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(Mental Floss)   Speaking like the locals. Chapter 3: Regional phrases to describe the summer heat   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 120
    More: Interesting, roasts, phrases  
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7792 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Jul 2013 at 9:58 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



120 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-06 09:59:56 AM
Hot as a Half-F**ed Fox in a Forest Fire

That's pretty insensitive considering what just happened earlier this week.
 
2013-07-06 10:01:08 AM
"The night was sultry"
 
2013-07-06 10:01:56 AM
Caturday clearly getting to me... Read that as "speaking like the lolcats"

I can has disappointment.
 
2013-07-06 10:02:11 AM
It's so hot, the sweat was running down the crack of my ass like the Colorado river!
 
2013-07-06 10:02:28 AM
hot as hell

media3.s-nbcnews.com
 
2013-07-06 10:03:04 AM
Ontario

Hottenff fur ya?

Related to

Coldenuff fur ya?

and
Wetenuff fur wa?
 
2013-07-06 10:03:19 AM
"Hotter than a fat guy at an AYCE pizza buffet, and all that's left is 'veggie supreme'"
 
2013-07-06 10:04:52 AM
"Hottah than a whorehouse on a free night"
 
2013-07-06 10:05:05 AM
I live in TX. I think "Too farking hot!" pretty much covers it. Woe to the dummies who live in Phoenix or Vegas.

I want to go back to northern California...
 
2013-07-06 10:08:01 AM
"Hotter than a female foreign exchange student at Harvard"
 
2013-07-06 10:08:18 AM
Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
That's a strange expression, Bruce.
Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.


I've liked "fair up" for a weather term... it means it's clearing: "It's supposed to rain this mornin', but it should fair up this afternoon."
 
2013-07-06 10:14:50 AM
I'm sweating like R Kelly at a girl scout meeting.
 
151
2013-07-06 10:15:13 AM
"sitting in nut soup."
// applies to males only
 
2013-07-06 10:19:32 AM
To hot? Then go the hell back up North!

Have a nice weekend.
 
2013-07-06 10:20:14 AM
"Mississippi Hot" here in north Florida, this morning. Playing around adjusting deck on new mower. Came in soaking wet after an hour. Humidity 700%.
 
2013-07-06 10:21:03 AM
Hotter than Baptist hell.
 
2013-07-06 10:23:07 AM
It's hotter than two rats making love in a wool sock
It's hotter than a four balled tomcat
It's hotter than a whore house on nickel night
It's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue

etc, etc ....
 
2013-07-06 10:24:13 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: hot as hell

[media3.s-nbcnews.com image 474x320]


Hot as hell?!?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRnPE1u4ruM
 
2013-07-06 10:24:23 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-07-06 10:25:27 AM
Kind of off-topic, but as far as wet weather, I heard a weatherman in Gainesville FL describe excessive rain as "a real frog choker".

/Had never heard that one before.
 
2013-07-06 10:26:00 AM

Melvin Lovecraft: Kind of off-topic, but as far as wet weather, I heard a weatherman in Gainesville FL describe excessive rain as "a real frog choker".

/Had never heard that one before.


what do they have to Gaine
 
2013-07-06 10:30:46 AM
It's so hot I'm sweatin like a whore in Sunday school.
 
2013-07-06 10:31:21 AM

Pick: "Mississippi Hot" here in north Florida, this morning. Playing around adjusting deck on new mower. Came in soaking wet after an hour. Humidity 700%.


I first heard the one about the bear in N. Florida, where I got a summer job during high school working for a black fellow who was a brick mason as well as a roofer for the local school board.  Did repairs and improvements while school was out.

He worked my butt off, and whenever I'd start slacking, he'd say '"Did the bear get you?"  Or, "Is the bear gonna get you?"
 
2013-07-06 10:31:36 AM

Melvin Lovecraft: Kind of off-topic, but as far as wet weather, I heard a weatherman in Gainesville FL describe excessive rain as "a real frog choker".

