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(WCAX Vermont)   "I started to choke it with my left hand and then it started to fall off and then it grabbed a hold of me right here. I started to choke it with both hands. Then it jumped up and got me on my hand and now I have four stitches there"   (wcax.com) divider line 37
    More: Scary  
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10794 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jun 2013 at 9:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-26 09:27:04 AM
Fapping is hard.
 
2013-06-26 09:27:14 AM
I thought the article would be about mastubation.
 
2013-06-26 09:27:19 AM
Chicken? DNRTFA,
 
2013-06-26 09:28:49 AM
"I think it would have eaten me more."

Some people pay extra for that kind of thing.
 
2013-06-26 09:29:49 AM

Wellon Dowd: Fapping is hard.


You got problems when you own dick is beating you off.
 
2013-06-26 09:29:51 AM

Anderson's Pooper: "I think it would have eaten me more."

Some people pay extra for that kind of thing.


Are they German?
 
2013-06-26 09:29:56 AM
 
2013-06-26 09:30:00 AM
Piper?

What kind of self entitled ass-hat names their child Piper?
Oh, a farking suburban Vermonter.
not even a verified woodchuck.
One of those nimby soccer moms.
 
2013-06-26 09:30:12 AM
Found one on our deck last week. I promptly locked the door and turned off all the lights. You can never be too cautious when dealing with 'coons.
 
2013-06-26 09:31:12 AM

MutantMotherMouse: Found one on our deck last week. I promptly locked the door and turned off all the lights. You can never be too cautious when dealing with 'coons.


Paula Deen knows what you're talking about.

/A-Train to hell, that's what I'm on.
 
2013-06-26 09:35:18 AM
ts3.mm.bing.net
 
2013-06-26 09:39:35 AM
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-26 09:40:19 AM
good lord. do people really talk like that?
 
2013-06-26 09:40:34 AM
The Raccoon charges the Human Child
The Human Child looks surprised by the ferocity of the Raccoons onslaught!
The Raccoon bites the Human Child in the left thigh, bruising the muscle
The Human Child grabs the Raccoon by the throat
The Human Child breaks the grip of the Raccoons teeth on her left thigh
The Human Child strangles the Raccoons throat!
 
2013-06-26 09:46:28 AM
Honey? Is that you?
 
2013-06-26 09:46:45 AM

PizzaJedi81: MutantMotherMouse: Found one on our deck last week. I promptly locked the door and turned off all the lights. You can never be too cautious when dealing with 'coons.

Paula Deen knows what you're talking about.

/A-Train to hell, that's what I'm on.


....and to gettin banned from the food network.
 
2013-06-26 09:49:08 AM
www.miataturbo.net
 
2013-06-26 09:53:37 AM

vudukungfu: Piper?

What kind of self entitled ass-hat names their child Piper?
Oh, a farking suburban Vermonter.
not even a verified woodchuck.
One of those nimby soccer moms.


More like what kind of self entitled ass-hat worries about what somebody names their child? My friend and his wife just named their new daughter Piper. But then again me and my friends are rednecked backwoods suburban Mississippians.

/I know I know, Welcome to Fark!
//glad the kids were okay
 
2013-06-26 09:56:53 AM

gizmokid18: glad the kids were okay


Well, the kids are alright.
 
2013-06-26 09:56:56 AM

gizmokid18: More like what kind of self entitled ass-hat worries about what somebody names their child?


I don't think he's worried. I just think he thinks it's dopey.

gizmokid18: My friend and his wife just named their new daughter Piper.


Ohhh, so it's wrong because it hits close to home, then. On behalf of vudukungfu I'd like to apologize for the dumb name your friend gave his kid.
 
2013-06-26 10:03:34 AM
Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him's nervous.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shattin' bricks.
Clark: You shouldn't use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shattin' rocks
 
2013-06-26 10:15:08 AM
nutbag in the comments: "Thank the anti hunters and anti trappers for the outbreak of rabies, mother natures way of controlling over population can be real cruel. "

Maybe he should be hired to exterminate all the raccoons in the state.
 
