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(AsiaOne)   Vatican miracle judges approve John Paul II for sainthood, fail to announce plans to appear at next SXSW   (asiaone.com) divider line 98
    More: Obvious, John Paul II, Vatican, south by southwest, La Stampa, ANSA, pope  
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2213 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2013 at 11:28 AM (41 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-07-02 09:48:11 AM
In the early days of the Roman Catholic Church, martyrdom was the more usual grounds for sainthood than the performance of miracles, which in modern days are mostly posthumous.

Beatification by martyrdom is also posthumous.
 
2013-07-02 09:52:37 AM
I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.
 
2013-07-02 09:56:31 AM
Yeah, but the first miracle was just a card trick.
 
2013-07-02 10:39:47 AM

Mangoose: I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.


If ONLY that was what was going on.

I can't believe this shiat is taken seriously.
 
2013-07-02 10:42:06 AM

raerae1980: Mangoose: I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.

If ONLY that was what was going on.

I can't believe this shiat is taken seriously.


That. Right there.
 
2013-07-02 11:00:21 AM
LOAD THE CANNON!!!
 
2013-07-02 11:21:33 AM
Seriously guys, magic happened.  Zombie magic confirmed by actual adults.
 
2013-07-02 11:29:41 AM
John Paul II made sure my microwave burrito was a uniform temperature throughout.
 
2013-07-02 11:31:33 AM
Hologram John Paul II at Coachella next year.
 
2013-07-02 11:32:44 AM
Aren't they supposed to wait a hundred years or so so that it's harder for people to remember this guy didn't actually perform any miracles.
 
2013-07-02 11:34:15 AM
What miracles did he do, besides shadow puppets?
 
2013-07-02 11:35:39 AM
Of course they did. Has their even been a top tier MVP Catholic in the last hundred years or so that wasn't put up?
 
2013-07-02 11:36:35 AM
...and he is credited with a miracle that took place 6 years after he died?  Please.  People actually believe this shiat?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-07-02 11:37:42 AM
manimal2878

Catholic doctrine says saints do not perform miracles directly, but intercede on your behalf to persuade God to work a miracle. Divine lobbyists, you could call them. The miracles are evidence that the deceased is in heaven. I suppose the damned are not as persuasive when it comes to asking for favors.
 
2013-07-02 11:38:13 AM

manimal2878: ...and he is credited with a miracle that took place 6 years after he died?  Please.  People actually believe this shiat?


Double edged sword. For the people who share the faith it's a validation of their beliefs. For people who don't it brings into relief the absurdity of it all.
 
2013-07-02 11:40:57 AM
Oh headline refers to some old guy from Led Zeppelin? I thought it was because Vatican Miracle Judge is an awesome band name.
 
2013-07-02 11:42:02 AM
When will Dolan get his?

Dolan Sought to Protect Church Assets, Files Show

Files released by the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Milwaukee on Monday reveal that in 2007, Cardinal Timothy F. Dolan, then the archbishop there, requested permission from the Vatican to move nearly $57 million into a cemetery trust fund to protect the assets from victims of clergy sexual abuse who were demanding compensation.

Beatification indeed.
 
2013-07-02 11:45:46 AM
It's a miracle he didn't get busted working rent boys like bulls horns.
 
2013-07-02 11:46:12 AM
This thread needs more "you can't explain that"...
 
2013-07-02 11:46:39 AM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: John Paul II made sure my microwave burrito was a uniform temperature throughout.


Did he stamp it with the official "Face-o-Jesus" tortilla press?
 
2013-07-02 11:47:01 AM
come on!  get real, every priest who performs mass and changes the wine and bread into blood and wine has performed a miracle!
every priest who waves his hand over the tap and makes holy water has performed a miracle!
every priest who hears your confession and forgives your sins has performed a miracle!
Every church authority who has not got caught in an MBL scandal....

do not deny that the wine has become blood, it is needed urgently for a transfusion!
 
2013-07-02 11:47:56 AM

ZAZ: In the early days of the Roman Catholic Church, martyrdom was the more usual grounds for sainthood than the performance of miracles, which in modern days are mostly posthumous.

Beatification by martyrdom is also posthumous.


Picky, picky, picky.
 
2013-07-02 11:50:37 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: raerae1980: Mangoose: I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.

If ONLY that was what was going on.

I can't believe this shiat is taken seriously.

That. Right there.


yous are aware there are many religions in which people perform rituals and accept by faith, right? these things are nothing new. millions around the globe participate. it may offend your sensibilities but it shouldn't be hard to believe these things take place.
 
2013-07-02 11:50:43 AM
GREAT SKY MAN
 
2013-07-02 11:51:35 AM

ZAZ: manimal2878

Catholic doctrine says saints do not perform miracles directly, but intercede on your behalf to persuade God to work a miracle. Divine lobbyists, you could call them. The miracles are evidence that the deceased is in heaven. I suppose the damned are not as persuasive when it comes to asking for favors.