/Had never heard that one before.



I've heard:
   Toad strangler
   Turd floater
 and Gulley washer.

Oh. and "Rainin' like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
 
2013-07-06 10:34:45 AM
Summer weather?

Foggy.
 
2013-07-06 10:41:07 AM
The coldest winter I ever spent was summer in San Francisco
--Mark Twain
 
2013-07-06 10:43:34 AM

anuran: The coldest winter I ever spent was summer in San Francisco
--Mark Twain


he must have taken it up teh ass
 
2013-07-06 10:51:13 AM
Where I grew up in the year-round gloom and rain of the PNW, we didn't have a word for "hot". The closest we could come was "wood-burning stove".*

* - damned near factual statement
 
2013-07-06 10:55:00 AM
Sweating like a pig on butchering day.
Sweating like a two dollar whore on nickel night
Sweating like an African American on election day*


* My grandpa uses this one, with a more colorful vocabulary.
 
2013-07-06 11:01:48 AM

Stone Meadow: Where I grew up in the year-round gloom and rain of the PNW, we didn't have a word for "hot". The closest we could come was "wood-burning stove".*

* - damned near factual statement


Oh look, the mountains are out today.
 
2013-07-06 11:01:55 AM
Heard this one time...

" it's so hot my nuts are stuck to my thigh like Crazy Glue"
 
2013-07-06 11:06:08 AM
Hotter than two rats farking in a wool sock

Sweating like a whore in church

/moist is a dirty word
 
2013-07-06 11:06:43 AM

Doubletwist-: I live in TX. I think "Too farking hot!" pretty much covers it. Woe to the dummies who live in Phoenix or Vegas.

I want to go back to northern California...


Northern California has been under some pretty severe heat conditions for over a week now. I am just past Sacramento and and it has been roughly a high of 109 since last Wednesday.

The Delta Breeze finally kicked in and I believe today should only be 95! Brrrrrr

/I know, I know, only a week. But still. Ick
 
2013-07-06 11:12:50 AM

LonMead: Stone Meadow: Where I grew up in the year-round gloom and rain of the PNW, we didn't have a word for "hot". The closest we could come was "wood-burning stove".*

* - damned near factual statement

Oh look, the mountains are out today.


And then there's the classic, "Did you enjoy summer last weekend?"
 
2013-07-06 11:14:10 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-06 11:16:20 AM
Canyonlands Park Ranger -  Shiat, this ain't nothing.
 
2013-07-06 11:19:17 AM

Clemkadidlefark: Canyonlands Park Ranger -  Shiat, this ain't nothing.


i.imwx.com
 
2013-07-06 11:19:22 AM
Hotter than witch tits in a brass bra.
 
2013-07-06 11:26:06 AM
Hotter than Lucifers ass
 
2013-07-06 11:27:04 AM
Hotter than a cat on a hot tin roof
 
2013-07-06 11:29:08 AM
It's hot as a crotch.
 
2013-07-06 11:34:56 AM
"Hot? Wouldn't know. I'm inside; we have air conditioning."

or

"Poor people problems."
 
2013-07-06 11:35:55 AM
It's not the heat. It's the humanity.

It's Summer, it's Texas and it's hot. Is there someone surprised by this?
 
2013-07-06 11:38:58 AM
"Hot as a fox in a forest fire."

Ronnie Van Zandt, Lynyrd Skynyrd (1976).  Bet he wasn't the first one though.
 
2013-07-06 11:40:49 AM

CruJones: Hotter than two rats farking in a

wool sock

Sweating like a whore in church

/moist is a dirty word


Wool socks and shirts (good ones) do a great job of wicking and naturally anti-microbial. Not as drastic as winter hiking (cotton kills), in the drenching full humidity summer, cotton is just a wet useless PITA (just like failed perspiration mechanism at these dewpts)

/71 degrees dewpt
//full on solar radiation
 
2013-07-06 11:43:54 AM
tippinthescales.files.wordpress.com

Ya'll are slipping.
 
