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(Cracked)   The six dumbest ways superheroes were forced to protect their secret identities after they were figured out   (cracked.com) divider line 33
    More: Fail, identity, Matt Murdock, Wayne Manor, Mrs. Doubtfire, Fortress of Solitude, basic skills, common mistakes  
•       •       •

9589 clicks; posted to Geek » on 14 Jul 2013 at 11:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



33 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-14 11:59:55 AM  
Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.
 
2013-07-14 12:00:31 PM  
No mention of Peter Parker making a deal with Mephisto
 
2013-07-14 12:11:19 PM  
i.crackedcdn.com
iron wedgie?
 
2013-07-14 12:14:56 PM  
When I was a kid Cracked was the disappointing alternate to Mad Magazine.  Haven read Mad in decades but it is nice to see some things stay the same and Cracked can still disappoint.
 
2013-07-14 12:36:20 PM  

Cheron: When I was a kid Cracked was the disappointing alternate to Mad Magazine.  Haven read Mad in decades but it is nice to see some things stay the same and Cracked can still disappoint.


Did they insist on splitting all their articles into two separate issues?
 
2013-07-14 01:01:47 PM  
i.crackedcdn.com

Super people problems.
 
2013-07-14 01:36:31 PM  

styckx: Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.


I can't decide what I hate most about Cracked now: the paid links, the fact that all the articles are broken into multiple pages, or that god damn pop up that keeps appearing to explain the "new and improved" site.
 
2013-07-14 01:43:46 PM  
Cock-blocked by your alt secret identity is pretty funny.
 
2013-07-14 01:45:57 PM  

bukketmaster: styckx: Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.

I can't decide what I hate most about Cracked now: the paid links, the fact that all the articles are broken into multiple pages, or that god damn pop up that keeps appearing to explain the "new and improved" site.


I don't hate any of those things. Because I don't click the link.

Also, I dont have a TeeVee. and I have an old school rotary phone...
 
2013-07-14 01:47:15 PM  

INeedAName: bukketmaster: styckx: Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.

I can't decide what I hate most about Cracked now: the paid links, the fact that all the articles are broken into multiple pages, or that god damn pop up that keeps appearing to explain the "new and improved" site.

I don't hate any of those things. Because I don't click the link.

Also, I dont have a TeeVee. and I have an old school rotary phone...


KOSI eh?
 
2013-07-14 01:48:00 PM  

INeedAName: bukketmaster: styckx: Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.

I can't decide what I hate most about Cracked now: the paid links, the fact that all the articles are broken into multiple pages, or that god damn pop up that keeps appearing to explain the "new and improved" site.

I don't hate any of those things. Because I don't click the link.

Also, I dont have a TeeVee. and I have an old school rotary phone...


Pssh. You have a "phone"? I use something called a telegraph, but you probably haven't heard about it.
 
2013-07-14 01:53:52 PM  
In before people complain about the 2 pa......

Crap. It is like you guys sit around waiting for a Cracked link so you can complain about it.
 
2013-07-14 02:10:37 PM  
I remember reading this as a kid in Amazing Spiderman. The baddie spots him and watched him as he takes off his mask.
imageshack.us
And was agonized as much as an 8 year old kid could be for a month trying to imagine how he'd get out of it. Then I read next months issue.

He made a rubber face mask & put that over his costume mask. He then put another costume mask over the face mask. He went to another villain spy camera, and pulled off his outer costume mask, revealing the rubber face mask then took the face mask off revealing another costume mask under that. What the?!?

imageshack.us

My 8-year old verdict: THAT'S BULLshiat. That's when I realized some comic writers are really talented and entertaining and some...aren't.
 
2013-07-14 02:19:33 PM  
Not what I expected from TFA. Was expecting something more like: Superman kissing Lois Lane erases her memory of his true identity.

/but it didn't erase her memory any other time he did it
//and it specifically targeted that memory and nothing else
///still trying to figure out how that all works
 
2013-07-14 02:27:33 PM  

Uriel: INeedAName: bukketmaster: styckx: Reading a 6 ways list covering two pages seemingly missing form the list.

I can't decide what I hate most about Cracked now: the paid links, the fact that all the articles are broken into multiple pages, or that god damn pop up that keeps appearing to explain the "new and improved" site.

I don't hate any of those things. Because I don't click the link.

Also, I dont have a TeeVee. and I have an old school rotary phone...

