11:11 PM  

Trivia Jockey: James!: Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.

Interesting question. As a full citizen would you tie your age to 9 months before you were born?

Aw man, they could drink before junior year of college.  Unfair.


And would this be retroactive?  HOW farkING OLD AM I!!!??
 
2013-07-16 04:13:08 PM  
I already love this thread. I want to give it a path to citizenship.
 
2013-07-16 04:16:15 PM  
The GOP is not being inconsistent here -- you can't tell if a zygote is brown or not.
 
2013-07-16 04:18:49 PM  
I would never have believed you if you had told me this morning I would go home tonight having heard the term "vaginal gerrymandering".
 
2013-07-16 04:25:04 PM  
I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did
 
2013-07-16 05:03:27 PM  

James!: Hmm... so what is the law if a US Citizen takes up residence in your abdomen without your consent?


With all the Planned Parenthoods closing down, this may give me an opening for new business idea:  Deportation Clinics.
 
2013-07-16 05:06:23 PM  
God I hate Republicans
 
2013-07-16 05:07:25 PM  
Stupid amendment is stupid.

Also will never get through 2 legislative sessions plus a referendum.
 
2013-07-16 05:07:30 PM  
In all seriousness, would this mean that all people conceived in the US are now citizens? So the people who hate anchor babies now want to basically let immigrants have anchor sex?
 
2013-07-16 05:08:24 PM  
Although I've never seen a zygote build a road or frame house at slave wages, so I'm actually kind of surprised by this
 
2013-07-16 05:08:29 PM  
All right, fockers. If a fertilized egg is a person, I get to claim my pregnancy as a dependent on my taxes.
 
2013-07-16 05:10:21 PM  
Republican logic:

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

Deserves full protection under the law

i.livescience.com

Do NOT deserve full protection under the law.
 
2013-07-16 05:10:24 PM  
You'd think that a party that keeps wanting to fark women over would have a more conciliatory outlook on abortion.
 
2013-07-16 05:12:29 PM  
"Citizen Zygote" would be a great name for a rock band.
 
2013-07-16 05:12:52 PM  
Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said that an amendment to a US immigration bill would cause your mother's vagina to have the "most militarized border" since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.
 
2013-07-16 05:14:09 PM  
On the plus side, transvaginal ultrasounds shouldn't be required any longer because that's assault on the new "person".
 
2013-07-16 05:14:33 PM  

vernonFL: Republican logic:

Deserves full protection under the law

Do NOT deserve full protection under the law.


Those two will just have to keep farking until they make a zygote to protect then.
 
2013-07-16 05:14:49 PM  

Jackson Herring: Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said that an amendment to a US immigration bill would cause your mother's vagina to have the "most militarized border" since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.


I made a run for your mom's border last night.
 
2013-07-16 05:15:22 PM  

ariseatex: vernonFL: Republican logic:

Deserves full protection under the law

Do NOT deserve full protection under the law.

Those two will just have to keep farking until they make a zygote to protect then.


Challenge accepted!
 
2013-07-16 05:15:34 PM  
Would a surrogate mother be guilty of human trafficking?
 
2013-07-16 05:16:14 PM  

Trivia Jockey: Jackson Herring: Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said that an amendment to a US immigration bill would cause your mother's vagina to have the "most militarized border" since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.

I made a run for your mom's border last night.


Minute Men takes on a whole new meaning.
 
2013-07-16 05:19:21 PM  

Trivia Jockey: I would never have believed you if you had told me this morning I would go home tonight having heard the term "vaginal gerrymandering".


You've never heard of them?  Figures.  You're soooooo mainstream. Great band.
 
2013-07-16 05:21:16 PM  
Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.
 
2013-07-16 05:30:39 PM  
I think the definition of a "person" under the law should have some clause about the "person" being able to go to jail if it commits a crime.

Can a corporation go to jail if it commits fraud? nope? then not a "person". can a zygote go to jail or get cited for refusing leave the property? no?? well then not a "person".
 