2013-07-06 11:48:47 AM
Hot? In Texas? Nah, you just have to learn how to live here. You don't go outside between the hours of 10 am-8pm. Works pretty well actually, then all the stores are empty by the time the dreadful weekly grocery shopping trip comes around
 
2013-07-06 11:48:47 AM
Hotter than hooka pussi(Chicago)
 
2013-07-06 11:50:30 AM
"I'm sweating like a piece of rancid pork."

R.I.P. Brother Theodore
 
2013-07-06 11:50:43 AM
"Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass... in a wagon rut."
 
2013-07-06 11:52:14 AM

Norad: Hotter than witch tits in a brass bra.


There must be something about witch tits, because this humidity is making it stickier than a witch's tit. (CNY)
 
2013-07-06 11:53:29 AM
Hot as Satan's taint!
 
2013-07-06 11:57:20 AM

Heraclitus: Heard this one time...

" it's so hot my nuts are stuck to my thigh like Crazy Glue"


LOL My husband called the "bat winging".
 
2013-07-06 11:58:01 AM
I prefer to just say "I'm sweating balls"
 
2013-07-06 11:58:19 AM
Dear God. I meant to say, My husband calls that "bat winging". Too early here.
 
2013-07-06 11:59:01 AM
Hotter than Satan's bollocks.

Although the BBC excelled themselves on their Wimbledon coverage with the awesome....

"It's an absolute jamspangler of a day in London, so hot it would take your face off if you didn't take the necessary precautions. "
 
2013-07-06 11:59:23 AM

Melvin Lovecraft: Kind of off-topic, but as far as wet weather, I heard a weatherman in Gainesville FL describe excessive rain as "a real frog choker".

/Had never heard that one before.


Have heard in Alabama and North Carolina as a gullywasher or a toad choker (summer late afternoon thunderstorms)
 
2013-07-06 11:59:51 AM
Has anyone went with a jew in an oven yet? That is like the Godwin to this thread.
 
2013-07-06 12:00:27 PM
"But it's a dry heat!"
"So is an oven, but I don't wanna live there"
-Phoenix
 
2013-07-06 12:06:09 PM

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Ya'll are slipping.


It was an annual event on a Nacogdoches Texas news station to see how early in the summer you could fry an egg on the pavement.
 
2013-07-06 12:06:18 PM

Certainly You Jest: Melvin Lovecraft: Kind of off-topic, but as far as wet weather, I heard a weatherman in Gainesville FL describe excessive rain as "a real frog choker".

/Had never heard that one before.

Have heard in Alabama and North Carolina as a gullywasher or a toad choker (summer late afternoon thunderstorms)


That's a wicked pissah. (New England, of course)
 
2013-07-06 12:08:19 PM
wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net
 
2013-07-06 12:20:36 PM
Hotter than a 4-peckered dog on the Fourth of July.
 
2013-07-06 12:25:45 PM
"It was hotter than Hooker in Heater today, and hotter than Heater in Hellmouth..."

http://youtu.be/6WfUdKqFFD8?t=8m1s
 
2013-07-06 12:29:10 PM
Hotter than a whore's ass in a lumber camp
 
2013-07-06 12:31:51 PM
5. Awful Selsery (Kaskaskia, IL)

How the hell did this make the list the town was completly destroyed in the 1800s and the current population is less then 15 people.
 
2013-07-06 12:37:33 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-07-06 12:38:23 PM
So hot I saw a fire hydrant trying to flag down a dog.
 
2013-07-06 12:41:42 PM

Norad: Hotter than witch tits


came for 'hotter than a witch's tit' but i guess this'll have to do
 
2013-07-06 12:41:45 PM

cardex: 5. Awful Selsery (Kaskaskia, IL)

How the hell did this make the list the town was completly destroyed in the 1800s and the current population is less then 15 people.


because there was a Kasket in Kaskaskia
 
2013-07-06 12:45:59 PM

LonMead: I've liked "fair up" for a weather term... it means it's clearing: "It's supposed to rain this mornin', but it should fair up this afternoon."


