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(Slate)   Candy Crush saga is the worst thing ever   (slate.com) divider line 262
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22957 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jul 2013 at 4:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-07 02:24:26 PM
Just downloaded it after seeing this article. Fun little game.
 
2013-07-07 02:47:01 PM
The wife loves it, and it gives her something to do while I'm surfing fark.

/win win
 
2013-07-07 03:40:27 PM
It's Bejeweled meets Tetris, a veritable speedball of a puzzle game.

No. It's just Bejeweled.
 
2013-07-07 04:02:05 PM
This is the garbage that ads on every site keep force opening the App Store without me doing anything.

Fark them.
 
2013-07-07 04:02:54 PM
I have just gotten sucked into Papa Pear Saga.

It's Candy Crush Saga, but for Peggle.
 
2013-07-07 04:03:02 PM
I guess you can play games on Facebook now.. neat.
 
2013-07-07 04:04:34 PM
My grandma plays it on her tablet.

Just disable notifications if you don't play it.
 
2013-07-07 04:05:22 PM

Pichu0102: This is the garbage that ads on every site keep force opening the App Store without me doing anything.

Fark them.


To add more, even on sites like right here, by the time you manage to get the page loaded without it hijacking you and sending you to the App Store, the ad is different.

A pox on whoever coded that POS ad.
 
2013-07-07 04:05:22 PM
June needs to stay the hell away from Vegas.
 
2013-07-07 04:07:06 PM
It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's a popular game.  It's not evil or good, it just is. Stop trying to give it human characteristics.
 
2013-07-07 04:07:27 PM
Candy Crush Saga: a Bejeweled rip-off for people who are too stupid to just play Bejeweled.

Between the Wii and smartphones I'm sorry to see the death of gaming come at the hands of overweight, forty-year old dipshiats.
 
2013-07-07 04:09:23 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Just downloaded it after seeing this article. Fun little game.


You say this after you have just downloaded it. For now, yes, it is in fact a fun little game. But slowly... slowly this happens:

www.wanderlustkid.com
And the evil begins to embrace you. Slowly at first, oh so slowly, but the tricks and plots and schemes eventually pile up, and being stuck soon gives way to being trapped, until one day you spend days, weeks, nay even months on the same level, being driven

slowly

mad
 
2013-07-07 04:09:37 PM
I gave up on games after KerPlunk.
 
2013-07-07 04:10:22 PM
SWEET!
 
2013-07-07 04:10:38 PM
FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


i.imgur.com

Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.
 
2013-07-07 04:11:23 PM
It crashes my phone constantly.
 
2013-07-07 04:12:16 PM
Played it for a while on Facebook right around the time it was getting huge.  It was fun enough, up until level 90 or so when they introduced the bombs.  They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.
 
2013-07-07 04:13:02 PM
For those that don't know, different devices have different life counters. For example, you get 1 life every 20 minutes on your laptop, phone and tablet even if they are all synced with facebook.
 
2013-07-07 04:13:56 PM

Elegy: FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


[i.imgur.com image 300x301]

Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.


I actually like the microtransaction movement. There are a handful of games I play regularly that I have not paid a dime to play.
 
2013-07-07 04:14:05 PM

StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.


It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible.  You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model.  The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model.  Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off.  The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.

skozlaw: Between the Wii and smartphones I'm sorry to see the death of gaming come at the hands of overweight, forty-year old dipshiats.


Enjoy having people who have minimal comprehension of video games tell you how you are wrong, and how "opinions are like assholes".
 
2013-07-07 04:14:13 PM

Shostie: It's Bejeweled meets Tetris, a veritable speedball of a puzzle game.

No. It's just Bejeweled.


THIS. Holy shiat, I cannot believe people get suckered into Candy Crush. Bejeweled is the bane of my existence as I have purchased it on three phones, one iPod, and through Steam, and yet I have probably still spent less money that the idiot who wrote that. I feel stupider having read that article.

Give your money to Popcap. They're a GOOD, respectable game company, and they will use it to create more awesome games. Pass this knowledge on to your friends and family, and if they refuse to listen, I'll help you hide the body.
 
