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(Business Insider)   Dear Loser, Thank you very little for your demo. It is currently on its way to the lower-intestine of the talent-acquisition process. Sincerely, Brutally Honest Job Rejections   (businessinsider.com) divider line 115
    More: Amusing, mergers  
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19738 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2013 at 1:56 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-25 02:02:13 PM
learn.latpro.com

Fack em
 
2013-06-25 02:02:18 PM
Dear Farker:
We certainly appreciate you constant bombardment of submissions that have previously been posted to Reddit and the Onion but if you REALLY want to get greenlighted, you must try Sponsored Content because it is Pretty Farking Awesome.
Thanks and keep trying,
Fark Modmins.
 
2013-06-25 02:07:45 PM
These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.  Did a human ever see your application?  Good question.  Best of luck to you trying to get any feedback on the rejection, too.
 
2013-06-25 02:11:09 PM
What an annoying goddam website that was.
 
2013-06-25 02:12:18 PM
I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.
 
2013-06-25 02:12:44 PM

hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.


I remember back in the days when you used to get automated messages.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 02:13:05 PM
That rejection letter from Sub Pop was Sub Pop just being Sup Pop.  I'm sure it thrilled most of the groups that received it.
 
2013-06-25 02:13:17 PM
I love that somebody (probably the recipient) burned the letter from Sub Pop.
 
2013-06-25 02:13:34 PM

hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.  Did a human ever see your application?  Good question.  Best of luck to you trying to get any feedback on the rejection, too.


Indeed. I'd rather get any one of these Rejection letters than for my application to dissapear into the aether, which is what usually seems to happen.
 
2013-06-25 02:15:15 PM
It could be worse.

"He asked if he could call me Becky as he noticed my moonblood had seeped through my tampon and stained the back of my skirt, forming a bullseye. he kept muttering to himself: Becky Bullseye. In retrospect, this was probably red flag No. 1. But I was 22 and hadn't had too many job interviews, so I thought it seemed reasonable."
 
2013-06-25 02:15:48 PM
CSB time!!!

I've done some freelance writing over my lifetime, and heard about a magazine called The Luddite (I think?), that was directed towards, obviously, luddites. As soon as I saw that, I remembered that there was a blurb about how the Mennonites in Phoenix were struggling with maintaining their non-modern existence in light of changing times, particularly with their children. So, I had the idea to pitch a story to The Luddite about this struggle.

I received a rejection letter about a month letter...handwritten...on 3-ring binder notebook paper...full of misspellings and grammar errors. The big thing I most remember is how offended the editor was and how insulting he was to me about the fact that I wrote my pitch...on a computer. All kinds of stuff about "You obviously have never read our magazine or even taken the time to look up what a luddite is". He took the time to point out a grammatical error in my proposal (which, according to me and Elements of Style it was not) and tried to point out that I needed an apostrophe in "its" when discussing the possessive form. It was that bad and awesome.

I'm pretty sure I still have that at home...I may need to frame it.
 
2013-06-25 02:16:33 PM

smoky2010: I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.


I suppose it's a minor faux pas to inquire about salary before you've run the manager interview gauntlet, but it's at least as much a faux pas for a company to invite a candidate to a multi-hour onsite interview without first having broached the subject of pay range during a phone screening.  If those expectations don't line up at all, the rest of the process is a waste of time.

And apparently it was.
 
2013-06-25 02:19:02 PM
Cute, charming, very good art, sufficient variety, definitely enjoyed reading, got a chuckle watching... yeah, take that, high-school-student Tim Burton.
 
2013-06-25 02:19:10 PM
Dear John,George,Paul and Pete,

 We at Decca find your Merseybeat sound interesting,but frankly groups with guitars are shall we say "passe".
Perhaps you should try something like French Horns and pianos.

All the best,

Dick Rowe
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 02:19:57 PM

poot_rootbeer: hstein3: These days, you're more likely to just get automated messages from the company's hiring website that you used to apply.

I remember back in the days when you used to get automated messages.


When looking for my current job I had an interview with a pharmaceutical chain that is identified by three letters (the same three letters that also represent the name of an open source versioning server).  I had to travel 60 minutes away for an interview that was for a job in the town in which I lived.  So I spent a good deal of money and time to interview for their job... but they couldn't even be bothered to send me a message when they rejected me.  I think it's rather rude to not send a polite rejection to anyone that interviews (that's a step back where the polite thing to do was to send a note to anyone that applied), but when I think someone has taken that time, spent money on gas to interview for a LOCAL job, etc., I think it's beyond the pale to not send a polite rejection.

Of course we're in the corporate era and corporatism is often the system of values these HR people live under, so you'll hear whines from them about how that is wasting the company's time.  I think it's a sign of someone you don't want to work for.
 