2013-07-16 05:31:55 PM  
I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids, they'd make sure health care and federal food programs were well funded.  ditto for schools and job training for when they graduate.  instead the focus is on making sure abortion is illegal, women have little or no access to affordable health care and 2 min after the kid is born nobody with an 'R' after their name gives a damn about you.  But hey - save the fetus, right?
 
2013-07-16 05:33:44 PM  

Diogenes: Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.


The GOP has already decided that women are nothing more than incubators.
 
2013-07-16 05:34:55 PM  

Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids...


Let me stop you right there.  They don't.  They don't give a shiat about kids precisely for the reasons you describe.  They only care about mollifying their conservative, Christian base.  Anti-abortion efforts are effective toward that goal.
 
2013-07-16 05:37:07 PM  

Trivia Jockey: Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids...

Let me stop you right there.  They don't.  They don't give a shiat about kids precisely for the reasons you describe.  They only care about mollifying their conservative, Christian base.  Anti-abortion efforts are effective toward that goal.


well, if I had to guess I'd say that the GOP line about abortion has more to do with punishing women for having sex than it does about saving the fetus.  that's just like...my opinion tho man.
 
2013-07-16 05:40:46 PM  

Lorelle: Diogenes: Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.

The GOP has already decided that women are nothing more than incubators.


I thought they made sandwiches too.
 
2013-07-16 05:43:30 PM  
I don't understand what any of this has to do with US citizenship. If abortion is murder, citizenship is not relevant. Are we allowed to murder foreign nationals and I just wasn't aware of it?
 
2013-07-16 05:46:39 PM  

grokca: Lorelle: Diogenes: Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.

The GOP has already decided that women are nothing more than incubators.

I thought they made sandwiches too.


Not while incubating. Risk of miscarriage, you know.
 
2013-07-16 05:46:47 PM  

kid_icarus: One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.



THIS

/will happen sooner than you think
 
2013-07-16 05:49:14 PM  

DamnYankees: I don't understand what any of this has to do with US citizenship. If abortion is murder, citizenship is not relevant. Are we allowed to murder foreign nationals and I just wasn't aware of it?


yes.  but only if they're muslim and in a desert somewhere overseas.
 
2013-07-16 05:52:09 PM  
I am going to adopt a massive collection of zygotes and then write them all off as dependents on my taxes.
 
2013-07-16 06:10:39 PM  
GOP -- That little toddler sister who stands behind mom's dress and points her finger when you're in trouble for something:

Bad! You're bad, you're bad, and YOU'RE bad! Bad, bad, bad!

Punish, punish, punish! No-no-no!

You're bad. Very bad. I get to punish you. Punish, punish. Bad, bad, bad.
 
2013-07-16 06:17:29 PM  
They DO start learning English 12 yeas sooner.
 
2013-07-16 06:22:39 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: They DO start learning English 12 yeas sooner.


This sentence is so perfect, I nearly died laughing.
 
2013-07-16 06:24:38 PM  
So would frozen fertilized eggs be classified as enemy combatants so we could "legally" detain them indefinitely?
 
2013-07-16 06:24:52 PM  
There's a sperm bank in Milwaukee that is now its own Congressional District
 
2013-07-16 06:24:57 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: They DO start learning English 12 yeas sooner.


Self-pwned
 
2013-07-16 06:25:20 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: They DO start learning English 12 yeas sooner.



Screen cap time.
 
2013-07-16 06:26:01 PM  

DamnYankees: In all seriousness, would this mean that all people conceived in the US are now citizens? So the people who hate anchor babies now want to basically let immigrants have anchor sex?


That does sound like the case. This sounds like the poster zygote for the Law of Unintended Consequences.
 
2013-07-16 06:27:38 PM  
It's what Jesus would have wanted
 
2013-07-16 06:31:50 PM  
We're going to need to adjust our laws regarding slavery and kidnapping if all pregnant women are now holding American citizens against their will.
 
