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(RealClear)   Seven terrible films featuring huge celebrities. Pros: Farker-driven, not a slide show. Cons: Battlefield Earth trailer   (realclear.com ) divider line
    More: Stupid, humans, John Travolta, Alicia Silverstone, Chris O'Donnell, Van Helsing, Batman and Robin, minx, Sigourney Weaver  
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7580 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 12 Jul 2013 at 12:53 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-12 02:00:10 PM  
3 votes:

Whatthefark: [i41.tinypic.com image 270x317]


That prostitute vocal orifice that you own, close it.
2013-07-12 06:40:22 PM  
2 votes:

Fuggin Bizzy: Summer Glau's Love Slave: 3rd Matrix movie.

/First one had so much promise.

THIS. It's been a while since I was disappointed as hard as I was by the conclusion to the Matrix trilogy.


I actually liked the end of the third Matrix movie.

Because it was the end.

How can you tell when a movie is truly bad? When it doesn't even make it onto bad movie lists.
i2.cdnds.net

So much promise, so much potential...
2013-07-12 03:09:29 PM  
2 votes:

hugram: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 300x442]


bite your tongue!  Mars Attacks was awesome... ok, maybe not awesome, but certainly doesn't belong on a list with Battlefield Earth.
2013-07-12 02:38:31 PM  
2 votes:

squegeebooo: baka-san: squegeebooo: What about that crazy Sean connery movie, with the floating head and the red diaper outfit. Zardoz?

At the time, Sean's stock wasn't very high...

It was at the end of his bond run, how is that not high?


Exactly, he was still typecast as Bond...


Hell, as far as I'm concerned, Never say Never Again was his true low point...
2013-07-12 02:28:21 PM  
2 votes:

Dr Dreidel: Doom?
GI Joe: Retaliation?
The Tooth Fairy?

I guess what I'm saying is "The Rock needs to pick his films more carefully."


Meh I don't ever fault The Rock for doing The Tooth Fairy. He did that so there would be a movie that he could watch with his daughter as she couldn't watch any of the other ones.

It's why I would never fault Raul Julia for Street Fighter as it was a way to spend time with his kids and make some money for his family before he died.
2013-07-12 02:08:46 PM  
2 votes:
Never saw Vamps, so I can't speak to that.

Battlefield: Earth and Batman and Robin deserve to be on this list because they were both movies that otherwise shouldn't have been horrible but were.

If you went to see Jack and Jill and not knowing exactly what kind of dreck you are going to be fed, then you have bigger problems than lousy movies.  That being said, I actually saw that movie when it was free on tv and it really wasn't *that bad*, not nearly as bad as the brain damage it foretold from the trailers, but it's a Happy Madison movie, so take that as you will.

Pluto Nash looked horrible from the beginning and even though it had a "huge celebrity", Eddie Murphy was already known for taking paycheck/crappy movies so there really wasn't any surprise there.

The complaint with "The Conqueror" is that it had a mismatched actor playing a historical role.  Was it really a terrible movie or could the person watching it just not get past the fact that it had John Wayne?

No Holds Barred wasn't oscar worthy but the "huge celebrity" was a well known wrestler making a wrestling movie?  This movie absolutely did not belong on this list, for god's sake go with "Over The Top" at least.
2013-07-12 01:53:00 PM  
2 votes:
Holy Fark people, you want to know why movie 'A' or movie 'B' isn't on the list? Watch the footage from The Conqueror, it should take up all 7 positions itself. Seriously, John Wayne as Genghis Kahn, without bothering to lose the 'Aw, Shucks, ma'am' drawl? NO other movie with good actors can be this bad.
2013-07-12 01:05:39 PM  
2 votes:

jbc: List fails without Denis Leary in "The Sandlot".


It's about good actors in bad movies, not bad actors in good movies.
2013-07-12 11:36:43 AM  
2 votes:
No Holds Barred was a fantastic movie.
2013-07-12 06:06:39 PM  
1 vote:
Brian Blessed & Max Von Sydow in Flash Gordon.

/Yes they were both EXCELLENT in their respective roles.
//Queen was a perfect choice for doing the soundtrack.
///But Sam J. Jones should be deeply ashamed for his piss poor performance.
2013-07-12 04:56:11 PM  
1 vote:

luidprand: TuteTibiImperes: Sybarite: Alicia Silverstone and Sigourney Weaver in "Vamps" (2012)

First, I don't think anyone has thought of Alicia Silverstone as a "huge celebrity" in well over a decade now. Second, I was wondering what ever happened to Amy Heckerling.

I think Krysten Ritter has more celebrity cache than Silverstone these days.  In fact, I think I want to see that movie now just because she's in it.

Amy Heckerling AND Krysten Ritter? How did I not hear of this earlier?


