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(NY Daily News)   Swell guy shoots neighbor for parking in his driveway   ( divider line
    More: Asinine  
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9395 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jan 2004 at 10:25 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

97 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-01-07 10:27:09 AM  
2004-01-07 10:27:50 AM  
What caused him to swell, was he attacked by a dog with a mouthful of bees so when it barked it shot bees at him?
2004-01-07 10:28:23 AM  
That'll learn the asshole!
2004-01-07 10:29:12 AM  
What is it with morons named Battle these days?

Is this guy related to the woman in Ohio?
2004-01-07 10:30:03 AM  
Too bad he missed the victim's head.
2004-01-07 10:32:05 AM  
Vivian, where did you get that howitzer?

I found it!
2004-01-07 10:33:09 AM  
"Prosecutors say Baxter Floyd, 68, pistol-whipped and shot neighbor Roshawn Battle, 25, after the younger man parked in his Crown Heights driveway Monday night."

I'd hate to try to explain to my friends that I was pistol-whipped by a sexagenarian.
2004-01-07 10:33:27 AM  
I live across the street from an elementary school where parents think it is just fine to sit in my driveway while they wait for their kids to get out of school. I've been late to meetings because someone has parked in my driveway and gone into the school, thereby, blocking me in. I'm telling you, it's a pain in the ass. I don't condone shooting people, but ...

(While writing this three people turned around in my driveway. Two of them honked at their kids as they entered the school. I'm now considering gunplay ... )
2004-01-07 10:34:56 AM  
goodgirl4badboy Use caltrops; not as noticible as spike strips, and just as effective :)

2004-01-07 10:37:16 AM  
whatever happened to getting the guy towed at his own expense?
2004-01-07 10:37:33 AM  
On one hand, when parking situations are tight, and the only spot available is on someone else's property, you gotta exercise proper judgement and just find somewhere else to park. Even if the guy is usually easy-going, you gotta know that everyone has a breaking point. On the other hand, sometimes you just wanna park wherever there's a spot available. You just gotta ask yourself, am I prepared for what might happen after I leave my car here? From tires punctured and windows busted, to graze wounds to the head.

p.s. Oh yeah i live in the city, parking is crucial.

2004-01-07 10:40:28 AM  
No big deal. We've all shot someone for less.

THe guy should gat his driveway. Then let the asshole park in it and close the gate when he leaves. My driveway, my car now buddy. Then when the guy comes back, take a dump on the hood of the car as he watches in horror from the other side of the gate.
2004-01-07 10:40:42 AM  
Eclectic: don't think we haven't considered it.

Any advice on how to get rid of the bus drivers? The school campus is drug free so they stand in our front yard to have a smoke while waiting for school to get out. We find their butts (pun intended) all over the front yard.

And I live in a really nice neighborhood. Really! I do!
2004-01-07 10:41:17 AM  
I don't want to see any of the farkers bragging about how they were waiting with bated breath to shoot interlopers who venture on to their property, and would wait until their stomach wounds' bleeding ensured death not praise the HELL out of the guy doing the shooting in this case.

2004-01-07 10:42:59 AM other news, it's been a rough week for the Battle clan...
2004-01-07 10:43:23 AM  
The guy (homeowner) is being held on $3500 bail? Where do I donate cash to get him out?
2004-01-07 10:44:01 AM  
I so wish that was legal.

These farking retards that eat at the Leona's restaurant (next door) park in our private "lot" (4 spots, if you're careful) behind our little apartment building. There is a sign with big bold red lettering that says "This is NOT Parking For Leona's" and then smaller "Violators will be towed..." The "NOT" is capitalized, even.

Do people even hesitate? Not at all. I'll be, say, washing my car or something and some dumbass I don't know will just pull right in next to me and get out of their car and start walking away.

Typical exchange:
"Excuse me...Just so you're aware, I'm about to walk inside and call the cops to have your car towed." "What?" "You're going to Leona's, right?" "Yeah." "This is residential parking" "What?" "See the big sign on the wall right in front of your car that says 'This is NOT Parking for Leona's'?" "Oh. I thought it said 'This *is* Parking for Leona's'" *blank stare* "Well...It doesn't"

Usually they're just parked there when I get home. I promptly hop in my truck, back out of the spot I was in, and get to within, oh, an inch or so of their bumper (sometimes my bumper is actually *over* theirs, if their car is low enough). Then I call the cops.

