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(Slate)   "Should I be offended none of my college professors ever hit on me?" asks insecure woman   (slate.com) divider line 129
    More: Silly, professors  
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7252 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jul 2013 at 3:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-13 10:01:07 AM  
When I was a younger professor, there were any number of female students who obviously had crushes on me.  While it is a bit of a treat for the ego, the facts are that (a) these are KIDS - barely 20 if that, (b) it would be a colossally horrendous idea to get tangled up with the student universe like that, and (c) the wellspring of their lustishness is not how incredibly hot *I* am, but the fact that they have some sort of daddy issue.

BAD, BAD idea to take advantage of that.

/Also, I am married, and while love is grand, divorce is several hundred grand.
 
2013-07-13 10:24:49 AM  
So if he doesn't hit on you he's a bad guy and if he does hit on you he's a bad guy and gets sued.... Yeahright.
 
2013-07-13 11:54:02 AM  
FTFA: Such relationships are not necessarily seedy, predatory things.

I'm pretty sure the employment contracts of professors say otherwise.
 
2013-07-13 12:10:35 PM  
It was probably because your pussy stinks...
 
2013-07-13 01:08:42 PM  
Wait.  So let me get this straight.  Men can ruin their lives by engaging in consensual relations with an adult woman and they'll be branded a sexist deviant predator.  Men are also harming women psychologically by not reciprocating their romantic interest.

Fascinating.
 
2013-07-13 01:59:57 PM  
I remember reading an e-mail exchange a while ago where a student, who was obviously about to fail the course, e-mailed her professor asking if she could do some "extra-credit" to get a better grade. It goes back and forth a little while before the girl (assuming he doesn't know what she's talking about) just flat-out says it. The professor responds saying he knew exactly what she was trying to say, but no thanks and good luck.
 
2013-07-13 02:07:39 PM  

bronyaur1: When I was a younger professor, there were any number of female students who obviously had crushes on me.  While it is a bit of a treat for the ego, the facts are that (a) these are KIDS - barely 20 if that, (b) it would be a colossally horrendous idea to get tangled up with the student universe like that, and (c) the wellspring of their lustishness is not how incredibly hot *I* am, but the fact that they have some sort of daddy issue.

BAD, BAD idea to take advantage of that.

/Also, I am married, and while love is grand, divorce is several hundred grand.


Well, unless you are my neighbor, and you were a HS Vice Principal, and you have two kids at home, and your wife is pregnant, and since it was with a student you threw away your career.

/but, your wife takes you back after your jail stint anyway
//for us, unfortunately he haven't moved out of the neighborhood
 
2013-07-13 03:28:08 PM  
A professor at a college I was at had his life completely turn to shiat over the course of just one day. He went to work in the morning as a tenured professor with a wife and a nice house, and an attractive young coed to fool around with on the side. The trouble started when the aforementioned student told her friends that she had an automatic A in that class because she was sleeping with the professor. Her friends blabbed, of course, and eventually word reached the University President, who called the professor on the carpet.

The professor admitted it and was given the option of resigning on the spot rather than going through the messy and very public procedure required to fire a tenured professor. He chose to resign. Then he had to go home and tell his wife why he just lost his cushy job. Apparently he had to pack his car that evening and drive to another state to go live with his sister.

I don't sleep with my students.
 
2013-07-13 03:34:36 PM  
If I was teaching a class of kids half my age the last thing I would want is to be around them after work.

20yo women are annoying to be around,and generally not very good in bed. Better off with another teacher.
 
2013-07-13 03:38:10 PM  
www.movieguide.org
 
2013-07-13 03:38:22 PM  
Martin: Hannah just happened to be there; it wasn't by dasein.
 
2013-07-13 03:44:04 PM  
God damn it women, is there anything they can't complain about?
 
2013-07-13 03:51:02 PM  
If you don't sleep with your students you are missing out on some easy pickings.  Those idiots just stare at you drooling with lust in their eyes - you just need to have a concerned expression as they babble to you inanely and they are putty in your hand.  And you can promise whatever you want because they don't have the attention span to remember and five mins later they move on to the next thing.  I gotta say, becoming a special ed teacher has really helped my love live, I recommend it.

