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(Standard Digital (Kenya))   If you thought that your wedding was a disaster, at least your bridesmaid didn't vomit on you and the cake and your boss wasn't beaten up by drunk friends who mistakenly thought he was stealing your presents   (standardmedia.co.ke) divider line 98
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9131 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jul 2013 at 11:51 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-04 10:31:26 AM
That's pretty good.  The only thing like that I've ever seen was the father of the bride drunkenly trying to cut the power during the father of the groom's speech.
 
2013-07-04 10:42:34 AM
That cake earned that beating
 
2013-07-04 11:50:30 AM
A new series of short films has shed light on some real-life wedding horror stories, from a bridesmaid throwing up on the bride to drunk guests having orgies during the reception.

How could you put this in your opening sentence and not say what happened?!

/Pretty funny/shiatty situations
 
2013-07-04 11:54:32 AM
People invite their boss to their wedding?

Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a bad idea.
 
2013-07-04 11:58:15 AM

I_Am_Weasel: People invite their boss to their wedding?

Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a bad idea.


Hey...some people actually like their boss.
 
2013-07-04 12:00:45 PM

PizzaJedi81: I_Am_Weasel: People invite their boss to their wedding?

Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a bad idea.

Hey...some people actually like their boss.


I can't figure out why, but those people's noses are always so brown.
 
2013-07-04 12:04:24 PM
Don't remind me - son #2 is getting married in Aug.
As father of the groom, it is my duty to stay the flying f**k out of the planning/arrangements and simply show up on the day shaved, scrubbed & properly attired.
 
2013-07-04 12:04:55 PM
My boring wedding story: At my aunt's wedding, the groom's uncle gor falling-down drunk at the open bar and trashed a 100 year old trellis in the garden. Showed up the next morning with a hangover and wanted to apologize to my grandfather personally. (we are Canadian after all)
 
2013-07-04 12:06:37 PM
My first wedding was a disaster because I showed up at the church instead of finding something better to do that day.
 
2013-07-04 12:08:35 PM
"Fail"? I call that a Win wedding.
 
2013-07-04 12:08:44 PM
Weddings are foolishness top to bottom. At best they are an abject disaster.
 
2013-07-04 12:09:05 PM

buzzcut73: My first wedding was a disaster because I showed up at the church instead of finding something better to do that day.


I read "something" as someone, and it still made perfect sense.
 
2013-07-04 12:11:30 PM

MrHappyRotter: PizzaJedi81: I_Am_Weasel: People invite their boss to their wedding?

Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a bad idea.

Hey...some people actually like their boss.

I can't figure out why, but those people's noses are always so brown.


IMHO bosses are like landlords (or coworker for that matter). It's good to be on friendly terms with them but you want to avoid them crossing over into your personal life. It can lead to bad things.
 
2013-07-04 12:13:04 PM
I like the reception being dedicated to the dead DJ.

I hope they played the electric slide at his funeral. Twice.
 
GBB
2013-07-04 12:16:14 PM
At least your best man didn't out you as a petit thief in a room full of cops during his toast....
 
2013-07-04 12:16:48 PM
The Aristocrats!
 
2013-07-04 12:17:23 PM
Oh weddings. I was married one time and divorced soon after. But the wedding - look, I knew my friends, knew what they liked and so I setup an environment that was conducive to that. My best man and maid of honor, both at the time married to OTHER people got it on that night. Another of my groomsmen had a thing for older women and my mother in law was single so they got it together that night. And then, my friend with the infantile bias. I set him up with the new wife's cousin who was rather stacked in that department.

That wedding was talked about for years. If you're gonna throw a party, throw a party!
 
2013-07-04 12:18:26 PM
Sounds like a Farker's wedding to me. What's the problem?
 
2013-07-04 12:19:09 PM

ModernLuddite: I like the reception being dedicated to the dead DJ.

I hope they played the electric slide at his funeral. Twice.


