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(Slate)   Candy Crush saga is the worst thing ever   (slate.com) divider line 262
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22975 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jul 2013 at 4:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-07 04:28:58 PM  
I've spent $21, repeatedly drained my phone battery, and blown a deadline for the first time in years-all so I could play a game for which I have absolutely no aptitude. I've been tapping away atCandy Crush Saga on the subway (like half of New York), in front of the television, and, yes, in the bathroom for countless hours, and despite all that expense and devotion, I'm stuck at Level 38.

If you've spent $21 and are only on level 38, you suck.
 
2013-07-07 04:29:14 PM  
[ADVERTISING]
 
2013-07-07 04:29:34 PM  

LeroyBourne: Never played it.  I heard the only way to get past certain levels is you have to pay, and doesn't fly with me.  Plus I have like 4 games of words with friends going so that takes up plenty of time.


you can either pay or bug your friends and make them hate you.
 
2013-07-07 04:29:45 PM  
Been playing for a couple of weeks and I'm approaching level 200.  The only money I've spent is for tickets to get to the next area (about $1.50). I've starting replaying levels until I get two or three stars so I don't go too quickly.

OTOH, I was a d-rated chess player.  When I was ten.
 
2013-07-07 04:30:48 PM  

Snukastyle: Played it for a while on Facebook right around the time it was getting huge.  It was fun enough, up until level 90 or so when they introduced the bombs.  They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.


Oh, that's not even the half of what they do to you up where I am. I'm at 187. Let me run you through what happens from where you are to where I am:

Peppermint Palace (starts at 111): Meringue in a paper cup. You have to match next to the meringue, and then again to get rid of the cup.
Wafer Wharf (starts at 126): Introduction of 'order' levels. You're asked to fill an order by matching certain amounts of certain things. Doesn't sound so bad when you're asked to match 50 purple, 50 green and 50 orange or whatever. It is so bad when you have to match a double color bomb.
Gingerbread Glade (starts at 141): Frosting added on top of the meringue.
Pastille Pyramid (starts at 156): Chocolate generators. Farking indestructible chocolate generators. Goddamn farking indestructible chocolate generators can eat a dick and die.
Cupcake Circus (starts at 171): Whipped cream on top of the frosting on top of the meringue and don't forget about the paper cup.
Caramel Cove (starts at 186): Pieces trapped in jelly. You have to use them in a match or hit them with something to liberate them, but the freed piece stays on the field.
 
2013-07-07 04:31:20 PM  
if you run out of lives, just reset the date and time on a iOS device to the future...instant infinite lives.

/not sure if this works on android.
 
2013-07-07 04:31:35 PM  
Candy Crush? Are you kidding me? Alpaca Evolution is way better than this game.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-07 04:31:37 PM  
I emailed the article to the shubs just now who plays Candy Crush horseshiat...I said..hey did you get that article I just sent you? He says: no I'm playing Candy Crush Saga...
Facepalm
 
2013-07-07 04:31:41 PM  

Elegy: jst3p: Elegy: FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


[i.imgur.com image 300x301]

Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.

I actually like the microtransaction movement. There are a handful of games I play regularly that I have not paid a dime to play.

I hate it with a passion. I hate the fact that you expect me to pay a dollar for the game, and then there are hidden costs everywhere, and you can't actually get the full experience without buying into all of the bullshiat content. I hate the fact that it incintivises paying to offset poor players, so the rich have gaming experience where they can pay to "beat" something.

New gun? That's another dollar. Better plane/truck/boat? That'll be another dollar. Stats boost? 5 points for just $3.99! Can't get past this level because you suck at video games? Just $4.99 for 5 level skips!

Adding to the aggravation factor is that the buttons to buy this useless, shiatty in-game content are always hidden in plain sight in the most inconvenient place possible, making it more likely you'll agree to buy by accident finger brush.

No, just no. I will pay $10 for a mobile game to pass the time at the airport, before I will give in to the consumer rape that is the microtransaction model.


I like them because I get to play for free. If they suck money out of you maybe playing games isn't your thing. The fact that you accidentally buy items kinda lends credence to this conclusion.
 
2013-07-07 04:31:56 PM  

Ponzholio: If you've spent $21 and are only on level 38, you suck.


FTFY.
 
2013-07-07 04:32:18 PM  
My girlfriend plays this, allowing me to play my video games. It works out well.
 
2013-07-07 04:32:46 PM  

ladyfortuna: Bejeweled 3 has good mini-games; I especially enjoy the poker and the butterfly ones.


