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(Business Insider)   Dear Loser, Thank you very little for your demo. It is currently on its way to the lower-intestine of the talent-acquisition process. Sincerely, Brutally Honest Job Rejections   (businessinsider.com) divider line 25
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19734 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2013 at 1:56 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-25 02:35:24 PM
9 votes:
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall,
Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,Chris L. Jensen
2013-06-25 02:02:18 PM
9 votes:
Dear Farker:
We certainly appreciate you constant bombardment of submissions that have previously been posted to Reddit and the Onion but if you REALLY want to get greenlighted, you must try Sponsored Content because it is Pretty Farking Awesome.
Thanks and keep trying,
Fark Modmins.
2013-06-25 03:46:34 PM
5 votes:

d23: poot_rootbeer: hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.

I remember back in the days when you used to get automated messages.

When looking for my current job I had an interview with a pharmaceutical chain that is identified by three letters (the same three letters that also represent the name of an open source versioning server).  I had to travel 60 minutes away for an interview that was for a job in the town in which I lived.  So I spent a good deal of money and time to interview for their job... but they couldn't even be bothered to send me a message when they rejected me.  I think it's rather rude to not send a polite rejection to anyone that interviews (that's a step back where the polite thing to do was to send a note to anyone that applied), but when I think someone has taken that time, spent money on gas to interview for a LOCAL job, etc., I think it's beyond the pale to not send a polite rejection.

Of course we're in the corporate era and corporatism is often the system of values these HR people live under, so you'll hear whines from them about how that is wasting the company's time.  I think it's a sign of someone you don't want to work for.


I hate Git pharmacy. If you called around asking about the price of any item they sold, every store would give you a different price. I wish they would have a centralized system to store the prices so each store would not have their own prices.
2013-06-25 02:30:52 PM
4 votes:
Performance reviews.
Old, but still worthwhile.

(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."
(2) "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."
(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
(4) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
(11) "This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."
(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
(13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
(17) "He's been working with glue too much."
(18) "He would argue with a signpost."
(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."
(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."
(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."
(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
2013-06-25 02:31:24 PM
3 votes:
Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
2013-06-25 02:19:10 PM
3 votes:
Dear John,George,Paul and Pete,

 We at Decca find your Merseybeat sound interesting,but frankly groups with guitars are shall we say "passe".
Perhaps you should try something like French Horns and pianos.

All the best,

Dick Rowe
2013-06-25 04:31:37 PM
2 votes:
CheetahOlivetti:
I quit after the second year. All the teachers at that school were either drunk all the time or having affairs. Or both.

Say, you got that address handy?
2013-06-25 03:05:16 PM
2 votes:
Dear applicant,

tl;dr
2013-06-25 03:00:24 PM
2 votes:
Big tits? You're hired
2013-06-25 02:45:06 PM
2 votes:

Banned on the Run: (18) "He would argue with a signpost."


4.bp.blogspot.com
2013-06-25 02:15:48 PM
2 votes:
CSB time!!!

I've done some freelance writing over my lifetime, and heard about a magazine called The Luddite (I think?), that was directed towards, obviously, luddites. As soon as I saw that, I remembered that there was a blurb about how the Mennonites in Phoenix were struggling with maintaining their non-modern existence in light of changing times, particularly with their children. So, I had the idea to pitch a story to The Luddite about this struggle.

I received a rejection letter about a month letter...handwritten...on 3-ring binder notebook paper...full of misspellings and grammar errors. The big thing I most remember is how offended the editor was and how insulting he was to me about the fact that I wrote my pitch...on a computer. All kinds of stuff about "You obviously have never read our magazine or even taken the time to look up what a luddite is". He took the time to point out a grammatical error in my proposal (which, according to me and Elements of Style it was not) and tried to point out that I needed an apostrophe in "its" when discussing the possessive form. It was that bad and awesome.

I'm pretty sure I still have that at home...I may need to frame it.
2013-06-25 02:15:15 PM
2 votes:
It could be worse.

"He asked if he could call me Becky as he noticed my moonblood had seeped through my tampon and stained the back of my skirt, forming a bullseye. he kept muttering to himself: Becky Bullseye. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
2013-06-25 06:12:26 PM
1 votes:

Aar1012: Someday, I really just want to draft a fake resume and cover letter. Tailor it to their specifications minus one or two things and just note that I match their specifications except that one thing and mention how I Highly doubt someone is actually reading this letter because I'm automatically passed over. I'd finished up about judging a book by its cover


I once was turned down by an automated system for a position requiring experience with a particular bit of avionics.

I designed that radio 4 years earlier. My signature was on the drawings...
2013-06-25 04:43:42 PM
1 votes:
I can't handle rejection. It's probably why I live alone and have done nothing noteworthy with my life. A letter like any of these, and I'd set myself on fire and hang myself.
2013-06-25 04:43:19 PM
1 votes:
I worked a couple of projects for a large construction contractor, and we required only a standard employment application form.

For lunch-time entertainment, we'd pass the applications around. Some were nothing short of hilarious; it is amazing the things people feel compelled to share on a standardized application for employment.

My all-time favorite was one from a younger fellow. Under "Special Skills or Interests" he wrote "I am really good with my hand".

Hired!
2013-06-25 04:19:47 PM
1 votes:

xanadian: Heraclitus: Went to an interview for a large hospital chain. I'm sitting there chatting with the Admin and his assistant comes in and offers us some coffee. I take a cup and the Admin starts asking my opinion of the assistant that just left. Did I like the way he was dressed? Did I think the color of his tie brought out his eyes?
WTF?
I asked him if working at a hospital meant we got to hang out with a lot of Nurses, and then I got my ass out of there.