2013-07-16 06:34:25 PM  
4.bp.blogspot.com

"See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Fertilization, when the sperm fertilizes the egg. Which is usually a few moments after the man says "Gee, honey, I was going to pull out but the phone rang and it startled me."But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins. And not every egg makes it that far. Eighty percent of a woman's fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. So basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who's had more than more than one period is a serial killer!"
 
2013-07-16 06:35:25 PM  
This kind of shiat is always going to fail from a simple practical perspective: a fertilized ovum don't always or even usually implant and grow in a natural pregnancy, and IVF (which involves fertilizing several ova and removing the less viable ones) is a very popular method of family planning for couples with low fertility.

Or, in short, this hurts people that  want to have children a lot more than those that don't.  People that don't want to have children are only harmed in irregular circumstances like condom failure, rape, and so on.  People that are trying to have kids are now murderers every time they're having unprotected sex and the woman still gets her period, and aren't allowed to use fertility-boosting methods to have kids.

Implementation of these kinds of things would last about as long as it takes those things to sink in, if even that.
 
2013-07-16 06:38:28 PM  
Damn Yankees: In all seriousness, would this mean that all people conceived in the US are now citizens? So the people who hate anchor babies now want to basically let immigrants have anchor sex?


I suspect this is a GOP effort to link immigrants (whose vote they need) and their assumed "greater fertility rates" to the end goal of making all fetuses "human" with "rights" (ie - no abortion for you, ever)

call me cynical
 
2013-07-16 06:40:23 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did


They could shut it all down.
 
2013-07-16 06:42:12 PM  
Back before I instituted a complete ban on any discussion of abortion in any of my classes, I would occasionally bring this up as an example of a ridiculous, nonsensical consequence of the concept of fetal personhood.

I'm ecstatic that the Republicans have stooped to that level.  Just makes them look stupider.  Hillary Clinton is going to have a farking FIELD day with these idiots, during her entire 8 year tenure as President.
 
2013-07-16 06:44:40 PM  
FTA Wisconsin Rep. Andre Jacque (R) is proposing an amendment to the state constitution that would extend all the rights of U.S. citizenship to fertilized eggs. The amendment stipulates that "the terms 'people' and 'person' shall apply to every human being at any stage of development."

This clown is fishing for campaign money from the anti-choice kooks.
 
2013-07-16 06:45:48 PM  

Jim_Callahan: IVF (which involves fertilizing several ova and removing the less viable ones) is a very popular method of family planning for couples with low fertility.


But if God had wanted those couples to have children, they would have them. Just look at Abraham and Sarah!
/runs
 
2013-07-16 06:47:52 PM  
I can't understand the point of this.  Abortion will still be protected under the constitution, but in the meantime, the cops will likely have to investigate any miscarriage that comes to their attention just in case it's murder.
 
2013-07-16 06:51:02 PM  
Everyone knows life begins the moment you unhook the bra.
 
2013-07-16 06:52:08 PM  
Did I miss the vote that granted Wisconsin's government overriding authority over matters of United States citizenship?
 
2013-07-16 06:52:10 PM  

Lorelle: grokca: Lorelle: Diogenes: Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.

The GOP has already decided that women are nothing more than incubators.

I thought they made sandwiches too.

Not while incubating. Risk of miscarriage, you know.


I think you meant involuntary manslaughter, under this bill.
 
2013-07-16 06:55:58 PM  
So I can carry a few zygotes in a cooler and use the car pool lane. Neat!
 
2013-07-16 06:59:41 PM  
Hey baby, how would you like to go generate a tax credit?
 
2013-07-16 07:00:51 PM  

jst3p: Everyone knows life begins the moment you unhook the bra.


Well, for me it did.
 
2013-07-16 07:01:49 PM  
I've got a half dozen frozen embryos, they cost $500/year to keep. I was going to destroy them, but now I get a child deduction for each, that's a net profit.
 
