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(93.9 My FM Chicago)   Woman hires 'hitman' to kill husband because it's cheaper than a divorce lawyer   (939myfm.com ) divider line
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6522 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jul 2013 at 3:46 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-07-09 04:01:19 PM  
4 votes:

Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?


He wouldn't listen to her;
He was always telling her how to solve her problems;
He didn't appreciate her intuition;
He didn't validate her feelings;
He wouldn't learn that a question is really a directive;
He wouldn't read her moods, even when they were right out there.

Selfish bastard.
2013-07-09 05:18:06 PM  
3 votes:
I have found that they best way to avoid divorce is not getting married.   There are few benefits for the man and many more disadvantages.
2013-07-09 04:40:54 PM  
3 votes:

anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.


i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.
2013-07-09 04:13:55 PM  
3 votes:

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


You know I love you, but that's a little odd. My mom had two kids by age 22 with my dad, and was married for 34 years to him before she died.
2013-07-09 04:02:05 PM  
3 votes:
foolish woman is foolish

don't want to be married anymore? file and stop trying to take the barn, and the horse, all the manure and the stable hand as a consolation prize

if you don't care about a person anymore, why risk your freedom to twist the knife? idiot

as the song goes? "there must be 50 ways to leave your lover"
2013-07-09 02:45:15 PM  
3 votes:

bdub77: Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.



i293.photobucket.com
2013-07-09 05:03:32 PM  
2 votes:

isawyou: I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


i291.photobucket.com
2013-07-09 05:01:22 PM  
2 votes:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.
2013-07-09 04:34:47 PM  
2 votes:

mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.
2013-07-09 04:24:50 PM  
2 votes:

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.
2013-07-09 04:21:41 PM  
2 votes:
ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"
2013-07-09 04:17:00 PM  
2 votes:
Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS: 

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

2013-07-09 02:35:23 PM  
2 votes:
If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.
2013-07-10 10:54:51 AM  
1 vote:

hammettman: 3)She's Italian, do not want to run the risk of family advice on the order of: "you, know, if he just disappeared things would be ducky."


I've honestly heard more than ten Italian acquaintances over the years claim to be "mobbed up."

I'd wager the real number was more like possibly one or two at most.

If they're not Sicilian, they're probably lying.
2013-07-09 06:55:12 PM  
1 vote:

elkraf: I used to sleep with one eye open. Now I have to sleep with both eyes open. I think I'll just kill her before she kills me. Does anyone have the number of a "hit man"?


Haven't we learned our lesson from the kid who's in prison from posting stupid stuff on facebook like this?  Apparently not.
2013-07-09 06:27:17 PM  
1 vote:

farm machine: nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

If the parties involved aren't truly mature then yes, by all means pay an attorney to provide that.


Maturity != you get to play lawyer.  If it's a no asset, no children case, sure DIY it all you want, but when custody of my daughter was in question, I wasn't taking any chances.

I have full custody.  There were no assets that weren't encumbered in debt.  I could go after her for child support, but I don't need it, and she doesn't have it, and I haven't heard from her in a very long time. If that isn't money well spent, I don't know what is.
2013-07-09 06:24:24 PM  
1 vote:

gadian: Rhino_man: And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.

If you want her to lie in court to just get things over with, she with the internet boyfriend isn't the only ethically and morally compromised one in this relationship.


When the law is designed to punish the victim, circumventing it is neither unethical nor immoral... merely illegal.
2013-07-09 06:21:57 PM  
1 vote:

Rhino_man: And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.


If you want her to lie in court to just get things over with, she with the internet boyfriend isn't the only ethically and morally compromised one in this relationship.
2013-07-09 05:25:00 PM  
1 vote:

Father_Jack: isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.

sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.


The only advice I have for men like you is you have to go after brains/earning potential in addition to tits/ass. Don't get involved in a woman who is multiple tax brackets below you. Do not let your woman mommy track herself. If she doesn't see eye to eye with you on this then don't marry her and for fark's sake do not impregnate her. You don't get to have a domestic house servant then not compensate them for lost time in the work force when the arrangement falls apart. The 10 or so years spent wiping snotty noses will permanently depress her earning potential (above and beyond the 10 years of lost wages/SS). The other side to this equation is you get to pitch in during the second shift after work.

/That and pre-nup.
2013-07-09 05:24:31 PM  
1 vote:

anfrind: if the hitman is busted by the cops, he probably knows enough to take down his boss as part of a plea bargain.


I wonder what you plea down to when they've got you dead to rights for murder. Manslaughter? Maybe they just toss you in Witness Protection and take what they can get with your evidence. I dunno.

Anyway, as I said earlier if there's actually a mob boss arranging killings, he's an idiot if he's doing it directly. It would be far wiser to arrange it through a fall guy so if the hitman turns out to be bogus or an informant the only thing you lose is that fall guy.
2013-07-09 05:23:03 PM  
1 vote:

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


Tell that to my clients who won't pay me.
2013-07-09 05:17:56 PM  
1 vote:

Treygreen13: anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer

Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"


I think in that case it becomes more of a M.A.D. situation: if the hitman is busted by the cops, he probably knows enough to take down his boss as part of a plea bargain.

In the aforementioned "New Yorker" article, the hitman never planned to become a professional hitman, but he needed money and the guy he was first hired to kill was one of his boss's rivals, and he was able to convince himself that he wasn't making the world any worse by killing gangsters.  At least until he was asked to kill his boss's girlfriend...
2013-07-09 05:08:58 PM  
1 vote:

isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.


sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.
2013-07-09 05:07:37 PM  
1 vote:
isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.
2013-07-09 04:55:09 PM  
1 vote:
Due to the "skewed nature" of who gets what in a divorce, this is one reason why when I/should I (gee, maybe that should have been reversed) see divorce I will recommend, and probably pay for a good upstanding divorce attorney for the wife.

