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(The Local)   A story you can tell your family for years: that time you required fire emergency crews to come to the hospital with their portable buzz-saw to extricate you from your steel sex toy   (thelocal.es) divider line 37
    More: Fail, steel sex toy, Amancio Ortega, emergency  
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8509 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jul 2013 at 7:52 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-07-05 07:16:28 PM
I call her the iron maiden.
 
2013-07-05 07:32:54 PM
German engineering having a down side?

To be honest, if it didn't take multiple men and multiple power saw battery charges to disengage a German dong and ball swallowing metal machine I would be more surprised than by this story. Guarantee that none of the giant complex metal gonad encasing machines coming out of Detroit would require nearly the effort to remove.

They may occasionally go all World Wary and such, but one thing you cannot talk too much smack about is their ability to construct the finest gotta-take-it-on-the-road-with-me-cause-I-gotta-trap-my-dick-in-a-meta l-machine technology.
 
2013-07-05 07:56:08 PM
Can't move, need advice, soonish.
Oh god it hurts.
 
2013-07-05 07:57:20 PM
was für ein Idiot
 
2013-07-05 07:57:36 PM
FTA: "He was discharged late on Thursday morning."

I'm only gonna laugh at that for about a week.
 
2013-07-05 07:57:53 PM

The two-hour procedure was described as "very complex" because the man became "more swollen" with time.

He was also said to have complained a lot."


Scheiße!!! Then go home with your steel sex toy still on your penis, German dude!

 
2013-07-05 07:58:14 PM
"Ein sex toy, nicht mein sex toy"
 
2013-07-05 07:58:57 PM

Raddamant: Can't move, need advice, soonish.
Oh god it hurts.


img19.imageshack.us
 
2013-07-05 07:59:10 PM
So it was like when Lou had to help Franco get out of his cock ring on Rescue Me?
 
2013-07-05 07:59:11 PM
Is this a Big Bang Theory repeat?
 
2013-07-05 08:01:07 PM
Well.

I'm not saying they were laughing at you, Sir, but they DID laugh after you left.
 
2013-07-05 08:02:27 PM
"He was discharged late on Thursday morning."


He's got staying power, I'll give him that.
 
2013-07-05 08:05:05 PM
15 cm in diameter? Girthy!
 
2013-07-05 08:11:20 PM
www.thelocal.es
SOCIETY »
Socialists spit pips over sexist Spanish cherry ad

When the fark did socialism become about fighting sexism? When did we start having to let broads into our Brotherhood of Labor? The Revolution promised to socialize women's mouths and end this private hoarding of their cherry-sucking talents!
 
2013-07-05 08:11:29 PM
Die Buzzsaw Macht Frei.
 
2013-07-05 08:18:23 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: "He was discharged late on Thursday morning."


I hope he didn't get any on the doctor's face.
 
2013-07-05 08:23:51 PM
computing-wp.cit.ie
 
2013-07-05 08:23:56 PM

Ryker's Peninsula: FTA: "He was discharged late on Thursday morning."

I'm only gonna laugh at that for about a week.


skinink: The two-hour procedure was described as "very complex" because the man became "more swollen" with time.

He was also said to have complained a lot."


So much win in this story.

Giltric: So it was like when Lou had to help Franco get out of his cock ring on Rescue Me?


I'm glad I missed that episode.
 
151
2013-07-05 08:26:15 PM

Giltric: So it was like when Lou had to help Franco get out of his cock ring on Rescue Me?


Came for this, discharging early.
 
2013-07-05 08:33:53 PM

151: Giltric: So it was like when Lou had to help Franco get out of his cock ring on Rescue Me?

Came for this, discharging early.


This
 
2013-07-05 08:37:16 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Ryker's Peninsula: "He was discharged late on Thursday morning."

I hope he didn't get any on the doctor's face.


That's a job for the Head Nurse, not a Doctor.
 
2013-07-05 08:39:00 PM
skinink:
"He was also said to have complained a lot."

