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(Stuff.co.nz)   If you anticipate needing something to relieve your dry lips in the middle of the night, make sure you stow the Super Glue someplace other than next to your bed   (stuff.co.nz) divider line 43
    More: Amusing, chapped lips, bed  
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3642 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jun 2013 at 8:38 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-06-27 08:27:53 PM
There are several ways this could have been more amusing.  I'll leave that to your juvenile, fecund imaginations.  Meanwhile, I'll be in my bunk.
 
2013-06-27 08:41:55 PM
I think your dry lips oughta move to Kapuskasing
 
2013-06-27 08:43:39 PM
I'm thinking it was something like The Matrix when Agent Smith seals Neo's mouth shut.
 
2013-06-27 08:45:34 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-06-27 08:46:41 PM
Tube, different size, different feel.  Top, different size, different feel.  Smell.  Bullshiat.
 
2013-06-27 08:46:45 PM
She have been an Adult. about it and glued her eyelids together.
 
2013-06-27 08:47:10 PM
Early in my private practice career I had a 5 year old patient who was imitating his grandmother putting in glaucoma drops. Except he used superglue. Perfect shot in both eyes.

Interestingly, cyanoacrylate is pretty non-toxic. Injuries usually happen when people try to force apart or open glued tissues. In my patient's case a drop of tetracaine and fine scissors were all that was needed to safely cut the glue out of his lid fissures. Brave kid. I was impressed. He was just fine afterwards.
 
2013-06-27 08:47:47 PM

trappedspirit: Tube, different size, different feel.  Top, different size, different feel.  Smell.  Bullshiat.


You never woke up in the middle of the night and almost put nasal spray in your eyes, didja?
 
2013-06-27 08:47:58 PM

ilgette: I'm thinking it was something like The Matrix when Agent Smith seals Neo's mouth shut.


Three posts in and already my idea has been taken.


/shakes tiny fist
//but leaving satisfied
///should have taken the red pill
////or the spoon
//there is no slash
 
2013-06-27 08:50:36 PM

Gyrfalcon: trappedspirit: Tube, different size, different feel.  Top, different size, different feel.  Smell.  Bullshiat.

You never woke up in the middle of the night and almost put nasal spray in your eyes, didja?


Or numb your lips with a tube of Orajel.
 
2013-06-27 08:53:37 PM
You know how I know she isn't married?

Nothing mentioned about a guy laughing way too hard through the whole thing, and requiring medical treatment for the trauma he suffered the next day.
 
2013-06-27 08:55:27 PM
[nelsonhaha.jpg]
 
2013-06-27 09:09:03 PM
Police said the Dunedin woman called them for help overnight, but because her mouth had been glued shut, it sounded like she had been gagged.

"My face is glued shut and I can't talk... should I drive myself to the ER? No, no, too straight-forward. Oh, I know, the phone!"
 
2013-06-27 09:14:22 PM

Gyrfalcon: trappedspirit: Tube, different size, different feel.  Top, different size, different feel.  Smell.  Bullshiat.

You never woke up in the middle of the night and almost put nasal spray in your eyes, didja?


Not exactly.  There's been a number of things I have been woken up in just about every possible conscious state by two children now and have almost done a couple of things similar.  Almost.
 
2013-06-27 09:33:57 PM
I once gargled with face astringent, it looked just like mouthwash. Burned, bad.
 
2013-06-27 09:35:22 PM
Earlier this year I grabbed a can of buttery flavored oil spray sitting on the counter by the stove and sprayed the pan.  About that time I smelled lemons.  Turned the can around and it was air freshener.  Compared the cans afterward and they were almost identical in color and labeling.
 
2013-06-27 09:40:19 PM
i3.ytimg.com

Say you got your pina colada on one hand, and a beaker full of hydrochloric acid in the other! You're strolling on the upper deck, somebody says "Hey, look! Captain Skillex is puking over the side!" You forget which is which *drink* *scream*
 
2013-06-27 09:41:16 PM
One hungover morning, I dropped a burning match into my coffee as I lit my cigarette with a packet of sugar.
 
2013-06-27 09:43:19 PM
When I was young a friend of mine's mom was ironing and tried to answer the phone. Whoops.
 
2013-06-27 09:43:37 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
not for jock itch
 
2013-06-27 09:53:31 PM
I've heard "and then they called the ambulance" a lot when someone accidentally superglue themselves.  I really don't get this... the stuff simply dissolves with acetone, and every house with a woman it it has some.

The ambulance probably stopped at the grocery store on the way to her place, and then charged her insurance company with a $1000 Emergency Response bill  *rolleyes* .
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-06-27 09:53:46 PM
/oblig
bestofthe80s.files.wordpress.com

/im the first? really? i am disappoint
 
2013-06-27 09:58:25 PM
A similar thing happened to me, with Dr. Scholl's Corn Remover, and the head of my cock.
 