Pssh. You have a "phone"? I use something called a telegraph, but you probably haven't heard about it.


I was using the Pony Express before it was cool
 
2013-07-14 02:27:52 PM  
What, subbie expects iron man to let a boy's dog die just to protect his identity?
 
2013-07-14 02:46:03 PM  
And then there was that time Kwame was outed...
 
2013-07-14 03:00:27 PM  
Ridiculous story lines, dragged out over extended periods of time. OMG, comics are soap operas for nerds!
 
2013-07-14 03:05:40 PM  

bingethinker: Ridiculous story lines, dragged out over extended periods of time. OMG, comics are soap operas for nerds!


Except that babies don't go from infants to teenagers in a matter of weeks...unless they have reality warping powers or there's time travel involved.
 
2013-07-14 03:50:21 PM  

bingethinker: Ridiculous story lines, dragged out over extended periods of time. OMG, comics are soap operas for nerds!


Just like wrestling is soap operas for closet homosexuals
 
2013-07-14 04:21:13 PM  

Metaluna Mutant: I remember reading this as a kid in Amazing Spiderman. The baddie spots him and watched him as he takes off his mask.
[imageshack.us image 410x324]
And was agonized as much as an 8 year old kid could be for a month trying to imagine how he'd get out of it. Then I read next months issue.

He made a rubber face mask & put that over his costume mask. He then put another costume mask over the face mask. He went to another villain spy camera, and pulled off his outer costume mask, revealing the rubber face mask then took the face mask off revealing another costume mask under that. What the?!?

[imageshack.us image 545x285]

My 8-year old verdict: THAT'S BULLshiat. That's when I realized some comic writers are really talented and entertaining and some...aren't.


There was also an issue where some gumshoe reporter is following Parker around to figure out how Parker gets all the Spider-Man scoops, and deduces that Parker is Spider-Man. Peter's Spider-Sense warns him of this danger, and he fills his costume with webbing, has a conversation with himself and "Spider-Man" by changing his voice with his mask, then sends the webbing-stuffed suit swinging off somehow. Which, when you think about it...the web-stuffed suit would just swing back as soon as it reached it's apex, but I guess the reporter couldn't stick around that long.
 
2013-07-14 04:23:08 PM  

texdent: bingethinker: Ridiculous story lines, dragged out over extended periods of time. OMG, comics are soap operas for nerds!

Except that babies don't go from infants to teenagers in a matter of weeks...unless they have reality warping powers or there's time travel involved.


Or they're mutants. Or clones. Or some kind of advanced gene therapy. Or a cosmic being shows up.
 
2013-07-14 04:25:53 PM  
Later, Hulk is caught off guard by soldiers and knocked out.

This might be my favorite part. We're so used to the "Hulk Smash" thing, and forget that originally Hulk was basically just a really strong frat-boy.
 
2013-07-14 05:51:05 PM  

Metaluna Mutant: I remember reading this as a kid in Amazing Spiderman. The baddie spots him and watched him as he takes off his mask.
[imageshack.us image 410x324]
And was agonized as much as an 8 year old kid could be for a month trying to imagine how he'd get out of it. Then I read next months issue.

He made a rubber face mask & put that over his costume mask. He then put another costume mask over the face mask. He went to another villain spy camera, and pulled off his outer costume mask, revealing the rubber face mask then took the face mask off revealing another costume mask under that. What the?!?

[imageshack.us image 545x285]

My 8-year old verdict: THAT'S BULLshiat. That's when I realized some comic writers are really talented and entertaining and some...aren't.




lerablog.org
 
2013-07-14 07:48:07 PM  

jayhawk88: Metaluna Mutant: I remember reading this as a kid in Amazing Spiderman. The baddie spots him and watched him as he takes off his mask.
[imageshack.us image 410x324]
And was agonized as much as an 8 year old kid could be for a month trying to imagine how he'd get out of it. Then I read next months issue.

He made a rubber face mask & put that over his costume mask. He then put another costume mask over the face mask. He went to another villain spy camera, and pulled off his outer costume mask, revealing the rubber face mask then took the face mask off revealing another costume mask under that. What the?!?

[imageshack.us image 545x285]

My 8-year old verdict: THAT'S BULLshiat. That's when I realized some comic writers are really talented and entertaining and some...aren't.