That bride lucked out. Our state doesn't allow for internet ordinations. If she lived in PA she would have had to scramble to find a retired judge somewhere on that short notice.

/so glad our pastor had his shiat together
//and didn't mind marrying an atheist and pagan
///did it up Christian-lite for grandma
 
2013-07-04 12:22:07 PM
Tony and Tina, 2: Electric Boogaloo
 
2013-07-04 12:23:59 PM

sendtodave: The Aristocrats!


Came for this. Thank you.
 
2013-07-04 12:25:39 PM
Weddings are foolishness top to bottom. At best they are an abject disaster.

No, YOU don't understand... it's HER special, princess day - a day wrapped in an unspoken entitlement wherein all family, friends, et al must bow to her every whim cause it's HER SPECIAL DAY AND MOMMY SAID SHE ALWAYS WOULD GET IT AND LOGIC, FINANCES, ETC BE DAY-HAMMED AHMO HAVE M'SPAY-SHELL DAY B'GWAD!

/must I explain everything?
 
2013-07-04 12:25:58 PM

kd1s: And then, my friend with the infantile bias. I set him up with the new wife's cousin who was rather stacked in that department.


How can one be stacked with infantile bias?
 
2013-07-04 12:26:22 PM
We didn't have a wedding, we had a "wedding spectacle", expertly planned by my social climbing in-laws, featuring an audience of hundreds.

But the best laid plans often go astray, and the kindly 80-year old senior pastor fractured his leg one day before the wedding and was in traction. The youth minister was the last-second replacement.

The youth minister was a nice enough guy, but he was 4 foot ten inches tall with a full black beard and one of the biggest noses ever seen on a human being.

A common comment at the reception was "which one of you is Jewish?"
 
2013-07-04 12:27:37 PM

GloomCookie613: ModernLuddite: I like the reception being dedicated to the dead DJ.

I hope they played the electric slide at his funeral. Twice.

That bride lucked out. Our state doesn't allow for internet ordinations. If she lived in PA she would have had to scramble to find a retired judge somewhere on that short notice.

/so glad our pastor had his shiat together
//and didn't mind marrying an atheist and pagan
///did it up Christian-lite for grandma


We cut out all the religious and official bullshiat from our wedding. Got married by a JP on Friday, then had a "ceremony" the next day, officiated by one of my best friends. No sitting around signing things, no God talk, no nervousness and such.
 
2013-07-04 12:35:40 PM

oldfarthenry: Don't remind me - son #2 is getting married in Aug.
As father of the groom, it is my duty to stay the flying f**k out of the planning/arrangements and simply show up on the day shaved, scrubbed & properly attired.


And drunk off your ass.
 
2013-07-04 12:37:19 PM
"Period.Films" is a name that was not very well considered.
 
2013-07-04 12:38:58 PM

SDRR: oldfarthenry: Don't remind me - son #2 is getting married in Aug.
As father of the groom, it is my duty to stay the flying f**k out of the planning/arrangements and simply show up on the day shaved, scrubbed & properly attired.

And drunk off your ass.


They made me sign a waiver against doing just that.
(Man, they thought of everything.)
 
2013-07-04 12:39:19 PM
A common comment at the reception was "which one of you is Jewish?"

"der kleyn minded tsvishn`du"
 
2013-07-04 12:42:15 PM

oldfarthenry: Don't remind me - son #2 is getting married in Aug.
As father of the groom, it is my duty to stay the flying f**k out of the planning/arrangements and simply show up on the day shaved, scrubbed & properly attired.


Damn straight. My kids are too young to marry yet, but...that was pretty much my job description when I was the groom as well.
 
2013-07-04 12:43:02 PM

oldfarthenry: SDRR: oldfarthenry: Don't remind me - son #2 is getting married in Aug.
As father of the groom, it is my duty to stay the flying f**k out of the planning/arrangements and simply show up on the day shaved, scrubbed & properly attired.

And drunk off your ass.