2013-07-16 07:02:54 PM  
Service guarantees citizenship
i96.photobucket.com
/yes please
 
2013-07-16 07:07:10 PM  

Diogenes: Fetal Personhood, Corporate Personhood....

Pretty soon the only entities without personhood will be actual people.


Just the way Republican Jesus intended
 
2013-07-16 07:07:47 PM  

Diogenes: Trivia Jockey: Jackson Herring: Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) said that an amendment to a US immigration bill would cause your mother's vagina to have the "most militarized border" since the Berlin Wall came down in 1989.

I made a run for your mom's border last night.

Minute Men takes on a whole new meaning.


A minute? What's your secret, man?
 
2013-07-16 07:09:33 PM  

Nuclear Monk: Service guarantees citizenship
[i96.photobucket.com image 260x294]
/yes please


"service"
 
2013-07-16 07:22:36 PM  
They'll have 2nd Amendment rights, too, I presume?

cdn.thedailybeast.com
 
2013-07-16 07:25:10 PM  
Does that mean that if a fertilized egg is frozen for 3 years before implantation, then the resulting human can legally vote 15 years after his/her birth?
 
2013-07-16 07:27:18 PM  
The Supremacy Clause, how the fark does that work?
 
2013-07-16 07:45:04 PM  
I'm going to fertilize dozens of eggs, freeze them, declare them dependents, and then write them off on tax forms.
 
2013-07-16 07:53:19 PM  
Once again, I find myself bringing up ectopic pregnancies.

If a fertilized egg is a person, what do we do when that egg implants itself in the wrong place? Failing to treat the condition almost certainly (98%-99% chance) results in death for both the fetus and the mother, but the only truly effective treatment is to abort the fetus either chemically or surgically. The only chance of a successful delivery is if the egg implanted itself in the abdomen, and even that often results in the death of the mother (usually due to hemorrhage before the fetus is even viable, or extreme bleeding when the placenta is removed).

The rate of ectopic pregancy is around 2%, and there are about 6.7 million pregnancies per year.in the U.S. That's around 134,000 cases per year where the choice is to either kill the fetus or let both fetus and mother die. As long as abortion is legal, it's a fairly simple decision... Terminate the pregnancy and save the mother.  As soon as abortion is made illegal, it becomes significantly more difficult than it should be.

Technically, the treatment for an ectopic pregnancy is an abortion. Realistically, the fetus has almost no chance of surviving, but I seem to remember a recent case where a woman with cancer was denied treatment because it might harm the fetus... so they both died.
 
2013-07-16 08:06:24 PM  
States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.
 
2013-07-16 08:16:53 PM  

ariseatex: Those two will just have to keep farking until they make a zygote to protect then.


What I expect much sooner is for scientists to be able to convert adult stem cells into sperm cells, irregardless of the sex of the stem cell donor.  Imagine when lesbian couples can father each others' children.

Wrap you head around that.
 
2013-07-16 08:25:07 PM  
Without reading the article I'm going to guess Grothman or Lazich...

/Jacque
//The darkhorse come in and closed down the stretch
 
2013-07-16 08:28:24 PM  
They're gonna demand a fence be built in front of all vaginas.

OUCH
 
2013-07-16 08:39:33 PM  

DamnYankees: In all seriousness, would this mean that all people conceived in the US are now citizens? So the people who hate anchor babies now want to basically let immigrants have anchor sex?


Wait till I start suing Republicans for violating the civil rights of all those fertilized eggs every time they pass another law cutting welfare benefits for children (SNAP, WIC) or making it harder for pregnant women to get prenatal healthcare (on behalf of the eggs inside of them).

After all, if an egg has rights, then it has rights to those benefits, and standing to sue for them in court--or for someone to sue on their behalf. Someone needs to look into that. Like with Citizens United, the Republicans could be opening the can of worms that will cut their own throat.
 
2013-07-16 08:40:08 PM  

REO-Weedwagon: FTA Wisconsin Rep. Andre Jacque (R) is proposing an amendment to the state constitution that would extend all the rights of U.S. citizenship to fertilized eggs. The amendment stipulates that "the terms 'people' and 'person' shall apply to every human being at any stage of development."

