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8926 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2013 at 5:31 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-07-02 05:59:04 PM
11 votes:
We weren't going to greenlight this, but submitter's goddamn parents called 16 times in the last two hours and wouldn't leave us alone about it. We really just wanted them out of our hair.
2013-07-03 02:08:49 PM
4 votes:

KipperM: ErinPac: Unfortunately, I think some universities encourage this despite privacy laws.  It's just much easier for parents to do this now if they are at all competent with computers, and then some places almost cater to it.

My parents did not have my passwords or info for college logins... however several times they called the advisor's office, who would then change my class schedule at their request (and no they didn't think my father was me).  Also, a couple times I went to university clinic appointments and would be asked for some test or medication change or whatever due to parental inquiry.  It's like they'd never heard of HIPAA.  It really didn't matter if I tried to stop it - they basically said some of the cost was my parent's so too bad, and that I'd been 17 for the first month of school so I was a 'minor student' while I was enrolled (!?!?  I'd have delayed entrance a semester if they'd told me that...).  I eventually transferred - not sure if the lower cost or older age made a difference, or just a different school, but had less problems there.

They can make more money catering to the parents than to the kids generally, so I don't think all the schools care what they are encouraging.

Hey, if I am a parent paying $20k-$40k/yr in tuition, then you better get it damn straight that I am the customer and that I get a say in where my hard earned $$$$$ is spent.  You are insane if you want me to hand you thousands of dollars and walk away.   If I hire a contractor to put a roof, the contractor doesn't go to the roof and ask it what color it would like to be and if it would like solar panels.  No, the contract hammers out the details with me and then goes and does exactly what we agreed to.  End of story.

Now, if the student is paying the tuition, then of course they can go work out the farking details themselves.


It's odd that people actually think like that.  See, the parent isn't paying for tuition.  The parent is giving their child that money, and then the child is paying for tuition.  That's why it is called parental assistance or parental contribution.  Since it is the student's responsibility to pay tuition, it is through the student that the tuition must be paid. And because it is the students responsibility to learn, it is through the student that the parent should demand quality.

It's like hiring a contractor (student) to rebuild your roof (get a college education).  You can demand from the contractor (student) find the appropriate workers (college), lay out a plan (get the right classes), acquire the appropriate tools (get books, supplies), and actually show up to work (attend classes and studies).  But if your roof is poorly built (college education is poor), it's not the fault of the workers (college), tools (books), plan (classes), or anything else; it's the fault of the contractor (student).  Remember, you're not paying the workers (college) to do the job, you're paying the contractor (student) to ensure the job (education) is done well.
2013-07-02 07:19:42 PM
4 votes:

RogermcAllen: In Small Town, Arkansas $52,000 would probably put you around upper middle class. In New York City $52,000 is practically lower class.


According to Fox News, $250,000 is barely middle class while $50,000 is too much to be paying a teacher.
2013-07-02 06:14:48 PM
4 votes:
The Free Range Kids blog came up with a better term for this: Bonsai Parenting.  They aren't just hovering over their children, they are actively stunting their growth.
2013-07-02 05:33:45 PM
4 votes:

Arthur Jumbles: Silly middle class parents, if they want to help their children get a job they should just buy the company or, at the very least, get one of their Skull and Bones fellows to eliminate the other applicants.


Oh come on, that doesn't actually exist.  It's a fantasy.  The middle class disappeared a long time ago.
2013-07-02 06:01:28 PM
3 votes:

Moderator: We weren't going to greenlight this, but submitter's goddamn parents called 16 times in the last two hours and wouldn't leave us alone about it. We really just wanted them out of our hair.


Greatest.

Moderator.

Comment.

EVAR.
2013-07-02 11:51:05 PM
2 votes:

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: flondrix: RogermcAllen: In Small Town, Arkansas $52,000 would probably put you around upper middle class. In New York City $52,000 is practically lower class.

According to Fox News, $250,000 is barely middle class while $50,000 is too much to be paying a teacher.

Cite?


Fox News pretends that $250,000 is a middle class salary.

$250,000 is "close to poverty", but teachers are overpaid. Also, teachers deserve pay cuts because they're paid by taxpayers, but CEOs of companies bailed out with tax money should not have their pay capped at all.
2013-07-02 08:11:46 PM
2 votes:

mgshamster: And now she can't figure out why one of her sons is an alcoholic and the other a druggie.


Similar situation with my fiancé and his sister. Mom can't handle the thought of her kids failing, so she goes out of her way to make sure they don't. Sister was in college to be a nurse for a little while, but Mom was doing all of her labs and tests, and then Sis would get pissed off when Mom wasn't doing it right because Mom wasn't there to take the notes to do the lab properly.