/kidding
 
2013-07-13 03:52:17 PM  

BigLuca: If you don't sleep with your students you are missing out on some easy pickings.  Those idiots just stare at you drooling with lust in their eyes - you just need to have a concerned expression as they babble to you inanely and they are putty in your hand.  And you can promise whatever you want because they don't have the attention span to remember and five mins later they move on to the next thing.  I gotta say, becoming a special ed teacher has really helped my love live, I recommend it.

/kidding


Once I saw the kidding tag I knew it wasn't Spentmiles.
 
2013-07-13 03:53:18 PM  
Dear College Kid...

Yes, you should be offended.  You sound fat.

Regards,
cowgirl toffee
 
2013-07-13 03:55:00 PM  

staplermofo: FTFA: Such relationships are not necessarily seedy, predatory things.

I'm pretty sure the employment contracts of professors say otherwise.


And you would be wrong. It differs place to place.

One place I was at required that you did not have academic influence over them. (Meaning, once they were done with anything in your department it was alright.) Another required that they were not directly graded by you. (In the department was alright as long as it was not your class.)

As for hitting on them, why? Students are typically the agressors.
 
2013-07-13 03:55:15 PM  
As a former Catholic altar boy, I've often asked myself the same question...
 
2013-07-13 03:56:14 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: As a former Catholic altar boy, I've often asked myself the same question...


You sound fat.

Just kidding. :)
 
2013-07-13 03:57:06 PM  

gimmegimme: Wait.  So let me get this straight.  Men can ruin their lives by engaging in consensual relations with an adult woman and they'll be branded a sexist deviant predator.  Men are also harming women psychologically by not reciprocating their romantic interest.

Fascinating.


Well, it depends on the man.

If he's not attractive, he shouldn't even try to talk to women, and deserves everything he gets for daring to approach them.

If he is attractive, things are different.
 
2013-07-13 03:58:39 PM  
I have seen two faculty-student relationships that did work and turn into something lasting, but those are the exception rather than the rule.  Far wiser to keep the students at arm's length.  To me it's a matter of professional ethics, students (even if I'm not teaching them) are off limits, no exceptions.
 
2013-07-13 03:59:34 PM  
Been a professor for 19 years, in my mid-40's now.

First, it's all kinds of unethical to engage in romantic relationships with students, and you can rightfully be terminated, even if you're tenured.  We've got clear policies in place at my institution.

Second, the older I get, the younger my students seem.  There's so little in common between me and somebody who's twenty, not to mention the vast difference in life experience and, let's face it, general wisdom.  A bad idea all around.
 
2013-07-13 04:00:00 PM  
Female prof here. When I first started and was in my mid-20s I taught a class of freshman that had two students who were dating.  One day after class the guy approached me  while his girlfriend waited in the hall.  Guy hits on me ("I can't take my eyes off you when you're teaching.  Are you interested in a younger man?" blah blah). I should have replied that this was entirely inappropriate and I was not interested etc.   Instead I can't help but say "I can see Sarah through the window right now.  Are we seriously having this conversation?"  He responds "Oh, it's cool.  Sarah wants in on it, if you're interested."
Took a second for me to recover; promptly set him straight and called university legal and my chair as soon as I got back to my office.
/CSS?
 
2013-07-13 04:00:23 PM  

R.A.Danny: So if he doesn't hit on you he's a bad guy and if he does hit on you he's a bad guy and gets sued.... Yeahright.


Welcome to a world of women as "equals".
 
2013-07-13 04:04:59 PM  

hasty ambush: R.A.Danny: So if he doesn't hit on you he's a bad guy and if he does hit on you he's a bad guy and gets sued.... Yeahright.

Welcome to a world of women as "equals".


i.qkme.me
 
2013-07-13 04:05:41 PM  
As a grad student, I was sleeping with an undergrad in my department. He loved me and making happy time with my man-bits, and it was fun. I wasn't a TA, but I knew a couple of his professors pretty well. Thank god he was a good student--I don't know if I could have exerted some small influence.

CSB: I had an office in the department's building that I shared with other grad students. One night when no one was around, we had some fun on my desk. Books were moved, and a poster on the wall was askew when we left. God that was fun.
 
2013-07-13 04:06:15 PM  
I try to avoid the usual feminine self-questioning about attractiveness and intelligence;

Somebody sounds fat
 
2013-07-13 04:06:19 PM  

revrendjim: A professor at a college I was at had his life completely turn to shiat over the course of just one day


Oh no, it was shiat before that day.  He just realized it on that day.  If you are trolling your roster for pussy, your life is already shiat.  If you are counting on a co-ed who is willing to dingle the dangle of a man twice her age as your fire-break, your life is already shiat.  That you reaped what was so obvious it is blinding when you sowed, that's just the cherry on the shiat sundae.

