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(Wikipedia)   Best opening of a Wikipedia biography evar   (en.wikipedia.org) divider line 118
    More: Interesting, humans, living things, Endurants, Wiart, Arizona Department of Corrections, western front, King Edward VII, diplomatic corps  
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25277 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2013 at 5:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-12 02:33:28 PM
i need to re-read sword of honour. great book. i wish the 60s british TV version were available. i heard from my parents that it was great too.
 
2013-07-12 02:45:04 PM
Before his  head died it said, "Death is but a doorway. Time is but a window. I'll be back!"
 
2013-07-12 03:15:58 PM
FTFA: He served in the Boer War, First World War, and Second World War, was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, and ear, survived a plane crash, tunneled out of a POW camp, and bit off his own fingers when a doctor refused to amputate them.

Dude, you're hardcore.... we get that. But if the doc says you should keep your fingers then maybe you should keep your damn fingers. What did they do that made you so ashamed of them? Did they not close tight enough against the throat of some Nazi or what? They were probably just tired from scratching the enormous balls you had.
 
2013-07-12 03:20:02 PM
"Frankly I had enjoyed the war."

George Patton would have loved this guy.
 
2013-07-12 03:20:36 PM
+1, good find
 
2013-07-12 03:46:26 PM
"Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power. We are told that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I know which of these weapons I would choose."

well he may love war, but he's definitely no chicken-hawk.
 
2013-07-12 04:44:25 PM
In 1908 he married Countess Friederike Maria Karoline Henriette Rosa Sabina Franziska Fugger von Babenhausen (1887 Klagenfurt - 1949 Vienna), eldest daughter of Karl Ludwig, 1st Fuerst or Prince Fugger von Babenhausen and Princess Eleonora Fugger von Babenhausen of Klagenfurt, Austria. They had two daughters

That's a von fuggin' mouthful.
 
2013-07-12 04:51:46 PM

violentsalvation: In 1908 he married Countess Friederike Maria Karoline Henriette Rosa Sabina Franziska Fugger von Babenhausen (1887 Klagenfurt - 1949 Vienna), eldest daughter of Karl Ludwig, 1st Fuerst or Prince Fugger von Babenhausen and Princess Eleonora Fugger von Babenhausen of Klagenfurt, Austria. They had two daughters

That's a von fuggin' mouthful.


well, she's no Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm? To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
 
2013-07-12 05:16:11 PM
It is a lot better than my obituary, you know they write those things years in advance.  I was able to shake down my contact at The New York Times to get mine.

"He made his own sauce."

That's it!   I hope I can preemptively sue somebody over this.
 
2013-07-12 05:44:52 PM

Arthur Jumbles: FTFA: He served in the Boer War, First World War, and Second World War, was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, and ear, survived a plane crash, tunneled out of a POW camp, and bit off his own fingers when a doctor refused to amputate them.

Dude, you're hardcore.... we get that. But if the doc says you should keep your fingers then maybe you should keep your damn fingers. What did they do that made you so ashamed of them? Did they not close tight enough against the throat of some Nazi or what? They were probably just tired from scratching the enormous balls you had.


Nickname of "Lucky"
 
2013-07-12 05:49:01 PM
I don't always bite fingers off, but when I do, I prefer my own.
 
2013-07-12 05:50:16 PM
FTA: In his memoirs, Happy Odyssey, Carton de Wiart makes no reference to his wife or to his daughters.

Disregard females. Acquire badassery.
 
2013-07-12 05:50:46 PM
static.guim.co.uk

"I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned."
 
2013-07-12 05:51:55 PM
I wonder if he was related to Hugh Glass?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Glass
 
2013-07-12 05:51:59 PM
He kept going even after retirement:

En route home via French Indochina, Carton de Wiart stopped in Rangoon as a guest of the army commander. Coming down stairs, he slipped on coconut matting, fell down, broke his back and several vertebrae, and knocked himself unconscious. He eventually made it to England and into a hospital where he slowly recovered. The doctors succeeded in extracting an incredible amount of shrapnel from his old wounds. He recovered and then went to Belgium to visit relatives.


Oh, and his wife was no slouch either:

His wife died in 1949 and in 1951
 
2013-07-12 05:52:29 PM
You want to hear the secret of Vietnam? The secret of Vietnam is simple, I loved it. Goddamn turkey shoot. Whole damn thing was nothing but fun. I'm just being honest, I farking well loved it.
 
2013-07-12 05:53:25 PM
He was a British Army officer of Belgian and Irish descent?
HAHAHAHA!
Yeah that's a good one subby!
Classic.
 
2013-07-12 05:53:33 PM

ivan: Oh, and his wife was no slouch either:

His wife died in 1949 and in 1951


Well you know how it is, what with the Rage virus and all
 
2013-07-12 05:55:17 PM
i41.tinypic.com

No really, we got a badass over here
 
2013-07-12 05:55:39 PM
fixed the wiki article
 
2013-07-12 05:58:52 PM

DynoFARKjr: fixed the wiki article


Heh, that won't be there for long.
 
2013-07-12 06:04:02 PM

DynoFARKjr: fixed the wiki article


Truly the greatest of all his honors
 
2013-07-12 06:04:40 PM
But....he didn't live in a shoebox, nor have to eat gravel.

