Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(93.9 My FM Chicago)   Woman hires 'hitman' to kill husband because it's cheaper than a divorce lawyer   (939myfm.com) divider line 149
    More: Weird  
•       •       •

6509 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jul 2013 at 3:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



149 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-09 02:35:23 PM  
If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.
 
2013-07-09 02:39:06 PM  

quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.


Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.
 
2013-07-09 02:45:15 PM  

bdub77: Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.



i293.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-09 02:49:53 PM  
"You know, I didn't have to worry about the judgment of my family, I didn't have to worry about breaking his heart, all that stuff like this. It's, like, how I got a clean getaway."

You're doing it wrong, sweetie.
 
Pud
2013-07-09 03:00:43 PM  

bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.


She'll probably get a public defender anyway, so I doubt she'll be paying for a defense attorney
 
2013-07-09 03:22:03 PM  
Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.
 
2013-07-09 03:22:05 PM  

bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain


Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.  Apparently, the judge set the minimum at six years, and she can get up to life.
 
2013-07-09 03:24:17 PM  
Er the article to which this article linked, that is.
 
2013-07-09 03:32:55 PM  

Relatively Obscure: Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.


Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.
 
2013-07-09 03:37:12 PM  

bdub77: Relatively Obscure: Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.

Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.


Maybe he can just put life insurance policies on them and list her as beneficiary.
 
2013-07-09 03:48:02 PM  
Can we somehow blame men for this?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-07-09 03:48:17 PM  
The hitman is also more ethical.
 
2013-07-09 03:50:49 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-09 03:51:43 PM  
True hitmen are cheaper than lawyers, but she hasn't factored in the death tax. So that may drive the overall cost much higher.
 
2013-07-09 03:51:44 PM  

d23: The hitman is also more ethical.


That actually was her argument kind of.  Spare him the heartbreak of divorce.

Stay classy, Muskegon!
 
2013-07-09 03:52:40 PM  
Hell, my divorce attorney charged me $1500.00 and made her wish she was dead.

/Dead is over so quickly....but suffering lasts a lifetime
 
2013-07-09 03:53:16 PM  
Wasn't that the plot on Longmire last night?
 
2013-07-09 03:53:37 PM  
The crime stat, if carried out and caught, would have been recorded as a man killing a man. Which is often the case when intimate partner violence is committed against men...as in, a boyfriend, lover, or hired gun will commit the crime (proxy violence).
 
2013-07-09 03:53:40 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?


He drove her to do it. He wouldn't get her a new Ferrari this year.
 
2013-07-09 03:54:17 PM  
Came here for the best there is, the best there was, and the best that every will be...


/tapping out to a sharpshooter.
 
2013-07-09 03:54:22 PM  
She should have advertised on Craigslist
 
2013-07-09 03:54:36 PM  

iheartscotch: Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?

He drove her to do it. He wouldn't get her a new Ferrari more red hair dye this year.



FTFY
 
2013-07-09 03:54:38 PM  
I'm not saying it's right, but I understand.
 
2013-07-09 03:55:11 PM  

Brick-House: True hitmen are cheaper than lawyers, but she hasn't factored in the death tax. So that may drive the overall cost much higher.


notsureifseriouspic.jpg
 
2013-07-09 03:56:55 PM  

FarkinHostile: I'm not saying it's right, but I understand.


nice
 
2013-07-09 03:58:03 PM  

Relatively Obscure: bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain

Linked article says that she pled guilty and that her husband was asking for her to get no jail time because he's a dumbass.  Apparently, the judge set the minimum at six years, and she can get up to life.


She promised him nonstop anals during the conjul visits... what she didn't say was she's be shoving a plunger up his butt...
 
2013-07-09 03:58:37 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?


Yeah. How many dirty socks must be have left on the floor to cause her this much trauma to force her to consider this extreme solution? I bet he was a premature ejaculator too.
 
2013-07-09 04:00:44 PM  
Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.
 
2013-07-09 04:01:10 PM  

LiberalEastCoastElitist: Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?

Yeah. How many dirty socks must be have left on the floor to cause her this much trauma to force her to consider this extreme solution? I bet he was a premature ejaculator too.


meh, he never complained
 
2013-07-09 04:01:19 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?


He wouldn't listen to her;
He was always telling her how to solve her problems;
He didn't appreciate her intuition;
He didn't validate her feelings;
He wouldn't learn that a question is really a directive;
He wouldn't read her moods, even when they were right out there.

Selfish bastard.
 
2013-07-09 04:01:59 PM  
You know what's cheaper than hiring a divorce attorney? Just being a crappy spouse.
 
2013-07-09 04:02:05 PM  
foolish woman is foolish

don't want to be married anymore? file and stop trying to take the barn, and the horse, all the manure and the stable hand as a consolation prize

if you don't care about a person anymore, why risk your freedom to twist the knife? idiot

as the song goes? "there must be 50 ways to leave your lover"
 
2013-07-09 04:02:41 PM  

WippitGuud: Came here for the best there is, the best there was, and the best that every will be...


/tapping out to a sharpshooter.


I knew Whippit would be in here.

The Excellence of Execution. Does it get any better?
 
2013-07-09 04:05:01 PM  

bdub77: Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.


As opposed to the mommy who has expressed a desire to kill you  - and taken tangible steps to carrying through on it - being free?  Cause that can have no downsides ...
 
2013-07-09 04:06:14 PM  
I just kept hoping my ex would step in front of a bus.
 
2013-07-09 04:06:34 PM  
Well with logic like hers I'm sure she will do fine in prison.
 
