If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Grantland)   "No 149-minute Western should feature more close-ups of timepieces than of horses or human beings. It should not spend a reported $250 million to feature a plot in which a railroad tycoon looks to bilk magnates of their millions... But it's summer"   (grantland.com) divider line 111
    More: Amusing, Gore Verbinski, Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, humans, Wild Wild West, Lone Ranger, dental work, Jump Street  
•       •       •

6487 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 06 Jul 2013 at 6:18 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



111 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-07-06 05:07:38 PM
It's doing a lot better with movie goers than critics.
 
2013-07-06 05:16:49 PM

Popcorn Johnny: It's doing a lot better with movie goers than critics.


oh really? From ew.com:

Meanwhile, Disney's $225 million westernThe Lone Ranger earned a much more modest $10.7 million on Friday, which brought its total to a weak $30.2 million. The film, which stars Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer, may have to settle for about $50 million in its first five days. Disney should be thankful that Warner Bros.'Jack the Giant Slayer already debuted and bombed back in March - it certainly takes some of the heat off ofThe Lone Ranger.
 
2013-07-06 05:38:23 PM

Confabulat: oh really?


I'm obviously referring to reviews.
 
2013-07-06 05:45:14 PM

Popcorn Johnny: It's doing a lot better with movie goers than critics.


Because I had to see if this was going to be as bad as they say it was, I went with my daughter to see it yesterday.  We are avid movie goers, averaging 1 a week since early May.

We thought it was the worst movie we have seen this year.  Granted, we did not see After Earf with Will Smith, but we did see the Last Stand.

SPOILER ALERT

It was as if the writers were wanting to make Pirates of the Caribbean as a western by having Capt. Jack Sparrow cast as Tonto.  Only, he wasn't funny.  If he had not been in the movie, perhaps the writers would not have tried to take it in the direction it went.  But if he weren't, it would have been even worse.

Bad writing, goofs galore (how did the bag of peanuts travel through time?), and worse acting. 

If you want to see it because you like train wrecks (pun intended), then see it - otherwise, wait for it to show up on HBO.
 
2013-07-06 05:52:16 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Confabulat: oh really?

I'm obviously referring to reviews.


So the 8 people that went really liked it?

Cool.

Also, I feel like High Noon had a lot of closeups of timepieces.
 
2013-07-06 06:30:05 PM

EnviroDude: I went with my daughter to see it yesterday. We are avid movie goers, averaging 1 a week since early May.


Minor threadjack: I'm pretty sure that makes you some kind of hero in this day and age. Kudos.

I liked Depp in the Rum Diaries. He's only good when he's basically the only actor in the movie, aside from a love interest. Keep him away from Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton and he'll stop sucking so hard as an actor. Have him do more Hunter S. Thompson.
 
2013-07-06 06:31:04 PM
"You hate to watch a movie likeThe Lone Ranger if it makes a movie like World War Z seem profound, and it does."

That is a really well-written slam on two movies at once...I like this guy :)
 
2013-07-06 06:32:03 PM
The people I know who have seen it say it's quite horrible. They were very disappointed.
 
2013-07-06 06:37:06 PM
Shiat, I go to 2 or 3 a week and this movie's looked like hot garbage since the first trailer.
 
2013-07-06 06:43:20 PM
The reviewer missed answering the single most important question about the movie: Do they play William Tell Overture?

/Hey! This is how I learned about classical music.
//And Bugs Bunny
 
2013-07-06 06:45:23 PM

" Every once in a while I'll be at a movie and find myself reaching for the remote. "


Funny, sometimes I have that reaction if I'm watching a dull movie, I think for a second maybe I should change the channel. Or else if there is an interesting actor onscreen, I want to take out my phone and look them up on IMDB.

 
2013-07-06 06:46:02 PM
It is full of plot holes and continuity issues, and yet my daughter and I enjoyed it.
It reminds me a little of Independence Day in that regard: utterly lame premise, too many times going for the cheap laugh, and yet still entertaining.
 
2013-07-06 06:50:39 PM

EnviroDude: Popcorn Johnny: It's doing a lot better with movie goers than critics.

Because I had to see if this was going to be as bad as they say it was, I went with my daughter to see it yesterday.  We are avid movie goers, averaging 1 a week since early May.

