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(The Atlantic Wire)   Penis size researcher: "We didn't set out to be 'penis size researchers'"   (theatlanticwire.com) divider line 78
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8685 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2013 at 10:40 AM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



78 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-12 09:21:02 AM
Cleverly, Dr. Debby Herbenick incentivized men to be honest

Debby Does Dick Data Differentiation
 
2013-07-12 09:26:55 AM
From TFA:Carrying out a scientifically accurate study on erect penile size ishard difficult, it turns out, because most men have a strange tendency not to develop a full erection while being coldly observed by scientists wielding measuring sticks.

LOL
 
2013-07-12 09:28:17 AM
img17.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-12 09:28:55 AM
Did they take into account the girth. the yaw, the yoke, and all that other important stuff?

Need to use South Park's TMI adjusted scale.

/But seriously, girth is important.
 
2013-07-12 09:49:01 AM
And what you want to be when you grow up little Timmy?

A PENIS RESEARCHER!

Okay then! Well, I'll put you down as Fireman.
 
2013-07-12 09:56:14 AM
Is penis size researcher a euphemism?
 
2013-07-12 10:20:03 AM
I think we're just getting jerked around
 
2013-07-12 10:32:44 AM
Neither did submitter's Mom but you go with what you know
 
2013-07-12 10:43:36 AM
Subby said "PENIS" twice. He must *like* PENIS.

/nttawwt.
//penis.
 
2013-07-12 10:44:54 AM
We choose to measure these penises in this decade and to do these other things not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win.
 
2013-07-12 10:46:29 AM
Wow, they must be very small...
 
2013-07-12 10:46:33 AM

Via Infinito: From TFA:Carrying out a scientifically accurate study on erect penile size ishard difficult, it turns out, because most men have a strange tendency not to develop a full erection while being coldly observed by scientists wielding measuring sticks.

LOL


Yeah, which farker is the author of this article?
 
2013-07-12 10:46:53 AM
That article said "penis" 20 times.   They must really love penises.
 
2013-07-12 10:48:49 AM
Anybody else irritated at the self-satisfied manner in which the writer "wrote" this?

Seriously... A double-entendre isn't actually funny if you need to highlight it with a strikeout.
/penis
 
2013-07-12 10:52:35 AM
weknowgifs.com
 
2013-07-12 10:53:10 AM
"Having a huge Penis is like owning an SUV you can't park anywhere."
-Amy Schumer
 
2013-07-12 10:54:42 AM
I think they prefer to be called "Little People".
 
2013-07-12 10:56:32 AM
We had these guys come to our middle school in 69 and do a whole bunch of tests.
The only one we never talked about was when they measured our peckers.
Why the fark would that even be a legitimate test for anything?
 
2013-07-12 10:56:59 AM
If the researchers concluded that oral stimulation causes the most erect penis, and researchers are having a  hard difficult time establishing an accurate pool of measurements because of self-reporting issues, then there is only one viable and logical solution:

Those researchers need to hire the best damn cawk hawgers money can buy, let them perform professionally, and then measure the results just before the inevitable blowing of loads. Forget having to budget funds to get subjects to come in agree to participate in the study - you won't have to pay the subjects. You move those funds in your research budget over to hiring top-shelf talent to measure said subjects.

Do I really have to provide all the ideas around here?
 
2013-07-12 10:58:06 AM
 
2013-07-12 10:58:18 AM
Oh but I try the "Va-jay-jay Researcher" up in campustown and everyone goes for their pepper spray

1. Shaved, Trimmed, or unkept overgrown garden?
1A. If trimmed, Landing strip, peachfuzz or Hitler?
2. Side panels or no side panels?
3. Man in the boat peeks up or down?
4. Can I get a photo for 'research'?
 
2013-07-12 10:58:48 AM
"We just wanted to look at penises, all day long, 5 or 6 days a week. The research thing was just a happy accident."
 
2013-07-12 10:59:25 AM
Some are born penis researchers, some achieve penis research, and some have penis research thrust within them. Er, upon.
 
2013-07-12 11:00:35 AM
PENIS!
 
2013-07-12 11:01:47 AM
We didn't choose the Pud Life...
 
2013-07-12 11:02:06 AM
So, the universe is shrinking. Full grown researchers shrunk to 5.57 inches.

Well, that throws cold water on the big bang theory.
 
2013-07-12 11:02:39 AM
You just know the penis-researchers look down on the scrotum-researchers.
 
2013-07-12 11:02:50 AM
They were just researching muscle car sales.
 
2013-07-12 11:05:19 AM
I agree. It is usually not a choice to be into the penis. You are just born that way.
 
2013-07-12 11:05:31 AM

reillan: Via Infinito: From TFA:Carrying out a scientifically accurate study on erect penile size ishard difficult, it turns out, because most men have a strange tendency not to develop a full erection while being coldly observed by scientists wielding measuring sticks.

LOL

Yeah, which farker is the author of this article?


Sounds like some embarrassed test subjects.
"Yeah... I couldn't get it up with the scientists and whatnot."
 