Same here. Also: Malcolm McDowell AND Wallace Shawn? OFF TO NETFLIX!
2013-07-12 04:36:29 PM  
1 vote:
scottydoesntknow:

It's why I would never fault Raul Julia for Street Fighter as it was a way to spend time with his kids and make some money for his family before he died.

IIRC he knew his time was short and asked his kids what movie they'd like him to do out of a bunch of various offers.  They picked SF and dear Lord was he ever awesome in it.
2013-07-12 04:15:19 PM  
1 vote:

SirTanon: Mikey1969: baka-san: Mikey1969: . Thomas Jane was definitely the better of the two, though


WHat about this one?

[mariolikesmovies.com image 520x715]

That's what I meant when I said 'Better of the Two'. Did they try that movie a third time that I didn't know about? Wow... The Lundgren one was OK in the days before constant remakes and reboots because I thought that was the best we were going to get.

You didn't know about this rancid, festering, cesspool of a movie?

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 350x500]


It's bad, but there are bright spots - McNulty as Jigsaw, but with the worst fake accent of all time (of all time!); LBJ has one or two good scenes; the wineglass throat-slash; and the gratuitous deaths that make silly action movies fun.

// there are bad parts, too
// I recommend giving it a try, especially if you're the type - like me - who always irrationally likes "superhero" movies (Daredevil, GL, the X-Mens...pretty much all of them except Superman Returns, Spiderman 3, Batman Forever and B&R)
// Jane/Travolta is still way better
2013-07-12 04:10:30 PM  
1 vote:
Plan 9 not mentionable?
2013-07-12 03:50:58 PM  
1 vote:

squegeebooo: What about that crazy Sean connery movie, with the floating head and the red diaper outfit. Zardoz?


Zardoz is a conundrum. Long parts of it are boring as hell, but then it's puntcuated by moments of terribad beauty. The "penis is evil" monologue from the giant stone Marx head, for one. Or the "Sean Connery learns everything in the world" montage. Also, there's lots of boobs throughout. Although many of them belong to suspiciously youthful-looking actresses (the director apparently had his niece topless somewhere in the movie).

Or, to put it another way:

i182.photobucket.com

"Here's an off-beat cult movie with Sean Connery in it."

"That's good!"

"He wears go-go boots and a red diaper throughout most of it."

"That's bad."

"But it's got talking stone idols that spew guns!"

"That's good!"

"The movie ends with Sean Connery staring at the camera while wearing a green elf costume, until he eventually gets old and turns into a skeleton."

"..."

"That's bad."

"Can I go now?"
2013-07-12 03:35:27 PM  
1 vote:

SirTanon: Mikey1969: baka-san: Mikey1969: . Thomas Jane was definitely the better of the two, though


WHat about this one?

[mariolikesmovies.com image 520x715]

That's what I meant when I said 'Better of the Two'. Did they try that movie a third time that I didn't know about? Wow... The Lundgren one was OK in the days before constant remakes and reboots because I thought that was the best we were going to get.

You didn't know about this rancid, festering, cesspool of a movie?

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 350x500]


No, Jesus, how can they fark this movie up so much? It's one of the easier ones to make. Revenge is pretty easy.
2013-07-12 03:33:40 PM  
1 vote:

trekkiecougar: I LIKE the movie Battlefield Earth.  I have the book, it was in my late Mom's library.  I'll get around to reading it someday, to see how far the movie strayed from the book.


I haven't read 'Battlefield Earth', but I've read a bunch of his 'Mission Earth' series. If B.E. is anything like those, let me give you two warnings:

1:

He

likes

to

have

a

lot

of

page

breaks

Seriously, it's like a book version of DailyMail format.... One, maybe two sentences, a double space, another sentence, a double space. Lather, rinse repeat.

2: HE LIKES TO TYPE ENTIRE SENTENCES IN ALL CAPS!!!!! Anything tense is written in all caps, sometimes every fourth sentence.

The Mission Earth books I read were kind of fun in a cheesy Sci-Fi kind of way, but getting a paragraph per page, and all of the Caps finally turned me off...
2013-07-12 03:02:46 PM  
1 vote:

mikieb: I_Am_Weasel: [upload.wikimedia.org image 220x336]

That's not a real movie. They only made one Highlander film.


And now they want to fark it up and reboot it with Ryan Goddamned Reynolds....

Amazing that they could make the TV series so good, yet fark up the sequels so badly...
2013-07-12 02:50:19 PM  
1 vote:

Mikey1969: Holy Fark people, you want to know why movie 'A' or movie 'B' isn't on the list? Watch the footage from The Conqueror, it should take up all 7 positions itself. Seriously, John Wayne as Genghis Kahn, without bothering to lose the 'Aw, Shucks, ma'am' drawl? NO other movie with good actors can be this bad.


