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(93.9 My FM Chicago)   Woman hires 'hitman' to kill husband because it's cheaper than a divorce lawyer   (939myfm.com ) divider line
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6522 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jul 2013 at 3:46 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-09 04:21:41 PM  
ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"
 
2013-07-09 04:21:41 PM  

Brick-House: True hitmen are cheaper than lawyers, but she hasn't factored in the death tax. So that may drive the overall cost much higher.


img33.imageshack.us
She also forgot the "failed assassination" levy.
 
2013-07-09 04:21:58 PM  
So where does one go for a hitman service? Craigslist? Some hidden section of Angie's List? eBay?
 
2013-07-09 04:23:08 PM  

bigpete53: ChipNASA: You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.


Please. She put out five hits on my dad. Unfortunately, she kept contracting with the family guinea pig. Mom was an odd duck.

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-07-09 04:24:00 PM  

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"

memedepot.com
 
2013-07-09 04:24:06 PM  

bdub77: Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.


Mom: summary execution
Dad: summary execution because he is stupid enough to marry this evil person and crotch-drop with her.
Kids: summary execution because they are genetically half-murderers and half-murderer-lovers.

Four bullet solution:

Problem solved!
 
2013-07-09 04:24:48 PM  
Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA
 
2013-07-09 04:24:50 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.
 
2013-07-09 04:24:57 PM  
This is why every TV show is a cop drama.  Dumbasses think it's real life and get caught.
 
2013-07-09 04:27:21 PM  

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"


FWIW my Mom had two kids by the time she was 21. We turned out great but they got divorced once we were both in university. They got married way too young. Today, personally I think 21 is too young to be having two kids. Grow up a little more first.
 
2013-07-09 04:28:33 PM  
awww, ChipNASA - you didn't have to post a picture showing how you feel - but, I understand why you may feel sorry for your assumptions about red-heads and young mothers based on this one story
 
2013-07-09 04:28:58 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: Hell, my divorce attorney charged me $1500.00 and made her wish she was dead.

/Dead is over so quickly....but suffering lasts a lifetime


That was almost poetry.
 
2013-07-09 04:29:32 PM  

RedT: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.


YES because there's never been a dumb sexist pig from New York, Florida, or California. Idiot.
 
2013-07-09 04:30:51 PM  
As someone who has been "co-parenting" for the past 12 years with an ex, I can't blame her.
 
2013-07-09 04:32:07 PM  
I wish my ex had been dumb enough to try this... I'm pretty sure Virginia wouldn't make me wait a year for the divorce after a video like that hit the interwebs.

In stead, she searched on Craigslist for someone to bang, then chickened out and ended up just having an internet boyfriend for a month... which means that she's the cheating kind, but she doesn't meet the state's definition of "adultery," therefore I have to wait A FARKING YEAR for the divorce to go through.

biatches, man.  biatches.
 
2013-07-09 04:32:13 PM  
Jumant - sorry about your folks - i also married "too young" but it's been 26 years next week - just pretty sick and tired of the "red-head" thing

wasn't it blondes who were foolish gold-diggers? ;-)
 
2013-07-09 04:32:33 PM  

Astorix: I guess she played too many video games. How many points did she think she was going to get for bumping off the hubby.


If she bumped off the husband more often, she probably wouldn't be in this situation.
 
2013-07-09 04:33:12 PM  

IamPatSajak: As someone who has been "co-parenting" for the past 12 years with an ex, I can't blame her.


Vanna lost interest?
 
2013-07-09 04:34:08 PM  

Jument: parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"

FWIW my Mom had two kids by the time she was 21. We turned out great but they got divorced once we were both in university. They got married way too young. Today, personally I think 21 is too young to be having two kids. Grow up a little more first.


This is kind of what I was going with before everyone got all BUTTHURT and serious....I mean if you're not mature enough to be married and you think, Hey, I'll just go get some stranger to bump off my hubby cause I'm inconvenienced by being married.
Not only that she giggled when she talked to the cop about the hit AND said she'd rather not make her husband heartbroken....she's rather stop his heart PERMANENTLY!!  Her quote..." it's not that we weren't getting along," ....

AND from another article.......WHAT a WINNAR hubby also turns out to be....." Her husband doesn't think she should go to jail."

http://pix11.com/2013/07/09/a-former-n-j-woman-attempts-to-hire-hit- ma n-to-kill-husband/#ixzz2YaARCg2n
 
2013-07-09 04:34:47 PM  

mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.
 
2013-07-09 04:35:29 PM  
Unless she makes the big bucks and hubby was a house husband there is no way that a divorce lawyer is more than a hitman.
 
2013-07-09 04:36:28 PM  
ChipNASA: This is kind of what I was going with before everyone got all BUTTHURT and serious....I mean if you're not mature enough to be married and you think, Hey, I'll just go get some stranger to bump off my hubby cause I'm inconvenienced by being married.

Oddly, that is about what my Boobies in here was getting at as well - it's far better to cut your losses and leave that person be if it's over. She was dumb and got caught - end of another story
 
2013-07-09 04:39:06 PM  

Heathen: Shift_Left_Political: I just kept hoping my ex would step in front of a bus.

that won't do anything, now stepping in front of a MOVING bus would do the trick


So that's where I went wrong! Everyone cross their fingers it works now!
 
2013-07-09 04:40:37 PM  

ramblinwreck: The crime stat, if carried out and caught, would have been recorded as a man killing a man. Which is often the case when intimate partner violence is committed against men...as in, a boyfriend, lover, or hired gun will commit the crime (proxy violence).


This
 
2013-07-09 04:40:54 PM  

anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.


i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.
 
2013-07-09 04:47:47 PM  

pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.


Or just be a cop from the beginning...
 