2013-07-12 11:06:00 AM
They just wanna touch dicks all day.
 
2013-07-12 11:07:02 AM

vudukungfu: We had these guys come to our middle school in 69 and do a whole bunch of tests.
The only one we never talked about was when they measured our peckers.
Why the fark would that even be a legitimate test for anything?


Was this a Penn State funded school?  Was one of the "doctors" Sandusky?
 
2013-07-12 11:07:55 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Oh but I try the "Va-jay-jay Researcher" up in campustown and everyone goes for their pepper spray

1. Shaved, Trimmed, or unkept overgrown garden?
1A. If trimmed, Landing strip, peachfuzz or Hitler?
2. Side panels or no side panels?
3. Man in the boat peeks up or down?
4. Can I get a photo for 'research'?


The pepper spray was for using the term "va-jay-jay."
 
2013-07-12 11:08:45 AM
Hey, some people decide their majors after auditing a bunch of classes, some people decide their majors after doing Jaegerbombs all night with their brahs and all the chicks left and hey, who's gonna know with the lights off, right?
 
2013-07-12 11:11:33 AM

vudukungfu: We had these guys come to our middle school in 69 and do a whole bunch of tests.
The only one we never talked about was when they measured our peckers.
Why the fark would that even be a legitimate test for anything?


Did you grow up near nuclear testing grounds by any chance?
 
2013-07-12 11:15:57 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Hey, some people decide their majors after auditing a bunch of classes, some people decide their majors after doing Jaegerbombs all night with their brahs and all the chicks left and hey, who's gonna know with the lights off, right?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5QJ9i_o5vo
/Oblig
 
2013-07-12 11:19:10 AM

Sybarite: [img17.imageshack.us image 775x438]


What is the X axis in this graph?

/asking for a friend
 
2013-07-12 11:22:26 AM
i.imgur.com

/oblig
 
2013-07-12 11:23:56 AM

vudukungfu: We had these guys come to our middle school in 69 and do a whole bunch of tests.
The only one we never talked about was when they measured our peckers.
Why the fark would that even be a legitimate test for anything?


NAMBLA tricked your school?

The places you can get into if you act like you belong there.
 
2013-07-12 11:28:02 AM

SixPaperJoint: NAMBLA tricked your school?

The places you can get into if you act like you belong there.


Was there an assembly where you were offered subscriptions to Student NAMBLA at a 50% discount? And 10% of the money would go to security cameras in the school?
 
2013-07-12 11:29:59 AM
Crap, I'm about a quarter-inch below average.

Wait, you're supposed to measure while erect? I'll be right back...
 
2013-07-12 11:30:41 AM
 
2013-07-12 11:30:59 AM

BitwiseShift: SixPaperJoint: NAMBLA tricked your school?

The places you can get into if you act like you belong there.

Was there an assembly where you were offered subscriptions to Student NAMBLA at a 50% discount? And 10% of the money would go to security cameras in the school?


Not for me.

I went to a Catholic school.
 
2013-07-12 11:33:15 AM
dl.dropboxusercontent.com
 
2013-07-12 11:44:32 AM

REO-Weedwagon: You just know the penis-researchers look down on the scrotum-researchers.


Yep, down and a little to the left
 
2013-07-12 11:54:38 AM

ChrisDe: Crap, I'm about a quarter-inch below average.

Wait, you're supposed to measure while erect? I'll be right back...


From what I read, erection tends to cancel out differences in flaccid size. That is, most small-at-rest men are "growers" and most big-at-rest men are "showers".
 
2013-07-12 11:55:17 AM
 
2013-07-12 11:55:20 AM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
What a penis sized researcher might look like.
 
2013-07-12 12:04:05 PM

SkittleBrau: If the researchers concluded that oral stimulation causes the most erect penis, and researchers are having a  hard difficult time establishing an accurate pool of measurements because of self-reporting issues, then there is only one viable and logical solution:

Those researchers need to hire the best damn cawk hawgers money can buy, let them perform professionally, and then measure the results just before the inevitable blowing of loads. Forget having to budget funds to get subjects to come in agree to participate in the study - you won't have to pay the subjects. You move those funds in your research budget over to hiring top-shelf talent to measure said subjects.

Do I really have to provide all the ideas around here?


So blow the budget?
 
2013-07-12 12:07:26 PM
Maybe they should spend less time researching penis length and more time on penis enlargement or penis transplant.

Crack those and you are a billionaire
 
2013-07-12 12:09:24 PM
Any correlation between penis size and inches of lift on subject's pickup truck, or outboard motor horsepower on his boat???
 
2013-07-12 12:16:41 PM

Pick: Any correlation between penis size and inches of lift on subject's pickup truck, or outboard motor horsepower on his boat???


Truck nuts means they are 1 inch or less
 
2013-07-12 12:17:50 PM
Well nobody SETS OUT to go work with dicks all day, that's just the way it always seems to work out...
 
2013-07-12 12:18:27 PM

Via Infinito: From TFA:Carrying out a scientifically accurate study on erect penile size ishard difficult, it turns out, because most men have a strange tendency not to develop a full erection while being coldly observed by scientists wielding measuring sticks.

