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(Daily Kos)   Pastor asks congregation to donate $50,000 to feed and clothe the homeless. Just kidding. It's a megachurch pastor and the money is for fixing his helicopter   (dailykos.com) divider line 44
    More: Asinine, Nissan Sentra, Robert F. Kennedy, homeless  
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14903 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2013 at 2:34 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-30 12:03:43 AM
17 votes:
disinfo.s3.amazonaws.com
Why does God Need A Helicopter?
2013-06-29 11:39:46 PM
12 votes:
Congregations on writing what will surely be the headline of the week, subby.
2013-06-29 11:46:14 PM
6 votes:
Congregations on the greenlight!
2013-06-30 02:59:27 AM
4 votes:
Dear Mods in the Sky,
Please fix the headline.
Thank you.
Subby.
PS. If I send you $5 a month may I have a helicopter?

/Congregation
//Congregation
///Congregation
/farking autocorrect
2013-06-30 11:29:41 AM
3 votes:

dr_blasto: WTF is the "Amplified Bible?"


Our Bibles go up to 11.
2013-06-30 08:45:58 AM
3 votes:

A_Listless_Wanderer: Dear Mods in the Sky,
Please fix the headline.
Thank you.
Subby.
PS. If I send you $5 a month may I have a helicopter?

/Congregation
//Congregation
///Congregation
/farking autocorrect


This day will live in infirmary
2013-06-30 07:45:15 AM
3 votes:
Lando looks like shiat.
2013-06-30 05:12:42 AM
3 votes:
"Sow your favor seed"...? Dear god that sounds rapey...
2013-06-30 05:05:21 AM
3 votes:
www.atomicbooks.com

Come on, give me something I can take to the bank for my $52.  The Buddy Christ bobblehead!!
2013-06-30 02:42:01 AM
3 votes:
"Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."

- George Carlin
2013-06-30 02:11:32 AM
3 votes:
Woke up this mornin', turned on the t.v. set.
there in livin' color, was somethin' I can't forget.
This man was preachin' at me, yeah, layin' on the charm
askin' me for twenty, with ten-thousand on his arm.
He wore designer clothes, and a big smile on his face
sellin' me salvation while they sang Amazin' Grace.
Askin' me for money, when he had all the signs of wealth.
I almost wrote a check out, yeah, then I asked myself


Would He wear a pinky ring, would He drive a fancy car?
Would His wife wear furs and diamonds, would His dressin' room have a star?
If He came back tomorrow, well there's somethin' I'd like to know
Could ya tell me, Would Jesus wear a Rolex on His television show?
2013-06-30 02:08:51 AM
3 votes:

optikeye: Why does God Need A Helicopter?


He is a big Airwolf fan. How do you think the show lasted four years?
2013-06-30 02:03:18 AM
3 votes:
Donated... loves to help people in real need.
2013-06-30 04:27:28 AM
2 votes:
Trayvon Martin donated 52 dollars. His dream was to ride on a cloud. Fact.
2013-06-30 03:28:20 AM
2 votes:

Befuddled: What astounds me isn't someone being so brazen to ask for handouts totaling fifty thousand dollars for their helicopter. What astounds me is people didn't get up and walk out right after he asked.

It's funny how the Christians don't seem to realize that if there is a God and a Devil, the Devil is going to be corrupting the good from within, that to stop using their God-given faculties to think and blindly follow someone because they say they're doing God's work is a surefire way to end up doing evil.

/atheist



i112.photobucket.com
2013-06-30 02:58:33 AM
2 votes:
Why wouldn't God need a helicopter? Helicopters are awesome. God looked upon us one day and saw that we had made helicopters and spoketh, "Oh snap. That thing is dope as hell. Bless you my children for inventing a contraption that rivals my own creation."
2013-06-30 01:36:13 AM
2 votes:
And to think that it's all tax free. Praise Jesus.
2013-06-30 12:18:09 AM
2 votes:
A rotary winged sty.

