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(Huffington Post)   Man arrested for throwing semen at women in Walmart. What a jerk   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line 91
    More: Sick, Knox County, Wal-Mart, Delaware State Police, Jeremie Calo, WPVI, Pam, Fei Lin  
•       •       •

5932 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2013 at 3:15 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-07-12 02:38:29 PM  
Throwing semen at women?

IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!

No does a gentle toss.
 
2013-07-12 02:57:03 PM  
It's ok, Hannibal made him swallow his own tongue..
 
2013-07-12 03:16:12 PM  
Jizz trifecta in the works.
 
2013-07-12 03:16:19 PM  
Public ejaculation trifecta now in play...
 
2013-07-12 03:16:25 PM  
One lady said she saw it coming.
 
2013-07-12 03:17:03 PM  
Frank J. Short Accused Of Throwing Semen At Woman He Thought Was 'Hot'

Women today just can't take a compliment.
 
2013-07-12 03:17:26 PM  
Have fun being a registered sex offender until 2050.
 
2013-07-12 03:17:48 PM  
And I thought Fark was hard on poop threads...
 
2013-07-12 03:19:04 PM  
Well isn't he King Jizz of Spunk Island.
 
2013-07-12 03:19:22 PM  
What? That's illegal now???

/thanks Obama
 
2013-07-12 03:20:01 PM  
Well if you cant throw semen at Walmart anymore, I'm just not going to go......
 
2013-07-12 03:20:02 PM  
Boo. Cocky of him to think he could get away with it.
 
2013-07-12 03:20:23 PM  
Two public masturbation articles in a row?
 
2013-07-12 03:20:28 PM  
I know a woman who had a guy bring her a dixie cup of his semen to her desk on a daily basis - at least he knew it was her choice to throw it on her own back if she wanted to.

Kids today...
 
2013-07-12 03:20:36 PM  
Was it the bus driver?
 
2013-07-12 03:20:45 PM  
I swear I remember a story about another jizz lobber at Wal Mart from a few months back.

Please tell me this is not going to be the next tebowing, planking, whatever...
 
2013-07-12 03:20:56 PM  
I guess he realized that was the only way he was ever going to get his semen onto (or into) a woman.
 
2013-07-12 03:21:42 PM  
Frank J. Short was arrested Tuesday afternoon for allegedly throwing a glob of his own semen onto the back of a 20-year-old female shopper at a Walmart in New Castle, Del., because, he later told police, he thought the woman was attractive.

Excellent conversation starter.  You can be sure she'll remember Frank for the rest of her life.
 
2013-07-12 03:22:08 PM  
I believe it's called a "spiderweb"

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-12 03:22:12 PM  
Damn it, I posted this the day it happened and got rejected... Ok, where's the fark headline writing course.
 
2013-07-12 03:23:14 PM  
Knows the feeling.
booksandting.files.wordpress.com
/hawt like a dog's breath barking up the wrong tree
 
2013-07-12 03:23:16 PM  
Doesn't he know that women and seamen don't mix?

deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-07-12 03:23:49 PM  
If there isn't a "sick" (how dare you judge, submitters) masturbation trifecta I'm going to be disappointed.
 
2013-07-12 03:24:12 PM  

WhippingBoy: What? That's illegal now???

/thanks Obama


Well excuse me, I thought this was America!
 
2013-07-12 03:24:51 PM  
Police report that his alias was Hoo Flun Come.
 
2013-07-12 03:24:53 PM  
This Guy sure has let himself go......

i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-12 03:25:22 PM  
Did he yell, "I CAN SMELL YOUR C*NT"?
 
2013-07-12 03:25:25 PM  
She didn't dodge that like Neo.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-07-12 03:26:55 PM  
A couple of years ago, there was a guy caught flinging loads in shoes at a ladies shoestore, so this doesn't really surprise me.....especially at a wal-mart..
 
2013-07-12 03:27:06 PM  
This guy looks pretty much like what you'd expect someone who does such a thing would look like.
 
