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(Daily Mail)   Neighbor calls police after hearing a woman scream 'Stop No'. What did police find when they got there. A) the woman's boyfriend beating her. B) The boyfriend stealing from her. C) The boyfriend passing gas   (dailymail.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Texas High School, Levi Strauss, WWJ, soccer referee, Harry Anderson  
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8707 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jul 2013 at 2:43 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-07 11:42:05 AM  
Does the daily fail ever post current news or do they just sweep through and get any left over scraps each time?

Police Called To Investigate Fight About Flatulence July 3, 2013 2:20 PM
 
2013-07-07 12:24:07 PM  

geekbikerskum: I'm glad none of the date nights with my g/f ever ended like this.  We've had some epic Dutch-oven wars.

And therwith spak this clerk, this absolon,
Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art.
This nicholas anon leet fle a fart,
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
That with the strook he was almoost yblent;


I'm glad someone classed this up with one of the first recorded fart jokes. And in Middle English, of course. This raised quite the debate in my English Lit class some years ago
 
2013-07-07 01:02:35 PM  

farkinglizardking: I'm glad someone classed this up with one of the first recorded fart jokes. And in Middle English, of course.


Because fart jokes are *always* funny.  And of course, Middle English--is there any other way to quote Chaucer?

(apparently, there is.  Most of the results of a Google search for "Miller's Tale" are renditions in Modern English.  Yuck.  I had to actually dig a bit to find Middle English.)
 
2013-07-07 01:14:05 PM  
Someone forgot there safe word?
 
2013-07-07 02:40:36 PM  
Came for Sir Cumference the Flatulent./leaves with a sad
 
2013-07-07 02:44:10 PM  
I'm surprised nobody has asked, so I will.  What's the boyfriend's fark handle?
 
2013-07-07 02:54:34 PM  
For you Farkers who are too lazy to Google "The Miller's Tale" in Modern English:

3804 And therwith spak this clerk, this Absolon,
And then spoke this clerk, this Absolon,
3805 "Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art."
"Speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art."

3806 This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart
This Nicholas immediately let fly a fart
3807 As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
As great as if it had been a thunder-bolt,
3808 That with the strook he was almoost yblent;
So that with the stroke he was almost blinded;
3809 And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And he was ready with his hot iron,
3810 And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot.
And he smote Nicholas in the middle of the ass.
 
2013-07-07 03:39:36 PM  
supportyourlocalgunfighter.com
 
2013-07-07 06:40:02 PM  
Is it really so farkin' hard to go to the bathroom first? The ex actually grinned and laughed as he'd leave the covers just after the most appalling dutch ovens and head off to the bathroom. Gas that doesn't smell is something else, but y'all know the difference.

/No, I didn't deserve it.
 
2013-07-07 09:26:08 PM  

offmymeds: For you Farkers who are too lazy to Google "The Miller's Tale" in Modern English:

3804 And therwith spak this clerk, this Absolon,
And then spoke this clerk, this Absolon,
3805 "Spek, sweete bryd, I noot nat where thou art."
"Speak, sweet bird, I know not where thou art."

3806 This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart
This Nicholas immediately let fly a fart
3807 As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
As great as if it had been a thunder-bolt,
3808 That with the strook he was almoost yblent;
So that with the stroke he was almost blinded;
3809 And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And he was ready with his hot iron,
3810 And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot.
And he smote Nicholas in the middle of the ass.


And at the wyndow out she putte hir hole,
And absolon, hym fil no bet ne wers,
But with his mouth he kiste hir naked ers
Ful savourly, er he were war of this.
Abak he stirte, and thoughte it was amys,
For wel he wiste a womman hath no berd.
He felte a thyng al rough and long yherd,
And seyde, fy! allas! what have I do?


The Miller's Tale is some pretty epic Farelly Brothers shiat.
 
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