1)I want literally 1/5th of what I could ask for in Cali.
2)Knowing the wife, upon seeing what I could take vs. what her lawyer would take, she'd can the lawyer and make it easy
3)She's Italian, do not want to run the risk of family advice on the order of: "you, know, if he just disappeared things would be ducky."
2013-07-09 04:54:25 PM  
1 vote:

anfrind: pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.

I don't claim to be an expert on hitmen (most of my information comes from a single "New Yorker" article), but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer.

Obviously, the woman in TFA would not have been able to afford such an arrangement.


sometimes, a single new yorker article is all you need to hold a reasonable conversation on an issue.  perhaps not a knowledgeable conversation, but definitely reasonable.  and trustworthy to the point of, oh, i should research more... which is much more than most news, where you're trustworthy to the point of, this is probably bs, i really don't know what i'm talking about but someone said it once.
2013-07-09 04:53:57 PM  
1 vote:

anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer


Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"
2013-07-09 04:50:11 PM  
1 vote:
The part where she's already spending his life insurance money on the hit man is especially touching.
2013-07-09 04:36:28 PM  
1 vote:
ChipNASA: This is kind of what I was going with before everyone got all BUTTHURT and serious....I mean if you're not mature enough to be married and you think, Hey, I'll just go get some stranger to bump off my hubby cause I'm inconvenienced by being married.

Oddly, that is about what my Boobies in here was getting at as well - it's far better to cut your losses and leave that person be if it's over. She was dumb and got caught - end of another story
2013-07-09 04:35:29 PM  
1 vote:
Unless she makes the big bucks and hubby was a house husband there is no way that a divorce lawyer is more than a hitman.
2013-07-09 04:32:13 PM  
1 vote:
Jumant - sorry about your folks - i also married "too young" but it's been 26 years next week - just pretty sick and tired of the "red-head" thing

wasn't it blondes who were foolish gold-diggers? ;-)
2013-07-09 04:32:07 PM  
1 vote:
I wish my ex had been dumb enough to try this... I'm pretty sure Virginia wouldn't make me wait a year for the divorce after a video like that hit the interwebs.

In stead, she searched on Craigslist for someone to bang, then chickened out and ended up just having an internet boyfriend for a month... which means that she's the cheating kind, but she doesn't meet the state's definition of "adultery," therefore I have to wait A FARKING YEAR for the divorce to go through.

biatches, man.  biatches.
2013-07-09 04:30:51 PM  
1 vote:
As someone who has been "co-parenting" for the past 12 years with an ex, I can't blame her.
2013-07-09 04:28:33 PM  
1 vote:
awww, ChipNASA - you didn't have to post a picture showing how you feel - but, I understand why you may feel sorry for your assumptions about red-heads and young mothers based on this one story
2013-07-09 04:27:21 PM  
1 vote:

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"


FWIW my Mom had two kids by the time she was 21. We turned out great but they got divorced once we were both in university. They got married way too young. Today, personally I think 21 is too young to be having two kids. Grow up a little more first.
2013-07-09 04:24:48 PM  
1 vote:
Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA
2013-07-09 04:24:00 PM  
1 vote:

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"

memedepot.com
2013-07-09 04:15:50 PM  
1 vote:

bigpete53: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

You know I love you, but that's a little odd. My mom had two kids by age 22 with my dad, and was married for 34 years to him before she died.


You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.

(you have to take it as a group, not as individual bullet points.)
2013-07-09 04:14:41 PM  
1 vote:
The hitman is ALWAYS a cop
2013-07-09 04:14:32 PM  
1 vote:
you know, people talk about divorce attorneys costing a lot. but, the real issue is that divorce costs a lot.  you shouldn't spend more on the divorce attorney than you stand to lose in the divorce.  the expenses on the divorce attorney should save you money in the end.

/ unless children.  then you want things that go beyond money.
2013-07-09 04:12:13 PM  
1 vote:
I like how she hoped that the execution wouldn't take place in the house as she had already lined up a roommate and thought the mess might freak her out.

Always thinking ahead, this one.
2013-07-09 04:06:14 PM  
1 vote:
I just kept hoping my ex would step in front of a bus.
2013-07-09 04:01:59 PM  
1 vote:
You know what's cheaper than hiring a divorce attorney? Just being a crappy spouse.
2013-07-09 04:00:44 PM  
1 vote:
Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.
2013-07-09 03:56:55 PM  
1 vote:

FarkinHostile: I'm not saying it's right, but I understand.


nice
2013-07-09 03:54:38 PM  
1 vote:
I'm not saying it's right, but I understand.
2013-07-09 03:54:22 PM  
1 vote:
She should have advertised on Craigslist
2013-07-09 03:48:02 PM  
1 vote:
Can we somehow blame men for this?
2013-07-09 03:32:55 PM  
1 vote:

Relatively Obscure: Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.


Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.
2013-07-09 03:22:05 PM  
1 vote:

bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain


Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.  Apparently, the judge set the minimum at six years, and she can get up to life.
Pud
2013-07-09 03:00:43 PM  
1 vote:

bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.


She'll probably get a public defender anyway, so I doubt she'll be paying for a defense attorney
2013-07-09 02:49:53 PM  
1 vote:
"You know, I didn't have to worry about the judgment of my family, I didn't have to worry about breaking his heart, all that stuff like this. It's, like, how I got a clean getaway."

You're doing it wrong, sweetie.
2013-07-09 02:39:06 PM  
1 vote:

quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.


Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.
 
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