Rule 1: Don't fark around while married
Rule 2: If you must fark around, stop the "being married" part first
Rule 3: Your roster is not the contestant list for The Dating Game
Rule 4:The university student directory isn't either
Rule 5: If you are too fark-stupid to get 1-4, remove yourself from academia, preferably by gargling with a handgun
 
2013-07-13 04:08:32 PM  

Megathuma: Female prof here. When I first started and was in my mid-20s I taught a class of freshman that had two students who were dating.  One day after class the guy approached me  while his girlfriend waited in the hall.  Guy hits on me ("I can't take my eyes off you when you're teaching.  Are you interested in a younger man?" blah blah). I should have replied that this was entirely inappropriate and I was not interested etc.   Instead I can't help but say "I can see Sarah through the window right now.  Are we seriously having this conversation?"  He responds "Oh, it's cool.  Sarah wants in on it, if you're interested."
Took a second for me to recover; promptly set him straight and called university legal and my chair as soon as I got back to my office.
/CSS?


You didn't say if they were attractive or not!!!!
 
2013-07-13 04:09:27 PM  
The office door stays open, always!

First semester I taught I had to explain to my chair why there were phone numbers on my teaching evaluations and how I had not encouraged anyone, what fun.
 
2013-07-13 04:10:26 PM  

rustypouch: If he's not attractive, he shouldn't even try to talk to women, and deserves everything he gets for daring to approach them.


You didn't add the caveat about having lots of money.
 
2013-07-13 04:12:44 PM  

interstellar_tedium: The office door stays open, always!


I've seen plenty of offices with windows in the interior walls too.

/better safe than sorry
 
2013-07-13 04:14:43 PM  

Gergesa: Megathuma: Female prof here. When I first started and was in my mid-20s I taught a class of freshman that had two students who were dating.  One day after class the guy approached me  while his girlfriend waited in the hall.  Guy hits on me ("I can't take my eyes off you when you're teaching.  Are you interested in a younger man?" blah blah). I should have replied that this was entirely inappropriate and I was not interested etc.   Instead I can't help but say "I can see Sarah through the window right now.  Are we seriously having this conversation?"  He responds "Oh, it's cool.  Sarah wants in on it, if you're interested."
Took a second for me to recover; promptly set him straight and called university legal and my chair as soon as I got back to my office.
/CSS?

You didn't say if they were attractive or not!!!!


They were both very attractive in the fratboy/sorority girl way.  Luckily I've always naturally compartmentalized and have never been attracted to my students.  Maybe it's because all I see is the potential for grade-grubbing, whining, and then endless meetings with administrators.

And yes, interstellar_tedium is correct.  The office door always stays open.
 
2013-07-13 04:18:05 PM  

Megathuma: They were both very attractive in the fratboy/sorority girl way.


Personally I'd find that to be a turn-off.
 
2013-07-13 04:18:27 PM  

25.media.tumblr.comhasty ambush: R.A.Danny: So if he doesn't hit on you he's a bad guy and if he does hit on you he's a bad guy and gets sued.... Yeahright.

Welcome to a world of women as "equals".

 
2013-07-13 04:18:54 PM  

interstellar_tedium: The office door stays open, always!

First semester I taught I had to explain to my chair why there were phone numbers on my teaching evaluations and how I had not encouraged anyone, what fun.


Hell, the door stay open and some other professor is standing in it.  You want a witness for any hearings later.  Also, everything is said in a voice so loud the department secretary can hear it.
 
2013-07-13 04:19:00 PM  
It's unethical as hell. I was never tempted to touch. However, it is sort of nice when a really cute 21-yo leans over your desk. Repeatedly. No, it didn't get her any more points on the exam she was arguing about.

/It is possible that boobies prevented her from losing more points, though, if I'm being totally honest.
 
2013-07-13 04:23:26 PM  
So young women use sex in order to gain advantages. How is it again that it's men who need to "check their privilege?"
 
2013-07-13 04:24:01 PM  
Man that was a stupid article.
 
2013-07-13 04:24:18 PM  

Megathuma: Maybe it's because all I see is the potential for grade-grubbing, whining, and then endless meetings with administrators.