I hope he gets some Dr House level disease that makes him totally incontinent with constant flatulence topped off with chronic diarrhea.
2013-06-29 11:32:38 PM
2 votes:
Mazel tov!
2013-06-30 12:21:27 PM
1 votes:
irom.files.wordpress.com

And if these words you do not heed, your pocket book just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and claims a godly need
He will clean you out right through your tweed
That's right, you asked for it, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over
He's got twenty million dollars in his Heavenly Bank Account
All from those chumps who was born again, oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got seven limousines and a private plane helicopter
All for the use of his special friends, oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits and a Wembley Tie
Girls love to stroke it while he's on the phone, oh yeah, oh yeah

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/frank_zappa/
2013-06-30 12:02:13 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-06-30 10:34:20 AM
1 votes:

oryx: Isn't that racist?


Why is it so difficult for conservatives to understand what racism is?
2013-06-30 09:09:47 AM
1 votes:
"habbeduh woob floopity, hemmeh umma wooma, hepta JEEEYUHZUSS, money money, hobbity hoo!"  and I've been trading my skills for bread and a roof.  Silly me.
2013-06-30 08:56:19 AM
1 votes:

NutWrench: Holy crap, this. It's always been about class warfare. All the debate you see about the "Liberals vs the Conservatives", the "Republicans vs the Democrats" or the Romulans vs the Federation is just a bunch of useless jerking off. It's about the 1% vs everybody else. It's about the clueful vs the clueless.


i1198.photobucket.com
2013-06-30 08:35:25 AM
1 votes:
Next up for Bishop I. V. Hilliard:  Ask the members of his congregation to make a significant donation towards the purchase of a Gulfstream G650 because, as Jesus stated so strongly in his sermons, "The representatives of my Father's church should not be saddled with the evil and earthly torment of Satan's frequent-flyer b*tch miles."
2013-06-30 08:10:04 AM
1 votes:

wildlifer: So we have a Benny Hinn wannabe?
Paying for forgiveness is cathocism,
With baptists' it's free of charge, just ask, no middle man.


I wouldn't mess with him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYNHDMXuuAQ
2013-06-30 08:09:34 AM
1 votes:
i1364.photobucket.com
2013-06-30 05:32:08 AM
1 votes:

orbister: Who made him a bishop?


When you reach the eighth row you can get promoted.
2013-06-30 05:30:31 AM
1 votes:

Huck And Molly Ziegler: I'd like to replace my 17-year-old Stratus with something brand-new. Any y'all care to help me out with that?? (I mean, you do believe in me, right?) Nothing real fancy. A Ford Taurus or a Chrysler 200 would do just fine.


To hell with that. Taurus is too soccer mom, and the 200 is goofy. A true Man of God(TM) would drive a Jaaaag or a Mercedes. Of course, for the newer, hipper Man of God(TM), nothing beats a Focus ST for prophesying hoonage.

I want a Fiesta ST (hatchback with a manual transmission) myself.

/I'd push that sucker past 100mph on Highway 90
//In Louisiana
///Betwixt Houma and New Orleans
////To hell with state troopers
2013-06-30 04:27:09 AM
1 votes:

A_Listless_Wanderer: The thing you have to remember is that these fundy evangelicals don't actually read the bible.


And for an example, the letter posted earlier in this thread. Two of the three Biblical citations when taken in context actually teach against what this guy is doing. But if you only read what he cites, it seems to support him.
2013-06-30 04:10:41 AM
1 votes:
Nice to finally see a Christian religious leader with his priorities straight...

Of course, I'm sure that I will be told that one asshat is not representative of an entire religion, most likely by someone who will also insist that all Muslims are terrorists.
2013-06-30 03:53:31 AM
1 votes:

danielscissorhands: Is "congratulations" (instead of congregation) in the headline a typo by a drunk-mitter, or is this a reference to something else?

Thank you.


It was a typo. Yes, I was drunk.

/still am
2013-06-30 03:39:35 AM
1 votes:
I'm the Weeners this?

southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com

drjekel_mrhyde: I got $100 that this is a Baptist or Non-Denominational Church.
/If you see a ATM machine in your church...........leave and never go back


Get yer money changed, right here in the temple!