I'm on a first name basis with several of the cops on my beat, now. The cops just *delight* in giving the idiots not only the $80 ticket for illegally parking on private property, but often running up a handful more (Illegally tinted windows? Missing front license plate? etc).

I keep meaning to talk to a local towing service. If I can work out a deal where I get, like, $20 per car I get for them, I'd LOVE it!

Thanks for letting me rant.
2004-01-07 10:47:15 AM  
goodgirl4badboy --

I suggest sprinklers and a remote control system for the smoking bus drivers. A few drenchings that are occur every time one of them lights up might get the point across.

Or, document it (especially with photos) and place a friendly call to the school principal/district superintendent and ask them if it is their policy to encourage or allow employees to litter the private property of others, and if the school would like to pay clean up costs.
2004-01-07 10:48:22 AM  
boinger, you are my hero!
2004-01-07 10:49:50 AM  
Oh, just to clarify for all the farkers out there who think I'm defending Mr. Battle:

(A) No excuse for taking somebody's parking space.
(B) No excuse for beating the living piss out of someone and almost shooting them to death when they do it.

Given that without Mr. Battle's propensity for ducking when in danger he might well be dead, I'd suggest this is at least *somewhat* serious.

"Vengance is mine, sayeth the lord, unless someone parketh in your space, in which case haveth at him!"
2004-01-07 10:51:11 AM  
goodgirl4badboy: next time the bus drivers leave their presents for you, collect the butts in a coffee can or some other container, walk across the street and dump the butts into the school bus, or better yet, wait until the drivers are back in their busses and then dump the butts into their laps, (and run like hell)!!
2004-01-07 10:52:01 AM  
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2004-01-07 10:52:09 AM  

You can't get paid, but in some places you can set up a contract with a towing company to have cars towed from your private property. Usually you have to post the name and number of the tow company. If there are enough violations the company will send a spotter out to watch for illegal parkers. They do this because they make like $50 profit per tow. Just make sure you warn your guests.
2004-01-07 10:54:06 AM  
incrdbil, good ideas. Still think it would be easier to just shoot them, but I'll take your thoughts into consideration.
2004-01-07 10:54:58 AM  

Sounds like the lot behind my wife's store. Is two spots for employees only and asshole residents who don't want to bother looking for parking take her spot, and she ends up being late for her shift since she's stuck looking for a spot on the steet. I hear this rant at least 3 times a week.
2004-01-07 10:56:07 AM  
I thought my curb rage tagline was better, but what the hey...
2004-01-07 10:57:16 AM  
I don't know why they call a place where you drive a parkway, and a place where you park a driveway, but I agree with calling a place where your neighbors illegally park their car a "Shooting Range".

And stay off my lawn too !

2004-01-07 10:57:40 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
2004-01-07 10:59:18 AM  

2004-01-07 10:37:16 AM joneser514

whatever happened to getting the guy towed at his own expense?

Seems the best way, to me, as well. Easy. Safe. Law-riffic. Not attempted murder jail-a-riffic.

Wonder what the law is on removing objects from your own property.. was it a rental property? Can you not just shove the car back out into the street, or something?

boinger is my hero as well.
2004-01-07 10:59:21 AM  
shoot the car...
2004-01-07 10:59:39 AM  
goodgirl4badboy A roofing nail behind a tire would do the trick and they wouldn't know it was you or that it wasn't an accident. For something more obvious and quick, take two #11 X-Acto Blades and solder the back edge of the blades together at a 90degree angle and prob that behind the tire. You will be able to watch the tire air out as they pass by your house.

perisoft, my take is that there was an argument, a struggle and eventually the old man shot at the guy, not because of the parking or tresspasing, but as a result of a 65 year old man losing a struggle with a 25 year old thug. I predict probation and that they take his gun. So yes, I praise the old guy for:
standing up for his rights
trying to solve the problem peacefully
defending himself

2004-01-07 11:01:20 AM  
Baxter Floyd: "I pistol-whipped my enemy, and smote his ruin upon my driveway"
2004-01-07 11:03:07 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

It seems everyone in the Battle family has bad luck.