2013-07-12 03:27:48 PM  
Looks like the bus thread was removed...
 
2013-07-12 03:29:21 PM  
He shall henceforth be known as  "SKEETER" .


/
 
2013-07-12 03:29:50 PM  
media.giphy.com
 
2013-07-12 03:30:33 PM  
I suppose it may be his most probable strategy for having progeny in the gene pool. Sounds like he could use some swimming lessons.
 
2013-07-12 03:31:24 PM  

ferretman: Looks like the bus thread was removed...


Nope: http://www.fark.com/comments/7838027

The newer was appropriately jerked off...
 
2013-07-12 03:31:40 PM  
It is unknown if he carried the bodily fluid in a container.

That was the punchline apparently... because I LOLed.
 
2013-07-12 03:32:24 PM  

upload.wikimedia.org
Jizz Hands!

 
2013-07-12 03:33:34 PM  
That took spunk.
 
2013-07-12 03:34:13 PM  

ChipNASA: This Guy sure has let himself go......

[i.imgur.com image 400x446]


The black-haired dude reminds me of The Man Show Boy Scout.
 
2013-07-12 03:34:34 PM  
With a name like Frank Short, no wonder he had to resort to throwing it.
 
2013-07-12 03:34:34 PM  
Well, that took a lot of spunk.
 
2013-07-12 03:34:49 PM  
Maybe he was saying she needed to do something with her hair?

media.giphy.com
 
2013-07-12 03:35:33 PM  

catchow: That took spunk.


a minute too slow for the simulpost.
 
2013-07-12 03:37:56 PM  

crotchgrabber: I swear I remember a story about another jizz lobber at Wal Mart from a few months back.

Please tell me this is not going to be the next tebowing, planking, whatever...


Yeah, I recall one with a guy using a squirt gun, used it on a kid's face too if I'm not mistaken.
 
2013-07-12 03:38:33 PM  
Well, in his defense when she saw him staring at her she told him to "Beat it!"

So he did.
 
2013-07-12 03:41:54 PM  
He was just trying to cool her off!!!
 
2013-07-12 03:44:11 PM  
Technically, are testicles a "container"?
 
2013-07-12 03:45:07 PM  
What a jerk jerk jerk jerk jerk.
 
2013-07-12 03:45:36 PM  
Three women are in an elevator, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Thebrunette looks at the wall and says "is that sperm?". Then the redheadtouches it, and says "i think it is". Then the blonde licks it and says"no one from our floor".
 
2013-07-12 03:49:25 PM  
Wow.  He must really hate the Navy.
 
2013-07-12 03:52:03 PM  
Premature ejaculators come easy.
 
2013-07-12 03:52:45 PM  
Again?  I could swear I've heard this story before.
 
2013-07-12 03:54:23 PM  
A second wad has just hit the north lady.
 
2013-07-12 03:54:31 PM  
Did anyone else see the "bad sex" slideshow at the bottom of the page?
 
2013-07-12 03:54:40 PM  

gadian: Again?  I could swear I've heard this story before.


Come again?
 
2013-07-12 03:56:12 PM  
Were they in the yogurt isle?
 
2013-07-12 03:56:35 PM  

ChipNASA: This Guy sure has let himself go......

[i.imgur.com image 400x446]


what
the
hell

this seems to be begging for the King Shiat of F*ck Island

has that already run it's course?
sad face
 
2013-07-12 03:58:54 PM  

padresteve.files.wordpress.com

"The only thing Doctors can't cure these days is premature ejaculation, but I hear that is coming quickly!"

 
2013-07-12 04:02:02 PM  
All jokes aside. He needs to be put away. He is going to be a rapist. No really. This is too far.
 
2013-07-12 04:02:29 PM  
www.themusicgroupagency.com
 
2013-07-12 04:03:34 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-12 04:08:10 PM  
Yeah, yeah, the guys a douchbag and all. But want I really want to see is a picture of the girl he thought was so "hot" that she deserved to be awarded his man relish.