This clown is fishing for campaign money from the anti-choice kooks.


He's so far in Pro-Life's pocket it's not even funny; this is him earning his funding for next year's election.
 
2013-07-16 08:53:06 PM  

Jgok: If a fertilized egg is a person, what do we do when that egg implants itself in the wrong place?


Send in a SWAT team to break up the hostage situation.
 
2013-07-16 08:57:28 PM  

PirateKing: Jgok: If a fertilized egg is a person, what do we do when that egg implants itself in the wrong place?

Send in a SWAT team to break up the hostage situation.


OK, that made me laugh more than it should have.
 
2013-07-16 09:04:57 PM  
FTFA: They point out that an unconstitutional personhood amendment would invite expensive legal battles.

So they're arguing that it should not be pursued because a legal battle would be expensive. Well how about not doing it because it would be farking unconstitutional?
 
2013-07-16 09:05:28 PM  
What happens when a plane flies into one of the fetal citizen states? Does the FAA suddenly have to fine the airline for being over-crowded?

Fire regulations for buildings will be a mess.
 
2013-07-16 09:08:41 PM  

Witty_Retort: What happens when a plane flies into one of the fetal citizen states? Does the FAA suddenly have to fine the airline for being over-crowded?

Fire regulations for buildings will be a mess.


It's going to wreak havoc on all you can eat buffet rules.
 
2013-07-16 09:09:44 PM  
Conservatism: having more respect for unborn human life than sentient humans
 
2013-07-16 09:09:57 PM  

Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids, they'd make sure health care and federal food programs were well funded.  ditto for schools and job training for when they graduate.  instead the focus is on making sure abortion is illegal, women have little or no access to affordable health care and 2 min after the kid is born nobody with an 'R' after their name gives a damn about you.  But hey - save the fetus, right?


Yeah, pretty much. And this is from the party that's always biatching about intrusive government regulations.
 
2013-07-16 09:20:59 PM  

Gyrfalcon: PirateKing: Jgok: If a fertilized egg is a person, what do we do when that egg implants itself in the wrong place?

Send in a SWAT team to break up the hostage situation.

OK, that made me laugh more than it should have.


Definitely. Soda should not exit through nostrils.

/does the egg have "Stand Your Ground" rights?
 
2013-07-16 09:24:11 PM  

Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids, they'd make sure health care and federal food programs were well funded.  ditto for schools and job training for when they graduate.  instead the focus is on making sure abortion is illegal, women have little or no access to affordable health care and 2 min after the kid is born nobody with an 'R' after their name gives a damn about you.  But hey - save the fetus, right?


Yeah, I don't get it either. This is the most retarded thing I have heard in a while, and in Wisconsin that is saying a lot
 
2013-07-16 09:26:40 PM  
So a transvaginal ultrasound can't be performed without a warrant, since it would violate the fertilized egg's constitutional right against illegal search and seizure?
 
2013-07-16 09:27:27 PM  
shiat, I just created a path to citizenship in my pants . . . at least, half a path.
 
2013-07-16 09:27:32 PM  

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Witty_Retort: What happens when a plane flies into one of the fetal citizen states? Does the FAA suddenly have to fine the airline for being over-crowded?

Fire regulations for buildings will be a mess.

It's going to wreak havoc on all you can eat buffet rules.


Riding in elevators, too.
 
2013-07-16 09:29:38 PM  
Look at all those other fundamental rights fetuses can make great use of:

Speech: well known orators, all fetuses are known for their particularly complex and well-formed opinions.
Press: Did you know that Fox News determines the content of their story by the kicks of fetuses?  You do now!
Assembly: I cannot count the number of times I've seen a zygote out for a stroll to visit friends.
Religion: Sometimes you even have to stuff an islamic prayer mat up in there for the little guys.
Petition for redress of grievances: over 30% of change.org petitions are started before birth!
Right to bear arms: an organized militia of blastocysts saved my life on 3 separate occasions.
Quartering soldiers: I'm given to understand that the military never stores its members in wombs that don't want them.  Ever!
Unreasonable search and seizure: the multitude of private documents and private property that a fetus can earn by 3 months is astounding.
Right against self-incrimination: I've heard that cops would be willing to torture the barest beginnings of a central nervous system to extract a confession were it not for this right.