Sister is now a meth and heroin addict, who just recently stole the Mom's car, and has been put in the hospital twice by her so-called-bf, once after blacking out for half an hour after being choked out. I have little hope she'll get out of this alive, and the Mom is high strung enough that the daughter might drag Mom down with her. This is also while my fiancé's grandfather is dying, so I'm preparing myself in case he loses all three family members at once. I hope that doesn't happen, but it would be foolish for me to not at least take it into account.

Helicopter parenting is, quite literally, killing our children.

/I've managed to rescue my fiancé pretty well, but even he falls prey to the "if I can't succeed, then someone else needs to do it for me" mentality. Fortunately, when it came to school, I managed to inspire a spark of love of learning that he used to get on the Dean's List for his first year at university. It's amazing how much someone can accomplish when they believe they can. Helicopter parenting is all about telling your child what they *can't* do.
2013-07-02 06:29:53 PM
2 votes:
I know someone who did/does this with her sons. When they started failing classes, she would convince the teacher to give them a take home exam, and then she would do it for them.

She even did take-home/online exams and homework for her oldest son so he wouldn't fail college classes. And she has written some of his college term papers. He only has three more classes to finish his bachelor's degree, but he decided to stop going.

He came up with a business idea, and she created a start up business for him. She tries to make him do the work of running a business and selling the product (and he does actually do some of it), but every time he is about to fail, she steps in and makes it work out. And I don't think I've ever seen him go on a businesses trip or set up a booth at a sales convention without his mother.

Both of her sons refuse to get a job, so she let's them stay at home, even though they're both well into their 20s. And its not like the one start up business provides any sort of income (their whole plan is to build it up just enough so another company buys it out and they profit off the sale). She provides everything for them: car, food, insurance, spending money, etc..

And now she can't figure out why one of her sons is an alcoholic and the other a druggie.
2013-07-02 06:28:34 PM
2 votes:
Parents, get out of the way or your kid will never be able to support you in your old age.  And they probably won't want to, because you've been such a pain in the ass.
2013-07-02 06:16:01 PM
2 votes:
first impressions should be left to the child

There's your problem right there - thinking of an adult offspring as "child"
2013-07-02 06:05:31 PM
2 votes:

TaterTot_HotDish: As a former university advisor, I can say that the students and parents depicted in this article are outliers... however, I did often have students (not just freshmen, either) bring their parents to their advising sessions.  It was awkward.  The parent would ask a question and I would try to address the answer to the student.  Unfortunately since the modern university is now concerned more with customer service rather than education, I didn't feel that I could explicitly tell the parents to buzz off.

My parents never would have DREAMED of calling my university (unless I was dying or something) and I'm technically on the older side of the Millennial generation.  Things changed dramatically with students just 5-10 years younger than me.


When teaching economics, I had a student actually bring her mom in to argue a grade. Mind you, the grade was on a multiple choice test, with objectively correct answers... and she wasn't on the bubble of a grade higher... and she had attended fewer than 20% of the classes to that point in the semester... and she didn't attend any of the pre-test reviews that I held... and she didn't write to me and ask to go over it at some other time if my review sessions were not workable within her schedule.

After I explained, calmly, that if she really wanted to get a higher grade, I'd offer some extra credit that she could do to push the test score one grade higher (nothing big, just 10 pages about Keynes v. Adam Smith)... the mom yelled at me and said that I was wasting her time "with all this bullshiat work," and lectured me about how she "is paying for this degree and she damn well is going to get it." I held firm with just the EC offer, she went to my department head... the daughter transferred to another section (different professor), and still failed.

As for me... I live in the mountains now... fark teaching, fark testing, fark parents, fark stress, fark everything that isn't peaceful and 10k feet up.
2013-07-02 05:55:39 PM
2 votes:

ThatDarkFellow: "...With the in the United States as $52,762, according to U.S. Census Bureau,..." *

*This includes two income families



$52,000/family is middle class?!?!?  Seems like barely-making-ends-meet to me.
2013-07-02 05:45:58 PM
2 votes:
As a former university advisor, I can say that the students and parents depicted in this article are outliers... however, I did often have students (not just freshmen, either) bring their parents to their advising sessions.  It was awkward.  The parent would ask a question and I would try to address the answer to the student.  Unfortunately since the modern university is now concerned more with customer service rather than education, I didn't feel that I could explicitly tell the parents to buzz off.

My parents never would have DREAMED of calling my university (unless I was dying or something) and I'm technically on the older side of the Millennial generation.  Things changed dramatically with students just 5-10 years younger than me.
2013-07-02 05:45:52 PM
2 votes:
At what point do people decide that this kind of behavior is acceptable?
2013-07-03 10:46:24 AM
1 votes:

Watching_Epoxy_Cure: Dimensio: Watching_Epoxy_Cure: flondrix: RogermcAllen: In Small Town, Arkansas $52,000 would probably put you around upper middle class. In New York City $52,000 is practically lower class.