I get all that without the offers of a threesome.*  The idea that I am supposed to stick my dick in that to upgrade it to divorce attorneys and beatings from my family (my relations like my wife more than me, and I have no illusions about who they will side with) is insane.

*  Other persons formerly employed by my university have tried to get me to give a student extra credit makeup work to raise a grade two weeks into the next semester
 
2013-07-13 04:24:30 PM  
www.slate.com
"I was home schooled"
 
2013-07-13 04:24:46 PM  

WhippingBoy: So young women use sex in order to gain advantages. How is it again that it's men who need to "check their privilege?"


Because patriarchy.
 
2013-07-13 04:26:02 PM  
Whole lotta liars and excuse makers in this thread.
 
2013-07-13 04:26:07 PM  

WTFDYW: [www.slate.com image 250x370]
"I was home schooled"


Why the long face?
 
2013-07-13 04:29:20 PM  

Fano: BigLuca: If you don't sleep with your students you are missing out on some easy pickings.  Those idiots just stare at you drooling with lust in their eyes - you just need to have a concerned expression as they babble to you inanely and they are putty in your hand.  And you can promise whatever you want because they don't have the attention span to remember and five mins later they move on to the next thing.  I gotta say, becoming a special ed teacher has really helped my love live, I recommend it.

/kidding

Once I saw the kidding tag I knew it wasn't Spentmiles.


I thought it was spentmiles for a second. BTW, where has he been?
 
2013-07-13 04:31:55 PM  

Megathuma: Gergesa: Megathuma: Female prof here. When I first started and was in my mid-20s I taught a class of freshman that had two students who were dating.  One day after class the guy approached me  while his girlfriend waited in the hall.  Guy hits on me ("I can't take my eyes off you when you're teaching.  Are you interested in a younger man?" blah blah). I should have replied that this was entirely inappropriate and I was not interested etc.   Instead I can't help but say "I can see Sarah through the window right now.  Are we seriously having this conversation?"  He responds "Oh, it's cool.  Sarah wants in on it, if you're interested."
Took a second for me to recover; promptly set him straight and called university legal and my chair as soon as I got back to my office.
/CSS?

You didn't say if they were attractive or not!!!!

They were both very attractive in the fratboy/sorority girl way.  Luckily I've always naturally compartmentalized and have never been attracted to my students.  Maybe it's because all I see is the potential for grade-grubbing, whining, and then endless meetings with administrators.

And yes, interstellar_tedium is correct.  The office door always stays open.


I'll add one rule - if you're a TA, the office door stays open and you always have another TA in the same room with the same office hours
 
2013-07-13 04:32:17 PM  

WhippingBoy: So young women use sex in order to gain advantages. How is it again that it's men who need to "check their privilege?"


How dare you?  The Patriarchy™ is keeping women out of the jobs they really want, like garbageperson, oil rig driller, Alaska fisherperson and road construction worker (non-flag-holding division).  Sure, 95%+ of workplace deaths are men and we die seven years earlier than women, but that's because of...you guessed it...Patriarchy™.
 
2013-07-13 04:33:32 PM  
Such relationships are not necessarily seedy, predatory things.

but usually are
 
2013-07-13 04:35:27 PM  

WhippingBoy: So young women use sex in order to gain advantages. How is it again that it's men who need to "check their privilege?"


Both are adults in the eyes of the law, and both are responsible for their conduct.  One thing I'm curious about- faculty can get fired for sleeping with the students.  Can students get expelled for the same reason?  It's been a while since I was a student so maybe things have changed.
 
2013-07-13 04:37:40 PM  

bronyaur1: When I was a younger professor, there were any number of female students who obviously had crushes on me.  While it is a bit of a treat for the ego, the facts are that (a) these are KIDS - barely 20 if that, (b) it would be a colossally horrendous idea to get tangled up with the student universe like that, and (c) the wellspring of their lustishness is not how incredibly hot *I* am, but the fact that they have some sort of daddy issue.


Seriously?  Are you able to have any respect for your students as learners and (young) adults at all, when you think that any physical attraction by a woman in her early 20s toward a man more than a decade her senior is always a "daddy issue"?

Well, I guess you should tell yourself whatever you have to tell yourself, if it's helping to keep you out of trouble.
 
2013-07-13 04:38:12 PM  
Ah female logic. Im offended none of my proffesors hit on me. Then they get hit on.
Im offended my proffesor hit on me thats sexual harrassment.
 
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