And now part 2 in a series I will call "explaining religious silliness in a way we can all understand" I will cover the topic of "Scapulars."  These items were worn by people to demonstrate their faith in exchange for certain promises or indulgences. For example, if you wore them you could eat meat on Friday during lent and have it not be a sin. Or, in some rare cases, wearing them at the time of your death meant you could enter straight into heaven without having a layover in purgatory first. Essentially, they were celestial back-stage passes. And oddly enough, they looked like them:

www.tldm.org
 
2013-07-02 11:57:37 AM
You have your saints. We'll have our own.

www.brooklynvegan.com

farm6.staticflickr.com
 
2013-07-02 12:00:12 PM

KrispyKritter: MaudlinMutantMollusk: raerae1980: Mangoose: I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.

If ONLY that was what was going on.

I can't believe this shiat is taken seriously.

That. Right there.

yous are aware there are many religions in which people perform rituals and accept by faith, right? these things are nothing new. millions around the globe participate. it may offend your sensibilities but it shouldn't be hard to believe these things take place.


Thanks, Dr. Literal
 
2013-07-02 12:02:41 PM

ZAZ: Catholic doctrine says saints do not perform miracles directly, but intercede on your behalf to persuade God to work a miracle.


Pope JP the Deuce: "Hey, God? Got a sec?"
God: "Uh, no, rather busy with the universe at the moment. But what's up?"
Pope JP the Deuce:  "See that nun down there? She's got Parkinson's Disease."
God: "I know. I gave it to her."
Pope JP the Deuce: "Oh, yeah... right. Um... "
 
2013-07-02 12:03:46 PM
This thread is kind of funny, considering Fark is well on its way to beatification of the current pope.
 
2013-07-02 12:04:11 PM

KrispyKritter: MaudlinMutantMollusk: raerae1980: Mangoose: I know Zeppelin had a great rhythm section, but that's taking it a little too far.

If ONLY that was what was going on.

I can't believe this shiat is taken seriously.

That. Right there.

yous are aware there are many religions in which people perform rituals and accept by faith, right? these things are nothing new. millions around the globe participate. it may offend your sensibilities but it shouldn't be hard to believe these things take place.


He/She wasn't shocked that the canonization was happening.  He's astounded that people continue to languish in the delusion of religion.

And if they'll make people who facilitate child abuse a saint, then they'll make ANYONE  a saint.
 
2013-07-02 12:04:48 PM
'Vatican Miracle Judges' is the cool band name of the day.
 
2013-07-02 12:09:38 PM
Back when I was a Catholic and kinda sorta believed , I never prayed to the "popular" saints because I figured they were backed up. I prayed to the obscure ones on my behalf for whatever a 8-12 year old girl needs. They totally let me down.
 
2013-07-02 12:10:02 PM

illannoyin: 'Vatican Miracle Judges' is the cool band name of the day.


I think this was subby's new twist on the old "make a great name for a band" meme started by Dave Barry.
 
2013-07-02 12:10:33 PM
I hear he'll be coming to Vati-Con 2015. As an altarboy.
 
2013-07-02 12:13:37 PM

Shirley Ujest: Back when I was a Catholic and kinda sorta believed , I never prayed to the "popular" saints because I figured they were backed up. I prayed to the obscure ones on my behalf for whatever a 8-12 year old girl needs. They totally let me down.


Somewhere out there exists a lost nerf football because St. Anthony had better shiat to find that day. Ironically, not finding that helped me lose my faith so I guess there's that.
 
2013-07-02 12:13:40 PM
FIX!!1!

His predecessor was murdered. And he let it go. They made him a deal.


www.rankopedia.com

A deal deal.

Sainthood for silence.
 
2013-07-02 12:20:34 PM
Vatican official arrested in corruption plot

A Vatican official has been arrested by Italian police for allegedly trying to illegally bring 20 million euros ($26 million) in cash into the country from Switzerland with a private jet.

Organized religion criminals
 
2013-07-02 12:25:21 PM
Is there any information on this woman who was supposedly "cured" of Parkinsons? The googles only show church versions of the story. Any independant verification?
 
2013-07-02 12:26:17 PM
Pope Francis should do the right thing and deny to sign the decree.  Perhaps issue a statement, something along the lines of "I cannot sign such a decree in light of all the suffering that still needs to be addressed.  The glory of God and the work of His Church must be focused on helping those who need it most, and working to heal those who we have hurt.  We must not look within for greatness, for greatness lies in our work beyond the walls of the Vatican".

Or he can sign it.  Maybe JPII can be the Saint of Child Molesters.  Pray to him and he may intercede on your pending criminal charges my son.
 
2013-07-02 12:26:36 PM
My pee pee is an ancient relic, but just the other day it started weeping.

IT'S A MIRACLE!
 
