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(Cracked)   Here are the five most outrageous bluffs in the history of war, because the "faking a vampire attack" trick will always work   (cracked.com) divider line 40
    More: Amusing, CIA, CIA Fakes, Viet Cong, military strategist, Cold War  
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14365 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jul 2013 at 5:08 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-07-01 05:22:07 PM
"Lansdale learned Vietnamesejust to write a best-selling astrological almanac ... that he then smuggled into enemy territoryso he'd know what advice the Viet Cong were getting from local soothsayers."

Alright, that is stinkin' evil brilliant right there.
 
2013-07-01 05:23:20 PM
Stonewall wasn't faking it, yo.
 
2013-07-01 05:26:28 PM
Lansdale (a truly certified lunatic) is probably the best example of Mark Twain's comment,


"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."


And that "oceans on fire" thing from the Brits? When the Germans tried testing the asbestos boats mentioned in the article (with some predictably messy results), several of the horribly burned bodies of German soldiers were swept out to sea; whenever one washed ashore, the Brits would start talking up their ability to set fire to the oceans again.
 
2013-07-01 05:27:28 PM
List fails without the Trojan Horse.
 
2013-07-01 05:29:39 PM
Sadly, what would have been the most metal thing ever created (until Ronnie James Dio would be born two years later) was not to be.

s9.postimg.org
 
2013-07-01 05:30:26 PM

iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.


In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?
 
2013-07-01 05:30:43 PM
The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.
 
2013-07-01 05:31:30 PM
They left out Colin Powell's vial of white powder.
 
2013-07-01 05:32:06 PM
In before "warble garble 2 page Cracked article make me angry"
 
2013-07-01 05:41:34 PM
Chancellorsville, what?!

"Sir, the enemy has divided his force, crossed the river we're defending, and is about to attack our flank with one of his wings, which is larger than our entire force."

"Right. OK, here's what we'll do. Divide our force into three. Leave a skeleton to defend the ford we were originally defending with our whole army. Leave another skeleton to cover the flanking attack's front. Then take most of our force and hit the flanking attack in ITS flank. This will only work if the enemy general is a blowhard prone to funking it in the crux, and since I attended West Point with him, I know that's exactly what he is"

"Sounds like a plan, sir."
 
2013-07-01 05:46:44 PM
They left out the biggest bluff of all.  In August of 1945, the United States had a grand total of three nuclear bomb cores.  We had had four, but we blew one up on July 16 to see if the implosion bomb would actually work.  At our then current rate of production we could have manufactured another three by the end of the year.  But we told the Imperial Japanese government that we had an essentially endless supply of them, and were prepared to incinerate an entire city or two or three every week until they surrendered, or until there were no more cities left in Japan -  your choice, gentlemen.
 
2013-07-01 05:50:47 PM
The one where the soldiers just strolled across the bridge acting like a truce had been signed, and getting offended when told that they were trying to pull a fast one was just beautiful to read.  Magnificent work.  That they were able to get all the soldiers to play the role so well that it worked was particularly impressive.

Never underestimate the power of just "acting the part".  It works far better than one might think.
 
2013-07-01 05:54:10 PM
The fifth horseman... Rumor.
/Interesting Times
 
2013-07-01 05:55:09 PM

El Morro: The one where the soldiers just strolled across the bridge acting like a truce had been signed, and getting offended when told that they were trying to pull a fast one was just beautiful to read.  Magnificent work.  That they were able to get all the soldiers to play the role so well that it worked was particularly impressive.

Never underestimate the power of just "acting the part".  It works far better than one might think.


The best part of that one was when they got the sergeant who called bullshiat thrown in jail.
 
2013-07-01 06:00:14 PM
List fails without mention of R. V. Jones, physicist and British Intelligence officer. Heck, the entire list could be based on Jones' exploits. Here's an example.

(From memory, my fault for errors. My copy of The Wizard War is MIA from the recent move.)

The Germans were building a large, powerful radar jamming station at Gibraltar. Once completed, this would shut down the use of radar in the Med, screening German supply lines to Africa, where British forces were engaging Rommel. The radar jammer and its power relays were too well defended and bombing raids were ineffective. With days left before completion, Jones was tasked with defeating the radar jamming.

His solution? Do nothing.