2013-07-09 04:08:14 PM  

Shift_Left_Political: I just kept hoping my ex would step in front of a bus.


that won't do anything, now stepping in front of a MOVING bus would do the trick
 
2013-07-09 04:08:35 PM  
I guess she played too many video games. How many points did she think she was going to get for bumping off the hubby.
 
2013-07-09 04:12:13 PM  
I like how she hoped that the execution wouldn't take place in the house as she had already lined up a roommate and thought the mess might freak her out.

Always thinking ahead, this one.
 
2013-07-09 04:13:55 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


You know I love you, but that's a little odd. My mom had two kids by age 22 with my dad, and was married for 34 years to him before she died.
 
2013-07-09 04:14:27 PM  
She was so callous she wanted the murder to take place out of her house so it wouldn't get blood on her carpet. Put her in jail for life.
 
2013-07-09 04:14:32 PM  
you know, people talk about divorce attorneys costing a lot. but, the real issue is that divorce costs a lot.  you shouldn't spend more on the divorce attorney than you stand to lose in the divorce.  the expenses on the divorce attorney should save you money in the end.

/ unless children.  then you want things that go beyond money.
 
2013-07-09 04:14:41 PM  
The hitman is ALWAYS a cop
 
2013-07-09 04:15:50 PM  

bigpete53: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

You know I love you, but that's a little odd. My mom had two kids by age 22 with my dad, and was married for 34 years to him before she died.


You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.

(you have to take it as a group, not as individual bullet points.)
 
2013-07-09 04:17:00 PM  
Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS: 

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

 
2013-07-09 04:18:36 PM  

ChipNASA: You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.


Please. She put out five hits on my dad. Unfortunately, she kept contracting with the family guinea pig. Mom was an odd duck.
 
2013-07-09 04:18:51 PM  
Ya know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it!

/ba-dum tsshhh
 
2013-07-09 04:18:53 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?

He wouldn't listen to her;
He was always telling her how to solve her problems;
He didn't appreciate her intuition;
He didn't validate her feelings;
He wouldn't learn that a question is really a directive;
He wouldn't read her moods, even when they were right out there.

Selfish bastard.


The "contractor" ratted her out, men always stick together.

/obvious
 
2013-07-09 04:18:56 PM  

bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.


Is she one of those dummies that goes up against Columbo? God, I love the mysteries but at least 3/4 the time, the killer wouldn't have been convicted in a court of law if they didn't straight up confess or stage another murder to cover the original crime.
 
2013-07-09 04:20:11 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check


Sounds like my kind of gal! Cute, stupid, and puts out.

//I'd hitman it
 
2013-07-09 04:21:41 PM  
ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"
 
2013-07-09 04:21:41 PM  

Brick-House: True hitmen are cheaper than lawyers, but she hasn't factored in the death tax. So that may drive the overall cost much higher.


img33.imageshack.us
She also forgot the "failed assassination" levy.
 
2013-07-09 04:21:58 PM  
So where does one go for a hitman service? Craigslist? Some hidden section of Angie's List? eBay?
 
2013-07-09 04:23:08 PM  

bigpete53: ChipNASA: You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.


Please. She put out five hits on my dad. Unfortunately, she kept contracting with the family guinea pig. Mom was an odd duck.

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-07-09 04:24:00 PM  

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"

memedepot.com
 
2013-07-09 04:24:06 PM  

bdub77: Maybe a dumbass, but they have two young children which might have factored into his request. That's gotta be rough, a single parent raising two young kids with mommy in jail for wanting to kill you.


Mom: summary execution
Dad: summary execution because he is stupid enough to marry this evil person and crotch-drop with her.
Kids: summary execution because they are genetically half-murderers and half-murderer-lovers.

Four bullet solution:

Problem solved!
 
2013-07-09 04:24:48 PM  
Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA
 
2013-07-09 04:24:50 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.
 
2013-07-09 04:24:57 PM  
This is why every TV show is a cop drama.  Dumbasses think it's real life and get caught.
 
2013-07-09 04:27:21 PM  

parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"


FWIW my Mom had two kids by the time she was 21. We turned out great but they got divorced once we were both in university. They got married way too young. Today, personally I think 21 is too young to be having two kids. Grow up a little more first.
 
2013-07-09 04:28:33 PM  
awww, ChipNASA - you didn't have to post a picture showing how you feel - but, I understand why you may feel sorry for your assumptions about red-heads and young mothers based on this one story
 
2013-07-09 04:28:58 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: Hell, my divorce attorney charged me $1500.00 and made her wish she was dead.

/Dead is over so quickly....but suffering lasts a lifetime


That was almost poetry.
 
2013-07-09 04:29:32 PM  

RedT: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.


YES because there's never been a dumb sexist pig from New York, Florida, or California. Idiot.
 
2013-07-09 04:30:51 PM  
As someone who has been "co-parenting" for the past 12 years with an ex, I can't blame her.
 
2013-07-09 04:32:07 PM  
I wish my ex had been dumb enough to try this... I'm pretty sure Virginia wouldn't make me wait a year for the divorce after a video like that hit the interwebs.

In stead, she searched on Craigslist for someone to bang, then chickened out and ended up just having an internet boyfriend for a month... which means that she's the cheating kind, but she doesn't meet the state's definition of "adultery," therefore I have to wait A FARKING YEAR for the divorce to go through.

biatches, man.  biatches.
 