2013-07-02 12:27:58 PM

The first "miracle" was called bullshiat back in 2010. Let me guess: the church is just counting on the willful ignorance of their followers:



Link
 
2013-07-02 12:29:08 PM
I talked my SO into cleaning out her clothes closet and donating to Goodwill.

One miracle down, one to go.
 
2013-07-02 12:30:21 PM
The Supreme Court struck down DOMA. Thank you for interceding, John Paul.
 
2013-07-02 12:30:27 PM
If we can interrupt the usual Fark (c) Catholic Bashing, lets look at some facts.  When Pope John Pal II came into office the world was in the middle of a cold war that everyone assumed would end in mushroom clouds all over the world.  President Reagan formed a secret alliance with AFL-CIO president Lane Kirkland and the Pope to secretly get money and equipment to the Polish Soidarity movement.  The Bulgarian secret police (the same one that sent aid and wepons to Nelson Mandela) tried to assinate the Pope, and failed.  Soldarity succeded in overthrowing the Polish government and then like dominoes the whole Soviet bloc collapsed, the Berlin Wall fell and then the Soviet Union collapsed....ALL WITHOUT A SHOT BEING FIRED....NO MUSHROOM CLOUDS...for a child of the cold war, that sounds like a miracle to me..and I am not even Catholic.
 
ecl
2013-07-02 12:32:05 PM
"Stupid people congregate to practice complex idiocy, pick a new saint"
 
2013-07-02 12:33:49 PM

CowboyJeff: If we can interrupt the usual Fark (c) Catholic Bashing, lets look at some facts.  When Pope John Pal II came into office the world was in the middle of a cold war that everyone assumed would end in mushroom clouds all over the world.  President Reagan formed a secret alliance with AFL-CIO president Lane Kirkland and the Pope to secretly get money and equipment to the Polish Soidarity movement.  The Bulgarian secret police (the same one that sent aid and wepons to Nelson Mandela) tried to assinate the Pope, and failed.  Soldarity succeded in overthrowing the Polish government and then like dominoes the whole Soviet bloc collapsed, the Berlin Wall fell and then the Soviet Union collapsed....ALL WITHOUT A SHOT BEING FIRED....NO MUSHROOM CLOUDS...for a child of the cold war, that sounds like a miracle to me..and I am not even Catholic.


I call the two most powerful countries in the world spending themselves into oblivion a miracle too, a miracle someone with some sanity didn't figure out a way to stop it
 
2013-07-02 12:35:17 PM

CowboyJeff: If we can interrupt the usual Fark (c) Catholic Bashing, lets look at some facts.  When Pope John Pal II came into office the world was in the middle of a cold war that everyone assumed would end in mushroom clouds all over the world.  President Reagan formed a secret alliance with AFL-CIO president Lane Kirkland and the Pope to secretly get money and equipment to the Polish Soidarity movement.  The Bulgarian secret police (the same one that sent aid and wepons to Nelson Mandela) tried to assinate the Pope, and failed.  Soldarity succeded in overthrowing the Polish government and then like dominoes the whole Soviet bloc collapsed, the Berlin Wall fell and then the Soviet Union collapsed....ALL WITHOUT A SHOT BEING FIRED....NO MUSHROOM CLOUDS...for a child of the cold war, that sounds like a miracle to me..and I am not even Catholic.


That's strange...your definition of "miracle" seems to strongly resemble "things people did."
 
2013-07-02 12:40:49 PM

CowboyJeff: If we can interrupt the usual Fark (c) Catholic Bashing, lets look at some facts.  When Pope John Pal II came into office the world was in the middle of a cold war that everyone assumed would end in mushroom clouds all over the world.  President Reagan formed a secret alliance with AFL-CIO president Lane Kirkland and the Pope to secretly get money and equipment to the Polish Soidarity movement.  The Bulgarian secret police (the same one that sent aid and wepons to Nelson Mandela) tried to assinate the Pope, and failed.  Soldarity succeded in overthrowing the Polish government and then like dominoes the whole Soviet bloc collapsed, the Berlin Wall fell and then the Soviet Union collapsed....ALL WITHOUT A SHOT BEING FIRED....NO MUSHROOM CLOUDS...for a child of the cold war, that sounds like a miracle to me..and I am not even Catholic.


Huh?

He wasn't one of the Avengers and you are engaging in some serious retconning to give the man credit for ending the cold war when all he wass doing was shuffling around in his pajamas all day while a mutlitude of Priests were buggering small boys.  Under his watch, and he knew it was going on.  His one and only concern was to protect the Church, not those at risk children.

Miracle my ass. (Sorry, poor choice of words.)
 
2013-07-02 12:41:19 PM
I heard these Vatican miracle judges moonlight as FISA court judges. Do you think there's any truth to that? They're good with that rubber stamp.
 
2013-07-02 12:44:47 PM

gimmegimme: That's strange...your definition of "miracle" seems to strongly resemble "things people did."


I'm starting to think it's a miracle when slow people stay in the right lane.
 
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