2013-07-07 04:15:09 PM
Oh boy.  If THAT is what my roomate is playing every single night until he passes out...

I'd better watch him, make sure he's not pouring money into it.  If so, I'll be accepting no whining about if he has money troubles.
 
2013-07-07 04:15:13 PM

Elegy: Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.


^^^^THIS^^^^

 
2013-07-07 04:15:23 PM

Snukastyle: They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.


That Bejeweled is a horrible template for match clear puzzle games, one which we dismissed back in the nineties when it was called Columns, and that there are much much better match clear games (Tetris the Grandmaster, Puzzle League, Magical Drop) worth playing?
 
2013-07-07 04:15:26 PM
The real challenge is not to spend a dime playing the game. I'm up to 66 with casual play over a month. No money spent.
 
2013-07-07 04:15:41 PM

Mike_LowELL: StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible. You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model. The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model. Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off. The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.


The same could be said of "serious" games, like WoW.
 
2013-07-07 04:15:57 PM

quatchi: Elegy: Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.

^^^^THIS^^^^


how else are u supposed to buy a beloved Acai tree in Farmville
 
2013-07-07 04:16:08 PM
I am so baffled as to why replacing jewels with candies has made people go apeshiat.
 
2013-07-07 04:17:09 PM

ByOwlLight: I am so baffled as to why replacing jewels with candies has made people go apeshiat.


I never played Bejeweled, are the mechanics identical?
 
2013-07-07 04:17:22 PM

Mike_LowELL: Snukastyle: They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.

That Bejeweled is a horrible template for match clear puzzle games, one which we dismissed back in the nineties when it was called Columns, and that there are much much better match clear games (Tetris the Grandmaster, Puzzle League, Magical Drop) worth playing?


Bejeweled 3 has good mini-games; I especially enjoy the poker and the butterfly ones.
 
2013-07-07 04:18:54 PM

jst3p: The same could be said of "serious" games, like WoW.


Hence why I referred to "regardless of company size and influence", and I am including games like Diablo III, League of Legends and DotA 2 in the mix.  The MMORPG is an exception, because the game model (persistent world with thousands of people hooked in) essentially requires a client-server game model.  But yes, the preservation of those games is going to become extremely difficult, even if their game model is mostly necessary for MMORPGs to be what they are.
 
2013-07-07 04:19:51 PM

jst3p: ByOwlLight: I am so baffled as to why replacing jewels with candies has made people go apeshiat.

I never played Bejeweled, are the mechanics identical?


From what I've seen, yes.  You swap pieces around to match up like colors of 3 or more.  If you do more than 3, a special piece appears that do stuff like blow up other pieces etc.

I haven't played Candy Crush personally, though, so I don't know if it injects sugar into you via a smartphone IV line or something to explain why it's so popular right now.
 
2013-07-07 04:21:03 PM
It seems a shame that this VERY derivative game, and games like it, make roughly $1J (one jillion dollars) an hour when there are some great little original, non-"freemium" games for iOS and Android that lose money or just barely manage to feed the developers.
 
2013-07-07 04:21:14 PM

ladyfortuna: Mike_LowELL: Snukastyle: They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.

That Bejeweled is a horrible template for match clear puzzle games, one which we dismissed back in the nineties when it was called Columns, and that there are much much better match clear games (Tetris the Grandmaster, Puzzle League, Magical Drop) worth playing?

Bejeweled 3 has good mini-games; I especially enjoy the poker and the butterfly ones.


I'm a fan of Puzzle Quest myself.
 
2013-07-07 04:21:18 PM
Never played it.  I heard the only way to get past certain levels is you have to pay, and doesn't fly with me.  Plus I have like 4 games of words with friends going so that takes up plenty of time.
 
2013-07-07 04:21:25 PM

bmr68: The real challenge is not to spend a dime playing the game. I'm up to 66 with casual play over a month. No money spent.


This.

Waiting at level 51 for one more ticket.
 
2013-07-07 04:22:37 PM

LeroyBourne: Never played it. I heard the only way to get past certain levels is you have to pay,


I don't think that is true.
 
