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(Daily Mail)   Jimmy Kimmel gets married to a woman who isn't f**king Matt Damon   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 47
    More: Sappy, Matt Damon, engagements, comedian  
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10670 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 14 Jul 2013 at 5:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-07-14 01:02:29 AM
www.thecinemasource.com
Still available
 
2013-07-14 01:27:26 AM
If she isn't, she will be.
 
2013-07-14 03:45:00 AM
First, how do we know she's not farking Matt Damon.

Second, why can't I think of a good head writer joke here?
 
2013-07-14 05:54:00 AM

Principal Clarinet: [www.thecinemasource.com image 500x869]
Still available


I'll take her, er, console her, if this marriage bothers her..
 
2013-07-14 05:54:09 AM
Would have been more interesting if they had gotten married while she was farking Matt Damon....
 
2013-07-14 06:01:15 AM

Principal Clarinet: [www.thecinemasource.com image 500x869]
Still available


And still crazy. And not crazy in a "I want to jump in the sack with that!" way, I mean crazy in a "God you are such an idiot, will you shut the fark up already?!" way.
 
2013-07-14 06:03:33 AM
i.dailymail.co.uk

I wonder if that's Adam Carolla standing next to Jimmy.
 
2013-07-14 06:27:32 AM
Ben Affleck?
 
2013-07-14 06:42:17 AM

SpdrJay: Would have been more interesting if they had gotten married while she was farking Matt Damon....


On the bed, on the floor, on the towel, by the door, in the tub, in the car, or up against the mini-bar?
 
2013-07-14 07:43:41 AM
Did the bachelor party involve women on trampolines?
 
2013-07-14 07:47:10 AM

OtherLittleGuy: Did the bachelor party involve women on trampolines?


If not, it should have.
 
2013-07-14 08:08:16 AM
0-media-cdn.foolz.us
 
2013-07-14 08:08:57 AM
Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are probably the best late night talk show hosts right now. Letterman really needs to retire, his show is starting to become stale.
 
2013-07-14 08:35:07 AM
Starting?
 
2013-07-14 08:35:27 AM
I don't know why these celebrities get married, it never lasts. If I was rich and famous, I'd go the George Clooney route. fark them till you get sick of their shiat then move on to the next.
 
2013-07-14 08:59:00 AM

Principal Clarinet: Still available


Too jewish
 
2013-07-14 09:12:32 AM
Oh, he married an employee. Now she can't be compelled to testify against him, I guess.
 
2013-07-14 09:16:32 AM
You'd think his post-success wife would be a little hotter. Maybe he'll upgrade with his next one.
 
2013-07-14 09:20:46 AM

skinink: Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are probably the best late night talk show hosts right now. Letterman really needs to retire, his show is starting to become stale.


He's been phoning it in for years.  Also, don't know how long Dave has left on his contract, but he isn't going to retire until Jay is long gone from the Tonight Show
 
2013-07-14 09:27:57 AM
Yet.
 
2013-07-14 09:36:35 AM

skinink: Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are probably the best late night talk show hosts right now. Letterman really needs to retire, his show is starting to become stale.


You might want to tune into the British stuff like Chatty Man and Johnathan Ross.

Wolf892: I feel like he deserves a woman much more attractive than she is


He's 45. He can't play bachelor too much longer.
 
2013-07-14 09:42:44 AM

doczoidberg: I wonder if that's Adam Carolla standing next to Jimmy.


No, that's Molly McNearney, his bride.
 
2013-07-14 09:52:14 AM
I don't always surf the internet, but when I do, eye brows.
 
2013-07-14 09:54:59 AM

SockMonkeyHolocaust: You'd think his post-success wife would be a little hotter. Maybe he'll upgrade with his next one.


I'd say he's had his pick of hotties to have sex with for many years now. I don't agree with your idea that his wife should be supermodel hot based on his success. What matters for a successful marriage is finding a person that you connect with on a lot of levels, one that you get, one that gets you, one that fits you perfectly. If you happen to find one that is coincidentally a supermodel, great, but working your way backwards from looks would be a recipe for disaster.
 
2013-07-14 09:56:19 AM
Wedding dress made of blobs of used kleenex. Hmm.
 
2013-07-14 10:10:07 AM

Langston: What matters for a successful marriage is finding a person that you connect with on a lot of levels, one that you get, one that gets you, one that fits you perfectly


I read that in the voice of the guy in the eHarmony.com commerecials.
 
2013-07-14 10:14:23 AM

ReapTheChaos: I don't know why these celebrities get married, it never lasts. If I was rich and famous, I'd go the George Clooney route. fark them till you get sick of their shiat then move on to the next.


As matches go, this probably isn't a bad one. They've worked together for years, presumably, know each other etc.

Actor marrying actress is where disasters start. Both are narcissists that crave love. Both work away from each other for long periods. Both have insane amounts of cock/pussy available whenever they want it.

Actor/actress marrying producers/directors seems to have better results.
 
2013-07-14 10:16:23 AM

Wolf892: I feel like he deserves a woman much more attractive than she is. I'm not saying she isn't attractive, just that with his celebrity and the money he pulls in that he could hold out for a Swedish bisexual blonde supermodel and one would gladly show up.


My thoughts are exactly the opposite. I'm looking at her, then at him, and I'm thinking he's farking lucky to have pulled her. And she's supposedly funny (head writer) and presumably smart too?
 