I haven't played Bejeweled 3, so I won't comment.

StopLurkListen: Remember the days of the arcade machines? Those games were designed to get you to pay $0.25 every sixty seconds or so. This is pretty much the same but the first sixty seconds (or two days or whatever) are free.


The difference is that the arcade payment model empowers the user.  In the arcade distribution model, having to insert another credit is a punishment for poor play.  The entire culture of arcade video games rewards the skilled player with more playtime, more access to content.  A defining tenet of "arcade culture" is that these players subscribe to the "one-credit rule", in which you haven't "completed" a game unless you manage to beat it on a single credit.  Some players will even go as far as not to credit feed, and start the game over whenever they die.  The idea that "arcade games sucked up all your quarters" is not relevant to skilled players, and while some arcade games have had some complete bullshiat in them (unfair artificial intelligence), most good single-player arcade games can be conquered with a single credit, and there are entire communities of players who have done this.

The free-to-play business model, on the other hand, forces you to spend money or breaks immersion by cutting into the game experience with advertising or time limits.  Not to mention that most free-to-play games, when compared to game history, is just utterly terrible to begin with, and most of the battle can be fought right there.

StopLurkListen: The best way to convince these game makers to not do whatever it is you don't like, is to not give them money. Good luck with that, it's the biggest moneymaker now...


I have never paid for any content in a free-to-play game ever, so there's no real concern here.
 
2013-07-07 04:32:50 PM  

nburghmatt: LeroyBourne: Never played it.  I heard the only way to get past certain levels is you have to pay, and doesn't fly with me.  Plus I have like 4 games of words with friends going so that takes up plenty of time.

you can either pay or bug your friends and make them hate you.


ohhhh, so it's like farmville or whatever shait?  I've had to physically tell some of my friends to stop sending me those invites.  That is until I discovered the block button.
 
2013-07-07 04:33:00 PM  
Also, I have yet to give Candy Crush any of my money.
 
2013-07-07 04:33:25 PM  
img199.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-07 04:34:30 PM  
I have no clue about Candy Crush but I bought the WOPR game for 99¢
I. Can't. Stop. Playing it...

/yes, that WOPR
 
2013-07-07 04:34:46 PM  

jst3p: StopLurkListen: Mike_LowELL: StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible.  You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model.  The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model.  Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off.  The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.

It's not flawed, it just is. Don't like it? Don't pay for it. Remember the days of the arcade machines? Those games were designed to get you to pay $0.25 every sixty seconds or so. This is pretty much the same but the first sixty seconds (or two days or whatever) are free.

The best way to convince these game makers to not do whatever it is you don't like, is to not give them money. Good luck with that, it's the biggest moneymaker now...

CSB. When I was a kid I lived next door to Ed Rotberg. He was one of the pioneers in coin-op gaming working for Atari. One of the writers of Asteroids. He got me hooked on IT and gaming. I was googling him the other night and I read an article that talked about how they had quit programming because the challenge was gone and everything had to have huge production value. Well, he and some of his buddies are considering coming out of retirement because writing games for iphones has the same allure. Limited resources, has to be a game that is easy to learn by keeps you coming back for more, etc.


That's awesome!  I tried the same thing, I've been in games for a couple of decades, and saw that people were accepting lower production values than usual in the new social & casual games. Meaning, budgets of less than tens of millions. I struck out on my own, hired people, made two titles ... and struck out. Now I'm back working for others, but my stress level is back to normal! hehe
 
2013-07-07 04:35:15 PM  

Primitive Screwhead: I have no clue about Candy Crush but I bought the WOPR game for 99¢
I. Can't. Stop. Playing it...

/yes, that WOPR


i567.photobucket.com
 
2013-07-07 04:35:16 PM  

cowgirl toffee: [img199.imageshack.us image 320x180]


Delicious!
 
2013-07-07 04:37:15 PM  
This candy based game addiction of mine started when I was a child...

img69.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-07 04:37:28 PM  

StopLurkListen: jst3p: StopLurkListen: Mike_LowELL: StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible.  You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model.  The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model.  Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off.  The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.

It's not flawed, it just is. Don't like it? Don't pay for it. Remember the days of the arcade machines? Those games were designed to get you to pay $0.25 every sixty seconds or so. This is pretty much the same but the first sixty seconds (or two days or whatever) are free.

The best way to convince these game makers to not do whatever it is you don't like, is to not give them money. Good luck with that, it's the biggest moneymaker now...

