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(Something Awful)   If movies were reviewed like video games   (somethingawful.com) divider line 40
    More: Amusing, video games, World War Z  
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5341 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 30 Jun 2013 at 8:20 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-06-30 08:24:42 PM
That article was bad and you should feel bad subby.

/my first thought before reading TFA was "you mean what if the production company paid the reviewers to give them decent ratings?"
 
2013-06-30 08:35:18 PM
That article read like the lyrics to a Wesley Willis song.
 
2013-06-30 08:44:22 PM
I'm glad that site is auto-blocked for me.

Urban Dictionary put it best:

A comedy website that was funny about 6 years ago. Has grown into a sprawling mess of arrogance, petulance and tired pseudo-irony. Still has the occasional gem but more often than not misses the mark with its rambling 'comedy' diatribes and just plain depressing forums.

Inclusion of angst-y teenager David Thorpe just demonstrates how low the website has sunk.
 
2013-06-30 08:54:12 PM

Marshal805: I'm glad that site is auto-blocked for me.

Urban Dictionary put it best:

A comedy website that was funny about 6 years ago. Has grown into a sprawling mess of arrogance, petulance and tired pseudo-irony. Still has the occasional gem but more often than not misses the mark with its rambling 'comedy' diatribes and just plain depressing forums.

Inclusion of angst-y teenager David Thorpe just demonstrates how low the website has sunk.


sounds like many websites of the 00's  oughts  or double  balls don't it?
 
2013-06-30 08:57:15 PM

invictus2: Marshal805: I'm glad that site is auto-blocked for me.

Urban Dictionary put it best:

A comedy website that was funny about 6 years ago. Has grown into a sprawling mess of arrogance, petulance and tired pseudo-irony. Still has the occasional gem but more often than not misses the mark with its rambling 'comedy' diatribes and just plain depressing forums.

Inclusion of angst-y teenager David Thorpe just demonstrates how low the website has sunk.

sounds like many websites of the 00's  oughts  or double  balls don't it?


"Double balls?"  I'm so stealing that!
 
2013-06-30 08:59:37 PM
Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?

Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.
 
2013-06-30 09:03:55 PM
I cracked a smile or 2 so i guess it has that going for it.

If someone other than Something Awful did that article it might have been funny cause it's, in theory, a decent idea.
 
2013-06-30 09:08:50 PM
I did not see any piles of money change hands guaranteeing a high 9 rating from the reviewer.

I think there is a .gif for that.
 
2013-06-30 09:13:32 PM

FormlessOne: Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.


Right? Wednesday is my favorite day of the week.
 
2013-06-30 09:25:19 PM
Still, I wish more "blockbusters" got reviews in actual newspapers like this. Let them know that sharp effects and clear sound does not mean your movie is automatically AWESOME!!! What's sad is "World War Z" isn't going to get reviews like this in a newspaper that counts...and so we'll see "....amazing!...." "....FOUR STARS!...." "Insanely....watchable...." all over the ads.
 
2013-06-30 09:40:49 PM
Subby, you misspelled "If articles meant to be funny were written with actual humour"
 
2013-06-30 09:41:00 PM

FormlessOne: Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?

Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.


I take it you're not a fan of Movie Bob then.

/same site, fridays
 
2013-06-30 09:44:45 PM

BattleFrenchie28: FormlessOne: Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?

Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.

I take it you're not a fan of Movie Bob then.

/same site, fridays


*grins sheepishly* Didn't know about Movie Bob. I'll check him out... thanks!
 
2013-06-30 09:46:04 PM
If?  It took six months before mainstream reviews started to say the last Batman flick was not that the most perfect film in ever, but just an average movie.  Every niche film gets that kind of treatment nowadays - perfect scores before being released, paid reviewers, hyping the technical aspects etc. but we need it that way or Hollywood might stop making those kinds of films.
 
2013-06-30 09:58:13 PM

BattleFrenchie28: FormlessOne: Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?

Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.

I take it you're not a fan of Movie Bob then.

/same site, fridays


Movie Bob doesn't have the same razor wit that Yahtzee does, although personally I do enjoy his reviews.

And for those that like ZeroPunctuation and/or Jimquisition, make sure you check out the new(-ish) feature Rhymedown Spectacular. Some really good stuff there.
 
2013-06-30 10:04:41 PM

FormlessOne: Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?


We say this as we sit amongst the ruins in the blasted wasteland that is FARK.

/still visit here more often than any other site
//because, you know, fark Reddit
 
2013-06-30 10:10:00 PM
Holy crap!

Something Awful still exists?
 
2013-06-30 10:14:24 PM

MisatoNERV: FormlessOne: Wow, SA really has gone downhill, hasn't it?

We say this as we sit amongst the ruins in the blasted wasteland that is FARK.

/still visit here more often than any other site
//because, you know, fark Reddit


Yes, on both counts. I'd rather hot-swap a rusty submarine bunk than visit Reddit, so, here I am at Fark.
 
2013-06-30 10:15:43 PM

Old Man Winter: If?  It took six months before mainstream reviews started to say the last Batman flick was not that the most perfect film in ever, but just an average movie.


Which made the 'paid reviewers' thing glaringly obvious, because that movie sucked.

/Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb
 
2013-06-30 10:19:50 PM
 
2013-06-30 10:21:41 PM

Marshal805: invictus2: Marshal805: I'm glad that site is auto-blocked for me.

Urban Dictionary put it best:

A comedy website that was funny about 6 years ago. Has grown into a sprawling mess of arrogance, petulance and tired pseudo-irony. Still has the occasional gem but more often than not misses the mark with its rambling 'comedy' diatribes and just plain depressing forums.