"socked in" is one of my faves
 
2013-07-06 12:50:42 PM

phillydrifter: Norad: Hotter than witch tits

came for 'hotter than a witch's tit' but i guess this'll have to do


I've always heard 'COLDER than a witch's tit in a brass kettle'

//Maine
 
2013-07-06 12:54:42 PM
I don't know if it is regional but here in central valley, CA we say that it is "hot as fark."
 
2013-07-06 12:56:33 PM
Well, you're certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.

i32.tinypic.com

Oh, rats.
 
2013-07-06 12:58:05 PM

Precision Boobery: Well, you're certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.

[i32.tinypic.com image 508x341]

Oh, rats.


nobody's gay for moleman :(
 
2013-07-06 01:01:10 PM

crotchgrabber: Summer weather?

Foggy.


Same here. Depending on if you're right on the coast or not. Also "fair weather" in reference that in August it's fair....during the county fair.

Also heard 'round here "I'm sweating balls" "the sheep are shearing themselves" and "so farming hot I can make an omelette with my ovaries"
 
2013-07-06 01:03:13 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: Hot as a Half-F**ed Fox in a Forest Fire

That's pretty insensitive considering what just happened earlier this week.


The actual saying is fresh-f***ed fox in a forest fire.

What the hell is "half-f***ed" anyway
 
2013-07-06 01:11:04 PM
I'm getting a kick out of these replies 'cause I'm sweatin' like a whore in chruch.
 
2013-07-06 01:12:54 PM

gfid: AverageAmericanGuy: Hot as a Half-F**ed Fox in a Forest Fire

That's pretty insensitive considering what just happened earlier this week.

The actual saying is fresh-f***ed fox in a forest fire.

What the hell is "half-f***ed" anyway


it's like a firefox.  but it's a DINOSAUR like godzilla.  or mozilla, whatever your passion
 
2013-07-06 01:13:07 PM

gfid: AverageAmericanGuy: Hot as a Half-F**ed Fox in a Forest Fire

That's pretty insensitive considering what just happened earlier this week.

The actual saying is fresh-f***ed fox in a forest fire.

What the hell is "half-f***ed" anyway


I'm guessing the fox didn't climax.
 
2013-07-06 01:19:51 PM
Hotter than the Devil's rectum.
Hotter than a whore in heat.
Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

As cold as a witches' tit in a brass bra.
 
2013-07-06 01:23:58 PM
wambu:

As cold as a witches' tit in a brass bra.

As one of FARK's lurking resident witches, I can tell you my tits are no hotter or colder than the average woman of any other faith/practice :)
 
2013-07-06 01:25:48 PM

specialkae: wambu:

As cold as a witches' tit in a brass bra.

As one of FARK's lurking resident witches, I can tell you my tits are no hotter or colder than the average woman of any other faith/practice :)


are they warm?  cause i can suck em
 
2013-07-06 01:26:03 PM

moshi8: Doubletwist-: I live in TX. I think "Too farking hot!" pretty much covers it. Woe to the dummies who live in Phoenix or Vegas.

I want to go back to northern California...

Northern California has been under some pretty severe heat conditions for over a week now. I am just past Sacramento and and it has been roughly a high of 109 since last Wednesday.

The Delta Breeze finally kicked in and I believe today should only be 95! Brrrrrr

/I know, I know, only a week. But still. Ick


It was 110,116, and 114 in redding about 2.5 hours or so at the north end of the valley.
 
2013-07-06 01:26:06 PM

Stone Meadow: Where I grew up in the year-round gloom and rain of the PNW, we didn't have a word for "hot". The closest we could come was "wood-burning stove".*

* - damned near factual statement


I'm sitting in 62F air, all the windows are wide open, and nature's air conditioner (tm) is running fine, so I'm getting a kick out of these quaint colloquialisms for "summer heat."
 