We thought it was the worst movie we have seen this year.  Granted, we did not see After Earf with Will Smith, but we did see the Last Stand.

SPOILER ALERT

It was as if the writers were wanting to make Pirates of the Caribbean as a western by having Capt. Jack Sparrow cast as Tonto.  Only, he wasn't funny.  If he had not been in the movie, perhaps the writers would not have tried to take it in the direction it went.  But if he weren't, it would have been even worse.

Bad writing, goofs galore (how did the bag of peanuts travel through time?), and worse acting. 

If you want to see it because you like train wrecks (pun intended), then see it - otherwise, wait for it to show up on HBO.


Oh my, you've reproduced?
 
2013-07-06 06:56:54 PM

Guuberre: The reviewer missed answering the single most important question about the movie: Do they play William Tell Overture?

/Hey! This is how I learned about classical music.
//And Bugs Bunny


yes


2wolves:

Oh my, you've reproduced?

Funny guy!  FWIW, when I was in the Jaycees, I had withheld that I had gotten married from some of my friends.  When I brought her to a meeting, one of the members that met her warned her not to reproduce.

/was wild and woolly in the Jaycees

//I have told this story to my daughter.  Whenever she does something absolutely insane, she reminds us we were warned.  lol
 
2013-07-06 07:13:22 PM
Closeup of a timepiece in a Western is a bad thing?

25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-07-06 07:17:16 PM
I took my 13 year old nephew to see this yesterday and his reaction at the end?

"The air conditioning was the only good thing about the last two hours.".

It's really a baffling kind of bad. While I usually respect the diversity of opinions, I'm hard pressed to name anyone that I personally know, or have known, that might be entertained by it. There are some humorous exchanges and the final action sequence borders on exhilarating, but the price paid for these moments is a movie padded and stretched beyond reason. No justification exists for this movie clocking in at the 2 1/2 hour mark. None.

I begrudge nobody their personal feelings, but I would really like to hear someone explain to me how they can say that they found it enjoyable, because I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.
 
2013-07-06 07:23:23 PM
Johnny Depp, being a horrible freaky rendition that means, I'm johnny deppook at the crap I do, nyah.
 
2013-07-06 07:23:58 PM
never mind
 
2013-07-06 07:25:10 PM

Guuberre: The reviewer missed answering the single most important question about the movie: Do they play William Tell Overture?

/Hey! This is how I learned about classical music.
//And Bugs Bunny


Great. Now I gotta know.

/Poot.
 
2013-07-06 07:28:03 PM
Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch:  I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.

Ahh, you must not have watched Highlander 2.  Or Ecks vs. Sever.
 
2013-07-06 07:30:19 PM
www.cinemaretro.com

Ohai, y'all, what's goin' on in this here thread?
 
2013-07-06 07:36:27 PM

enry: Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch:  I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.

Ahh, you must not have watched ********** *.  Or Ecks vs. Sever.


It never happened.

/He also must not have seen Beyond Thunderd...oh, wait, that never happened, either.
 
2013-07-06 07:38:45 PM

EnviroDude: Bad writing, goofs galore (how did the bag of peanuts travel through time?), and worse acting.


Had to chime in on this: the peanut bag turns up because the events you see with TLR and Tonto are actually Tonto's retelling of the story, hence there are points in the film where the story is reshaped by the retelling and the interactions between the kid and Tonto in the exhibit.
The other example I can think of where this happened was 300, the film was never really about what actually happened to the 300, rather it was DW's character retelling their story, sprinkingly some embelishment and turning it into a legend to rally the armies.

Feel free to keep hating TLR for many other reasons, I just find it funny you picked out a flaw that's along the same wavelengths as someone saying "I don't like dat movie because they use all dem big, fancy words".

Guuberre: The reviewer missed answering the single most important question about the movie: Do they play William Tell Overture?

/Hey! This is how I learned about classical music.
//And Bugs Bunny


You're going to enjoy the finale.

Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch: I begrudge nobody their personal feelings, but I would really like to hear someone explain to me how they can say that they found it enjoyable, because I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.