Or rather, behave as if nothing happened. Quietly, using hand delivered orders, he instructed allied radar installations to continue operation as normal. Coast watchers likewise were to use messengers rather than radio and codes. Radar operators received the coast watcher directions and then issued alerts  as if the radar was still working.

After running the radar jammer for a month with no appreciable results, the Germans gave up. Electricity wasn't cheap and it took to much to run the obviously useless radar jammer.

The ruse held for the entire war, as Jones recalls that after the war, he was approached by German engineers asking what they'd missed and how on earth the radar jammer hadn't worked.

And that's just one of the bluffs Jones ran during the war.
 
2013-07-01 06:01:07 PM

Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?


Because it was? The Greeks knew that the Trojans worshiped Athena most highly. One of her symbols was that of the horse, with this in mind, Oddyseus came up with the plan. The Greeks pretended to retreat, leaving the horse as an offering to Athena for safe passage home. The Trojans, believing that they could gain the Goddess' favor instead, brought into the walls of the city and started feasted. Hours later, horse pops open, Greeks take the city.
 
2013-07-01 06:03:33 PM

mbillips: Chancellorsville, what?!

"Sir, the enemy has divided his force, crossed the river we're defending, and is about to attack our flank with one of his wings, which is larger than our entire force."

"Right. OK, here's what we'll do. Divide our force into three. Leave a skeleton to defend the ford we were originally defending with our whole army. Leave another skeleton to cover the flanking attack's front. Then take most of our force and hit the flanking attack in ITS flank. This will only work if the enemy general is a blowhard prone to funking it in the crux, and since I attended West Point with him, I know that's exactly what he is"

"Sounds like a plan, sir."


Oye, did us Northerners have some real morons in charge at the beginning of the war.
 
2013-07-01 06:06:42 PM

bloobeary: They left out Colin Powell's vial of white powder.


But now that they found those WMD's in Syria, who's the fool now?
 
2013-07-01 06:21:55 PM

MrPleasant: "Lansdale learned Vietnamesejust to write a best-selling astrological almanac ... that he then smuggled into enemy territoryso he'd know what advice the Viet Cong were getting from local soothsayers."

Alright, that is stinkin' evil brilliant right there.


Also highly uncreative. They've done that in almost every war since Roman times. The fake augury is always trotted out.

Although the vampire bodies is new.
 
2013-07-01 06:27:01 PM

PonceAlyosha: Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?

Because it was?


I think maybe you are unclear on the nature of a bluff.
 
2013-07-01 06:27:01 PM
Since the subject of vampires came up, there's this classic bit from Terry Pratchett's novel Interesting Times:

"You know this rumour about the army of invisible vampire ghosts that's heading this way?'

D. M. H. Dibhala's eyes swiveled nervously. But it was part of his stock in trade never to appear to be ignorant of anything except, perhaps, how to give correct change.

'Yes?' he said.

'The one about there being millions of them?' said Rincewind. 'And very hungry on account of not having eaten on the way? And made specially fierce by the Great Wizard?'

'Um . . . yes?'

'Well, it's not true.'
 
2013-07-01 06:27:07 PM
When Charlemagne had besieged Carcasonne for several years and hadn't gotten a surrender, The town was down to it's last, but they fed the last of the towns food to the last of it's pigs and flung it over the walls to the besiegers.  Seeing that the town was so flush with well-fed food that they could use it as ammo, Charlemagne gave up.
 
2013-07-01 06:32:40 PM

El Morro: The one where the soldiers just strolled across the bridge acting like a truce had been signed, and getting offended when told that they were trying to pull a fast one was just beautiful to read.  Magnificent work.  That they were able to get all the soldiers to play the role so well that it worked was particularly impressive.

Never underestimate the power of just "acting the part".  It works far better than one might think.


If you're not supposed to be somewhere the best bet is to look like you're supposed to be there.
 
2013-07-01 06:36:09 PM

PonceAlyosha: Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?

Because it was? The Greeks knew that the Trojans worshiped Athena most highly. One of her symbols was that of the horse, with this in mind, Oddyseus came up with the plan. The Greeks pretended to retreat, leaving the horse as an offering to Athena for safe passage home. The Trojans, believing that they could gain the Goddess' favor instead, brought into the walls of the city and started feasted. Hours later, horse pops open, Greeks take the city.