They made me sign a waiver against doing just that.
(Man, they thought of everything.)


Sounds like you need a lawyer.  There's probably a loophole.  What are their terms?  Was it notarized?
 
2013-07-04 12:43:27 PM

Hebalo: GloomCookie613: ModernLuddite: I like the reception being dedicated to the dead DJ.

I hope they played the electric slide at his funeral. Twice.

That bride lucked out. Our state doesn't allow for internet ordinations. If she lived in PA she would have had to scramble to find a retired judge somewhere on that short notice.

/so glad our pastor had his shiat together
//and didn't mind marrying an atheist and pagan
///did it up Christian-lite for grandma

We cut out all the religious and official bullshiat from our wedding. Got married by a JP on Friday, then had a "ceremony" the next day, officiated by one of my best friends. No sitting around signing things, no God talk, no nervousness and such.


It was in the backyard and featured one prayer and one verse picked by me (the atheist). The pastor was way chill and it made hub's grandma smile. Just wasn't worth the potential hurt feelings and drama, so we interfaithed it up. Not much to be nervous about, we didn't have to "sit around and sign things" unless you count signing the license as a burden, and like I said, it was fairly Jesus-less.
 
2013-07-04 12:44:02 PM
...an orgy? How did  that not get elaborated upon in the article?

Damn, shiatty journalists.
 
2013-07-04 12:46:05 PM
 
2013-07-04 12:49:44 PM

MrHappyRotter: PizzaJedi81: I_Am_Weasel: People invite their boss to their wedding?

Maybe it's just me, but that seems like a bad idea.

Hey...some people actually like their boss.

I can't figure out why, but those people's noses are always so brown.


Maybe you need to find a better job.  Granted most of the work place in America does operate on the premise of screw everyone else, I got mine.  Also, I operate in a smaller town, where there is a better sense of community.
 
2013-07-04 12:55:35 PM
As a wedding DJ in the busy season, I am getting a kick out of these stories.
One bride I worked with was not the nicest person to begin with; as she got drunker...you get the rest. During the reception, she was freaking on every male on the dancefloor except for the groom. Also, she was doing all of this five feet in front of her eight-year-old daughter. At the end of the reception, as I was taking my gear down, there were still plenty of people there cleaning up. The bride started shuffling around on the dancefloor and wailing, "Who's gonna take me home? Who's gonna take me home?" and started removing her nylons and other undergarments. Once she removed everything except her dress, she plopped down on her butt in the middle of the dancefloor and started crying.
It was one of those scenes where you don't want to look directly into the fray.
 
2013-07-04 12:56:56 PM
My brothers wedding:  The entire male half of the wedding party late, drunk, speeding (like 200kph+), doing rails on the dashboard on the way to the altar

My Brother in Law:  At 2 am realize that you don't have a drive to the airport for your honeymoon, ask a drunken guest to drive you in three hours time.

Not only were they both nearly complete wedding disasters  they put innocent bystanders in quite a lot of harms way.  Everyone involved in both events deserves like 12 cockpunches.
 
2013-07-04 12:59:14 PM
I'm getting married a week from Saturday, so I'm getting a kick...

No really though, we're all grown ups. I'm pretty sure some of the guests and possibly the groom will get lit up. That's what weddings are for. I have friends attending with cameras for the purpose of recording any wedding disasters for posterity. Should be a hell of a party!
 
2013-07-04 12:59:19 PM
I banged a bride at her reception.  She was so busy with planning that we couldn't fit it in any earlier.
 
2013-07-04 01:01:30 PM
It seems to me that by now someone would have figured out that if one wants a wedding to go smoothly, that providing large amounts of alcohol is a bad idea. Drunk people seems to be the common denominator in all these wedding disaster stories.

/my wedding cost less than $300. No booze, no fancy reception.
 
2013-07-04 01:02:36 PM
My sister fainted dead away during her wedding and we were about to cancel and take her to a hospital when she had the extremely bad fortune to wake up and go through with the wedding. She subsequently got divorced and is now paying alimony AND child support to the bastard.
 
