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(Cape Cod Times)   Man steals ketchup, sprays it around Hyannis. There's a Limerick in there somewhere   (capecodonline.com) divider line 36
    More: Amusing, Hyannis, Limerick, spray, awnings  
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1644 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2013 at 1:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-08 01:48:13 PM
Unremarkable.....

At least it wasn't Oil.

/and we're done here.
 
2013-07-08 01:49:38 PM
Ketchup (Heinz) trifecta in play?
 
2013-07-08 01:50:31 PM
There once was a man from Hyannis
Had a plan he thought couldn't miss
Stole all the ketchup
His getaway messed up
Now cellmates with a man named Janice.

/could be better but I'm supposed to be working
 
2013-07-08 01:51:25 PM
I was expecting an update on Teresa Heinz from Nantucket.
Who traveled from Bangkok to Phuket...
 
2013-07-08 01:51:25 PM
There once was a thief from Hyannis,

I don't remember the rest, but your mother's a whore.
 
2013-07-08 01:52:04 PM
Madden allegedly stole the ketchup, as well as a brass coat hook, from the British Beer Company, and as a result was charged with a second count of injury to real/personal property, the press release said.

As opposed to fake property?
 
2013-07-08 01:53:46 PM
He was probably mad that they didn't spell it "catsup."

/I once ended up in the emergency room after eating at that BBC.  The one in Cedarville is pretty good, though.  True story
 
2013-07-08 01:55:06 PM
There once was a thief from Hyannis / Who stole a lot of ketchup.
 
2013-07-08 01:55:08 PM

blatz514: As opposed to fake property?


Real as in physical? Intellectual Property isn't really material.
 
2013-07-08 01:55:40 PM

Johnny_Whistle: /I once ended up in the emergency room after eating at that BBC


FTFY
 
2013-07-08 01:56:02 PM

blatz514: Madden allegedly stole the ketchup, as well as a brass coat hook, from the British Beer Company, and as a result was charged with a second count of injury to real/personal property, the press release said.

As opposed to fake property?


real property as in real estate.  He took a permanent fixture (the coat rack), which counts as damaging the building.  If he'd stopped with the condiment, he'd only be facing one charge.
 
2013-07-08 01:58:25 PM
There once was a man in Hyannis,
whilst spraying Heinz near at us,
got himself arrested,
then in prison molested,
and said "Is that ketchup in my anus?"
 
2013-07-08 01:58:52 PM
This guy really painted the town red.
 
2013-07-08 01:58:58 PM

darth_badger: Johnny_Whistle: /I once ended up in the emergency room after eating that BBC


Same thing happen to my wife.
Boom-tish.
 
2013-07-08 01:59:53 PM
A young man of Irish descent
Made a mess with stolen condiment.
While that's not all that he took,
Swiped a bar's brass coathook,
So back to old Eire he'll be sent.

The story is short and quite stark
I'm surprised that it made it to Fark.
When we're all here yawining
over ketchup on awnings
In Hyannis it's left unremark.

.
 
2013-07-08 02:02:31 PM
Hickery dickery dock
Pretend this ketchup's my cock
And I'll squeeze and shoot this sh*t all over town, eyyyy
 
2013-07-08 02:06:21 PM
There was a strange man from Hyannis
Said "let me show you what my plan is"
Stole ketchup for a lark
Made the news and made Fark
But if told with bad words, mods would ban us
 
2013-07-08 02:06:46 PM
There once was a man in Hyannis
who wasn't the smartest of planners (think east coast, "plann-uhs")
Sprayed ketchup on stores but
Got pinched wondering what
The toll jail would have on his annis.
 
2013-07-08 02:37:35 PM
There once was a man from Hyannis,
Who said that he'd try his damnedest
To spray all his ketchup
Oh God he's a fark-up
And now he's in jail for the lot

/How's that?
 
2013-07-08 03:02:30 PM
An Irish lad after libation,
Use some ketchup for decoration
With the charges pronounced
At 3 misdemeanor counts,
we're all left in antici-
 
2013-07-08 03:13:40 PM

PirateKing: An Irish lad after libation,
Use some ketchup for decoration
With the charges pronounced
At 3 misdemeanor counts,
we're all left in antici-


[leans in]
 
2013-07-08 03:19:04 PM
MaxxLarge, paging MaxxLarge. Please report to the limerick thread immediately.
 
2013-07-08 03:21:57 PM

Buggar: PirateKing: An Irish lad after libation,
Use some ketchup for decoration
With the charges pronounced
At 3 misdemeanor counts,
we're all left in antici-

[leans in]


For Dog's sake Pirate King, don't leave the man hanging....
 
2013-07-08 03:30:08 PM
James T was born back in Limerick
To Hyannis he moved and got seasick
Some ketchup he swiped
On windows he wiped
He thought it would make it more scenic
 
2013-07-08 03:34:42 PM
In a town that was once very hellish/
Comes a story I shall not embellish/
The ketchup, it rained/
The man was arraigned/
Now the headline us Farkers must relish

/ye olde mic drop
 
2013-07-08 03:34:48 PM
An Irish lad
named Madden had
a great time with ketchup and coat hook.
But then the cops came
they didn't think it a game
his ass in Hyannis is forsook.
 
2013-07-08 03:39:07 PM
A young Irish man in Hyannis,
Stole ketchup and hid in his pantis
Blew his tomatoy load
On the Main Street road
And now de-por-ted for Drunken-itis

/J-1 maid knows him
//subby. First Green. All poems get +1
///Ever taken a Deported Irishman to the airport? I have. Took 2 days.
 
2013-07-08 03:43:06 PM
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
Too many verses
Wrong number of syllables
These Haiku are crap

 
2013-07-08 03:45:52 PM
Heh...  Limerick thread!!

There once was this guy in Hyannis
Probably high on canabis
He spread ketchup around
All over town
Including all over his anus
 
2013-07-08 03:48:32 PM
I was going to ask if Hyannis rhymes with anus.

It doesn't seem to matter. ; )
 
2013-07-08 03:51:02 PM

brantgoose: I was going to ask if Hyannis rhymes with anus.

It doesn't seem to matter. ; )


Eh...  It's close enough...  It was the first thing I came up with, and I wasn't even the first.  Maybe I should write a limerick about that...
 
2013-07-08 03:53:21 PM
So I wrote this limerick on Fark
It was going to be such a lark
But I wasn't the first bloke
to make a butt joke
So now I wll just deal with the snark


//Repentance.
 
2013-07-08 05:04:30 PM
a thief in Hyannis today
had ketchup and sprayed it away
this poem's a bore
I cannot say more,
because I DNRTFA
 
2013-07-08 05:11:03 PM

voodoohotdog: Buggar: PirateKing: An Irish lad after libation,
Use some ketchup for decoration
With the charges pronounced
At 3 misdemeanor counts,
we're all left in antici-

[leans in]

For Dog's sake Pirate King, don't leave the man hanging....


To heck with being left hanging. It should be a crime to deal with the second line! Edit, man. It's like you have no rhythm.
 
2013-07-08 05:40:14 PM
Thankfully, Kerry stays on the Vineyard.
 
2013-07-09 12:30:00 AM
Ketchup should never be used for vandalism. :(
 
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