2013-07-09 04:32:13 PM  
Jumant - sorry about your folks - i also married "too young" but it's been 26 years next week - just pretty sick and tired of the "red-head" thing

wasn't it blondes who were foolish gold-diggers? ;-)
 
2013-07-09 04:32:33 PM  

Astorix: I guess she played too many video games. How many points did she think she was going to get for bumping off the hubby.


If she bumped off the husband more often, she probably wouldn't be in this situation.
 
2013-07-09 04:33:12 PM  

IamPatSajak: As someone who has been "co-parenting" for the past 12 years with an ex, I can't blame her.


Vanna lost interest?
 
2013-07-09 04:34:08 PM  

Jument: parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"

FWIW my Mom had two kids by the time she was 21. We turned out great but they got divorced once we were both in university. They got married way too young. Today, personally I think 21 is too young to be having two kids. Grow up a little more first.


This is kind of what I was going with before everyone got all BUTTHURT and serious....I mean if you're not mature enough to be married and you think, Hey, I'll just go get some stranger to bump off my hubby cause I'm inconvenienced by being married.
Not only that she giggled when she talked to the cop about the hit AND said she'd rather not make her husband heartbroken....she's rather stop his heart PERMANENTLY!!  Her quote..." it's not that we weren't getting along," ....

AND from another article.......WHAT a WINNAR hubby also turns out to be....." Her husband doesn't think she should go to jail."

http://pix11.com/2013/07/09/a-former-n-j-woman-attempts-to-hire-hit- ma n-to-kill-husband/#ixzz2YaARCg2n
 
2013-07-09 04:34:47 PM  

mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.
 
2013-07-09 04:35:29 PM  
Unless she makes the big bucks and hubby was a house husband there is no way that a divorce lawyer is more than a hitman.
 
2013-07-09 04:36:28 PM  
ChipNASA: This is kind of what I was going with before everyone got all BUTTHURT and serious....I mean if you're not mature enough to be married and you think, Hey, I'll just go get some stranger to bump off my hubby cause I'm inconvenienced by being married.

Oddly, that is about what my Boobies in here was getting at as well - it's far better to cut your losses and leave that person be if it's over. She was dumb and got caught - end of another story
 
2013-07-09 04:39:06 PM  

Heathen: Shift_Left_Political: I just kept hoping my ex would step in front of a bus.

that won't do anything, now stepping in front of a MOVING bus would do the trick


So that's where I went wrong! Everyone cross their fingers it works now!
 
2013-07-09 04:40:37 PM  

ramblinwreck: The crime stat, if carried out and caught, would have been recorded as a man killing a man. Which is often the case when intimate partner violence is committed against men...as in, a boyfriend, lover, or hired gun will commit the crime (proxy violence).


This
 
2013-07-09 04:40:54 PM  

anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.


i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.
 
2013-07-09 04:47:47 PM  

pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.


Or just be a cop from the beginning...
 
2013-07-09 04:47:50 PM  

pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.


I don't claim to be an expert on hitmen (most of my information comes from a single "New Yorker" article), but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer.

Obviously, the woman in TFA would not have been able to afford such an arrangement.
 
2013-07-09 04:50:10 PM  

Thingster: Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA


She should have encouraged the cop to believe her husband was a dangerous drug dealer. Then the cop would have shot him when he knocked on the door.
 
2013-07-09 04:50:11 PM  
The part where she's already spending his life insurance money on the hit man is especially touching.
 
2013-07-09 04:51:35 PM  

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


If the parties involved aren't truly mature then yes, by all means pay an attorney to provide that.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:14 PM  

RedT: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Wut?
So a women is a whore even if she is married just because she has had sex at least twice?

You must be from Texas.


Only things in Texas are steers and queers, and I don't think the post indicated either.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:45 PM  

LiberalEastCoastElitist: The part where she's already spending his life insurance money on the hit man is especially touching.


Wow, Payday Loans take on a whole new meaning!
 
2013-07-09 04:53:57 PM  

ChipNASA: i3.kym-cdn.com


I'm a wop.
 
2013-07-09 04:53:57 PM  

anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer


Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"
 
2013-07-09 04:54:25 PM  

anfrind: pute kisses like a man: anfrind: mod3072: Has there ever, in the entire history of humanity, been a "hitman" who wasn't actually an undercover cop? I don't think real hitmen even exist. They're a fantasy that the cops created to get stupid people to give themselves up before killing someone.

Also, farking THIS:  nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

Real hitmen do exist, but they're more likely to be employed by gangsters and corrupt politicians.  I'd also expect them to be way more expensive than divorce lawyers.

i don't see how anyone could trust a hitman.  i mean, you are giving someone the highest level of dirt on you.  on top of that, you already know this guy will commit crimes for money.  then, if the guy actually performs, all he has to do is blackmail you for every penny you'll ever make.  or, never perform, and blackmail you anyways.

I don't claim to be an expert on hitmen (most of my information comes from a single "New Yorker" article), but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer.

Obviously, the woman in TFA would not have been able to afford such an arrangement.


sometimes, a single new yorker article is all you need to hold a reasonable conversation on an issue.  perhaps not a knowledgeable conversation, but definitely reasonable.  and trustworthy to the point of, oh, i should research more... which is much more than most news, where you're trustworthy to the point of, this is probably bs, i really don't know what i'm talking about but someone said it once.
 
2013-07-09 04:55:09 PM  
Due to the "skewed nature" of who gets what in a divorce, this is one reason why when I/should I (gee, maybe that should have been reversed) see divorce I will recommend, and probably pay for a good upstanding divorce attorney for the wife.

