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(The Sun)   Death by nipple clamps, strip club piano, lion mauling, and other strange ways to die while having sex   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 51
    More: Strange, crushed to death, Bakersfield Condors, hair dryers  
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10069 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Jun 2013 at 11:05 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-29 04:03:19 AM
My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.

/His widow was thereafter looked upon with great yearning and fear.
 
2013-06-29 09:54:09 AM
There was a pickup accident with two fatalities here a few years ago, the guy and girlfriend ran off the road.  She had a big steering wheel imprint on her back and I think they both hit heads during the crash.

/older truck
//no airbag
///hey, kid, you have a truck bed..........
 
2013-06-29 10:16:36 AM
Farkers, you know when you hear about some poor sap taking it to the balls and you cross your legs and cringe?

Yeah, Farkettes everywhere just crossed their arms over their chest and winced after reading this headline...
 
2013-06-29 10:49:13 AM

Summer Glau's Love Slave: My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.


Obviously he wasn't gonna live much longer anyway, but DAMN!
 
2013-06-29 11:03:34 AM
i.imgur.com

No death by snu snu?
 
2013-06-29 11:08:40 AM
That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
 
2013-06-29 11:10:32 AM
If nipple clamps cause someone to die you are clearly using them wrong.
 
2013-06-29 11:11:00 AM

Summer Glau's Love Slave: My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.

/His widow was thereafter looked upon with great yearning and fear.


Did she go into the army after this?
 
2013-06-29 11:11:17 AM
If you gotta go....

go with a smile.
 
2013-06-29 11:12:16 AM

Oldiron_79: If nipple clamps cause someone to die you are clearly using them wrong.


Attaching them to an electric cord, and then plugging said cord into an electrical plug with house current would be comsidered using them wrong

damn
 
2013-06-29 11:16:25 AM
"THE bouncer of San Francisco's infamous Condor strip club was crushed to death when he climbed on top of a piano to romp with a stripper after work - only for it to retract into the ceiling."

O_O
 
2013-06-29 11:23:15 AM

loonatic112358: Oldiron_79: If nipple clamps cause someone to die you are clearly using them wrong.

Attaching them to an electric cord, and then plugging said cord into an electrical plug with house current would be comsidered using them wrong

damn


Yeah recepticle is a little too much juice. One of those crank telephones is more appropriate amount of electricity.
 
2013-06-29 11:23:41 AM
"Death By Nipple Clamps" was my favorite punk band.
 
2013-06-29 11:24:58 AM
Balcony 'romp' fall  A BOSS told cops a female co-worker fell to her death while the pair were having sex...

I hear that's how you make 'em push back.

/don't know why BOSS was put in all caps though
 
2013-06-29 11:28:52 AM

maxwellton: "Death By Nipple Clamps" was my favorite punk band.


Strip Club Piano was the name of my Tears for Fears cover band.
 
2013-06-29 11:29:18 AM
 
2013-06-29 11:30:29 AM
What about death by airlock failure, brain parasite, or sonic diarrhea?
 
2013-06-29 11:33:23 AM
top10king.com
 
2013-06-29 11:33:45 AM
Big death
 
2013-06-29 11:34:53 AM

loonatic112358: Oldiron_79: If nipple clamps cause someone to die you are clearly using them wrong.

Attaching them to an electric cord, and then plugging said cord into an electrical plug with house current would be comsidered using them wrong

damn


At least invest in a proper electric fence energizer.

www.drsfostersmith.com
 
2013-06-29 11:39:37 AM
None of those really shocked me. The explanation for the nipple clamps made sense.

However, the 3-some thing made me say WTF. And that was the $3 million malpractice award to the widow. I mean, WTF? The doctor is 60% liable for the dude's death because he didn't tell him not to have threesomes?!
 
2013-06-29 11:40:57 AM
So many cum ways to die..
 
2013-06-29 11:42:25 AM

Summer Glau's Love Slave: My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.

/His widow was thereafter looked upon with great yearning and fear.


So...she's single?
 
2013-06-29 11:44:16 AM
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-06-29 11:44:51 AM
t.imgbox.com Hey guys,, what's goin on in this thread?
 
2013-06-29 11:50:35 AM
FTFA: THE bouncer of San Francisco's infamous Condor strip club was crushed to death when he climbed on top of a piano to romp with a stripper after work - only for it to retract into the ceiling.Why did management install motors powerful enough to retract the piano and also be powerful enough to lift two people and still have enough left over to crush one of them to death?
 
2013-06-29 11:52:38 AM

Cloudchaser Sakonige the Red Wolf: FTFA: THE bouncer of San Francisco's infamous Condor strip club was crushed to death when he climbed on top of a piano to romp with a stripper after work - only for it to retract into the ceiling.Why did management install motors powerful enough to retract the piano and also be powerful enough to lift two people and still have enough left over to crush one of them to death?


Pianos are heavy, VERY heavy. It's not like you can just get a heavy duty motor that can lift the piano and only a few pounds more.
 
2013-06-29 11:55:56 AM
Anyone have the clapping Darwin gif?
 
2013-06-29 11:57:56 AM
Speaking of death by sex, apparently erotic snuff stories are legal.  Not bothered by that?  What about pedophilia?  Got a fwded email with this:
lh3.googleusercontent.com

I don't see how the U.S. government can justify siding with freedom of speech vs. obscenity in relation to something like  Loliwood Studios.
 
2013-06-29 11:59:47 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-06-29 12:09:59 PM
Vice President Nelson Rockefeller

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-06-29 12:33:29 PM

puppetmaster745: Anyone have the clapping Darwin gif?


This deserves more of a "Ceiling Darwin is watching you screw. You're going to finish prematurely."
 