/I love that MP sketch
 
2013-07-12 06:05:38 PM
So you're in a foxhole, scared to death, shells landing left and right.  And you look over and there's your Commander, one arm, one eyed, chewing his own fingers off.  It is at this point that you realize you may have made a poor career choice.
 
2013-07-12 06:06:02 PM

akanaka: Heh, that won't be there for long.


Nope. What's a trunk job, by the way?
 
2013-07-12 06:06:53 PM

fusillade762: [static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]

"I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned."


That's nothing...

northlondonisred.co.uk

This guy was poisoned, shot, stabbed, hung, stretched, disemboweled, drawn and quartered.
 
2013-07-12 06:07:00 PM

DynoFARKjr: fixed the wiki article


Evidently, you are a vandal.
 
2013-07-12 06:07:23 PM
lolol

"In July 2013, this particular Wikipedia article was the subject of a Fark posting entitled, "Best opening of a Wikipedia biography evar". "
 
2013-07-12 06:07:38 PM
That was awesome.
 
2013-07-12 06:07:42 PM
This one is my favorite. American hero!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audie_Murphy
 
2013-07-12 06:08:21 PM
Subby might have done well to link to a specific version, such as this one.  Vandalism happens.
 
2013-07-12 06:13:41 PM
Without doubt, the best name in Wikipedia is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manley_Power
 
2013-07-12 06:14:20 PM
Ok, so I know I'm going to get called a troll and one of them Commie queerosexuals or something, but if had been, say, a German and said shiat like " "Frankly I had enjoyed the war" and ""Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power. We are told that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I know which of these weapons I would choose", you would all (rightly) be calling him an asshole. Dude sounds like an absolute piece of shiat.
 
2013-07-12 06:17:44 PM
The face now apparently not part of the human head.
 
2013-07-12 06:19:04 PM
...was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, and ear,  ...

Sounds about like a typical Dick Cheney hunting trip.
 
2013-07-12 06:21:56 PM
One time he farted, and that fart became Chuck Norris. That's how tough he is.
 
2013-07-12 06:22:51 PM
And I'm afraid of bees.
 
2013-07-12 06:23:04 PM
"Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power."

runningdownhill.files.wordpress.com

Approves.
 
2013-07-12 06:24:32 PM
Jack Churchill, Scottish badass.
 
2013-07-12 06:25:15 PM
Came for Countess Friederike Maria Karoline Henriette Rosa Sabina Franziska Fugger von Babenhausen...leaving happy
 
2013-07-12 06:26:12 PM

Arthur Jumbles: FTFA: He served in the Boer War, First World War, and Second World War, was shot in the face, head, stomach, ankle, leg, hip, and ear, survived a plane crash, tunneled out of a POW camp, and bit off his own fingers when a doctor refused to amputate them.

Dude, you're hardcore.... we get that. But if the doc says you should keep your fingers then maybe you should keep your damn fingers. What did they do that made you so ashamed of them? Did they not close tight enough against the throat of some Nazi or what? They were probably just tired from scratching the enormous balls you had.


he knew where those fingers have been.
 
2013-07-12 06:26:26 PM
He was also a drill sergeant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w
 
2013-07-12 06:26:48 PM

El Freak: Ok, so I know I'm going to get called a troll and one of them Commie queerosexuals or something, but if had been, say, a German and said shiat like " "Frankly I had enjoyed the war" and ""Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power. We are told that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I know which of these weapons I would choose", you would all (rightly) be calling him an asshole. Dude sounds like an absolute piece of shiat.


"As long as people who really want to kill other people are killing the other people who really want to kill other people, there's no problem."

-Doug Stanhope (paraphrased)
 
2013-07-12 06:27:36 PM
Jeezus he must have had at least 10 pall bearers to carry those giat freakin balls to the grave! I liked the part where he was in italy and said he wouldnt wear one of their gigalo suits. Balls indeed.
 
2013-07-12 06:29:12 PM

El Freak: Ok, so I know I'm going to get called a troll and one of them Commie queerosexuals or something, but if had been, say, a German and said shiat like " "Frankly I had enjoyed the war" and ""Governments may think and say as they like, but force cannot be eliminated, and it is the only real and unanswerable power. We are told that the pen is mightier than the sword, but I know which of these weapons I would choose", you would all (rightly) be calling him an asshole. Dude sounds like an absolute piece of shiat.


Look, I'm anti-war, but if you're going to fight a war, you need guys like this to fight it. You and I would be pretty useless.
 
2013-07-12 06:30:51 PM
i.imgur.com

Wish I had this as a bigger pic
 
2013-07-12 06:31:23 PM
"In his memoirs,Happy Odyssey, Carton de Wiart makes no reference to his wife or to his daughters."

Because live your own farking life, write your own farking memoirs, that's why.
 
2013-07-12 06:32:27 PM
forums.watchuseek.com
 
2013-07-12 06:32:32 PM
I feel like he just didn't hear the doctor saying they could save his fingers over the clanking sound of his enormous brass balls
 
2013-07-12 06:33:05 PM
In the wikihole that I almost fell into, but quickly emerged from anyway, I learned that Mrs. Chiang Kai-shek lived through 3 different centuries. 1897-2003. Wow.
 
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