1)I want literally 1/5th of what I could ask for in Cali.
2)Knowing the wife, upon seeing what I could take vs. what her lawyer would take, she'd can the lawyer and make it easy
3)She's Italian, do not want to run the risk of family advice on the order of: "you, know, if he just disappeared things would be ducky."
 
2013-07-09 05:01:22 PM  
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.
 
2013-07-09 05:03:10 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: Hell, my divorce attorney charged me $1500.00 and made her wish she was dead.

/Dead is over so quickly....but suffering lasts a lifetime


Weird, that's almost exactly what mine cost.  I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to my ex though.
 
2013-07-09 05:03:32 PM  

isawyou: I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


i291.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-09 05:03:55 PM  

Treygreen13: anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer

Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"


often the state/feds are more interested in who ordered the murder and will offer a plea for a reduced charge for that information.

also, being the mob boss does add a degree of criminal recourse.  i have no such recourse.  can't really sue for breach of contract or fraud in the inducement of an assassination contract.

in the non-mob boss scenario, why even do the deed?  just make a sound record of all the attempts to hire for murder, and then milk it for what it's worth.  you already know the person is too timid to get their hands dirty.
 
2013-07-09 05:07:37 PM  
isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.
 
2013-07-09 05:08:58 PM  

isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.


sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.
 
2013-07-09 05:09:43 PM  

pute kisses like a man: often the state/feds are more interested in who ordered the murder and will offer a plea for a reduced charge for that information.


You still end up in jail with the mob angry at you.

pute kisses like a man: also, being the mob boss does add a degree of criminal recourse.  i have no such recourse.  can't really sue for breach of contract or fraud in the inducement of an assassination contract.


Well hopefully if you're a mob boss you've set up a system wherein it is difficult to pin charges on you. So you arrange for the hit through a lackey. Then anyone who decides to turn you in has to accept that there's a good chance they're going to go to jail *with* the guy they sold out and now the boss is mad and on the outside.

pute kisses like a man: in the non-mob boss scenario, why even do the deed?  just make a sound record of all the attempts to hire for murder, and then milk it for what it's worth.  you already know the person is too timid to get their hands dirty.


Maybe you need the money, and in this case she doesn't have any real money until the husband is dead and has the policy. Turning them in doesn't get you any money at all. Just playing Devil's Advocate here, not like I'd ever be a hitman.
 
2013-07-09 05:10:22 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


I had to label that as smart, because you'll get a tons of bites
 
2013-07-09 05:11:05 PM  

parasol: Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


Yeah, like there are any of those.
 
2013-07-09 05:12:28 PM  

parasol: isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


The only way I can see divorce being expensive for womanis if hubbynis so broke that the lawyer will get everything and the only thing she gets is away from hubby.
 
2013-07-09 05:16:18 PM  

Oldiron_79: The only way I can see divorce being expensive for womanis if hubbynis so broke that the lawyer will get everything and the only thing she gets is away from hubby.


Or if she is just greedy and wants 100% of what he already has instead of 50% of everything he will make over the next 18 years.
 
2013-07-09 05:16:53 PM  

parasol: Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


More than six figures? I'd love to hook up with a 1%er.
 
2013-07-09 05:17:56 PM  

Treygreen13: anfrind: but a smart gangster will hire the same hitman on a fairly regular basis, and pay generously enough that the promise of regular, well-paid contracts outweighs the risk associated with blackmailing their employer

Wouldn't it seem like the threat of blackmail would go away after the deed was done? Who is going to go to the mob boss and say "Give me money or I'll turn myself in for murder?"


I think in that case it becomes more of a M.A.D. situation: if the hitman is busted by the cops, he probably knows enough to take down his boss as part of a plea bargain.

In the aforementioned "New Yorker" article, the hitman never planned to become a professional hitman, but he needed money and the guy he was first hired to kill was one of his boss's rivals, and he was able to convince himself that he wasn't making the world any worse by killing gangsters.  At least until he was asked to kill his boss's girlfriend...
 
2013-07-09 05:18:06 PM  
I have found that they best way to avoid divorce is not getting married.   There are few benefits for the man and many more disadvantages.
 
2013-07-09 05:18:27 PM  

ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.


You can sleep with a blonde. You can sleep with a brunette. Trust me, you'll never get any sleep with a redhead, and that's a good thing ;-)
 
2013-07-09 05:20:03 PM  
Even better than divorce court?
 
2013-07-09 05:21:05 PM  

parasol: isawyou:
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.
1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit
No ??? in that equation.

Maybe you need to introduce yourself to women who have jobs that pay more than six figures a year.


Yes, agreed, some women do actually pay spousal support in a long term marriage where she makes more money.
 
2013-07-09 05:23:03 PM  

nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.


Tell that to my clients who won't pay me.
 
2013-07-09 05:24:31 PM  

anfrind: if the hitman is busted by the cops, he probably knows enough to take down his boss as part of a plea bargain.


I wonder what you plea down to when they've got you dead to rights for murder. Manslaughter? Maybe they just toss you in Witness Protection and take what they can get with your evidence. I dunno.

Anyway, as I said earlier if there's actually a mob boss arranging killings, he's an idiot if he's doing it directly. It would be far wiser to arrange it through a fall guy so if the hitman turns out to be bogus or an informant the only thing you lose is that fall guy.
 
2013-07-09 05:25:00 PM  

Father_Jack: isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.

sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.