Sounds like a fabulous place to work.


25.media.tumblr.com
2013-06-25 04:19:14 PM
1 votes:
As someone currently looking for a job (I'm getting laid off on Friday), I'm getting a kick out of this thread. I'm starting to get antsy for a couple of places who have changed the status of my applications from "received" to "eligible" and "qualified, referred" respectively to at least call me to set up a phone interview.
2013-06-25 04:05:27 PM
1 votes:

Amidala: d23: poot_rootbeer: hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.

I remember back in the days when you used to get automated messages.

When looking for my current job I had an interview with a pharmaceutical chain that is identified by three letters (the same three letters that also represent the name of an open source versioning server).  I had to travel 60 minutes away for an interview that was for a job in the town in which I lived.  So I spent a good deal of money and time to interview for their job... but they couldn't even be bothered to send me a message when they rejected me.  I think it's rather rude to not send a polite rejection to anyone that interviews (that's a step back where the polite thing to do was to send a note to anyone that applied), but when I think someone has taken that time, spent money on gas to interview for a LOCAL job, etc., I think it's beyond the pale to not send a polite rejection.

Of course we're in the corporate era and corporatism is often the system of values these HR people live under, so you'll hear whines from them about how that is wasting the company's time.  I think it's a sign of someone you don't want to work for.

I hate Git pharmacy. If you called around asking about the price of any item they sold, every store would give you a different price. I wish they would have a centralized system to store the prices so each store would not have their own prices.


Yeah, but HR policies are so mercurial, it's bazaar. I'd imagine the employees at some of the worst offenders are actively planning subversion. The employees already have very little, and bit by bit keepers like management take more and more of the pie.
2013-06-25 03:56:40 PM
1 votes:

Amidala: d23: poot_rootbeer: hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.

I remember back in the days when you used to get automated messages.

When looking for my current job I had an interview with a pharmaceutical chain that is identified by three letters (the same three letters that also represent the name of an open source versioning server).  I had to travel 60 minutes away for an interview that was for a job in the town in which I lived.  So I spent a good deal of money and time to interview for their job... but they couldn't even be bothered to send me a message when they rejected me.  I think it's rather rude to not send a polite rejection to anyone that interviews (that's a step back where the polite thing to do was to send a note to anyone that applied), but when I think someone has taken that time, spent money on gas to interview for a LOCAL job, etc., I think it's beyond the pale to not send a polite rejection.

Of course we're in the corporate era and corporatism is often the system of values these HR people live under, so you'll hear whines from them about how that is wasting the company's time.  I think it's a sign of someone you don't want to work for.

I hate Git pharmacy. If you called around asking about the price of any item they sold, every store would give you a different price. I wish they would have a centralized system to store the prices so each store would not have their own prices.


you think Git is bad? Try SVN! i called a bunch of their stores looking for a prescription and each gave me a different version of the same story!

/And Don't get me started on VSS
2013-06-25 03:28:02 PM
1 votes:

RobDownSouth: From the other side of the fence:

My department was in dire need of a Unix sysadmin. Requirements were very exact, we had some unusual configurations and flavors of Unix. We found the perfect fit, guy with 7 years experience in exactly the same skillset, and his salary requirements were in line with what we were offering. I told HR to definitely make this guy an offer.

He turned us down.

I called the guy and asked him why, since it was win/win for both of us. "Your HR department wanted to see my college grades....not proof that I graduated 7 years ago, they wanted my grades. I don't need that kind of hassle. Sorry."

I asked HR what the hell were they doing, we'd never asked for grades before, even folks fresh out of college. "Well....he looked a little "different". We felt it'd be prudent to give him a little extra scrutiny. He doesn't look like our company's "type"...


So a sysadmin without a full beard, eh? Well, no one can blame HR for being skeptical~
2013-06-25 03:12:12 PM
1 votes:
Obligatory:
i101.photobucket.com
2013-06-25 03:06:39 PM
1 votes:

Usurper4: CSB time!!!

I've done some freelance writing over my lifetime, and heard about a magazine called The Luddite (I think?), that was directed towards, obviously, luddites. As soon as I saw that, I remembered that there was a blurb about how the Mennonites in Phoenix were struggling with maintaining their non-modern existence in light of changing times, particularly with their children. So, I had the idea to pitch a story to The Luddite about this struggle.

I received a rejection letter about a month letter...handwritten...on 3-ring binder notebook paper...full of misspellings and grammar errors. The big thing I most remember is how offended the editor was and how insulting he was to me about the fact that I wrote my pitch...on a computer. All kinds of stuff about "You obviously have never read our magazine or even taken the time to look up what a luddite is". He took the time to point out a grammatical error in my proposal (which, according to me and Elements of Style it was not) and tried to point out that I needed an apostrophe in "its" when discussing the possessive form. It was that bad and awesome.

I'm pretty sure I still have that at home...I may need to frame it.


Well, probably because Strunk & White used typewriters and computers to do their style book.  SACRILEGE
2013-06-25 02:11:09 PM
1 votes:
What an annoying goddam website that was.
2013-06-25 02:07:45 PM
1 votes:
These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.  Did a human ever see your application?  Good question.  Best of luck to you trying to get any feedback on the rejection, too.
2013-06-25 02:02:13 PM
1 votes:
learn.latpro.com

Fack em
 
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