LOL


Sorry...bad experience with a nun once.
 
2013-07-12 12:35:58 PM

ChrisDe: Crap, I'm about a quarter-inch below average.

Wait, you're supposed to measure while erect? I'll be right back...


How YOU doin?
 
2013-07-12 12:46:07 PM
Having a big dick is like being tall in basketball: It's not necessary for you to be good, but it really help to dunk.
 
2013-07-12 12:47:08 PM
Penis size researcher.  Is this the new politically correct way of referring to a small lab assistant?  I know dwarf and midget are frowned upon but this euphemism seems like it may offend some.
 
2013-07-12 12:48:24 PM
The guys I've had the best sex with were always in the five to six inch range. Smaller and bigger were disappointing.
 
2013-07-12 01:06:50 PM

farm machine: Penis size researcher.  Is this the new politically correct way of referring to a small lab assistant?  I know dwarf and midget are frowned upon but this euphemism seems like it may offend some.


That would be "penis-sized researchers"
 
2013-07-12 01:20:38 PM
the average erect penile size is exactly 14.15 cm (that's 5.57 inches)
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-07-12 01:21:23 PM

cheap_thoughts: The guys I've had the best sex with were always in the five to six inch range. Smaller and bigger were disappointing.


I guess that makes evolutionary sense in a way......

/how you doin'?  :-)
 
2013-07-12 01:22:14 PM
I didn't RTFA for fears of having a statistically small pee pee.
 
2013-07-12 01:28:27 PM
I volunteer to study cooter size.
 
2013-07-12 01:31:18 PM

FunkOut: Did you grow up near nuclear testing grounds by any chance?


Yeah, why?
 
2013-07-12 01:32:00 PM
From TFA:

Carrying out a scientifically accurate study on erect penile size is hard difficult, it turns out, because most men have a strange tendency not to develop a full erection while being coldly observed by scientists wielding measuring sticks

Speak for yourself:

www.heyuguys.co.uk
 
2013-07-12 01:36:46 PM

CapeFearCadaver:


"This cannot be Dada! It's too normal to be Dada! It's too shiat to be anything else!"

One of my favorite Nostalgia Chick reviews, simply because Oancitizen is his usual wonderful self.
 
2013-07-12 01:43:23 PM

jigger: the average erect penile size is exactly 14.15 cm (that's 5.57 inches)
[images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 215x305]


My that *is* small.
 
2013-07-12 01:55:40 PM

SkittleBrau: If the researchers concluded that oral stimulation causes the most erect penis, and researchers are having a  hard difficult time establishing an accurate pool of measurements because of self-reporting issues, then there is only one viable and logical solution:

Those researchers need to hire the best damn cawk hawgers money can buy, let them perform professionally, and then measure the results just before the inevitable blowing of loads. Forget having to budget funds to get subjects to come in agree to participate in the study - you won't have to pay the subjects. You move those funds in your research budget over to hiring top-shelf talent to measure said subjects.

Do I really have to provide all the ideas around here?


media.oglaf.com
 
2013-07-12 02:56:41 PM
Where DO you sign up for this kind of thing? Oh yeah... On fark.
 
2013-07-12 03:30:08 PM
Life just threw her a curve, I guess.
 
2013-07-12 03:37:42 PM

wambu: [i.imgur.com image 585x645]

/oblig


This graph comes from a site that sells enhancement pills.  7 inches circumference is larger than a wrist (aka "enjoyable")
 
2013-07-12 03:53:01 PM
As it turns out, "oral stimulation of a man's penis resulted in reports of greater lengths and fantasy alone was associated with significantly smaller penile dimensions reported.

I'm a bit confused by what they mean here. Getting an erection from thinking sexy thoughts, or fantasy as in anything fake like looking at a picture or video?
 
2013-07-12 04:05:01 PM
Around, right?
 
2013-07-12 04:21:43 PM
Silly researchers. No need for fantasy (or paid BJ's per suggestion) in order to stimulate a good measurement, nor to trust the accuracy of the subjects', uh, subjective measurements. Just hand out fleshlights with special shape-retaining gel, and instructions to "fill for science". Give each subject $50 for their trouble and you'll have them lining up out the door and around the block.

Then open the fleshlight and take the measurements from the subjects' impression in the gel. No fuss, no muss (well, other than washing off the splooj), and no subjective embellishments.
 
2013-07-12 05:40:59 PM

Pick: Any correlation between penis size and inches of lift on subject's pickup truck, or outboard motor horsepower on his boat???


Inverse relationship to the size of the plastic balls hung beneath.
 
2013-07-12 06:35:48 PM
wow I finally feel adequate
 
2013-07-12 06:55:46 PM
Penis Size Researcher.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

"You can'tprofessionalize unless youfederalize," agreed Senate Majority LeaderTom Daschle .
 
2013-07-12 10:05:46 PM
"We didn't set out to be penis size researchers"

...

riiiiiight.
 
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