2013-07-09 04:47:50 PM  

pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.


I don't claim to be an expert on hitmen (most of my information comes from a single "New Yorker" article), but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer.

Obviously, the woman in TFA would not have been able to afford such an arrangement.
 
2013-07-09 04:50:10 PM  

Thingster: Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA


She should have encouraged the cop to believe her husband was a dangerous drug dealer. Then the cop would have shot him when he knocked on the door.
 
2013-07-09 04:50:11 PM  
The part where she's already spending his life insurance money on the hit man is especially touching.
 
2013-07-09 04:51:35 PM  

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


If the parties involved aren't truly mature then yes, by all means pay an attorney to provide that.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:14 PM  

RedT: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.


Only things in Texas are steers and queers, and I don't think the post indicated either.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:45 PM  

LiberalEastCoastElitist: The part where she's already spending his life insurance money on the hit man is especially touching.


Wow, Payday Loans take on a whole new meaning!
 
2013-07-09 04:53:57 PM  

ChipNASA: i3.kym-cdn.com


I'm a wop.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:57 PM  

anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer


Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"
 
2013-07-09 04:54:25 PM  

anfrind: pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.

I don't claim to be an expert on hitmen (most of my information comes from a single "New Yorker" article), but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer.

Obviously, the woman in TFA would not have been able to afford such an arrangement.


sometimes, a single new yorker article is all you need to hold a reasonable conversation on an issue.  perhaps not a knowledgeable conversation, but definitely reasonable.  and trustworthy to the point of, oh, i should research more... which is much more than most news, where you're trustworthy to the point of, this is probably bs, i really don't know what i'm talking about but someone said it once.
 
2013-07-09 04:55:09 PM  
Due to the "skewed nature" of who gets what in a divorce, this is one reason why when I/should I (gee, maybe that should have been reversed) see divorce I will recommend, and probably pay for a good upstanding divorce attorney for the wife.

1)I want literally 1/5th of what I could ask for in Cali.
2)Knowing the wife, upon seeing what I could take vs. what her lawyer would take, she'd can the lawyer and make it easy
3)She's Italian, do not want to run the risk of family advice on the order of: "you, know, if he just disappeared things would be ducky."
 
2013-07-09 05:01:22 PM  
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.
 
2013-07-09 05:03:10 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: Hell, my divorce attorney charged me $1500.00 and made her wish she was dead.

/Dead is over so quickly....but suffering lasts a lifetime


Weird, that's almost exactly what mine cost.  I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to my ex though.
 
2013-07-09 05:03:32 PM  

isawyou: I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


i291.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-09 05:03:55 PM  

Treygreen13: anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer

Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"


often the state/feds are more interested in who ordered the murder and will offer a plea for a reduced charge for that information.

also, being the mob boss does add a degree of criminal recourse.  i have no such recourse.  can't really sue for breach of contract or fraud in the inducement of an assassination contract.

in the non-mob boss scenario, why even do the deed?  just make a sound record of all the attempts to hire for murder, and then milk it for what it's worth.  you already know the person is too timid to get their hands dirty.
 
2013-07-09 05:07:37 PM  
isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.
 
2013-07-09 05:08:58 PM  

isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.


sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.
 
2013-07-09 05:09:43 PM  

pute kisses like a man: often the state/feds are more interested in who ordered the murder and will offer a plea for a reduced charge for that information.


You still end up in jail with the mob angry at you.

pute kisses like a man: also, being the mob boss does add a degree of criminal recourse.  i have no such recourse.  can't really sue for breach of contract or fraud in the inducement of an assassination contract.


Well hopefully if you're a mob boss you've set up a system wherein it is difficult to pin charges on you. So you arrange for the hit through a lackey. Then anyone who decides to turn you in has to accept that there's a good chance they're going to go to jail *with* the guy they sold out and now the boss is mad and on the outside.

pute kisses like a man: in the non-mob boss scenario, why even do the deed?  just make a sound record of all the attempts to hire for murder, and then milk it for what it's worth.  you already know the person is too timid to get their hands dirty.


Maybe you need the money, and in this case she doesn't have any real money until the husband is dead and has the policy. Turning them in doesn't get you any money at all. Just playing Devil's Advocate here, not like I'd ever be a hitman.
 
2013-07-09 05:10:22 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


I had to label that as smart, because you'll get a tons of bites
 
2013-07-09 05:11:05 PM  

parasol: Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


Yeah, like there are any of those.
 
2013-07-09 05:12:28 PM  

parasol: isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


The only way I can see divorce being expensive for womanis if hubbynis so broke that the lawyer will get everything and the only thing she gets is away from hubby.
 
2013-07-09 05:16:18 PM  

Oldiron_79: The only way I can see divorce being expensive for womanis if hubbynis so broke that the lawyer will get everything and the only thing she gets is away from hubby.


Or if she is just greedy and wants 100% of what he already has instead of 50% of everything he will make over the next 18 years.
 
2013-07-09 05:16:53 PM  

parasol: Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


More than six figures? I'd love to hook up with a 1%er.
 
2013-07-09 05:17:56 PM  

Treygreen13: anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer

Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"


I think in that case it becomes more of a M.A.D. situation: if the hitman is busted by the cops, he probably knows enough to take down his boss as part of a plea bargain.

In the aforementioned "New Yorker" article, the hitman never planned to become a professional hitman, but he needed money and the guy he was first hired to kill was one of his boss's rivals, and he was able to convince himself that he wasn't making the world any worse by killing gangsters.  At least until he was asked to kill his boss's girlfriend...
 
2013-07-09 05:18:06 PM  
I have found that they best way to avoid divorce is not getting married.   There are few benefits for the man and many more disadvantages.
 
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