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(USA Today)   If you think you were surprised at Jason Collins announcing he was gay, just think how his ex-fiancée felt when he told her just hours before the news broke   (ftw.usatoday.com) divider line 71
    More: Interesting, Jason Collins, Bill Moos, Wizards  
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2477 clicks; posted to Sports » on 09 Jul 2013 at 2:05 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-09 06:33:16 PM
I find it surprising that no one has mentioned that she was a WNBA player
 
2013-07-09 06:35:06 PM

Yanks_RSJ: Rwa2play: Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

That may be, but can we at least acknowledge that carrying on a relationship for 8 years then waiting until a month before the wedding to call it off without an explanation is a pretty shiatty thing to do to someone you allegedly care about?

Being a closeted gay athlete doesn't give you the right to ruin other people's lives.


What kind of explanation do you think he'd be able to give her? He couldn't tell her he was gay, there was no way to keep it a secret then. Yes it was a shiatty situation but I have no idea how else he could have handled it.
 
2013-07-09 06:43:21 PM

pdieten: What kind of explanation do you think he'd be able to give her? He couldn't tell her he was gay, there was no way to keep it a secret then. Yes it was a shiatty situation but I have no idea how else he could have handled it.


He had 8 years to figure out a graceful exit, and instead waited until he was a month away from marrying her to walk away.  If you read the full article, this guy proposed during a vacation they took in Mexico in an incredibly romantic fashion.  He was under absolutely NO obligation to ever get to that point in the relationship, but he did, and he did it on his own even though he later admitted that he knew he was gay.

I don't doubt that it was difficult for him as well, I can't even claim to understand what that must be like, but he doesn't get a pass for undoubtedly destroying this woman emotionally.
 
2013-07-09 06:47:22 PM

Lsherm: ltdanman44: what is that unsightly mass on her pinky finger?

russlar: dafuq is up with that pinky?

I think it's just an ugly colored ring.  Nothing wrong with her hands in this photo:

[img196.imageshack.us image 600x800]


Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhh! Sweet Jesus, where's the eye bleach?!
 
2013-07-09 06:53:38 PM

Yanks_RSJ: pdieten: What kind of explanation do you think he'd be able to give her? He couldn't tell her he was gay, there was no way to keep it a secret then. Yes it was a shiatty situation but I have no idea how else he could have handled it.

He had 8 years to figure out a graceful exit, and instead waited until he was a month away from marrying her to walk away.  If you read the full article, this guy proposed during a vacation they took in Mexico in an incredibly romantic fashion.  He was under absolutely NO obligation to ever get to that point in the relationship, but he did, and he did it on his own even though he later admitted that he knew he was gay.

I don't doubt that it was difficult for him as well, I can't even claim to understand what that must be like, but he doesn't get a pass for undoubtedly destroying this woman emotionally.


I assume he genuinely believed he was going to stop being gay. In fact I'd lay odds that he didn't even understand his own sexual feelings. People are capable of incredible feats of self-deception if they're sufficiently motivated.
 
2013-07-09 07:00:32 PM

Yanks_RSJ: SurelyShirley: ...or could it be, that she's just mad she missed out on the "wife of a pro-baller" millions?

Collins had earned nearly $30 million during his NBA career before he broke off their engagement, he's made about $4 million since.


As I was saying, million$.
 
2013-07-09 07:12:28 PM

Igor Jakovsky: Dr Dreidel: Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Because his decision to reveal portions of his private life is all about a woman he was engaged to back in the double-barrels a presidential term ago. While it's possible he just up and said "Peace, woman" without another word, more likely is that he wasn't fully comfortable admitting he's gay (or hadn't realized it beyond "I don't want to be with you"), which makes sense with a 4-year delay in between calling off the engagement and the big announcement. It's not as easy as finding out you're pregnant and announcing that to the world.

Or they had a few heart-to-hearts and she still can't understand his "decision" to be gay. TFA doesn't mention her age (weird, right?), but if she's north of 40 and/or from a conservative background, it's entirely possible she believes some prayer (or an "old-fashioned") would "cure" him.

Actually the article says that she didn't find out about teh ghey until after his coming out party and he still has not attempted to contact her.

I think the 4 year delay was because even in 2009 things were still not exactly progressive with regards to homosexuality. Now you have multiple states endorsing gay marriage, DOMA is overturned and while there is far from equality the pendulum has definitely swung away from the conservatives.

She is 35 now so this whole thing started when she was 23 and ended when she was 31. That's a lot of time to invest on what turned out to be a sham.

On another note I found out she is 6'6. Holy crap!


Holhy crap indeed..