Wasn't the horse one of Poseidon's animals? Athena had an owl.
 
2013-07-01 06:37:24 PM
www.treasurenet.com
Deserves at least an honorable mention.
 
2013-07-01 06:39:06 PM

Honest Bender: PonceAlyosha: Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?

Because it was?

I think maybe you are unclear on the nature of a bluff.


It may come down to semantics, but since they used what is essential spywork (sneak in, kill people, crack open the safe/town/loot coffin), it's not exactly a bluff, since if the horse guys died, it's like 20 out of thousands. The other bluffs (besides 5 I suppose), are pretty much hanging yourself and the army/platoon on the line to work.
 
2013-07-01 07:09:20 PM

Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?


What else might you call the Trojan horse?

Certainly it was a trick, and a trap. It qualifies as a bluff because they used the horse to bluff their way into Troy.

/ I suppose you could argue that since it is more likely to be mythical than the others; it shouldn't be included
 
2013-07-01 07:25:15 PM

fusillade762: If you're not supposed to be somewhere the best bet is to look like you're supposed to be there.


Said every marching band director ever...
 
2013-07-01 07:50:21 PM

Vkingbanna: When Charlemagne had besieged Carcasonne for several years and hadn't gotten a surrender, The town was down to it's last, but they fed the last of the towns food to the last of it's pigs and flung it over the walls to the besiegers.  Seeing that the town was so flush with well-fed food that they could use it as ammo, Charlemagne gave up.


Fake.

There's a legend like this in the ruse-heavy corpus of Chinese military treatises as well, but the specifics are escaping me right now.
 
2013-07-01 08:02:52 PM
I was sad to learn that the soldiers of Tordenskiold didn't really work.

As the story goes, Danish/Norwegian admiral Tordenskiold was had taken the city Marstrand right by the Swedish fortress Karlsten. As he didn't have enough troops to storm the fortification, he invited the Swedish commander down for breakfast (under a flag of truce) and ordered his troops to  - once seen - cut back through back alleys and the like to get back in the visitor's path again, leaving the impression of a much stronger or at least more numerous army.

While it appears to have happened, the Swedish commander didn't really fall for it - but he did surrender anyway. Reinforcements were bound to appear and the Danish navy had full control of his supply lines.
 
2013-07-01 08:09:12 PM

COMALite J: [www.treasurenet.com image 350x232]
Deserves at least an honorable mention.


Approves.

www.inventej.net
 
2013-07-01 08:46:27 PM

EngineerAU: The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.


Was hoping to see Fort Detroit in there, and on Canada Day too!  The rouse worked largely because Brock knew Hull was scared shiatless of the natives.  Brock then wrote a couple of letters that were intended to be captured way overstating the Indian forces.  Tecumseh came up with the never-ending parade "Indian Run" with the few native soldiers he has handy, and kinda playing on the idea that "hey, we all look alike" (to someone scared of us).
A pretty good case could be made that the Fort Detroit surrender has a lot to do with Canada even being a country.
I think the racist part comes in with the use of the word Indian rather than First Nations or some other PC alternative.
 
2013-07-01 10:32:02 PM

sno man: EngineerAU: The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.

Was hoping to see Fort Detroit in there, and on Canada Day too!  The rouse worked largely because Brock knew Hull was scared shiatless of the natives.  Brock then wrote a couple of letters that were intended to be captured way overstating the Indian forces.  Tecumseh came up with the never-ending parade "Indian Run" with the few native soldiers he has handy, and kinda playing on the idea that "hey, we all look alike" (to someone scared of us).
A pretty good case could be made that the Fort Detroit surrender has a lot to do with Canada even being a country.
I think the racist part comes in with the use of the word Indian rather than First Nations or some other PC alternative.


We could just agree to start calling them "Tecumseh Runs," Which is both PC, accurate, and fun to say.

/Tecumseh.
 
2013-07-01 10:57:43 PM

HTApprovedChick: sno man: EngineerAU: The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.

Was hoping to see Fort Detroit in there, and on Canada Day too!  The rouse worked largely because Brock knew Hull was scared shiatless of the natives.  Brock then wrote a couple of letters that were intended to be captured way overstating the Indian forces.  Tecumseh came up with the never-ending parade "Indian Run" with the few native soldiers he has handy, and kinda playing on the idea that "hey, we all look alike" (to someone scared of us).
A pretty good case could be made that the Fort Detroit surrender has a lot to do with Canada even being a country.
I think the racist part comes in with the use of the word Indian rather than First Nations or some other PC alternative.