Fair enough, I figured I could go into this film 1 of 2 ways, either thinking "Those last 3 PoC films sucked" or "I liked that first PoC film". I went in with the latter and just ended up rolling with what the film was offering. It was a big adventure film that was fun to watch (much like PoC1 is); I really wish I could say more but I'm terrible writing reviews without going into specific things that I liked (and the trailer reveals way too much content without me making it worse).
 
2013-07-06 07:41:10 PM
I hated this movie because I haven't seen it and I care what people think.

That's why I'm not going to see it and this is how I live my life in regards to EVERYTHING.
 
2013-07-06 07:46:41 PM

enry: Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch:  I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.

Ahh, you must not have watched Highlander 2.  Or Ecks vs. Sever.


Nobody has ever seen Highlander 2 because that does not exist
 
2013-07-06 07:52:14 PM

Smeggy Smurf: enry: Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch:  I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.

Ahh, you must not have watched Highlander 2.  Or Ecks vs. Sever.

Nobody has ever seen Highlander 2 because that does not exist


The way that Attack of the Clones does not exist?  Scratch that, I don't mean to imply that The Phantom Menace was a good movie...
 
2013-07-06 07:55:30 PM

enry: Abominable Loch Ness Sasquatch:  I've never left a theater feeling like I did after The Lone Ranger. There was no reason to tell this story and certainly no reason to sit through its telling.

Ahh, you must not have watched Highlander 2.  Or Ecks vs. Sever.


Hey, now.  At least Ecks vs. Sever gave us a good Game Boy Advance game.
 
2013-07-06 07:55:39 PM
It isn't The Lone Ranger, it's "Tonto: the Movie". Just another vehicle for Johnny Depp to trot out his trademark weirdo persona. If this doesn't prove that it's old-hat now, I don't know what will.
 
2013-07-06 08:03:10 PM

Bith Set Me Up: It isn't The Lone Ranger, it's "Tonto: the Movie". Just another vehicle for Johnny Depp to trot out his trademark weirdo persona. If this doesn't prove that it's old-hat now, I don't know what will.


With a bit of luck this will be a franchise killer, and Depp will go back to making good movies.
 
2013-07-06 08:13:25 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Confabulat: oh really?

I'm obviously referring to reviews.


I see you are one of those guys that has a hard time admitting he is wrong.   You suggested in your Boobies that it was doing well at the box office.  Confab provided compelling evidence that it wasn't, then you reply that you meant something else entirely, although it seemed the meaning of your Boobies was quite clear.

Plenty of farkers here, myself included, suffer from the same condition.
 
2013-07-06 08:20:59 PM
Do they have the scene where Lone Ranger gets bitten by a rattler while sitting on a log taking a dump?

.... he then sends Tonto into town to bring a doctor to back to treat it. But the doctor is delivering a baby and tells Tonto he will have to suck the poison out and bring Ranger back to town.

When he returns, Lone Ranger inquires about the Dr.  Tonto tells him the Dr. can't leave to treat him.
"What else did the Dr. say"

"Hmmm, you gonna die, Kemosabe."

If that scene's deleted, I'm not even going to rent that movie!!

===============

Tighten a tourniquet between wound and heart.
Cut a small X at each bite opening.
Suction the venom out of the wound
-----
/Spit, don't swallow
 
2013-07-06 08:24:01 PM

Pumpernickel bread: Popcorn Johnny: Confabulat: oh really?

I'm obviously referring to reviews.

I see you are one of those guys that has a hard time admitting he is wrong.   You suggested in your Boobies that it was doing well at the box office.  Confab provided compelling evidence that it wasn't, then you reply that you meant something else entirely, although it seemed the meaning of your Boobies was quite clear.

Plenty of farkers here, myself included, suffer from the same condition.


No, you just suffer from horrible reading comprehension.
 
2013-07-06 08:26:11 PM
You know what this movie needed? They needed to fight a giant spider in the third act!
 
2013-07-06 08:31:54 PM
Disney's been setting off some bombs lately, haven't they?
 
2013-07-06 08:33:55 PM
I don't normally like reading reviews of stuff, but that was pretty good.
 
2013-07-06 08:36:50 PM

broadsword: Had to chime in on this: the peanut bag turns up because the events you see with TLR and Tonto are actually Tonto's retelling of the story, hence there are points in the film where the story is reshaped by the retelling and the interactions between the kid and Tonto in the exhibit.