The only advice I have for men like you is you have to go after brains/earning potential in addition to tits/ass. Don't get involved in a woman who is multiple tax brackets below you. Do not let your woman mommy track herself. If she doesn't see eye to eye with you on this then don't marry her and for fark's sake do not impregnate her. You don't get to have a domestic house servant then not compensate them for lost time in the work force when the arrangement falls apart. The 10 or so years spent wiping snotty noses will permanently depress her earning potential (above and beyond the 10 years of lost wages/SS). The other side to this equation is you get to pitch in during the second shift after work.

/That and pre-nup.
 
2013-07-09 05:30:25 PM  

inglixthemad: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

You can sleep with a blonde. You can sleep with a brunette. Trust me, you'll never get any sleep with a redhead, and that's a good thing ;-)


"Safe sex" with a redhead means using a padded headboard.
 
2013-07-09 05:36:22 PM  
Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


Got no where else to go, ex wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce.
 
2013-07-09 05:37:14 PM  

EyeballKid: You know what's cheaper than hiring a divorce attorney? Just being a crappy spouse.


You know what's even cheaper? Not being a dumbass who gets married in the first place.
 
2013-07-09 05:38:12 PM  

LiberalEastCoastElitist: Father_Jack: isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.

1) Be a married woman
2) Divorce
3) Profit

No ??? in that equation.

sure worked for my ex.

here in CA, childsupport is calculated as a function of incomes. so she "goes back to school" or "cant work because of stress" or whatever, and i have to compensate her for it.

her latest stunt, she decided to go back to school to get a second masters and she wanted me to pay her more since she was not earning any money except student loans. i disagreed. it went to the lawyers. now i pay more per month AND had to pay her attorney fees.

every time i get a raise, so does she.

its really a bad idea for males to marry in CA.

The only advice I have for men like you is you have to go after brains/earning potential in addition to tits/ass. Don't get involved in a woman who is multiple tax brackets below you. Do not let your woman mommy track herself. If she doesn't see eye to eye with you on this then don't marry her and for fark's sake do not impregnate her. You don't get to have a domestic house servant then not compensate them for lost time in the work force when the arrangement falls apart. The 10 or so years spent wiping snotty noses will permanently depress her earning potential (above and beyond the 10 years of lost wages/SS). The other side to this equation is you get to pitch in during the second shift after work.

/That and pre-nup.


What are you, eight years old?

"The only advice I have for stock brokers like you is buy low, sell high.  That way, you get back more money than you paid, and the difference is called profit.  You get to keep that!  If you do this over and over, you can get quite rich."

/sorry for the snark, but geez
 
2013-07-09 05:38:17 PM  

Treygreen13: pute kisses like a man: often the state/feds are more interested in who ordered the murder and will offer a plea for a reduced charge for that information.

You still end up in jail with the mob angry at you.

pute kisses like a man: also, being the mob boss does add a degree of criminal recourse.  i have no such recourse.  can't really sue for breach of contract or fraud in the inducement of an assassination contract.

Well hopefully if you're a mob boss you've set up a system wherein it is difficult to pin charges on you. So you arrange for the hit through a lackey. Then anyone who decides to turn you in has to accept that there's a good chance they're going to go to jail *with* the guy they sold out and now the boss is mad and on the outside.

pute kisses like a man: in the non-mob boss scenario, why even do the deed?  just make a sound record of all the attempts to hire for murder, and then milk it for what it's worth.  you already know the person is too timid to get their hands dirty.

Maybe you need the money, and in this case she doesn't have any real money until the husband is dead and has the policy. Turning them in doesn't get you any money at all. Just playing Devil's Advocate here, not like I'd ever be a hitman.


well, all i meant to say is that there is no way i'd trust anyone to do something like that for me.  criminals are really not good people to engage with any kind of business.  if you are not some big deal criminal yourself, or paying the right person (the right amount) for protection, it is easier for them to just take your money than it is for them to do what you're paying them for.

so, let's say it;s the life insurance/inheritance scenario.  now, you need a dead body. ok.  then afterwards, what's to say they won't ask for more, and just extort more from you.  of course, you could also just not pay.  probably not a good gambit to run.

there is a reason why societies are built.  predictable contract enforcement.  it's probably the second most important reason for society (the first being predictable rights in property, and I'd say the third is a prohibition against self-help (ie administration of ordered justice in place of personal vendettas)).  you don't really get to enjoy those benefits of society when dealing with criminals
 
2013-07-09 05:39:31 PM  
I saw the surveillance video of the deal going down on the news this morning. She conducted the deal with less concern than one would apply to a used car sale.
 
2013-07-09 05:40:01 PM  

ShamanGator: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


Got no where else to go, ex wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce.


cdn2-b.examiner.com

Been there.
 
2013-07-09 05:40:57 PM  
static.comicvine.com
unavailable for comment
/how am i teh bewbs on this ?
 
2013-07-09 05:47:49 PM  

pute kisses like a man: well, all i meant to say is that there is no way i'd trust anyone to do something like that for me.  criminals are really not good people to engage with any kind of business.  if you are not some big deal criminal yourself, or paying the right person (the right amount) for protection, it is easier for them to just take your money than it is for them to do what you're paying them for.


I think she had a good idea on the deal in this case at least, giving him a relatively small up front payment and then paying him the remainder after the deed. If he does run, she's only out what looks to be a single bill, presumably $100. And he knows she has no money unless the murder happens. Of course that leads to the possibility of being blackmailed for things other than money and she didn't account for that. She's dumb enough to think anyone is a hitman just open for hire so she's not too bright, but she had the limited offering part of the contract down.

pute kisses like a man: so, let's say it;s the life insurance/inheritance scenario.  now, you need a dead body. ok.  then afterwards, what's to say they won't ask for more, and just extort more from you.  of course, you could also just not pay.  probably not a good gambit to run.