2013-06-27 10:02:54 PM
A g/f did something similar with my dick once. (not the gluing shut part)

/I had waited by her nightstand for hours.
 
2013-06-27 10:08:38 PM
I was wondering why she needed lip gloss in the middle of the night. Something is missing from that story.
 
2013-06-27 10:33:37 PM
I read this article before it was greenlit and kept thinking there was a perfect opening line.  Unfortunately, I only know remember what it was.

I have no mouth and I must scream

/perfect Boobies
/ah well
 
2013-06-27 10:38:10 PM

ProfessorOhki: Police said the Dunedin woman called them for help overnight, but because her mouth had been glued shut, it sounded like she had been gagged.

"My face is glued shut and I can't talk... should I drive myself to the ER? No, no, too straight-forward. Oh, I know, the phone!"


You assume she had a car.

/made an ass outta u and... no... just u.
 
2013-06-27 10:44:52 PM
Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmmmmmm.
 
2013-06-27 10:59:14 PM

SomethingToDo: Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mm m mmm mmmmmmm.


impose.vaesite.net
 
2013-06-27 10:59:38 PM

SomethingToDo: Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mm m mmm mmmmmmm.


Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
His hair had turned from black into bright white
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard
 
2013-06-27 11:01:00 PM

farkingismybusiness: SomethingToDo: Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mm m mmm mmmmmmm.

[impose.vaesite.net image 496x306]


24 seconds.  My tiny fist, I shake it at you.
 
2013-06-27 11:03:09 PM

JasonOfOrillia: farkingismybusiness: SomethingToDo: Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mm m mmm mmmmmmm.

[impose.vaesite.net image 496x306]

24 seconds.  My tiny fist, I shake it at you.


You gotta be faster than that (crash test) dummy!
 
2013-06-27 11:03:45 PM

alywa: Early in my private practice career I had a 5 year old patient who was imitating his grandmother putting in glaucoma drops. Except he used superglue. Perfect shot in both eyes.


I also know someone who accidentally assumed they were grabbing eye drops. The real kicker is that when they went to the ER, a nurse attending to them said it was the second case he'd seen... that week.
 
2013-06-27 11:07:41 PM

SomethingToDo: Mmmm mm mmm mm mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmm mm mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmmmmmm.


Once
there was this woman who
wanted to use lip gloss and picked up the wrong tube
but
when she applied it
she... felt... her lips were sealing together
it turned out to be superglue
and left her feeling speeeeeechlesssss....
 
2013-06-27 11:32:31 PM

alywa: Interestingly, cyanoacrylate is pretty non-toxic.


I did some undergraduate biology research. My mentor made a big point of explaining that cyanoacrylate glue is non-toxic and we used it to fix live tissue samples to microscope slides. I use it now instead of band aids for small cuts. It works just fine and crumbles away after a few days.
 
2013-06-27 11:41:13 PM

wallywam1: alywa: Interestingly, cyanoacrylate is pretty non-toxic.

I did some undergraduate biology research. My mentor made a big point of explaining that cyanoacrylate glue is non-toxic and we used it to fix live tissue samples to microscope slides. I use it now instead of band aids for small cuts. It works just fine and crumbles away after a few days.


It was used to seal small cuts by soldiers during the Vietnam war, and probably by numerous construction workers after Krazy Glue came out. I don't remember seeing it sold as liquid bandages before the late 90s or early 00s, in the form of octyl cyanoacrylate. Supposedly this form degrades more slowly and doesn't produce fumes which actually can be toxic (to living tissue, at least).
 
2013-06-27 11:48:43 PM
Accidental gluing of body parts happens so often now, it's treatment is taught in med school, and particularly for ER and trauma residents.
 
2013-06-28 12:01:08 AM

Equilibrist: There are several ways this could have been more amusing.  I'll leave that to your juvenile, fecund imaginations.  Meanwhile, I'll be in my bunk.


Or just watch American Pie 2.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-06-28 02:54:49 AM
Lip balm thread?    http://www.chopsaver.com/
 
2013-06-28 04:03:29 AM
knew someone who once put drops into his eye, mistaking wart remover for saline.

scarred his cornea up pretty bad. lots of redness in the eye that took a few weeks to heal.
/he was pissed of the hook in his golf game ever since
 
2013-06-28 07:17:03 AM

farkingismybusiness: When I was young a friend of mine's mom was ironing and tried to answer the phone. Whoops.

I always heard it as:

How did Helen Keller burn her face?

She tried to answer the iron.

How did she burn the other side?

They called back.
 
2013-06-28 08:15:48 AM
But his lips really hurt... gosh!

www.ilovenapoleondynamite.com


/dnrtfa
 
2013-06-28 10:01:55 AM

trappedspirit: Tube, different size, different feel.  Top, different size, different feel.  Smell.  Bullshiat.


This
 
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