CSB. When I was a kid I lived next door to Ed Rotberg. He was one of the pioneers in coin-op gaming working for Atari. One of the writers of Asteroids. He got me hooked on IT and gaming. I was googling him the other night and I read an article that talked about how they had quit programming because the challenge was gone and everything had to have huge production value. Well, he and some of his buddies are considering coming out of retirement because writing games for iphones has the same allure. Limited resources, has to be a game that is easy to learn by keeps you coming back for more, etc.

That's awesome!  I tried the same thing, I've been in games for a couple of decades, and saw that people were accepting lower production values than usual in the new social & casual games. Meaning, budgets of less than tens of millions. I struck out on my own, hired people, made two title ...


Here is a cool interview with him, he was (from what I remember) a really great guy:

http://www.dadgum.com/halcyon/BOOK/ROTBERG.HTM
 
2013-07-07 04:38:35 PM  
img12.imageshack.us

There is help.
 
2013-07-07 04:39:01 PM  
will candy crush help me meet little girls?

no
then fark off while i go to the swimming pool and masturbate
 
2013-07-07 04:39:59 PM  

skozlaw: Candy Crush Saga: a Bejeweled rip-off for people who are too stupid to just play Bejeweled.

Between the Wii and smartphones I'm sorry to see the death of gaming come at the hands of overweight, forty-year old dipshiats.




This is rich. It's the 40-somethings -- the ones who pretty much invented the concept of video-gaming* -- who are killing video-gaming.
 
2013-07-07 04:40:08 PM  
I got to about level 205 when I realized I needed to break my addiction. I've been clean for about a month now, but the notifications keep coming.
 
2013-07-07 04:41:10 PM  
It's Bejeweled meets Tetris, a veritable speedball of a puzzle game.

No. It's just Bejeweled.


I see your Bejeweled and raise you

img266.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-07 04:41:41 PM  

dg41: I got to about level 205 when I realized I needed to break my addiction. I've been clean for about a month now, but the notifications keep coming.


You're up above me. What manner of awfulness do they start doing to you at 201?
 
2013-07-07 04:42:52 PM  

Gosling: dg41: I got to about level 205 when I realized I needed to break my addiction. I've been clean for about a month now, but the notifications keep coming.

You're up above me. What manner of awfulness do they start doing to you at 201?


img.gawkerassets.com
 
2013-07-07 04:44:04 PM  

Elegy: Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.


Good thing you are not a hardcore brony

i.imgur.com

/good thing my kid did not have a real credit card attached to his Amazon account
 
2013-07-07 04:44:17 PM  
Now I wanna take that "Seems Legit" meme pic of rusty van with the words  "Free Candy" on the side of it and add the word ""Crush" at the end.

*squirrel runs by*

Never mind.

*runs after squirrel*
 
2013-07-07 04:44:19 PM  
I'm stuck on level 30.  Have been for 3 weeks.  I'm not paying to get past the level, so I will be stuck on this level until I die.

/loves Peggle
//has it on the PS3
///diablo 3 anyone?
////hopeless addict
 
2013-07-07 04:44:23 PM  

AlanSmithee: I gave up on games after KerPlunk.


Kerplunk was hard. Games have improved since then.
 
2013-07-07 04:46:01 PM  
Is it as bad as Slate?
 
2013-07-07 04:46:16 PM  

Elegy: FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99




Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.


I played it for a brief while until I got tired of the time limit, suggestions to buy additional moves or whore it out to your facebook minions, no I just want the play the farking game. I don't want to push your crap for you while you try to swindle money from me.
 
2013-07-07 04:47:16 PM  

Elegy: FTFA: For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


Two bucks to click candies on a screen for a few more minutes? Preying on the stupid, this reeks of Zynga.
 
2013-07-07 04:48:59 PM  
Im not gonna judge Candy Crush on its content, i own every Rovio game on my iphone, but jeez, ive never spent a cent in game on those. Or in any game really... i pay my $15 a month for WoW, but ive never bought anything from the store, i play TF2 and have an insane hat collection but ive never bought anything besides a backpack expander (and have probably made several hundred dollars in profit), even the new Steam trading card thing, i havent put a cent into it, ive made +$15 and have a shiat ton of badges. Same with DLC. i found out today i could get Borderlands 2 + Season Pass for $15, but im not gonna play it anytime soon and it still doesnt come with the 30 or so character and skin and weapons packs, so im just gonna wait for the GotY edition down the road sometime.

Even if you have the sort of disposable income to drop $20 on perks in a phone game, it could be better spent.
 