There was also an issue where some gumshoe reporter is following Parker around to figure out how Parker gets all the Spider-Man scoops, and deduces that Parker is Spider-Man. Peter's Spider-Sense warns him of this danger, and he fills his costume with webbing, has a conversation with himself and "Spider-Man" by changing his voice with his mask, then sends the webbing-stuffed suit swinging off somehow. Which, when you think about it...the web-stuffed suit would just swing back as soon as it reached it's apex, but I guess the reporter couldn't stick around that long.


How much time do you think they spend on a news item? hell, CNN wouldn't even wait for the talking bit. All Parker would have had to do was send a few retweets from Spider-Man and Blitzer would have declared them gay married to different men.
 
2013-07-14 09:49:04 PM  
I think the most believable method of secret identity maintenance is the "jury nullification" one, where basically everyone in the police and around them knows but they carefully "just can't see through that clever disguise" when it comes to the public record or a stranger asking.

That's actually how Batman usually works, iirc, which sorta fits the theme of Gotham being corrupt as hell.  If people aren't going rat out the pimp working the corner in front of their house for fear of reprisal, are they really going to turn in the deadly ninja who beats people randomly, appears from nowhere, and leaves most people alone in favor of beating criminals?
 
2013-07-15 12:23:15 AM  

DigitalCoffee: Not what I expected from TFA. Was expecting something more like: Superman kissing Lois Lane erases her memory of his true identity.

/but it didn't erase her memory any other time he did it
//and it specifically targeted that memory and nothing else
///still trying to figure out how that all works


I was expecting that one too but after reading the list, yeah it wasn't even close to those
 
2013-07-15 12:44:50 AM  

Jim_Callahan: I think the most believable method of secret identity maintenance is the "jury nullification" one, where basically everyone in the police and around them knows but they carefully "just can't see through that clever disguise" when it comes to the public record or a stranger asking.

That's actually how Batman usually works, iirc, which sorta fits the theme of Gotham being corrupt as hell.  If people aren't going rat out the pimp working the corner in front of their house for fear of reprisal, are they really going to turn in the deadly ninja who beats people randomly, appears from nowhere, and leaves most people alone in favor of beating criminals?


That works perfectly. And for the number of times that Jim Gordon has "forgotten" his glasses, I have no problems assuming the police also like the guy that makes their job easier.

I mean, the only crooks dumb enough to try to ID him are the ones that are due from a big assbeating from both their colleagues and the Batman. A bigger question is why any crooks even resist Superman. Unless Kryptonite gives them a pocket full of hope in that they think maybe their car keys are accidentally made of some metal that he might be weak to.
 
2013-07-15 12:57:55 AM  

Jim_Callahan: I think the most believable method of secret identity maintenance is the "jury nullification" one, where basically everyone in the police and around them knows but they carefully "just can't see through that clever disguise" when it comes to the public record or a stranger asking.

That's actually how Batman usually works, iirc, which sorta fits the theme of Gotham being corrupt as hell.  If people aren't going rat out the pimp working the corner in front of their house for fear of reprisal, are they really going to turn in the deadly ninja who beats people randomly, appears from nowhere, and leaves most people alone in favor of beating criminals?


There's a KBAC story that highlights this. Everyone local knows who the superhero is, but no one has any intention of letting the people who are after him know.
 
2013-07-15 01:34:09 AM  
Neeek:  KBAC

I know that it will be something simple and obvious, but i could not figure out what that meant. googling didn't help.  what's it mean please?  thanks!
 
2013-07-15 05:45:37 AM  

Fano: And then there was that time Kwame was outed...


Heh. Hehehehe. I knew something good can come out of cracked hate comments!

/ I needed that laugh- Long night at work
 
2013-07-15 06:52:15 PM  

R.P.M.: Neeek:  KBAC

I know that it will be something simple and obvious, but i could not figure out what that meant. googling didn't help.  what's it mean please?  thanks!


I'm probably wrong, but I think it means Kurt Busiek's Astro City
 
2013-07-15 10:15:21 PM  

commisioner: R.P.M.: Neeek:  KBAC

I know that it will be something simple and obvious, but i could not figure out what that meant. googling didn't help.  what's it mean please?  thanks!

I'm probably wrong, but I think it means Kurt Busiek's Astro City


gah!  i new it would be something like that.  i knew i saw that before.  thanks so much!  and it is good reading.
 
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