Indeed, probably not a good idea to refuse to pay the guy who just killed someone for $100 up front. Primarily because it's clear that he's willing to murder someone, but also because he's willing to take on such a gigantic amount of risk with one of the negative outcomes being "I murdered someone and only got $100 for it."

pute kisses like a man: there is a reason why societies are built.  predictable contract enforcement.  it's probably the second most important reason for society (the first being predictable rights in property, and I'd say the third is a prohibition against self-help (ie administration of ordered justice in place of personal vendettas)).  you don't really get to enjoy those benefits of society when dealing with criminals


You're right, there are far too many ways this probably can't work in a society based around transactions. There is the off chance that the Hitman goes to her husband and says, "Your wife asked me to kill you for $100 and your life insurance policy. Want me to shoot me in her stupid head for $500?" Or the Hitman kills the husband, gets the money, and then kills her. Or what actually happened and she goes to jail.
 
2013-07-09 05:52:49 PM  

StreetlightInTheGhetto: d23: The hitman is also more ethical.

That actually was her argument kind of.  Spare him the heartbreak of divorce.

Stay classy, Muskegon!


Don't blame Muskegon:
"Merfeld and her husband had recently moved to Muskegon from New Jersey as the result of a job transfer for the husband."

  ///never ever thought I'd find myself defending Muskegon...
 
2013-07-09 06:00:16 PM  

LiberalEastCoastElitist: The only advice I have for men like you is you have to go after brains/earning potential in addition to tits/ass. Don't get involved in a woman who is multiple tax brackets below you. Do not let your woman mommy track herself. If she doesn't see eye to eye with you on this then don't marry her and for fark's sake do not impregnate her. You don't get to have a domestic house servant then not compensate them for lost time in the work force when the arrangement falls apart. The 10 or so years spent wiping snotty noses will permanently depress her earning potential (above and beyond the 10 years of lost wages/SS). The other side to this equation is you get to pitch in during the second shift after work.


curiously, that's more or less what i did... my ex and i met at the same university, both have advanced degrees.

she's just ... not made good choices since the divorce and its led to an ever increasing downward spiral... alcohlism high blood pressure etc... in short she's a mess, and worse every year, but since i was so heart broken when she left i gave her a sweet deal hoping she'd stay or ocme back at some point. sigh.

if she had remained healthy and able to cope with... yknow... LIFE... and kept a job and not made so many bad choices the deal would be more equitable since it was designed with the assumption she'd work at her capacity and not just pop zolofts and blood pressure meds with a whiskey diet chaser.

ah well.

the good thing about it all, is her incentive to not work and know no matter what she gets a piece of my income has incentivized me to continue to build the career and now i've climbed a lot of ladders i may not've had the inclincation to climb had i not had to pay her so much and all the travel costs, our kid's insurance costs etc etc...

and in 6 years Karma will really come home to roost when the kid hits 18. Then the victory will be delicious and maybe ill be able to finally afford to buy a house here in NorCal.
 
2013-07-09 06:00:37 PM  

parasol: foolish woman is foolish

don't want to be married anymore? file and stop trying to take the barn, and the horse, all the manure and the stable hand as a consolation prize

if you don't care about a person anymore, why risk your freedom to twist the knife? idiot

as the song goes? "there must be 50 ways to leave your lover"


Speaking of 50 ways:
"Are you ready to hear something? I want you to see if this sounds familiar: any time you try a decent crime, you got fifty ways you're gonna fark up. If you think of twenty-five of them, then you're a genius... and you ain't no genius. You remember who told me that?"   Link
 
2013-07-09 06:05:04 PM  

Rhino_man: I wish my ex had been dumb enough to try this... I'm pretty sure Virginia wouldn't make me wait a year for the divorce after a video like that hit the interwebs.

In stead, she searched on Craigslist for someone to bang, then chickened out and ended up just having an internet boyfriend for a month... which means that she's the cheating kind, but she doesn't meet the state's definition of "adultery," therefore I have to wait A FARKING YEAR for the divorce to go through.

biatches, man.  biatches.


Um...  Can't you just get divorced?  I mean you'll lose half your stuff and well over half your income for the next N years to alimony, but I thought divorce was pretty much a "Yep, I want a divorce.  Honey, sign here and here.  Here's all my money so you'll shut up and go away."

Sure, if you have kids, you'll never see them ever again, but...

/F'ing Christ, Dad got screwed.  He made half of what Mom made (which dropped down to a third), but guess who was paying child support to who?   And who kept the house?  And the new car?  And all the family portraits?  And got total custody on weeknights in the summer?
//Sad thing is that compared to his brothers who got divorced, he's probably the best off.  Figured out how to crash in a sustainable way and is finally out from under that load.
 
2013-07-09 06:11:33 PM  
Saw this on the news this morning.  She's a complete idiot.  Hope her husband moves on and finds someone better.
 
2013-07-09 06:11:36 PM  

meyerkev: Rhino_man: I wish my ex had been dumb enough to try this... I'm pretty sure Virginia wouldn't make me wait a year for the divorce after a video like that hit the interwebs.

In stead, she searched on Craigslist for someone to bang, then chickened out and ended up just having an internet boyfriend for a month... which means that she's the cheating kind, but she doesn't meet the state's definition of "adultery," therefore I have to wait A FARKING YEAR for the divorce to go through.

biatches, man.  biatches.