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.zennie62blog.com/wp-co n tent/uploads/2013/04/carolyn-moos.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.zennie62blo g.com/2013/05/30/carolyn-moos-update-freezing-eggs-in-atlanta-today-97 095/&h=474&w=447&sz=96&tbnid=douQNJ9axfi9HM:&tbnh=100&tbnw=94&zoom=1&u sg=__BVutajqKUbo4NTSUSFfbGS-iEOQ=&docid=SGxLWmFaRWkmBM&sa=X&ei=TJjcUYi xL8SGrAGx-4GABA&ved=0CJ0BEP4dMBA">http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl =http://www.zennie62blog.com/wp-con tent/uploads/2013/04/carolyn-moos.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.zennie62blo g.com/2013/05/30/carolyn-moos-update-freezing-eggs-in-atlanta-today-97 095/&h=474&w=447&sz=96&tbnid=douQNJ9axfi9HM:&tbnh=100&tbnw=94&zoom=1&u sg=__BVutajqKUbo4NTSUSFfbGS-iEOQ=&docid=SGxLWmFaRWkmBM&sa=X&ei=TJjcUYi xL8SGrAGx-4GABA&ved=0CJ0BEP4dMBA
 
2013-07-09 08:16:25 PM
This situation has never happened to a woman before, ever.
 
2013-07-09 08:22:13 PM

Lost Thought 00: Rwa2play: Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

That makes it perfectly A-OK to destroy someone else's life


So, it would've been okay to break her heart and tell her AFTER they married?

Some strange life you lead.

Yanks_RSJ: Rwa2play: Igor Jakovsky: Yup, strung her along for 8 years to the point of breaking the wedding a month prior with no explanation. She has spent the last 4 hurt and confused. Some hero. He farked over the one person who probably loved and trusted him the most.

Hey look, someone that knows absolutely, positively jack shiat about the pressures of male athletes who are in the closet.

That may be, but can we at least acknowledge that carrying on a relationship for 8 years then waiting until a month before the wedding to call it off without an explanation is a pretty shiatty thing to do to someone you allegedly care about?

Being a closeted gay athlete doesn't give you the right to ruin other people's lives.


I'm sorry but...how many gay/lesbian athletes' lives have been destroyed because they had to lead a fake life?  I understand that she feels hurt, she should be...but look at Jim McGreevey's wife as an example of what happens when you aren't honest with your spouse.  At least Jason Collins did the right thing before the marriage came to pass.
 
2013-07-09 08:46:29 PM

pdieten: Yanks_RSJ: pdieten: What kind of explanation do you think he'd be able to give her? He couldn't tell her he was gay, there was no way to keep it a secret then. Yes it was a shiatty situation but I have no idea how else he could have handled it.

He had 8 years to figure out a graceful exit, and instead waited until he was a month away from marrying her to walk away.  If you read the full article, this guy proposed during a vacation they took in Mexico in an incredibly romantic fashion.  He was under absolutely NO obligation to ever get to that point in the relationship, but he did, and he did it on his own even though he later admitted that he knew he was gay.

I don't doubt that it was difficult for him as well, I can't even claim to understand what that must be like, but he doesn't get a pass for undoubtedly destroying this woman emotionally.

I assume he genuinely believed he was going to stop being gay. In fact I'd lay odds that he didn't even understand his own sexual feelings. People are capable of incredible feats of self-deception if they're sufficiently motivated.


Exactly. I don't get why people are being so obtuse about this. It's one thing if he was banging dudes on the side and simply keeping her as cover. THAT would be messed up. But if on the other hand he's just like the many, many, other gay people that tried to force themselves to live normal lives it's different.
 
2013-07-09 09:10:00 PM
I'm wondering if this whole scenario could have been avoided if she'd just done anal when he asked.
 
2013-07-09 09:20:22 PM

Freak: pdieten: Yanks_RSJ: pdieten: What kind of explanation do you think he'd be able to give her? He couldn't tell her he was gay, there was no way to keep it a secret then. Yes it was a shiatty situation but I have no idea how else he could have handled it.

He had 8 years to figure out a graceful exit, and instead waited until he was a month away from marrying her to walk away.  If you read the full article, this guy proposed during a vacation they took in Mexico in an incredibly romantic fashion.  He was under absolutely NO obligation to ever get to that point in the relationship, but he did, and he did it on his own even though he later admitted that he knew he was gay.

I don't doubt that it was difficult for him as well, I can't even claim to understand what that must be like, but he doesn't get a pass for undoubtedly destroying this woman emotionally.