" I see" said the blind man as he walked into the women's bathroom.

/my daughter explained it to me too.

//thank you very much

///three slashies because I can
 
2013-07-06 08:38:59 PM
I bet Armond White loves it
 
2013-07-06 08:40:16 PM

Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Disney's been setting off some bombs lately, haven't they?


EXPENSIVE bombs.  They're $250 million in the hole on this one, and they were $250 million in the hole last summer with John Carter (which wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was).  That's half a billion in a year.  Someone at Disney will get fired over this.
 
2013-07-06 08:43:28 PM

Lsherm: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Disney's been setting off some bombs lately, haven't they?

EXPENSIVE bombs.  They're $250 million in the hole on this one, and they were $250 million in the hole last summer with John Carter (which wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was).  That's half a billion in a year.  Someone at Disney will get fired over this.


Man, I really liked John Carter. I keep hoping it'll turn into a big cult film of some kind, even though I know there will never be sequels.

/isn't interested in TLR
 
2013-07-06 08:45:36 PM

Lsherm: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Disney's been setting off some bombs lately, haven't they?

EXPENSIVE bombs.  They're $250 million in the hole on this one, and they were $250 million in the hole last summer with John Carter (which wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was).  That's half a billion in a year.  Someone at Disney will get fired over this.


You can't leave out Mars Needs Moms. Motion capture CGI is not cheap. From IMDB:

Box OfficeBudget: $150,000,000  (estimated)Opening Weekend: £113,559 (UK)  (8 April 2011)Gross: $21,379,315  (USA) (17 June 2011)
 
2013-07-06 08:46:53 PM

Pumpernickel bread: I see you are one of those guys that has a hard time admitting he is wrong.   You suggested in your Boobies that it was doing well at the box office.


No, no i didn't. I'm sorry that you have absolutely no ability to comprehend what you're reading.
 
2013-07-06 08:48:22 PM

wiredroach: Closeup of a timepiece in a Western is a bad thing?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 850x371]


Came here to say this.
 
2013-07-06 08:52:25 PM
So they're saying the movie is as awful as subbys headline? Cause that's pretty bad.
 
2013-07-06 08:52:47 PM

IronTom: never mind


Lol. It's been a long drinking weekend, has it?
 
2013-07-06 08:57:48 PM

Lsherm: Scorpitron is reduced to a thin red paste: Disney's been setting off some bombs lately, haven't they?

EXPENSIVE bombs.  They're $250 million in the hole on this one, and they were $250 million in the hole last summer with John Carter (which wasn't nearly as bad as people said it was).  That's half a billion in a year.  Someone at Disney will get fired over this.


And they deserve it. Not one goddamned original idea in the company. F*ck them.
 
2013-07-06 08:59:15 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Confabulat: oh really?

I'm obviously referring to reviews drinking heavily.


FTFY
 
2013-07-06 09:03:49 PM

PA_Mainy-Yak: It is full of plot holes and continuity issues, and yet my daughter and I enjoyed it.
It reminds me a little of Independence Day in that regard: utterly lame premise, too many times going for the cheap laugh, and yet still entertaining.


This. Lone Ranger was fun.  Yes, the plot could have been tighter in a lot of respects, and Disney could have saved themselves whatever they paid Helena Bonham Carter by eliminating her character all together, and there was a poop joke that I really didn't need.  But overall, it was entertaining.
 
2013-07-06 09:04:06 PM

optional: Man, I really liked John Carter. I keep hoping it'll turn into a big cult film of some kind, even though I know there will never be sequels.


I really, really wanted to like John Carter despite the critical dogpile. But when it came around on TV I gave up after 20 or 30 minutes. A wise person once said "if nothing's happened in the first two reels, nothing's ever going to happen", and that movie was just incomprehensibly slow and pointless. It felt like it hit a flat second act before it even got out of the first act.
 
2013-07-06 09:04:47 PM
The Lone Ranger's beatdown at the box office in one gif.
24.media.tumblr.com

/I liked DM2, Lone Ranger should have NOT been 2 hours and a half long especially when the 1st hour could have easily been cut down to 30 minutes.
 
das
2013-07-06 09:06:12 PM
High Noon???
 
Displayed 50 of 111 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report