According to Fox News, $250,000 is barely middle class while $50,000 is too much to be paying a teacher.

Cite?

Fox News pretends that $250,000 is a middle class salary.

$250,000 is "close to poverty", but teachers are overpaid. Also, teachers deserve pay cuts because they're paid by taxpayers, but CEOs of companies bailed out with tax money should not have their pay capped at all.

You might want to ask someone knowledgeable to explain to you what a "cite" is.
Also, Neil Cavuto != "Fox news".

Try thinking for yourself sometime, you'll find the rewards inestimable.


Wow. It's like you didn't even watch to the video to see that they directly showed Fox News making the claims that you wanted to see cited. I guess showing videos of Fox News employees saying these things on Fox News air time (over and over again) is not evidence that Fox News is saying these things. "Think for yourself," indeed.
2013-07-02 09:20:45 PM
1 votes:
I graduated from college back in 1985 and my mom was a helicopter parent even back then. The only difference is I didn't want her doing it. She would go in and talk to by boss at my high school job, even though I begged her not to. I learned quickly to never mention anything about my job in front of her. When I was in college, she was always wanting to come to campus and "handle" things. And by things, I mean a trash can stolen from the hallway outside my dorm room, someone in a group project who returned a library book late, one that I had checked out and loaned to her. My mother was DEMANDING to speak to her mother.

It really does make you helpless and you don't even realize you're helpless. And I mean helpless over the smallest things, like never having enough socks and not realizing that you can just go buy more. Because I never would have been allowed to do that or even decide I needed new/more socks.
2013-07-02 08:47:44 PM
1 votes:

Moderator: We weren't going to greenlight this, but submitter's goddamn parents called 16 times in the last two hours and wouldn't leave us alone about it. We really just wanted them out of our hair.


Awesome. That got both a "Smart" and a "Funny", even though I NEVER click those buttons.
2013-07-02 08:10:47 PM
1 votes:
"Today helicopter parenting, he says, is an increasing sign of the influence of the middle-class. With the in the United States as $52,762, according to U.S. Census Bureau, parents might be able to focus less on their own day-to-day economic struggles and focus more on their children's day-to-day lives."

Obviously, we have to make the parents poorer, for the children's sake.

/dumbest paragraph in tfa
2013-07-02 07:15:34 PM
1 votes:
I'm guessing some of this is a result of treating education as if it is just another certificate to demonstrate ability, rather than a virtue in and of itself.

In conjunction with a lot of control freak parents (mostly mothers, apparently).

Don't these people have jobs of their own?
2013-07-02 06:09:20 PM
1 votes:
I have a current job opening and I'm looking for a fresh grad. I have had one person' parent send a resume to me on behalf of their child and another turn down the offer because their parents thought they should be getting paid more.

It's a sales job, there is a base plus commission. If the kid wanted more they could have made it I'd they worked hard enough.

Anyone on here a fresh grad in Chicago looking to get into sales for a tech company? Parents please don't contact me bout your kids.
2013-07-02 05:56:07 PM
1 votes:
I had a 21-year old relative staying with us for half a year during college. Her mom swooped in all the time for the littlest stuff. I love the girl but she has no ability to self actuate and it's perfectly understandable. She was perfectly willing to do things around the house (her only rent) but only when asked. Even when agreeing to do weekly vacuuming, that did not happen unless it was suggested to her again.

It's going to be a long road for her in life.
2013-07-02 05:51:57 PM
1 votes:
I'm telling you this crap happens all the damn time, I can't go for more then a week without a mother accompanying her precious little snowflake to the interview and desperately trying to impress me with their run of the mill capabilities.  Two weeks ago one of them even had the nerve to suggest that her daughter outta have twice the starting wage just because she worked so hard to get where she is...ridiculous.  Look women, I don't care what sort of background you have or that you were in the same industry for most of your life but god damn it I need some time alone with the kid first to make a proper evaluation.  Go wait in the hall or better yet get into your costume cause you're on center pole in fifteen any ways.

Seriously.
2013-07-02 05:43:39 PM
1 votes:
I hired a new sales person and flew out to train her last week.  She was a helicopter parent, and was proud of it.  Then she proceeded to tell me of all of the HP she was doing, and how her son was just diagnosed as depressed.  Apparently people didn't want to hang around with him for some reason.  I wonder what that was...

She is a good sales person, but still, I called her out on it and she didn't seem to get the connection.
 
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