Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Medford Mail Tribune)   Attention fireworks enthusiasts: There's a very good reason why mortars are launched from tubes and have extra long wicks. So if one doesn't fire, taking it out of the tube and lighting the 1/4" of remaining wick is not advisable   ( divider line
    More: Fail, Oregon Health & Science University, brightness  
•       •       •

11379 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2013 at 11:26 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-06-30 11:41:33 AM  
6 votes:
You know how, like, when you go to a huge fireworks display, there's some cats in overalls with safety goggles and they have this huge, elevated platform and all the mortar launchers are wired with LoVo driven pyro matches and they have permits and key operated trigger consoles and redundant wiring and sensors and sh*t?  There a reason for that.  True fact.
2013-06-30 11:01:38 AM  
4 votes:
"Please enable Javascript"

lol No.
2013-06-30 11:36:01 AM  
3 votes:
This is why I am in charge of the Brother In law's fireworks show. I'm one of the few sober people there. No one is allowed to light off ANYTHING without my say so and supervision. We draw chalk lines on the driveway for the kids to queue up, then we have a 'launch box' for the kids where they are to light whatever fireworks they bring to the box.

A few years back one of the kids snuck off with a bunch of Black Cats after I continually warned him not to light them off until it was his turn and I could watch. No more than an hour goes by and he's running to his mom crying his eyes out because one went off in his hand. Not only did he get singed fingers, but his mom chewed him out for doing it. In his defense, the kid is a firebug, almost to the point of Trashcan Man from The Stand.

Aside from that little brat, no other injuries at all, I always put on a great display with about 600 Mortars (I take the time to actually make them mesh when they explode and try to time them... fuses make it tricky to be 'professional'), and everyone enjoys the display.
2013-06-30 12:10:42 PM  
2 votes:
I say use no warnings. We need to thin the herd.
2013-06-30 12:08:28 PM  
2 votes:
Fuse, not wick.
2013-06-30 10:32:12 AM  
2 votes:
Adblock tells me it blocked 42 ads on that site. Talk about blowing up.
2013-06-30 03:47:15 PM  
1 vote:

Deep Contact: I say screw the fireworks this year. At 10pm everyone get there gun out and shoot it in the air.
Of course, use a blank.

That is pretty much the norm in the ghettos in mississippi. The ones I lived/live in, anyways. Except the whole "use blanks" thing. The fourth is ok, but at midnight on new years eve, it sounds like a farking war zone. I don't join in (no gun, ammo too expensive to waste anyway) but I like to amuse myself by playing "guess the caliber". Once someone breaks out the semi-auto twelve gauge, the rest sound like snap'n'pops. Good times.
2013-06-30 03:38:43 PM  
1 vote:

BigNumber12: Rapmaster2000: I used to blow all my money on fireworks when I was a kid.  Do they still sell fireworks to children?  That seems like a bad idea in retrospect, but then I never did blow my hand off.

Yep. Funny how very many of us came through childhood completely unscathed.

But no, it's the fireworks that are the problem.

Would save my allowance as well for 4th of July. Later I had to spend it in summer trips to McAllen and Reynosa to get the good stuff .
2013-06-30 03:05:12 PM  
1 vote:
"They tried to light it, (and) it dudded out," Budreau said. "It didn't launch into the air. It just kind of flew into the driveway."

Sounds like the lift charge misfired, barely ejecting the shell from the mortar tube and and failing to light burst charge fuse.

The burst charge was never meant to be lit by a human being.  The fuse timing is too short.  The charge is too strong.

It sounds like this guy held the unfired shell in his hand, and lit the fuse.  The mass of his hand would have at least partially confined the burst charge, causing it to explode with more force than the manufacturer ever intended.  So his flesh gets blown off his bones, all with a cheery shower of sparks and colored stars.  Yay!

Now we have another accident to add to the books, making it that much harder for the rest of us to buy anything cool.  Thanks, idiot.

/ It's supposed to be "oooh, ahhh" not "OWWW AAAHHHHHHH!"
2013-06-30 01:09:13 PM  
1 vote:
I don't use a fuse with my mortar, I use a linstock:

Then again, my mortar is actual artillery, not a fireworks launcher.   A 15 oz tin can half full of cement, weighing a solid 1 lb, and screaming down at you from 600+ feet high is going to ruin your whole day.
2013-06-30 12:40:56 PM  
1 vote:
Ah yes. The Fourth of July season. Where we have a chance to weed out some of the really stupid people from our gene pool for another year.
2013-06-30 12:31:22 PM  
1 vote:
What bothered me almost as much as a person losing his hand was the fact that the cops had to go for the revenue grubbing opportunity anyway. isn't loss of a major body part enough of a lesson learned?
2013-06-30 12:22:46 PM  
1 vote:
I guess he'll be known as "Lefty" now.

He's lucky he didn't try to relight a misfired mortar while looking down the tube. That actually happened a few years ago in the Chicago area, and the genius who tried it wound up a head shorter for his trouble.
2013-06-30 12:12:53 PM  
1 vote:
To set the record straight:

Mortars are not launched from tubes. Mortars ARE the tubes, which launch shells.

/worked on a couple of July 4 shows so got familiar with the terminology
2013-06-30 12:11:30 PM  
1 vote:
You people know WAY too much about fireworks.

I quit thinking about them when I was about 14.
2013-06-30 11:36:52 AM  
1 vote:
Police also cited Jenkins for illegal possession of fireworks, a violation that carries a $250 base fine.

So in Oregon, fingers are worth about $45, and palms about $25.
2013-06-30 10:41:49 AM  
1 vote:
Ah, I see alcohol was involved.
2013-06-30 09:59:59 AM  
1 vote:
Still it went really high and went all BOOOM!!! and FHWWSSSSSHHHHHH! and POP! POP!

Fireworks are awesome.

/pop pop
Displayed 18 of 18 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.