2013-07-07 04:49:16 PM  
The reason is is extra popular is that some douche has finally learned to put in different shapes.
Nothing makes a colorblind male throw a game in the trashbin more than discovering a blue ball is actually sitting next to two off purple ones, or a yellow one is actually next to two acid green ones.. So sorry!
 
2013-07-07 04:49:35 PM  
I'm at level 185 (started playing because a lady friend asked for advice on a level) and haven't invested a single dime. Have NEVER considered spending money because the levels can be beat without buying extra moves or special candies.

Sometimes it's frustrating to run out of moves and have one background jelly left, but that's part of the game. Also, I don't like having a game beat me, so I will play to beat that damn thing without paying them a dime.

The thing that frustrates me with this game is the randomness. Depending upon what you get at the start, your game can be over quickly or you can build the right pieces to start reaching objectives.

Some notes: I noticed on my phone that I will have a bunch of messages from friends that will allow me to keep adding lives. At one point, I had something like 53 gifts of extra moves or lives. It doesn't seem to work like that on Facebook. The author of the article needs to get some friends.

If you have to spend money to advance in Candy Crush, stop playing it.
 
2013-07-07 04:51:44 PM  

Mistress Jedana: I'm stuck on level 30.  Have been for 3 weeks.  I'm not paying to get past the level, so I will be stuck on this level until I die.

/loves Peggle
//has it on the PS3
///diablo 3 anyone?
////hopeless addict


You've been stuck on level 30 for three weeks? How the hell did you manage that? I just played that, as a reply to your post, and cleared it with four moves to spare, in one try. Go back and do it again.
 
kab
2013-07-07 04:53:51 PM  
Games like this: Rehashes who are too young to have experienced arcade games.
 
kab
2013-07-07 04:54:30 PM  
*for those*
 
2013-07-07 04:54:41 PM  
From the article: "... estimates that the game brings in $633,000 a day... for its creator..."  PER DAY! What? And to think, I and countless Americans cannot even pay our student loan payments.

/does not play any of these dumb micro pay games. But I do have a nice collection of $ games on my phone and Tab2, such as Mass Effect, two Need For Speeds, Dead Space, Modern Combat 4, ect ect.

//you can pay $5 or $10 upfront for a nice quality developed game, or you can get one of these brainless pathetic-excuse-for-a-game apps for free and probably end up micro-paying $25 in two weeks like the article author and evidently most people.
 
2013-07-07 04:54:47 PM  
So these simpletons are losing their shiat over a Bejeweled clone? Where is the patent troll for match-three games?
 
2013-07-07 04:55:40 PM  
Instead of fruit.. those need to be boobies.
You get the same 3 in a row crap, but if you work it and get 6 in a row, you get a little video.
That would get dudes to keep paying.
 
2013-07-07 04:56:28 PM  
From the article: "... estimates that the game brings in $633,000 a day... for its creator..."  PER DAY! What? And to think, I and countless Americans cannot even pay our student loan payments.

Duh. Where do you think the money goes when the students get it?



/must....make...one...more....lev-el......

//flunked out of SQL class because of Zynga's 'Empires and Allies'
 
2013-07-07 04:56:43 PM  
and make sure the first video cuts off before the money shot, if you want them to leep playing and donating.
 
2013-07-07 04:56:58 PM  

kab: Games like this: Rehashes who are too young to have experienced arcade games.


Penny Arcade put forward the theory that this is, in fact, the revival of the arcade. Play an assortment of quick games for a short time each, there are high scores to beat (and who even does high scores anymore on the console titles?), and if you want to play more, well, put your coin down.
 
2013-07-07 04:57:18 PM  
If you have an iPad, and you run out of lives, exit the game, set the clock on your iPad ahead 2.5 hours, then go into the game and you'll have five lives.  While the game is still loaded and you have five lives, go back and set your clock to current time. You'll keep the lives. It's a simple hack and has let me play the game for free.
 
2013-07-07 04:57:25 PM  
I thought Wreck-It Ralph was wonderful.
 
2013-07-07 04:57:32 PM  

Fiction Fan: From the article: "... estimates that the game brings in $633,000 a day... for its creator..."  PER DAY! What? And to think, I and countless Americans cannot even pay our student loan payments.

Duh. Where do you think the money goes when the students get it?


/must....make...one...more....lev-el......

//flunked out of SQL class because of Zynga's 'Empires and Allies'


that and the inner join reminded u of sex?  right??
 
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