2013-06-29 01:02:34 PM

somedudeontheinternet: Speaking of death by sex, apparently erotic snuff stories are legal.  Not bothered by that?  What about pedophilia?  Got a fwded email with this:
[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 385x564]

I don't see how the U.S. government can justify siding with freedom of speech vs. obscenity in relation to something like  Loliwood Studios.



Why should any form of fictional text be illegal?
 
2013-06-29 01:24:43 PM

somedudeontheinternet: Speaking of death by sex, apparently erotic snuff stories are legal.  Not bothered by that?  What about pedophilia?  Got a fwded email with this:
[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 385x564]

I don't see how the U.S. government can justify siding with freedom of speech vs. obscenity in relation to something like  Loliwood Studios.


Maybe because we don't have a lot of incidences of people making real snuff films, but we DO have a lot of people kidnapping and abusing children.
 
2013-06-29 01:55:03 PM

Enigmamf: somedudeontheinternet: Speaking of death by sex, apparently erotic snuff stories are legal.  Not bothered by that?  What about pedophilia?  Got a fwded email with this:
[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 385x564]

I don't see how the U.S. government can justify siding with freedom of speech vs. obscenity in relation to something like  Loliwood Studios.

Maybe because we don't have a lot of incidences of people making real snuff films, but we DO have a lot of people kidnapping and abusing children.


Which is the same thing as stories.

Unless you think video games should also be banned...
 
2013-06-29 02:00:12 PM

loonatic112358: Summer Glau's Love Slave: My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.

/His widow was thereafter looked upon with great yearning and fear.

Did she go into the army after this?


Farkerscare too young to rememberbthis Goldie Oldie
 
2013-06-29 02:07:17 PM
Sharai Mawera's boyfriend fled and survived the savage bush attack.

The woman had never heard of a Brazilian?
 
2013-06-29 02:36:55 PM
So Farkers are gonna live forever?
 
2013-06-29 02:43:21 PM

lake_huron: loonatic112358: Summer Glau's Love Slave: My older cousin was literally farked to death on his honeymoon. He had a massive heart attack on the conjugal bed while she was still riding him!

Dead at 29.

/His widow was thereafter looked upon with great yearning and fear.

Did she go into the army after this?

Farkerscare too young to rememberbthis Goldie Oldie


Almost like a Private joke, you say?
 
2013-06-29 02:59:22 PM
FTFA: A WOMAN was killed by a big cat after being set upon while enjoying a naked romp with her man in a Zimbabwe beauty spot this year.

Sharai Mawera's boyfriend fled and survived the savage bush attack.

But did he escape the lion?

/will refer to sex as a savage bush attack from now on
 
2013-06-29 03:01:30 PM
As for the 12-hour Viagra marathon story, too many questions:
- why didn't taking a whole bottle of Viagra not kill him instantly?
- why didn't his tool break off after the four-hour warning?
- and last, but not least, the story says the man completed the challenge, how were the two women not hospitalized for internal burns?


/insert "do you smoke after sex" joke here
 
2013-06-29 03:06:47 PM
News story from the piano incident.

One detail left out by the Sun's story: The woman ended up trapped between the piano and the dead man's body overnight.  After the janitor found her the next morning, it took three hours to free her.
 
2013-06-29 04:05:36 PM
Anyone with an internet law degree want to explain how the last one would have even remotely held up in court?
 
2013-06-29 04:34:33 PM
There's more than one problem with the nipple clamp one. Most will read the article and go "shocking her with wall current, dumb," and rightfully so, but that kind of play could kill with far less electricity as well.

Kids, if you're going to play with electricity, don't make it go from one contact point to the other with the heart right in between. That means not making any amount of electricity go from one nipple to the other.
 
2013-06-29 05:52:02 PM

ZoSo_the_Crowe: There's more than one problem with the nipple clamp one. Most will read the article and go "shocking her with wall current, dumb," and rightfully so, but that kind of play could kill with far less electricity as well.

Kids, if you're going to play with electricity, don't make it go from one contact point to the other with the heart right in between. That means not making any amount of electricity go from one nipple to the other.


DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
 
2013-06-29 06:30:21 PM

kevinatilusa: One detail left out by the Sun's story: The woman ended up trapped between the piano and the dead man's body overnight. After the janitor found her the next morning, it took three hours to free her.


Also they were both wasted drunk, worst hangover ever.
 
2013-06-29 06:54:24 PM

legion_of_doo: the 3-some thing made me say WTF. And that was the $3 million malpractice award to the widow. I mean, WTF? The doctor is 60% liable for the dude's death because he didn't tell him not to have threesomes?!


I heard of this elsewhere, so it probably made Fark (this is where I get all my news).
 
2013-06-29 07:30:32 PM
A WOMAN was killed by a big cat after being set upon while enjoying a naked romp with her man in a Zimbabwe beauty spot this year.

Sharai Mawera's boyfriend fled and survived the savage bush attack.



Proving once again that if you can outrun your partner, you don't need to outrun the lions.
 
2013-06-29 08:46:05 PM

Resident Muslim: As for the 12-hour Viagra marathon story, too many questions:
- why didn't taking a whole bottle of Viagra not kill him instantly?
- why didn't his tool break off after the four-hour warning?
- and last, but not least, the story says the man completed the challenge, how were the two women not hospitalized for internal burns?


/insert "do you smoke after sex" joke here


Keep in mind the guys name is reportedly 'sergie tuganov' -- get it? Do you see what they did there?
 
2013-06-29 09:57:35 PM

GungFu: http://www.myconfinedspace.com/2011/01/21/spanish-perv-dies-having- sex -with-a-chicken/

.Man.Chicken.Boulder (NSFW or lunch)


Chickenlover...
 
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