First they get their 162 million dollar lottery tickets stolen from them, now they get shot for parking.
2004-01-07 11:03:10 AM  
You gotta fight for your right to park there

/beastie boys in my head
2004-01-07 11:03:13 AM  
Make friends with your local electrical engineering honors year class. Relatively cheap remote controlled watering system and movement activated lights or security alarms from your local home depot creates a remarkably convenient 'stay the fark out of my yard arsehole' device. Requires just a little friendlyness with electronics and a soldering iron. Doubles nicely as a project/coursework for electrical engineering student.
2004-01-07 11:04:02 AM  
Battle? Any relation to the lovely lady who claimed she lost her lotto ticket? Should have shot her too.
2004-01-07 11:04:16 AM  
1 Jack the asshats car up
2 Remove all 4 wheels
3 Sell back for huge profit!
2004-01-07 11:05:36 AM  
Parking in just about any major city really sucks ass. Yet the same cities have hundreds of abandoned buildings (read: crack houses). Why on earth can't they just flatten these places and put up more parking lots?
2004-01-07 11:05:51 AM  
If that bum parked in my spot I would get totally furious and probably just go over to it and pick it up and toss it into a dumpster or go hide it behind a building. Then I would wait for him to get back and just give him a little flick with my index finger and send him into the brick wall across the street. Also I am the Hulk.
2004-01-07 11:06:54 AM  
Swell guy shoots neighbor for parking in his driveway

He should see a doctor about that swelling
2004-01-07 11:07:49 AM  
This guy is a HERO. It's called private property for a reason.
2004-01-07 11:08:06 AM  
I give asshat parkers a free car waxing. Except I use brake fluid.
2004-01-07 11:08:17 AM  
Pistol whipped with a .25 caliber pistol? The article didn't say for sure, but a .25 is typically a .25ACP.
This pic is actual size...
[image from too old to be available]
2004-01-07 11:08:21 AM  
Since I was wondering what exactly a 'caltrop' was, I thought others might as well:

As for bus drivers littering your property with cigarette butts: If they're actually on your property while smoking, call the cops and have them cited for trespassing. Of course, if they're standing on a public sidewalk, then you can only use the cops for littering, which would be harder to catch. Of course, what always amazes me is how many butts you'll find all over the ground, when there's a freaking ashtray 15 feet away. Or worse, when there's ashtray in the car, but the butt goes out the window.

And on the horn blowing subject, does anyone know the horn location on the newest Chevy Cavaliers? Damn neighbor's gf has one, and insists on honking 'goodbye' several times every time she's leaving the place. Would love to 'disable' them....
2004-01-07 11:09:01 AM  
Slices of bologna placed liberally all over the offending vehicle on a sunny afternoon will give it a nice polka dot finish that will never come off.
2004-01-07 11:10:14 AM  
I live at the corner of an intersection to a highway in a totally rural area. People love to toss the beer bottles or Sonic meals into my yard as they slow for the stop sign. Any ideas on how to catch/punish these people? I thought about a video camera or something, but the bottles happen at night and the road is a considereable distance from my house.
2004-01-07 11:10:43 AM  
"He's a nice old man," said Arthur Wilkinson, a 48-year-old plumber who lives next door. "Anybody could shoot someone if they push you to the limit."

Hey! Wow! That's the best argument yet for giving every hotheaded moron a gun!

Pushed to the limit, for f**k's sake. It's a f**king car parking space. If that's your limit, then you seriously need therapy to get some sense of perspective.
2004-01-07 11:11:34 AM  
You guys have inspired me.

I called the meanest, most ruthless towing company in the city. Lincoln Towing. That name should strike a shudder of fear into the heart of anyone who's ever lived in Chicago (or been unlucky enough to have been towed by them while visiting).

You don't just get towed. You get to trek out to their yard (which is not convenient, especially from my address) and then wait in the cold (the "lobby" fits about 3 people), then wait some more for them to call you back to get your car. And it's expensive (of course).

I asked about kick-backs. They said it was against the law. Damn it.
2004-01-07 11:12:07 AM  
Handy suggestions from the classic Avenger's Handbook on what to do to with cars
2004-01-07 11:12:43 AM  

Well... unless its in self defence
or executions I suppose...
oh, times of war are OK too...
or they're some 'sub human' race, religion, sexual orientation, or political association...
um...yeah, or if they're sleeping with your partner or stealing your beer or TV (or someone else's)
parking in your driveway...
looking at you funny...
angering your god...
or if you just don't like them...
or if you do.
I suppose.
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