We could just agree to start calling them "Tecumseh Runs," Which is both PC, accurate, and fun to say.

/Tecumseh.


Works for me.
 
2013-07-01 11:17:07 PM

sno man: HTApprovedChick: sno man: EngineerAU: The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.

Was hoping to see Fort Detroit in there, and on Canada Day too!  The rouse worked largely because Brock knew Hull was scared shiatless of the natives.  Brock then wrote a couple of letters that were intended to be captured way overstating the Indian forces.  Tecumseh came up with the never-ending parade "Indian Run" with the few native soldiers he has handy, and kinda playing on the idea that "hey, we all look alike" (to someone scared of us).
A pretty good case could be made that the Fort Detroit surrender has a lot to do with Canada even being a country.
I think the racist part comes in with the use of the word Indian rather than First Nations or some other PC alternative.

We could just agree to start calling them "Tecumseh Runs," Which is both PC, accurate, and fun to say.

/Tecumseh.

Works for me.


Better than "Montezuma Runs"
 
2013-07-01 11:21:12 PM

RatMaster999: sno man: HTApprovedChick: sno man: EngineerAU: The surrender of Fort Detroit sounds like it was the origin of 'Indian Run' exercise which some have claimed is racist. From the Cracked article, it actually sounds like they were quite clever so I don't see how the exercise patterned on it could be considered negative.

Was hoping to see Fort Detroit in there, and on Canada Day too!  The rouse worked largely because Brock knew Hull was scared shiatless of the natives.  Brock then wrote a couple of letters that were intended to be captured way overstating the Indian forces.  Tecumseh came up with the never-ending parade "Indian Run" with the few native soldiers he has handy, and kinda playing on the idea that "hey, we all look alike" (to someone scared of us).
A pretty good case could be made that the Fort Detroit surrender has a lot to do with Canada even being a country.
I think the racist part comes in with the use of the word Indian rather than First Nations or some other PC alternative.

We could just agree to start calling them "Tecumseh Runs," Which is both PC, accurate, and fun to say.

/Tecumseh.

Works for me.

Better than "Montezuma Runs"


Been there, way better...
 
2013-07-01 11:24:44 PM

Honest Bender: PonceAlyosha: Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?

Because it was?

I think maybe you are unclear on the nature of a bluff.


DerAppie: PonceAlyosha: Honest Bender: iheartscotch: List fails without the Trojan Horse.

In what way would you describe the trojan horse as a bluff?

Because it was? The Greeks knew that the Trojans worshiped Athena most highly. One of her symbols was that of the horse, with this in mind, Oddyseus came up with the plan. The Greeks pretended to retreat, leaving the horse as an offering to Athena for safe passage home. The Trojans, believing that they could gain the Goddess' favor instead, brought into the walls of the city and started feasted. Hours later, horse pops open, Greeks take the city.

Wasn't the horse one of Poseidon's animals? Athena had an owl.


Athena has the horse specifically because she defeated Poseidon at the founding of Athens.
 
2013-07-02 12:07:47 AM
 
2013-07-02 12:41:58 AM
Perhaps I, too, am unclear on the meaning of the word "bluff," but wouldn't the inflatable tanks etc. (as pictured earlier), meant to cause Germans to think there was a lot of armament about to be thrown at them from a particular direction, count as such??

I expected to see them in the list. Too well known??
 
2013-07-02 07:59:10 AM

wkiernan: They left out the biggest bluff of all.  In August of 1945, the United States had a grand total of three nuclear bomb cores.  We had had four, but we blew one up on July 16 to see if the implosion bomb would actually work.  At our then current rate of production we could have manufactured another three by the end of the year.  But we told the Imperial Japanese government that we had an essentially endless supply of them, and were prepared to incinerate an entire city or two or three every week until they surrendered, or until there were no more cities left in Japan -  your choice, gentlemen.


That's not why Japan surrendered, though.  Russians declared war on Japan and invaded Manchuria on August 8th, which was between the two bombings, and eviscerated some of Japan's best forces.  The fear of a Russian mainland invasion was the actual straw that broke the camel's back.
 
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