2013-07-06 01:29:34 PM

moshi8: Doubletwist-: I live in TX. I think "Too farking hot!" pretty much covers it. Woe to the dummies who live in Phoenix or Vegas.

I want to go back to northern California...

Northern California has been under some pretty severe heat conditions for over a week now. I am just past Sacramento and and it has been roughly a high of 109 since last Wednesday.

The Delta Breeze finally kicked in and I believe today should only be 95! Brrrrrr

/I know, I know, only a week. But still. Ick


I thought Sacto was not considered "Northern" California.

You Frisco Cali people should get your regions sorted out before you rag on everyone else for mis naming them.
 
2013-07-06 01:30:06 PM

Oldiron_79: Has anyone went with a jew in an oven yet? That is like the Godwin to this thread.


I thought it would be the firefighters reference in the Weeners, but nobody got hot about that.

/unintentional first responders reference . . .
 
2013-07-06 01:31:37 PM

Jon iz teh kewl: nobody's gay for moleman :(


C'mon, give it a try.  It's like kissing a peanut.
 
2013-07-06 01:34:11 PM
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-07-06 01:34:39 PM
Hotter'n a two-peckered billy goat.
 
2013-07-06 01:35:35 PM
It's hot as bejeesus
It's hot as blue blazes
Fark me it's hot as a motherfarker
 
2013-07-06 01:37:49 PM

specialkae: wambu:

As cold as a witches' tit in a brass bra.

As one of FARK's lurking resident witches, I can tell you my tits are no hotter or colder than the average woman of any other faith/practice :)


BIE for proof?
 
2013-07-06 01:43:24 PM

bwilson27: "But it's a dry heat!"
"So is an oven, but I don't wanna live there"
-Phoenix


My favorite part...it's not actually that dry of a heat in the worst part of the summer.  The humidity goes up in the monsoon season, and the heat doesn't really go anywhere.  Even the last few days, I think the humidity has been somewhere like 20-30% depending on the day, which feels like more when it's 110 or so.
 
2013-07-06 01:44:25 PM

specialkae: wambu:

As cold as a witches' tit in a brass bra.

As one of FARK's lurking resident witches, I can tell you my tits are no hotter or colder than the average woman of any other faith/practice :)


You know someone's going to ask you to prove that...

wambu: BIE for proof?


Didn't take long at all : )
 
2013-07-06 01:53:42 PM
I often use "It's a real ball sagger out there"
 
2013-07-06 01:55:24 PM

Generation_D: moshi8: Doubletwist-: I live in TX. I think "Too farking hot!" pretty much covers it. Woe to the dummies who live in Phoenix or Vegas.

I want to go back to northern California...

Northern California has been under some pretty severe heat conditions for over a week now. I am just past Sacramento and and it has been roughly a high of 109 since last Wednesday.

The Delta Breeze finally kicked in and I believe today should only be 95! Brrrrrr

/I know, I know, only a week. But still. Ick

I thought Sacto was not considered "Northern" California.

You Frisco Cali people should get your regions sorted out before you rag on everyone else for mis naming them.


The central valley north of Bakersfield is northern California. North of the valley is Jefferson, which isn't Californian enough to take part.
 
2013-07-06 01:58:38 PM

Abner Doon: I think the humidity has been somewhere like 20-30% depending on the day, which feels like more when it's 110 or so.


It's supposed to be around 90ish here today and my humidity is at almost 60%.
FUN!
 
2013-07-06 02:17:41 PM
hotter than the devil's ballsack
 
2013-07-06 02:18:16 PM
"Hotter than a two-peckered billy goat." (S. IL)
 
2013-07-06 02:26:09 PM
Years ago some Farker in a Photoshop contest (that I can't find) altered that thirsty dog image so that the water was squirting out its ass. Too bad Mental Floss didn't steal that image. This may be a copy:

fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net
 
2013-07-06 02:31:00 PM
It's WICKED hot, here.
 