2013-07-07 04:22:48 PM

Mike_LowELL: StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible.  You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model.  The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model.  Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off.  The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.


It's not flawed, it just is. Don't like it? Don't pay for it. Remember the days of the arcade machines? Those games were designed to get you to pay $0.25 every sixty seconds or so. This is pretty much the same but the first sixty seconds (or two days or whatever) are free.

The best way to convince these game makers to not do whatever it is you don't like, is to not give them money. Good luck with that, it's the biggest moneymaker now...
 
2013-07-07 04:23:10 PM

Tyrone Slothrop: ladyfortuna: Mike_LowELL: Snukastyle: They just killed the fun for me...pretty much every game like this has one obstacle type that kills the enjoyment factor of the game, at least for this gamer.

That Bejeweled is a horrible template for match clear puzzle games, one which we dismissed back in the nineties when it was called Columns, and that there are much much better match clear games (Tetris the Grandmaster, Puzzle League, Magical Drop) worth playing?

Bejeweled 3 has good mini-games; I especially enjoy the poker and the butterfly ones.

I'm a fan of Puzzle Quest myself.


I do love the first one, but once you max out at lvl 50 (or if it unlocks later, I didn't get that far) it gets kind of repetitive. Also I swear that AI cheats like a mofo.
 
2013-07-07 04:23:48 PM

jst3p: Elegy: FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


[i.imgur.com image 300x301]

Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.

I actually like the microtransaction movement. There are a handful of games I play regularly that I have not paid a dime to play.


I hate it with a passion. I hate the fact that you expect me to pay a dollar for the game, and then there are hidden costs everywhere, and you can't actually get the full experience without buying into all of the bullshiat content. I hate the fact that it incintivises paying to offset poor players, so the rich have gaming experience where they can pay to "beat" something.

New gun? That's another dollar. Better plane/truck/boat? That'll be another dollar. Stats boost? 5 points for just $3.99! Can't get past this level because you suck at video games? Just $4.99 for 5 level skips!

Adding to the aggravation factor is that the buttons to buy this useless, shiatty in-game content are always hidden in plain sight in the most inconvenient place possible, making it more likely you'll agree to buy by accident finger brush.

No, just no. I will pay $10 for a mobile game to pass the time at the airport, before I will give in to the consumer rape that is the microtransaction model.
 
2013-07-07 04:24:34 PM
Meh. I liked the game back when it was called Dr. Mario on the NES, and Yoshi's Cookies on the Gameboy.

Aadvertisers much love people like June.
 
2013-07-07 04:25:09 PM
It's totally cool, guys. The stripper told me she can't TELL me we'll get busy in the Champagne Room, but, she totally winked at me and said "once we're in there who *knows* what will happen?" Oh, here comes the bouncer back with my Visa.
 
2013-07-07 04:25:15 PM
Jon iz teh kewl: quatchi: Elegy: Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.

^^^^THIS^^^^


how else are u supposed to buy a beloved Acai tree in Farmville

Yeah, that's another one I don't get.

I remember reading a while back about some stupid virtual aquarium game that some parents thought were safe and fun for their kids to play only to find ridiculously large bills later when their kids clicked on the pretty fishies that actually cost money. Not accusing the people who make CC or Farmville of that level of scam but the business model basically sucks. It's like crack dealers who give ya the first hit free kinda thing in my book.

This new age of gaming where you don't actually have a hard copy of the game you can play for free after purchase but instead access a site that may or may not be there tomorrow and may or may not cost money in dribs and drabs just rubs me the wrong way I guess.

/Old skewl gamer is old and GRUMPY!
//Off my virtual lawn!
 
2013-07-07 04:25:45 PM
I go with Puzzles & Dragons here; similar principles, stupid-enormous in Japan, Bejeweled with the ability to move the gem fully around the board, vague Pokemon gimmick.  They'll try to suck your money out of you, too, but it's pleasantly possible to stay out of the IAP game by using the freebies they give out pretty regularly and make it far more of a skill game than it is.  It's farking diabolically well-engineered, though.
 