2013-07-04 01:05:52 PM
Our rule is: no fights? Good wedding.
 
2013-07-04 01:06:08 PM

OscarTamerz: She subsequently got divorced and is now paying alimony AND child support to the bastard.


Sounds like FarkJustice(tm)
 
2013-07-04 01:08:41 PM

reddfrogg: It seems to me that by now someone would have figured out that if one wants a wedding to go smoothly, that providing large amounts of alcohol is a bad idea. Drunk people seems to be the common denominator in all these wedding disaster stories.

/my wedding cost less than $300. No booze, no fancy reception.


Lame
 
2013-07-04 01:08:55 PM

Llois: I'm getting married a week from Saturday, so I'm getting a kick...

No really though, we're all grown ups. I'm pretty sure some of the guests and possibly the groom will get lit up. That's what weddings are for. I have friends attending with cameras for the purpose of recording any wedding disasters for posterity. Should be a hell of a party!


Congrats. And I demand pics be posted if anything amusing happens.

/Or an orgy occurs.
//Just sayin...
 
2013-07-04 01:09:03 PM
One way or another... every wedding is a disaster.
 
2013-07-04 01:23:45 PM

SDRR: reddfrogg: It seems to me that by now someone would have figured out that if one wants a wedding to go smoothly, that providing large amounts of alcohol is a bad idea. Drunk people seems to be the common denominator in all these wedding disaster stories.

/my wedding cost less than $300. No booze, no fancy reception.

Lame


All the nice things they can have instead of a single party.
 
2013-07-04 01:25:53 PM

buzzcut73: My first wedding was a disaster because I showed up at the church instead of finding something better to do that day.


You, sir, farking rock.   I know the feeling.

Worst one I ever saw was in '89 - a friend of mine was getting married, and he asked me to be the best man.  Problem number one was that I deployed unexpectedly until a day or two before the wedding, so no bachelor party.  Then the bride's family - bent out of shape that she was leaving home and now they would have to take care of their bedridden mother - did everything they could to trash the rehearsal dinner (followed by the discovery that the bride's car had its brake lines cut during said dinner) and then most of them didn't show up for the actual wedding.  While we were getting ready for the ceremony, the groom's mother walked in, calmly took out her checkbook (she was a SERIOUSLY MILFy travel agent in Miami) and asked the groom how much he wanted not to go through with it,  Everybody thought she was kidding until she threw me and the other groomsmen out and went high order on the groom.  He turned down the offer of the money, the ceremony went forward, and we went to the reception, where the bride's family gave the evil eye to everyone there, and for reasons I never did figure out, told anybody who'd listen that I was boinking the groom's sister.

/actually ended up making out - briefly - with the groom's mother, but I never corrected anybody :)
 
2013-07-04 01:31:42 PM

reddfrogg: It seems to me that by now someone would have figured out that if one wants a wedding to go smoothly, that providing large amounts of alcohol is a bad idea. Drunk people seems to be the common denominator in all these wedding disaster stories.

/my wedding cost less than $300. No booze, no fancy reception.


Hey, to each their own, but we are for sure having an open bar at our wedding (less than a month away).  We arranged for a shuttle bus to take people back to the hotel/campground so no one has to drive.  I guess it comes down to your goal for a wedding.  At no time did we think that our goal for our wedding was for it to 'go smoothly.'  On the contrary, I am hoping there are some crazy things that happen so that we'll have some epic stories.  My friends know how to drink and hold their liquor, so I am not too worried about fights or alcohol poisoning.  But it's not a fun party if people don't mix it up a little bit and cause some shenanigans.
 
2013-07-04 01:31:46 PM
My fiance and I are getting married next year.  While we hope everything goes smoothly, I'm sure there will be a few hitches in the road, and fortunately neither of us are obsessed with having a "perfect" day, and just hope everyone has a good time.
 
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