I assume he genuinely believed he was going to stop being gay. In fact I'd lay odds that he didn't even understand his own sexual feelings. People are capable of incredible feats of self-deception if they're sufficiently motivated.

Exactly. I don't get why people are being so obtuse about this. It's one thing if he was banging dudes on the side and simply keeping her as cover. THAT would be messed up. But if on the other hand he's just like the many, many, other gay people that tried to force themselves to live normal lives it's different.


Pretty much this.
 
2013-07-09 09:38:31 PM
We must come up with some way, any way, to make him look heroic over this instead of like a jackass. Maybe we can blame her somehow?
 
2013-07-09 09:51:59 PM
i.imgur.com
Because The Rock
LMS
 
2013-07-09 09:52:35 PM
whoops
 
2013-07-09 10:05:06 PM

Karvey: 'I remain deeply hurt'....
Who talks like that?


Someone who invests eight years of their life in someone, all for nothing.

I'm sorry, if homosexuality wants to be seen as normal, then things like this have to be seen as dick moves.  You can't say in one breath that it is normal, then the next that they get to act differently because of it.

And the most stupid thing of all is that he never had to get anyone so deeply committed to him.  If he wanted to keep it secret, but still act as though he was in the closet, date around.  Going on no more than a few dates with any single girl will only make people wonder if the guy can't commit, which in itself won't raise any eyebrows.  Instead, Collins was a coward and made a girl put up with his crap.

Ironically enough, he ends up looking like the very worst stereotype of a man; treats a woman with no respect and people look up to him.  Isn't this supposed to be one of the reasons most people on Fark hate the bro mentality?
 
2013-07-10 09:47:43 AM
Yes, clearly the guy is a monster.  What he should have done is either:

a) Been strong enough in his teens and early 20's to stand up and be an unprecedented role model for all gay people everywhere and subjected himself to ridicule and abuse by coming out years ago.

or

b) Done what gay men have done for centuries and entered into a loveless marriage.

/do it for the kids
 
2013-07-10 10:23:55 AM

tacos4jesus: Yes, clearly the guy is a monster.  What he should have done is either:


To me, it's actually:

c) Don't wait until you're a month away from marrying someone to break it off, then wait another 4 years to give a reason why.

For the record, that's also the option that should be taken by straight people in relationships that they know in their hearts are wrong.
 
2013-07-10 11:31:16 AM

Yanks_RSJ: tacos4jesus: Yes, clearly the guy is a monster.  What he should have done is either:

To me, it's actually:

c) Don't wait until you're a month away from marrying someone to break it off, then wait another 4 years to give a reason why.

For the record, that's also the option that should be taken by straight people in relationships that they know in their hearts are wrong.


Is it really that surprising that he was trying to push through with it?  That's some pretty intense self-denial if you ask me.  Since everything you read about the guy suggests he's a stand up fellow, I'd say it's more indicative of the crazy amount of pressure put on gay athletes to "act straight" rather than telling us that he's a raging asshole.

At the end of the day, only he knows for sure, not a bunch of numbskulls on a message board.  But I'd wager it's far more likely that he was trying to talk himself into a life of denial rather than he was recklessly toying with this woman's emotions.
 
2013-07-10 11:57:27 AM

tacos4jesus: Is it really that surprising that he was trying to push through with it?  That's some pretty intense self-denial if you ask me.  Since everything you read about the guy suggests he's a stand up fellow, I'd say it's more indicative of the crazy amount of pressure put on gay athletes to "act straight" rather than telling us that he's a raging asshole.


For the record, I've never once said or even inferred that he's a "raging asshole", just that his personal struggle doesn't excuse him from ruining this woman's life.  I can certainly understand his reasoning, but suddenly coming out of the closet doesn't mean you can't be blamed when your actions affect other people so deeply.
 
2013-07-10 12:02:33 PM

Yanks_RSJ: tacos4jesus: Is it really that surprising that he was trying to push through with it?  That's some pretty intense self-denial if you ask me.  Since everything you read about the guy suggests he's a stand up fellow, I'd say it's more indicative of the crazy amount of pressure put on gay athletes to "act straight" rather than telling us that he's a raging asshole.

For the record, I've never once said or even inferred that he's a "raging asshole", just that his personal struggle doesn't excuse him from ruining this woman's life.  I can certainly understand his reasoning, but suddenly coming out of the closet doesn't mean you can't be blamed when your actions affect other people so deeply.


I guess we will have to agree to disagree.  I think that living a life in which you feel compelled to lie about everything you care about is a pretty damned good excuse for hurting someone.

Regardless, kudos to him for finding himself and being strong enough to go public instead of living a closeted lie.

/and, scene
 
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