/typical Walmart shopper? No thanks
 
2013-07-12 04:08:29 PM  
There are better ways to do this.


/Liked the first few minutes of the movie. Well done.
//Did not like that movie very much after I realized what he was actually doing.
 
2013-07-12 04:09:45 PM  
Dammit. Always preview.

i39.tinypic.com
 
2013-07-12 04:10:27 PM  
+1 subby
 
2013-07-12 04:13:41 PM  
Now that's what I call a sticky situation.
 
2013-07-12 04:16:52 PM  
Look, if he can even get it up in a WalMart then good for him. Mine always crawls up inside to hide.

www.digdang.com

I don't think it's supposed to be a thong.
 
2013-07-12 04:19:14 PM  
cdn.ebaumsworld.com


That and less jizz thrown at you is usually a bonus.
 
2013-07-12 04:21:56 PM  

Ambitwistor: Doesn't he know that women and seamen don't mix?

[deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com image 512x384]


" Yes, we all know what YOU think,...."
 
2013-07-12 04:31:10 PM  

The Irresponsible Captain: Look, if he can even get it up in a WalMart then good for him. Mine always crawls up inside to hide.

[www.digdang.com image 294x254]

I don't think it's supposed to be a thong.


www.troll.me
 
2013-07-12 04:33:39 PM  

fiveknuckleshuffle: A second wad has just hit the north lady.


Lol
 
2013-07-12 04:34:05 PM  
Faith No More did a song about this..

f0.bcbits.com

For your listening pleasure
 
2013-07-12 04:41:44 PM  
Clean up in aisle ewww.
 
2013-07-12 04:49:37 PM  
I bet she had it coming.
 
2013-07-12 05:07:57 PM  

SirTanon: Faith No More did a song about this..

[f0.bcbits.com image 350x350]

For your listening pleasure


1 bagillion points for the reference.
 
2013-07-12 05:09:24 PM  
Surrounded by nothing but sperm whales and seamen.
 
2013-07-12 05:13:12 PM  
Someone has been watching too many nature shows and not enough porn.

FISH fertilize eggs this way.  It is not a Human mating ritual.
 
2013-07-12 05:14:02 PM  

jst3p: Three women are in an elevator, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Thebrunette looks at the wall and says "is that sperm?". Then the redheadtouches it, and says "i think it is". Then the blonde licks it and says"no one from our floor".


Classic.
 
2013-07-12 05:14:45 PM  
See?  This is why I always bring my own.
 
2013-07-12 05:17:19 PM  
bulldozer00.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-07-12 06:23:02 PM  
How come?
 
2013-07-12 06:37:59 PM  
Actually his method is much more effective than throwing tiny rocks at a chick's window at 3 am.
 
2013-07-12 06:52:41 PM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: Someone has been watching too many nature shows and not enough porn.

FISH fertilize eggs this way.  It is not a Human mating ritual.


LOLWUT? I never watch porn but my friend tells me that in porn the man goo always ends up on the outside.
 
2013-07-12 07:04:15 PM  
82 comments in and no conjecture about what she was wearing that she could get hit on her buttocks?

Or am I just assuming that it was direct contact?
 
2013-07-12 07:23:53 PM  
Hey, sometimes you just don't have time to slip GHB into her drink and follow her around until she passes out. You have to take a more direct approach.
 
2013-07-12 07:28:54 PM  
Son I am disappoint.
 
2013-07-12 07:40:14 PM  
Came for the Multiple Miggs reference(s), leaving satisfied...

/hehe, I said 'came'
 
2013-07-12 07:41:14 PM  
 
2013-07-12 09:18:12 PM  
Was it the guy in white? He'd have the seamen.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-12 11:16:22 PM  
I just learned that "offensive touching with a bodily fluid" is a crime..

/outlaw
 
2013-07-13 02:36:31 AM  
Maybe it's just me, but when I hear about some young guy this farked up, I'm always curious to see his Facebook feed.

/I jerked off on a stranger in Walmart #YOLO
 
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