Um...  Can't you just get divorced?  I mean you'll lose half your stuff and well over half your income for the next N years to alimony, but I thought divorce was pretty much a "Yep, I want a divorce.  Honey, sign here and here.  Here's all my money so you'll shut up and go away."

Sure, if you have kids, you'll never see them ever again, but...

/F'ing Christ, Dad got screwed.  He made half of what Mom made (which dropped down to a third), but guess who was paying child support to who?   And who kept the house?  And the new car?  And all the family portraits?  And got total custody on weeknights in the summer?
//Sad thing is that compared to his brothers who got divorced, he's probably the best off.  Figured out how to crash in a sustainable way and is finally out from under that load.


I live in one of those states where you have to be separated for a year before you can file... you know, because Jesus.

And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.
 
2013-07-09 06:13:05 PM  

ChipNASA: bigpete53: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

You know I love you, but that's a little odd. My mom had two kids by age 22 with my dad, and was married for 34 years to him before she died.

You Mom probably didn't put a *hit* out on your dad.....she's a goddess compared to this waste of oxygen.

(you have to take it as a group, not as individual bullet points.)


err... fake redhead though
 
2013-07-09 06:14:28 PM  
I am amused that the "fake hit-man with something stupid like an ad in the yellow pages" sting is not only a regular thing that police departments do all the time, but that it actually catches potential murderers on a regular basis at minimal risk to the intended victim.

It's... I just wouldn't expect something that dumb to be as effective and useful as it apparently is.  This is far from the first story like this.

isawyou: Since when is a divorce expensive for the woman?  I've never seen any example other than where a divorce is a winning lottery ticket for the female and a lifetime in the slums for the man.


Alimony's actually not all that common nowadays, though the existing properties will usually be divided 50/50 or similar in the case of no-fault.

Basically, divorce tends to be reasonably financially painless in the absence of children.  A pain in the ass, yes, but you're not generally going to lose your shirt or suffer much beyond the initial hit.
 
2013-07-09 06:21:57 PM  

Rhino_man: And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.


If you want her to lie in court to just get things over with, she with the internet boyfriend isn't the only ethically and morally compromised one in this relationship.
 
2013-07-09 06:22:55 PM  
Really? The amount the courts would redistribute from the man would more then offset the cost
 
2013-07-09 06:24:24 PM  

gadian: Rhino_man: And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.

If you want her to lie in court to just get things over with, she with the internet boyfriend isn't the only ethically and morally compromised one in this relationship.


When the law is designed to punish the victim, circumventing it is neither unethical nor immoral... merely illegal.
 
2013-07-09 06:26:09 PM  

gadian: Rhino_man: And my whoreslutbiatch of an ex thinks that still TECHNICALLY being married to her will make me come around in the end, so there's no way she'll lie to the court and say we separated earlier just so we can get it over with.

If you want her to lie in court to just get things over with, she with the internet boyfriend isn't the only ethically and morally compromised one in this relationship.


... and besides, your state doesn't have a waiting period.  You will never know this hell.
 
2013-07-09 06:27:17 PM  

farm machine: nekom: Divorce attorneys, worth every penny.

If the parties involved aren't truly mature then yes, by all means pay an attorney to provide that.


Maturity != you get to play lawyer.  If it's a no asset, no children case, sure DIY it all you want, but when custody of my daughter was in question, I wasn't taking any chances.

I have full custody.  There were no assets that weren't encumbered in debt.  I could go after her for child support, but I don't need it, and she doesn't have it, and I haven't heard from her in a very long time. If that isn't money well spent, I don't know what is.
 
2013-07-09 06:36:21 PM  
Isn't divorce pain largely based on the state you're in?

Dumb and evil is no way to go through life.

\36 never been married
\\never lived with a woman
 
2013-07-09 06:41:59 PM  

pute kisses like a man: you know, people talk about divorce attorneys costing a lot. but, the real issue is that divorce costs a lot.  you shouldn't spend more on the divorce attorney than you stand to lose in the divorce.  the expenses on the divorce attorney should save you money in the end.

/ unless children.  then you want things that go beyond money.


What? You can buy children.
 
2013-07-09 06:42:05 PM  

Fano: Thingster: Was it a cop? Bet is was a cop. The hitman you can find is always a cop.

/DRTFA

She should have encouraged the cop to believe her husband was a dangerous drug dealer. Then the cop would have shot him when he knocked on the door.


Ooh, we have a winner!

/If there's one thing today's militarized police force likes, it's a big bust.
 
2013-07-09 06:49:15 PM  
I used to sleep with one eye open. Now I have to sleep with both eyes open. I think I'll just kill her before she kills me. Does anyone have the number of a "hit man"?
 
2013-07-09 06:55:12 PM  

elkraf: I used to sleep with one eye open. Now I have to sleep with both eyes open. I think I'll just kill her before she kills me. Does anyone have the number of a "hit man"?


Haven't we learned our lesson from the kid who's in prison from posting stupid stuff on facebook like this?  Apparently not.
 
2013-07-09 07:10:20 PM  

ChipNASA: parasol: ChipNASA: Red head - Check
Whore - (2 kids and only 21) Check
Stupid as a bag of hammers- Check

/nothing lost.