You know what, I think I've made my point.  There aren't any rights that fetuses can make use of because they're not people.
 
2013-07-16 09:33:40 PM  
Fertility clinics have thousands of kidnapped US citizens housed in their freezers.

Oh. My. God.

i623.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-16 09:33:44 PM  
LIFE BEGINS AT AROUSAL!

i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-16 09:36:36 PM  
I'm declaring each of my sperm as a dependent for tax purposes.  And tissues, if used during work hours, count as legitimate childcare expenses.
 
2013-07-16 09:44:26 PM  
Well, say goodbye to in vitro fertilization.
 
2013-07-16 09:51:45 PM  

Weaver95: I just don't understand the GOP anymore.  if they really gave a damn about kids...


I think I see where you went wrong.
 
2013-07-16 09:52:22 PM  
I guess ever 28-32 days the criminal justice system of Wisconsin is going to be very busy.
 
2013-07-16 09:59:03 PM  

BStorm: Did I miss the vote that granted Wisconsin's government overriding authority over matters of United States citizenship?


I can't believe it took this long for someone to mention that little fact.
 
2013-07-16 11:33:31 PM  

Trivia Jockey: I would never have believed you if you had told me this morning I would go home tonight having heard the term "vaginal gerrymandering".


If someone told you you would hear it, then wouldn't you have heard it when they told you?
 
2013-07-16 11:34:51 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did


Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.
 
2013-07-16 11:48:31 PM  
Wisconsin Lawmaker Revives 'Personhood' Push To Grant Embryos All The Rights Of U.S. Citizens
will they get photo IDs?
SSN?
can the mother deduct them on her taxes?
what about fertilized eggs which are kept frozen? do those count too?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
can I buy some fertilized eggs, claim tax deductions and just never bring them to term??
 
2013-07-16 11:56:58 PM  
Every time I think, the Republicans can't get any stupider...
 
2013-07-16 11:57:59 PM  
MS tried to pass this and failed. Mississippi for pity's sake couldn't get enough folks to vote for this.
 
2013-07-17 12:34:35 AM  

Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.


#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days
 
2013-07-17 12:43:56 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.

#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days


What I mean is that women after menopause can't get pregnant. If they can't get pregnant, they know they will never have an abortion, so it's not their problem.

The Republican Motto is "Fark you, I got mine". They don't care about other women.
 
2013-07-17 12:46:34 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Lackofname: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I just can't understand why women aren't more upset about the crap that's been happening lately

/because I think they could do something about it immediately if they did

Because

1) Jesus
2) THEY aren't going to have an abortion, so it's not a problem for THEM. Only sluts have abortions.
3) They're old and crusty, see #2.

#3 is irrelevant: I'm old and crusty, too. And I refer to the women most affected by these idiot laws being passed: women from birth to death, in effect, but let's just say women older than the age of consent in their respective states

/if a majority of that group disagreed with what is happening, and exercised the power they posess, these laws would either never be passed, or be repealed in a matter of days


I should restate that what I mean is that a woman who can get pregnant might, in the back of her mind, fear an accidental pregnancy and have to worry about if abortion is outlawed, then she can't get one.

A woman in menopause does not have this fear.

Add to that a "Fark you I got mine" and "Other women have abortions, NOT ME," and you get this.

Besides, it's been well documented that Pro-Life protestors will still take their daughter into the same abortion clinic when their little darling makes a mistake, and then turn right around and go back out and picket. THese people are hypocrits and scum.
 