2013-07-14 10:19:40 AM
StrikitRich * * Smartest * Funniest 2013-07-14 09:20:46 AM skinink: Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are probably the best late night talk show hosts right now. Letterman really needs to retire, his show is starting to become stale. He's been phoning it in for years. Also, don't know how long Dave has left on his contract, but he isn't going to retire until Jay is long gone from the Tonight Show
======================================================

Leno and Letterman are both signed through 2014, but Leno is leaving his show in a few months while still under contract (mostly to avoid disaster if Fallon bombs and mostly to prevent Leno from going anywhere else for a long while).

Honestly if both ended up still being around in 2015, it wouldn't surprise me.
 
2013-07-14 10:28:51 AM
I like Sarah better.
 
2013-07-14 10:42:32 AM
Did the Daily Mail just call Jimmy Kimmel attractive? British hot indeed
 
2013-07-14 10:42:34 AM

jaytkay: doczoidberg: I wonder if that's Adam Carolla standing next to Jimmy.

No, that's Molly McNearney, his bride.


No, she's standing ACROSS from him.

What I meant was, "I wonder if Adam Carolla was the best man."
 
2013-07-14 10:43:15 AM

A. Snatchfold: Wolf892: I feel like he deserves a woman much more attractive than she is. I'm not saying she isn't attractive, just that with his celebrity and the money he pulls in that he could hold out for a Swedish bisexual blonde supermodel and one would gladly show up.

My thoughts are exactly the opposite. I'm looking at her, then at him, and I'm thinking he's farking lucky to have pulled her. And she's supposedly funny (head writer) and presumably smart too?


Men aren't supposed to like funny and smart. They're supposed to just like hot or other men will question their manliness.
 
2013-07-14 11:02:55 AM

StrikitRich: He's been phoning it in for years.  Also, don't know how long Dave has left on his contract, but he isn't going to retire until Jay is long gone from the Tonight Show


His contract goes to 2014.

/so does Jon Stewarts
 
2013-07-14 12:28:22 PM

Principal Clarinet: [www.thecinemasource.com image 500x869]
Still available


Only if she talks like Vanellope in bed.
 
2013-07-14 01:27:46 PM

HotIgneous Intruder: Wedding dress made of blobs of used kleenex. Hmm.


That wedding dress is not comely at all.
 
2013-07-14 01:37:15 PM

A. Snatchfold: Wolf892: I feel like he deserves a woman much more attractive than she is. I'm not saying she isn't attractive, just that with his celebrity and the money he pulls in that he could hold out for a Swedish bisexual blonde supermodel and one would gladly show up.

My thoughts are exactly the opposite. I'm looking at her, then at him, and I'm thinking he's farking lucky to have pulled her. And she's supposedly funny (head writer) and presumably smart too?




His first wife was hotter.
 
2013-07-14 01:51:58 PM

ReapTheChaos: I don't know why these celebrities get married, it never lasts. If I was rich and famous, I'd go the George Clooney route  . fark them till you get sick of their shiat then move on to the next. and be a closeted homosexual.

 
2013-07-14 01:55:14 PM

Langston: SockMonkeyHolocaust: You'd think his post-success wife would be a little hotter. Maybe he'll upgrade with his next one.

I'd say he's had his pick of hotties to have sex with for many years now. I don't agree with your idea that his wife should be supermodel hot based on his success. What matters for a successful marriage is finding a person that you connect with on a lot of levels, one that you get, one that gets you, one that fits you perfectly. If you happen to find one that is coincidentally a supermodel, great, but working your way backwards from looks would be a recipe for disaster.


But I am not talking about real life. I am talking about with regards to the entertainment industry, so nice try WhateverHerFace's mom.
 
2013-07-14 02:00:04 PM

farkeruk: ReapTheChaos: I don't know why these celebrities get married, it never lasts. If I was rich and famous, I'd go the George Clooney route. fark them till you get sick of their shiat then move on to the next.

As matches go, this probably isn't a bad one. They've worked together for years, presumably, know each other etc.

Actor marrying actress is where disasters start. Both are narcissists that crave love. Both work away from each other for long periods. Both have insane amounts of cock/pussy available whenever they want it.

Actor/actress marrying producers/directors seems to have better results.


And if the relationship goes sour, there goes the show.
 
2013-07-14 02:32:26 PM
Jimmy Kimmel = talentless hack
 
2013-07-14 02:41:22 PM
His new wife is rather attractive, and presumably sane.  Good for him.
 
2013-07-14 05:57:18 PM

SockMonkeyHolocaust: You'd think his post-success wife would be a little hotter. Maybe he'll upgrade with his next one.


This chick is way hotter than he deserves. He's not funny enough to overcome his looks and grating personality.
 
2013-07-14 09:05:38 PM
Ignoring the context, that headline could be have an entirely different meaning if "f**king" were meant as an adverb.
 
2013-07-14 10:14:24 PM

Principal Clarinet: [www.thecinemasource.com image 500x869]
Still available


I don't care what anyone thinks, I want to rail her like the last train into Auschwitz.
 
2013-07-15 02:31:46 AM
I've heard nothing but nice things about the woman, and she's way more attractive than I thought.

Good for Jimmy. He's a good man.
 
2013-07-15 07:22:42 AM
He's been phoning it in for years.  Also, don't know how long Dave has left on his contract, but he isn't going to retire until Jay is long gone from the Tonight Show

His contract goes to 2014.

/so does Jon Stewarts


If TDS's ratings don't sag with the Summer Hiatus, Stewart would be free to jump to the Late Show.  That would be EPIC.
 
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