Scheiße!!! Then go home with your steel sex toy still on your penis, German dude!"

Try explaining that to tsa?

Also, ibiza is not on mallorca.
 
2013-07-05 08:40:45 PM
Used to know an ER nurse who had a similar story. Old guy comes in with a metal cock ring stuck on his junk and they have to call in the firefighters. Apparently the guy freaked out a bit when they hauled out the bolt cutters.
 
2013-07-05 08:45:34 PM
I just stopped by to say "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow".

Also: "The firemen on hand needed two changes of battery and a second rotating blade for their buzz saw to free the man"

My thought: "You're putting two rotating power saws near my WHAT!?"
 
2013-07-05 08:49:02 PM

Vitamin Pb: I just stopped by to say "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow".

Also: "The firemen on hand needed two changes of battery and a second rotating blade for their buzz saw to free the man"

My thought: "You're putting two rotating power saws near my WHAT!?"


"Hey, you wanna wait until it falls off? Here's a Tylenol."
 
2013-07-05 08:52:34 PM
This is where I retell the story about my brother and the fence.  He claimed he was peeing through the knothole when he got stuck.  Grandma helped pull the board off the fence and he had to walk back to the house with a board on his dick.  Grandpa cut the board with a saw.  Stepmom couldn't wait to tell me the story.
 
2013-07-05 09:01:19 PM
ts2.mm.bing.net
 
2013-07-05 09:01:25 PM

jtown: This is where I retell the story about my brother and the fence.  He claimed he was peeing through the knothole when he got stuck.  Grandma helped pull the board off the fence and he had to walk back to the house with a board on his dick.  Grandpa cut the board with a saw.  Stepmom couldn't wait to tell me the story.


That has just got to be a true story. How old was he?
 
2013-07-05 09:03:57 PM
Our firefighters did what they could, but it took them two hours just to get the smile off his face.
 
2013-07-05 09:09:27 PM
photos1.blogger.com

They'll grow back right?!?!
 
2013-07-05 09:20:46 PM

fusillade762: Used to know an ER nurse who had a similar story. Old guy comes in with a metal cock ring stuck on his junk and they have to call in the firefighters. Apparently the guy freaked out a bit when they hauled out the bolt cutters.


I've seen it where they've had to call urology in and do a penile shunt (google "priapism, penile shunting" - last time I posted the picture, I got a warning from the mod). Basically, they take two 14-gauge angiocathers, and insert one into each cavernosa to drain the blood, and it lets them remove the ring the way it came on.

Yes. It's as painful as it sounds.

/dont use steel rings. Seriously. Just don't.
//If you do, make sure they're hinged.
 
2013-07-05 09:37:17 PM

Russ1642:


Nurse: All right, all right. Hang on, stay calm. (Over PA system) I need an orderly with a wheelchair. I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.

Howard: You think you could be a little more discreet?

Nurse: I'm sorry, we don't have a code for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
 
2013-07-05 09:47:09 PM

Russ1642: jtown: This is where I retell the story about my brother and the fence.  He claimed he was peeing through the knothole when he got stuck.  Grandma helped pull the board off the fence and he had to walk back to the house with a board on his dick.  Grandpa cut the board with a saw.  Stepmom couldn't wait to tell me the story.

That has just got to be a true story. How old was he?


I think he was 11 or 12.
 
2013-07-05 09:59:24 PM
Penis-and-testicle enclosure is made of steel, saw blade is made of steel, I don't see what the problem is.

/yes I do
//and it's still funnier than hell
 
2013-07-05 10:16:46 PM

gfid: So much win in this story.


For some reason, I got a kick out of Can Misses hospital.

But yeah, all the way around.

Chock full o' nuts.
 
2013-07-05 10:40:28 PM
I hope that at age 51 I don't need that kind of shiat just to bust a nut.
 
2013-07-06 12:43:27 AM
I suspect it was something like this:

image.dhgate.com

What? No. I'm just really good at the Google.

Shut up.
 
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