Combine that with the fact they filmed it in Nevada on top of radioactive fallout dirt (that they then trucked into the studio to make sure they had continuity) and that many people involved with the film then died of various cancers.
2013-07-12 02:50:03 PM  
1 vote:

Summer Glau's Love Slave: 3rd Matrix movie.

/First one had so much promise.


The second one was three lbs of shiat in a 2lb bucket too.
2013-07-12 02:48:50 PM  
1 vote:

wjllope: Ed Norton - Death To Smoochy


My favorite bit about that movie is Henry Rollins talking about when he auditioned to play the boxer.
2013-07-12 02:48:05 PM  
1 vote:

under a mountain: [theseconddisc.files.wordpress.com image 450x270]

What's going on in this thread?


If you are saying Mad Mad World is a bad movie, you and me are going to have words.  That was a brilliant film.
2013-07-12 02:47:46 PM  
1 vote:
3rd Matrix movie.

/First one had so much promise.
2013-07-12 02:47:11 PM  
1 vote:

wjllope: Ed Norton - Death To Smoochy


I actually found that entertaining on how dark it was.  Mostly because Robin Williams played such a psychopath and Norton played such a goob.

It was Dark Comedy trying to be Dark Comedy.
2013-07-12 02:38:51 PM  
1 vote:

baka-san: squegeebooo: What about that crazy Sean connery movie, with the floating head and the red diaper outfit. Zardoz?

At the time, Sean's stock wasn't very high...


The seventies were generally a bad time for movies in general. Still, Zardoz didn't do him much harm. Within a couple of years he did Robin and Marian, A Bridge too Far, and The Man who would be King. Those were plum roles.
2013-07-12 02:30:58 PM  
1 vote:

Mikey1969: the High School did a combo dance/sponsored movie, and t



Leslie: Rupert Marshetta, where have you been all year?

Rupert: The Bahamas, what does it look like?

Leslie: Well, you can't come in here unless you're dressed from Dallas or Dynasty.
2013-07-12 02:26:16 PM  
1 vote:

Mikey1969: I don't understand the Travolta hate. I get a kick out of him, he seems to be able to turn the ham factor on at will, AND have fun with it, He plays a decently scary bad guy, and even though he's a Scientologist, it takes farkers and the media to remind me of it, as opposed to him getting on TV and loudly proclaiming it a la' Tom Cruise.


Face/Off and Punisher. (And I realize I'm one of 6 people who like that film.)

Travolta just needs to not be The Guy. Apparently, he's fine as a villain.
2013-07-12 02:22:47 PM  
1 vote:
Doom?
GI Joe: Retaliation?
The Tooth Fairy?

I guess what I'm saying is "The Rock needs to pick his films more carefully."
2013-07-12 02:09:36 PM  
1 vote:

I_Am_Weasel: [upload.wikimedia.org image 220x336]


That's not a real movie. They only made one Highlander film.
2013-07-12 01:57:28 PM  
1 vote:

Flappyhead: Caligula.


After two attempts I've never finished that movie. I shall not try again, and this coming from someone who sat through Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters and Zardoz.
2013-07-12 01:56:26 PM  
1 vote:
upload.wikimedia.org
2013-07-12 01:53:36 PM  
1 vote:
Caligula.
2013-07-12 01:37:39 PM  
1 vote:
It becomes more and more obvious that Scientology is messed up when you take what should be a ready made box office success formula. Aliens-taking-over-the-world-post-apocalyptic-nightmare shoot em up concept and screw it up as badly as they did with Battlefield Earth...
2013-07-12 01:11:51 PM  
1 vote:
Eddie Murphy's entire imdb page since the Beverly Hills Cop 2.
2013-07-12 01:10:43 PM  
1 vote:
No Movie 43?

cdn.modernthrill.com
2013-07-12 12:59:38 PM  
1 vote:

scottydoesntknow: Damn, list is blocked at work.

I'm guessing Ben Kingsley for the Love Guru

Michael Caine for Jaws: The Revenge

/Insert Caine house quote here
//That new one with De Niro and Travolta should be on there


Neither one is on the list.

I don't look at Hulk Hogan as someone I would be surprised is a cast member in a shiatty movie.

It is a very trolly list.  It lists Adam Sandler, but only listed one piece of shiat movie he has been in.  Outside of a few, all of his movies have been ass.
2013-07-12 12:31:25 PM  
1 vote:

Mangoose: No Holds Barred was a fantastic movie.


Well, it had at least 2 reasons to see it:

www.wearysloth.com

GIS for "Joan Severance" and you'll see them more clearly (NSFW of course).
 
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