2013-07-07 04:26:04 PM

Elegy: jst3p: Elegy: FTFA: You discover that we all have but five lives to give in the quest to crush candy, and if you use them all up before clearing a level, you're locked out of the game for 30 minutes before you can try again. Wait 30 minutes, lose that life, and you have to wait for 30 more. Or you can cough up 99 cents to buy more lives so that you can carry on playing. You know, while you have the hot hand.

For just 99 cents, you can purchase five more moves. I wish I didn't know this, but if, after 10 extra moves, you feel the need for another five, the price goes up to $1.99


[i.imgur.com image 300x301]

Nope. Absolutely not. I refuse to buy any game that relies on this revenue model to make money. These people can fark off and die with their microtransactions.

I actually like the microtransaction movement. There are a handful of games I play regularly that I have not paid a dime to play.

I hate it with a passion. I hate the fact that you expect me to pay a dollar for the game, and then there are hidden costs everywhere, and you can't actually get the full experience without buying into all of the bullshiat content. I hate the fact that it incintivises paying to offset poor players, so the rich have gaming experience where they can pay to "beat" something.

New gun? That's another dollar. Better plane/truck/boat? That'll be another dollar. Stats boost? 5 points for just $3.99! Can't get past this level because you suck at video games? Just $4.99 for 5 level skips!

Adding to the aggravation factor is that the buttons to buy this useless, shiatty in-game content are always hidden in plain sight in the most inconvenient place possible, making it more likely you'll agree to buy by accident finger brush.

No, just no. I will pay $10 for a mobile game to pass the time at the airport, before I will give in to the consumer rape that is the microtransaction model.


And big publishers have already experimented with putting microtransactions in big, full-priced games, which is a MASSIVE 'Fark you.". Day one DLC is bad enough.
 
2013-07-07 04:26:26 PM
Welp, that's a successful business model to take money from people who don't know what games are.
 
2013-07-07 04:26:59 PM

ByOwlLight: I am so baffled as to why replacing jewels with candies has made people go apeshiat.


Pogo games (EA) has a version of this called "Sweet Tooth" which has been around for years, and is a bit more challenging as you not only have to clear candies but also clear background patterns as well -- kind of like Bejeweled's mining game.
 
2013-07-07 04:27:23 PM
Friggin' hamsters. "First one's free, kid."
 
2013-07-07 04:27:38 PM

StopLurkListen: Mike_LowELL: StopLurkListen: It's a game. Play it or don't. It's free, you can pay if you want or not. "Freemium" is just a different way to get income.

It's also a fundamentally flawed, impossibly toxic game model which makes finality in the finished work impossible.  You have to continue adding things, regardless of whether they are good or bad, because that is the business model.  The game can never be preserved, because that is the business model.  Once the game stops being profitable, it gets shut off.  The only saving grace is that most of the games using this model (regardless of company size and influence) happen to be shiat.

It's not flawed, it just is. Don't like it? Don't pay for it. Remember the days of the arcade machines? Those games were designed to get you to pay $0.25 every sixty seconds or so. This is pretty much the same but the first sixty seconds (or two days or whatever) are free.

The best way to convince these game makers to not do whatever it is you don't like, is to not give them money. Good luck with that, it's the biggest moneymaker now...


CSB. When I was a kid I lived next door to Ed Rotberg. He was one of the pioneers in coin-op gaming working for Atari. One of the writers of Asteroids. He got me hooked on IT and gaming. I was googling him the other night and I read an article that talked about how they had quit programming because the challenge was gone and everything had to have huge production value. Well, he and some of his buddies are considering coming out of retirement because writing games for iphones has the same allure. Limited resources, has to be a game that is easy to learn by keeps you coming back for more, etc.
 
2013-07-07 04:28:44 PM

Shostie: It's Bejeweled meets Tetris, a veritable speedball of a puzzle game.

No. It's just Bejeweled.


But you get to pay money to buy more lives.  So it's Bejeweled meets Carny games.  There's a sucker born every minute.
 
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