Hey, pal? My MOTHER was a red-headed mother at 21 - back in the late 60's when it was "get married, young man, or be drafted" -
I am also a red-headed mother in turn

nice to know someone with "NASA" at the end of their fark name is able to judge what is "nothing lost"
[memedepot.com image 413x413]


i hear red-heads are crazy, and have no souls.
 
2013-07-09 07:21:19 PM  

Pud: bdub77: quatchi: If she thinks divorce lawyers are expensive wait till she finds out what defense lawyers charge.

Her 'confession' was caught on tape. She'll be lucky to get a plea bargain.

She'll probably get a public defender anyway, so I doubt she'll be paying for a defense attorney


Well now I have a question, if public defenders are only provided when you are not financially capable of hiring your own defense attorney, would they consider the family's total income since she is still legally married to him?  Of course he should put a stop to her access to any and all accounts, but wouldn't she be screwed if they count his money and decide she does not qualify for a public defender?  I am totally okay with that, however I am sure it wouldn't be too wise of her to call hubby to post bail or well ever again for that matter.
 
2013-07-09 07:24:38 PM  

CapeFearCadaver: "You know, I didn't have to worry about the judgment of my family, I didn't have to worry about breaking his heart, all that stuff like this. It's, like, how I got a clean getaway."

You're doing it wrong, sweetie.


If a guy calls any woman "sweetie" does it automatically indicate he's a homosexual?

/just curious
//not  that way curious
///step
 
2013-07-09 07:27:08 PM  

elkraf: I used to sleep with one eye open. Now I have to sleep with both eyes open. I think I'll just kill her before she kills me. Does anyone have the number of a "hit man"?


Just ring 3-6-2-4-3-6, hey.
 
2013-07-09 07:45:02 PM  

shootsright: Isn't divorce pain largely based on the state you're in?

Dumb and evil is no way to go through life.

\36 never been married
\\never lived with a woman


Virgin, eh?
 
2013-07-09 07:46:04 PM  

tonguedepressor: elkraf: I used to sleep with one eye open. Now I have to sleep with both eyes open. I think I'll just kill her before she kills me. Does anyone have the number of a "hit man"?

Just ring 3-6-2-4-3-6, hey.


I lead a life of criiiime.
 
2013-07-09 09:28:00 PM  

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?

He wouldn't listen to her;
He was always telling her how to solve her problems;
He didn't appreciate her intuition;
He didn't validate her feelings;
He wouldn't learn that a question is really a directive;
He wouldn't read her moods, even when they were right out there.

Selfish bastard.


Married much?
 
2013-07-09 09:58:09 PM  

itsaidwhat: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Quantum Apostrophe: Can we somehow blame men for this?

He wouldn't listen to her;
He was always telling her how to solve her problems;
He didn't appreciate her intuition;
He didn't validate her feelings;
He wouldn't learn that a question is really a directive;
He wouldn't read her moods, even when they were right out there.

Selfish bastard.

Married much?


He sounds divorced, if you ask me.

/It felt so nice, I'm doing it twice.
 
2013-07-09 11:37:50 PM  
We've seen the wife but where is the husband. Maybe he looks like Bradley cooper and she got sick of his handsome ass.
 
2013-07-09 11:45:53 PM  
After all, you got to save money somehow.  Times are tough you know.
 
2013-07-10 03:04:53 AM  
She should've offered to pay in donuts.
 
2013-07-10 03:11:06 AM  
Nobody actually hires random hitmen.  People in that world use people who are known to them, because... they know you.

Thats all there really is to say about this.
 
2013-07-10 08:31:11 AM  
Well, in her defense, having been divorced a few times myself...she's right.
And kind of hot.
 
2013-07-10 10:31:43 AM  

parasol: foolish woman is foolish

don't want to be married anymore? file and stop trying to take the barn, and the horse, all the manure and the stable hand as a consolation prize


Only one way to get the $400,000 life insurance policy he had on himself.
 
2013-07-10 10:54:51 AM  

hammettman: 3)She's Italian, do not want to run the risk of family advice on the order of: "you, know, if he just disappeared things would be ducky."


I've honestly heard more than ten Italian acquaintances over the years claim to be "mobbed up."

I'd wager the real number was more like possibly one or two at most.

If they're not Sicilian, they're probably lying.
 
2013-07-10 04:15:23 PM  
^---

This. Ex-girlfriend Italian gal, Sicilian Italian gal, never made a big deal about things (even after we broke up). When we talked about marriage, suddenly there were Uncles and other "family members" I'm being introduced to. A brief, no-giggles\smiles, "oh, yeah ... a couple of them are in The Family." I hadn't even thought about it until then. I wasn't sure what to take from it.

What's worse, I have no Italian in my background that I know if, but I'm told I do ... that I've looked that way since a teenager. Got a lot of face-slaps and questions about where my family "came from". Got the same comment from a "Go to Basic Training or Jail" Italian guy from NJ when I was there, "Lemme' tell you something, you look Italian - you  gotta'be Italian." When I told him I knew I wasn't, suddenly it was an angry "You LOOK Italian, so you ARE Italian."

I ... almost married  that, too, that gal. What stopped me? When furniture started flying. Who knew a 5'3" long-blonde blue-eyed DD gal could huck a table like that? She got into fistfights while at work, had quite a colorful history with the police (in more than one state, apparently). I didn't understand why so many of her friends took me aside when she and I started dating asking me, very obliquely, "...are you SURE you're really into this girl? I ask because I know her, and I don't know you very well, but you're a nice guy, and I just want to know you're  sure..."

\Should have taken the hint...s. Too many to mention here.
 
Displayed 149 of 149 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report