There's no Walmart of salvation. It is an individual journey for each person. I guess some people are able to get a sense of community or "salvation" from this version of it.. even if it is an obvious long-con from anyone outside looking in.

I wish people were smarter but if that makes them happy somehow they're free to be duped.
2013-06-30 03:37:29 AM
1 votes:

NecoConeco: Woke up this mornin', turned on the t.v. set.
there in livin' color, was somethin' I can't forget.
This man was preachin' at me, yeah, layin' on the charm
askin' me for twenty, with ten-thousand on his arm.
He wore designer clothes, and a big smile on his face
sellin' me salvation while they sang Amazin' Grace.
Askin' me for money, when he had all the signs of wealth.
I almost wrote a check out, yeah, then I asked myself


Would He wear a pinky ring, would He drive a fancy car?
Would His wife wear furs and diamonds, would His dressin' room have a star?
If He came back tomorrow, well there's somethin' I'd like to know
Could ya tell me, Would Jesus wear a Rolex on His television show?


Rolex??  Pffft. Jesus would wear a Breitling Navitimer with the circular slide-rule bezel for his in-flight computations.
www.hardwatches.com
2013-06-30 03:35:37 AM
1 votes:
They should pitch in and get this tool one of those 'Do-it-yourself hovercrafts' you always saw as a kid in Popular Science or Things You Never Knew Existed catalogs.
2013-06-30 03:06:39 AM
1 votes:

A_Listless_Wanderer: Dear Mods in the Sky,
Please fix the headline.
Thank you.
Subby.
PS. If I send you $5 a month may I have a helicopter?

/Congregation
//Congregation
///Congregation
/farking autocorrect


Oh, wow! it actually was autocorrect, not intentional?!?

That makes it all the more Funnay!

(someone do the right thing, i'm broke here!)
2013-06-30 02:48:55 AM
1 votes:

FirstNationalBastard: optikeye: Why does God Need A Helicopter?

He is a big Airwolf fan. How do you think the show lasted four years?


Because it was awesome?
2013-06-30 02:47:11 AM
1 votes:

NecoConeco: Woke up this mornin', turned on the t.v. set.
there in livin' color, was somethin' I can't forget.
This man was preachin' at me, yeah, layin' on the charm
askin' me for twenty, with ten-thousand on his arm.
He wore designer clothes, and a big smile on his face
sellin' me salvation while they sang Amazin' Grace.
Askin' me for money, when he had all the signs of wealth.
I almost wrote a check out, yeah, then I asked myself


Would He wear a pinky ring, would He drive a fancy car?
Would His wife wear furs and diamonds, would His dressin' room have a star?
If He came back tomorrow, well there's somethin' I'd like to know
Could ya tell me, Would Jesus wear a Rolex on His television show?


Sacha Baron Cohen's next film: he goes in to character (and never breaks) as the written New Testament Jesus.  And then meets and talks woth American evangelists and politicians.
2013-06-30 12:53:37 AM
1 votes:

Bathia_Mapes: The Bible verse he references in the letter says this:

2 Chronicles 20:20

New International Version (NIV)

20 Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, "Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful."

So, this charlatan is essentially calling himself a prophet.


Jumpin' Jehoshaphat!

/That's spelled "Profit"
2013-06-30 12:31:33 AM
1 votes:

MurphyMurphy: No, people made religion, stupid.


FTFY
2013-06-30 12:02:30 AM
1 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Bill Graham flies into power lines and this sh*tstain is allowed to live

/there is no god


Yeah, I hope this asshole's "Aviation manager" used to work for Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Seriously, what the fark kind of church has an "Aviation Manager"?
2013-06-30 12:00:24 AM
1 votes:
Bill Graham flies into power lines and this sh*tstain is allowed to live

/there is no god
2013-06-29 11:59:03 PM
1 votes:
In exchange for money, he said the Lord will issue a favor to congregants that might help them obtain their dream vehicle.

That's a better deal than I get from Wall Street.
2013-06-29 11:52:40 PM
1 votes:
Personal Jesus.
 
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