2013-07-17 12:49:58 AM  
so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??
 
2013-07-17 12:54:52 AM  
In other words, this guy is a total piece of human garbage who has fanatical ideas about what fetuses represent.

What century are we living in again?
 
2013-07-17 12:55:54 AM  

kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??


What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??
 
2013-07-17 01:36:45 AM  

Gyrfalcon: kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??

What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??


They'd have to change the signage: HOV LANE 250,000,000+ ONLY
 
2013-07-17 01:40:10 AM  

kxs401: Guess you couldn't deport a pregnant illegal immigrant.


And, this.
 
2013-07-17 01:41:27 AM  

Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.


Don't forget carpool lanes!
 
2013-07-17 01:45:53 AM  

Lochsteppe: Gyrfalcon: kosherkow: so, if there is a miscarriage, does this become a homicide investigation?

/does the fetus receive an ID card, SSN... there are so many questions.
//can i drive alone in the carpool lane with pregrnant??

What about eggs and sperm? Are potential people enough to get you a pass for the HOV lane??

They'd have to change the signage: HOV LANE 250,000,000+ ONLY


That's discriminatory against us who have had a hot laptop and cheetoh dust pressed up against our genitals for several years.
 
2013-07-17 03:06:58 AM  
America's national dialog is getting so truncated and absurd that farkers are now all making the same jokes at the same time.
 
2013-07-17 03:12:13 AM  
I can't wait to retire nine months early.

.
 
2013-07-17 03:56:50 AM  
Step Two is to declare that birth control pills and IUD's kill fertlized eggs.
 
2013-07-17 08:25:18 AM  

Bung_Howdy: kid_icarus: One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.


THIS

/will happen sooner than you think


If this ever comes to fruition, I may be declared the worlds worst mass murderer.
 
2013-07-17 08:26:13 AM  
Sometimes two eggs will get fertilizer but one will get larger quicker and absorb the sibling and later one fetus will kill another. Are they going to start slapping cuff on kids when they are born and arrest them on manslaughter charges.
 
2013-07-17 08:49:00 AM  

Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.


Actually, that raises an interesting point.  If life starts at conception, does that grant someone the right to vote at 17 years and 3 months after birth?
 
2013-07-17 10:36:12 AM  
What's bizarre is that the GOP wants to allow citizenship to embryos who can't make money and put said money into their pockets. I thought the GOP loved money.
 
2013-07-17 12:27:06 PM  

Trivia Jockey: James!: Trivia Jockey: Great, these zygotes are going to get citizenship, which means the right to vote, and the next thing you know they'll be voting Democrat and the GOP will have to gerrymander your vaginas.

Interesting question. As a full citizen would you tie your age to 9 months before you were born?

Aw man, they could drink before junior year of college.  Unfair.


And technically the egg cell(s)* that turned into you were created when your mother was in the womb, so 50% of you (and effectively the very first cell that would later get fertilized and split over and over to become you) was formed your age + your mothers age at birth + some months ago.

*multiple in case you are a chimera or have one of those dead siblings floating about in your body somewhere, etc.
 
2013-07-17 02:37:40 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Britney Spear's Speculum: States can't determine US citizenship.

End of story.


Why is no one else pointing this out? It seems like it might be relevant to the current conversation.
 
2013-07-17 03:20:11 PM  

Bung_Howdy: kid_icarus: One day some bold Republican will have the moral fortitude to push past the "fertilization" line and declare all reproductive cells as human life.


THIS

/will happen sooner than you think


These guys love their biblical morality and there is definite biblical grounds for it. "Better your seed in the belly of a whore than spilled on the ground" and all that. Male farkers, I'm looking at you. If the religious right is able to fully realize their dreams, once they've thoroughly shrink-wrapped all the women in burkas they're coming for you.
 
2013-07-17 04:36:19 PM  
ikanreed:

Quartering soldiers: I'm given to understand that the military never stores its members in wombs that don't want them.  Ever!


Soda from the nose twice in one thread...
 
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