2013-06-26 10:42:01 AM

Mentalpatient87: gizmokid18: More like what kind of self entitled ass-hat worries about what somebody names their child?

I don't think he's worried. I just think he thinks it's dopey.

gizmokid18: My friend and his wife just named their new daughter Piper.

Ohhh, so it's wrong because it hits close to home, then. On behalf of vudukungfu I'd like to apologize for the dumb name your friend gave his kid.


Polish your ITG armour again, it's not quite white enough.
 
2013-06-26 11:12:14 AM
Hit it with a stick!
 
2013-06-26 11:13:03 AM
You choke it like a girl.
 
2013-06-26 11:27:26 AM
That 'coon was rabid. Also, grabbing one by the neck is not generally going to turn out well, a 'coon's skin is pretty loose, they can pivot around and bite the crap out of you. Think of it as a 30 pound ferret.
 
2013-06-26 11:51:57 AM
Had a raccoon once. Ex-wife brought him home. We named him Sigerson. For Sigerson Holmes, Sherlock's smarter younger brother ... because that little burglar could get into and out ofanything. Including the day I brought her home from the hospital and the Ex is out cold, sleeping off the meds when I find Sigerson trying to undo the staples in her stomach.

Drove fifty miles to Sigerson's new home in the woods. He gave me the finger as I drove away. She yelled at me for getting rid of him.

/raccoon
 
2013-06-26 12:00:12 PM

PizzaJedi81: MutantMotherMouse: Found one on our deck last week. I promptly locked the door and turned off all the lights. You can never be too cautious when dealing with 'coons.

Paula Deen knows what you're talking about.

/A-Train to hell, that's what I'm on.


We've considered organizing a Neighborhood Watch.

/dibs on the window seat
 
2013-06-26 12:56:51 PM
Eh, he was just pissed the kid took his Gideon's Bible.
 
2013-06-26 01:39:01 PM

IdBeCrazyIf: Wellon Dowd: Fapping is hard.

And for gods sake, don't do it while on shrooms


So..I just have to say. I like how that article is about a guy on shrooms, then for the slideshow at the bottom, they use farking bath salts. Cuz you know. Those two things are totally the same.

/not really
 
2013-06-26 04:24:46 PM

washington-babylon: Eh, he was just pissed the kid took his Gideon's Bible.


Yep, that kid drew fast and shot.
 
2013-06-26 04:57:03 PM

SharkaPult: washington-babylon: Eh, he was just pissed the kid took his Gideon's Bible.

Yep, that kid drew fast and shot.


Heh. I was starting to wonder if the fark denizens were too young to get the reference.
 
2013-06-26 07:29:25 PM
Headline is actually for a masturbatory encounter with one badass penis.
 
2013-06-26 08:52:06 PM

washington-babylon: SharkaPult: washington-babylon: Eh, he was just pissed the kid took his Gideon's Bible.

Yep, that kid drew fast and shot.

Heh. I was starting to wonder if the fark denizens were too young to get the reference.


Ha! I'm not all that old myself, but I love singing that song
 
2013-06-26 09:06:45 PM

gizmokid18: Mentalpatient87: gizmokid18: More like what kind of self entitled ass-hat worries about what somebody names their child?

I don't think he's worried. I just think he thinks it's dopey.

gizmokid18: My friend and his wife just named their new daughter Piper.

Ohhh, so it's wrong because it hits close to home, then. On behalf of vudukungfu I'd like to apologize for the dumb name your friend gave his kid.

Polish your ITG armour again, it's not quite white enough.


Armor. And your the only one getting touchy here.
 
2013-06-26 09:41:10 PM

SharkaPult: washington-babylon: SharkaPult: washington-babylon: Eh, he was just pissed the kid took his Gideon's Bible.

Yep, that kid drew fast and shot.

Heh. I was starting to wonder if the fark denizens were too young to get the reference.

Ha! I'm not all that old myself, but I love singing that song


Same here. Only slightly more than a quarter century myself.
 
2013-06-26 10:22:17 PM
"And then I screamed, 'Get away from my sister, raccoon!'"

I don't know why but it cracked me up reading this.
 
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