Inclusion of angst-y teenager David Thorpe just demonstrates how low the website has sunk.

sounds like many websites of the 00's  oughts  or double  balls don't it?

"Double balls?"  I'm so stealing that!


I prefer the term "The Naughties".
 
2013-06-30 10:37:14 PM

Dhusk: Holy crap!

Something Awful still exists?


QFT.
 
2013-06-30 10:41:56 PM

Marshal805: I'm glad that site is auto-blocked for me.

Urban Dictionary put it best:

A comedy website that was funny about 6 years ago. Has grown into a sprawling mess of arrogance, petulance and tired pseudo-irony. Still has the occasional gem but more often than not misses the mark with its rambling 'comedy' diatribes and just plain depressing forums.

Inclusion of angst-y teenager David Thorpe just demonstrates how low the website has sunk.


was that a review for fark?  Why didn't they mention drew?
 
2013-06-30 10:46:48 PM
Dang I used to like that site. Their Photoshop Phridays were great, and their Horrors of Porn has yet to be (that I've seen) attempted by anyone else.

Like others upthread, I hadn't been there in years, and like others upthread, what I found did not live up to my nostalgia.
 
2013-06-30 10:52:31 PM
Holy passive voice!

Yeah, game reviews are the bottom of the barrel. Game "journalists" are paid practically or literally nothing; and game reviews pretty much follow this format.
 
2013-06-30 11:01:32 PM
Remember when Fark and SA were close and bitter rivals?  Curated vs. crowd-voted Photoshop contests?

What happened?  Did all the Let's Players realize they could just post and comment on videos directly on YouTube, and cut out the middleman?
 
2013-06-30 11:10:29 PM
Frankly I thought the review was funny, in that Aristotelian "humour speaks truth to power" sort of way.

If Ebert were still alive he'd have had a good larf.
 
2013-06-30 11:30:20 PM
SA has good photoshop contests usually
 
2013-06-30 11:34:33 PM
It was missing the comments section where all the biatchy little nerds say it's terrible, it's crap, it's the worst thing since Daikatana, etc.
 
2013-06-30 11:47:22 PM

RockofAges: Do you guys remember that "Cliff Blezinski" guy or whatever at SA that used to post pictures of "wal mart people" basically or awkward pics and totally make fun of everyone in them, no holds barred?


CLIFF YABLONSKI HATES YOU.
 
2013-07-01 12:52:38 AM
Yup, TFA was pretty awful. Truth in advertising.
 
2013-07-01 06:32:50 AM
If it were really like IGN you would see a rave review for the movie and then see that they are advertising for it all over the site.  Easy to give a game a high 9 when the company that made it is putting money in your pocket.
 
2013-07-01 06:56:08 AM
It's a good premise.  It's too bad it was ruined by that crappy writer.  He seems to think the funny bit is pretending game reviews are written by 8 year olds (ex. "A lot of people talk in it and things keep happening") and not juxtaposing things we look for in movies vs. things we look for in video games.  The comparisons are in there, sorta, but the focus is on making game reviewers seem like idiots.

And how was there not a DRM, DLC or patch joke?  Or a pre-order joke?
 
2013-07-01 07:26:15 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Frankly I thought the review was funny, in that Aristotelian "humour speaks truth to power" sort of way.

If Ebert were still alive he'd have had a good larf.


That's good, because it certainly wasn't funny in the "I actually laughed" sort of way. And I have the feeling that Ebert is laughing just as hard right now as he would have been, had he still been viable.
 
2013-07-01 07:27:59 AM
Great satire that makes a point about the stupidity of gamer culture, and why video games, which may be considered art, will never be considered good art. The point is that gamers don't recognize terrible acting or an insipid plot. This is evident in both the movies that gamers consider great (The Avengers and other comic book crap) and in the games that gamers consider exemplary (RDR, Bioshock, Uncharted).
 
2013-07-01 08:28:11 AM

Dhusk: Holy crap!

Something Awful still exists?


Their Watchmen photoshops were great
 
2013-07-01 08:34:45 AM

assjuice: Great satire that makes a point about the stupidity of gamer culture, and why video games, which may be considered art, will never be considered good art. The point is that gamers don't recognize terrible acting or an insipid plot. This is evident in both the movies that gamers consider great (The Avengers and other comic book crap) and in the games that gamers consider exemplary (RDR, Bioshock, Uncharted).


Or you could make a point about how trying to evaluate games on the same criteria as movies (such as plot, voice acting, or whatever) would be fairly inane given the best games will be actual games and not overlong interactive movies where you have to fiddle about for a while to earn the next part of the movie plot being played to you.
 
2013-07-01 09:28:59 AM

VTGremlin: FormlessOne: Also, I'd pay good money if movies were reviewed by The Escapist in the same way their Zero Punctuation reviews cover video games.

Right? Wednesday is my favorite day of the week.


This. Yahtzee FTW.
 
2013-07-01 10:28:44 AM

fusillade762: RockofAges: Do you guys remember that "Cliff Blezinski" guy or whatever at SA that used to post pictures of "wal mart people" basically or awkward pics and totally make fun of everyone in them, no holds barred?

CLIFF YABLONSKI HATES YOU.


That shiat was my JAM in 1999.
 
2013-07-01 01:23:32 PM

xria: Or you could make a point about how trying to evaluate games on the same criteria as movies (such as plot, voice acting, or whatever) would be fairly inane given the best games will be actual games and not overlong interactive movies where you have to fiddle about for a while to earn the next part of the movie plot being played to you.


While I generally agree with you the recent game Injustice: Gods Among Us single player was exactly that, a great animated DC Justice League movie that is broken up occasionally when you have to fight through the fight scenes MK style and I loved it.
 
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