2013-07-06 02:40:36 PM
Surprised two of them come from Wisconsin, we seem to have more sayings for how cold it is up here.
 
2013-07-06 03:07:43 PM

Abner Doon: bwilson27: "But it's a dry heat!"
"So is an oven, but I don't wanna live there"
-Phoenix

My favorite part...it's not actually that dry of a heat in the worst part of the summer.  The humidity goes up in the monsoon season, and the heat doesn't really go anywhere.  Even the last few days, I think the humidity has been somewhere like 20-30% depending on the day, which feels like more when it's 110 or so.


Yep, my thermometer/barometer has been around 30 or 40 each day now for the past few days... Paradise Valley... in the next few weeks it'll hit around 100 and be 110 degrees out.
STILL not as bad as the east coast, though... That place is a freaking sauna 27/7
 
2013-07-06 03:10:24 PM
bwilson27:
STILL not as bad as the east coast, though... That place is a freaking sauna 27/7

Ok, maybe not THAT bad... Maybe 24/7 though
 
2013-07-06 03:21:20 PM
My husband's favorite: "It's hot as balls out there!"
 
2013-07-06 03:35:34 PM
I grew up on cape cod...
"It's a scawcha" (scorcher)
 
2013-07-06 04:17:52 PM
Ça fait chaud

/pretty much covers it in south Louisiana
 
2013-07-06 05:27:53 PM

Qatmandu: Ça fait chaud

/pretty much covers it in south Louisiana


Hotter than a New Orleans whore on a Saturday night
Sweating like a New Orleans whore in Sunday church service
 
2013-07-06 05:40:46 PM
Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.

/Can't believe I'm the first.
 
2013-07-06 06:42:09 PM

Saborlas: It's WICKED hot, here.


You sound Massholeish.

/Wih-stah, originally
 
2013-07-06 08:29:14 PM
"Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fishmongers!"
 
2013-07-06 10:40:29 PM

John Buck 41: phillydrifter: Norad: Hotter than witch tits

came for 'hotter than a witch's tit' but i guess this'll have to do

I've always heard 'COLDER than a witch's tit in a brass kettle'

//Maine


And I grew up with "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra in the dark of December"

//Minnesota
 
2013-07-06 11:03:30 PM

Bourbonman: John Buck 41: phillydrifter: Norad: Hotter than witch tits

came for 'hotter than a witch's tit' but i guess this'll have to do

I've always heard 'COLDER than a witch's tit in a brass kettle'

//Maine

And I grew up with "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra in the dark of December"

//Minnesota


Holy Shiat. You drive a forklift. So do I. Your handle is Bourbonman, which implies you enjoy bourbon, as do I. We use the 'cold as a witchs tit' analogy similarly. Are we twins?
 
2013-07-06 11:38:24 PM
Hotter than a whore's ass on payday.

Sweatin' more than a whore in church with a bastard on each knee.

Hotter than a two-dollar pistol.
 
2013-07-07 12:41:20 AM
noiselab.com
cdn.tradebit.org

"Its as hot as Hot Hot Heat covering Hot Hot Hot"

/with two 'hot' shots
 
2013-07-07 01:08:23 AM

bwilson27: "But it's a dry heat!"
"So is an oven, but I don't wanna live there"
-Phoenix


Go ahead, pick up that 4 Iron. I dare you ...
 
2013-07-07 05:32:47 AM
www.seratereggiane.it
 
2013-07-07 07:32:20 AM

slidillon: Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.

/Can't believe I'm the first.


Yeah came in to quote a buddy of mine who always says "It's Africa hot"
 
2013-07-07 08:32:55 AM
"Bear Caught", a saying used in the south, for heat exhaustion. "Bear" is the sun. Indian or something, I forgot.
 
2013-07-07 01:29:16 PM
"Sweatin' like I stole something"
 
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