2013-06-25 02:20:29 PM

poot_rootbeer: smoky2010: I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.

I suppose it's a minor faux pas to inquire about salary before you've run the manager interview gauntlet, but it's at least as much a faux pas for a company to invite a candidate to a multi-hour onsite interview without first having broached the subject of pay range during a phone screening.  If those expectations don't line up at all, the rest of the process is a waste of time.

And apparently it was.


I had asked if I was going to cycle back to HR and she said that she was leaving for the day and I would not. I had completed the HR portion off the interview. I think it was in poor taste, I had driven over an hour to the interview to. Jerks!
 
2013-06-25 02:21:23 PM
That last one made me sad.
 
2013-06-25 02:22:46 PM

ChipNASA: Dear Farker:
We certainly appreciate you constant bombardment of submissions that have previously been posted to Reddit and the Onion but if you REALLY want to get greenlighted, you must try Sponsored Content because it is Pretty Farking Awesome.
Thanks and keep trying,
Fark Modmins.


Chip, why are you so angry?
 
2013-06-25 02:24:00 PM
I am definitely using "The ____ was quite terrible. It would take too much of my time to tell you how exactly terrible it was" in the near future and often.
 
2013-06-25 02:24:20 PM
Honestly HR people are the used car salesmen of the corporate world.. I have yet to meet one that was genuinely nice or competent.

/I'm not some new kid on the street either. I have had a continual employment since 1992, with the exception of 6 weeks when I was laid off this January
 
2013-06-25 02:24:53 PM
Learn from the rejection letters, if possible. And realize that maybe you're better off not working for the company that kicks you to the curb.
 
2013-06-25 02:26:12 PM

Brubold: That last one made me sad.


I've seen worse. My dad has a hallmark birthday card from when he was little. It features a black child dressed in rags, with bare feet, and carrying a bindle. He says "Birfdays ain' no time fo' sorrow." Yes, it's that bad.
 
2013-06-25 02:26:24 PM

Hoopy Frood: Cute, charming, very good art, sufficient variety, definitely enjoyed reading, got a chuckle watching... yeah, take that, high-school-student Tim Burton.


I'd imagine most any high school kid who received such a reply today would be over the moon.  Or, they should be.
 
2013-06-25 02:27:42 PM

EdNortonsTwin: Hoopy Frood: Cute, charming, very good art, sufficient variety, definitely enjoyed reading, got a chuckle watching... yeah, take that, high-school-student Tim Burton.

I'd imagine most any high school kid who received such a reply today would be over the moon.  Or, they should be.


His rejection letter was practically an endorsement. Not bad at all.
 
2013-06-25 02:28:43 PM
I'm pretty sure that Sub Pop letter was written by Joyce Linehan, now of Ashmont Records "fame" (Ashmont being the home of the on-again-off-again career of Joe Pernice of the Pernice Brothers/Scud Mountain Boys/New Mendicants).  It's her style of humor, and she's bragged about dropping a band from Sub Pop by playing a game of Hangman in which the hidden phrase was "You're Dropped", so starting a letter off "Dear Loser" would be right up her alley.
 
2013-06-25 02:29:40 PM
I've been on four interviews in the past month or so, all very promising. In fact, each interview lasted longer than scheduled when they started asking about extra examples - which, luckily, I had online.

Two I never heard back from, not even a "fark you."

Of the other two, one said they "had to hire more diversity" and the other (as reported by a friend of a friend on the committee) had the committee's unanimous vote for me overturned by a company officer and instead they were told to hire someone who was more "politically correct" - whatever that means.

So, I thought that, at least, they considered me cool enough to tell me the truth. But in the case of both jobs, it was a white middle-aged male who made decision to pass me over in the name of "diversity" so I wanted to call them up and ask when they were stepping aside to let someone who was "politically correct" have a chance.

/another interview on Thursday morning
 
2013-06-25 02:30:52 PM
Performance reviews.
Old, but still worthwhile.

(1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig."
(2) "His men would follow him anywhere...but only out of morbid curiosity."
(3) "I would not allow this employee to breed."
(4) "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
(5) "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
(6) "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
(7) "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
(8) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
(9) "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
(10) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
(11) "This employee should go far...and the sooner he starts, the better."
(12) "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
(13) "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
(14) "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
(15) "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
(16) "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
(17) "He's been working with glue too much."
(18) "He would argue with a signpost."
(19) "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
(20) "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
(21) "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
(22) "If you see two people talking and one looks bored...he's the other one."
(23) "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
(24) "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
(25) "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
(26) "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
(27) "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
(28) "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
(29) "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
(30) "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."
(31) "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
(32) "One neuron short of a synapse."
(33) "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
(34) "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
(35) "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
 
2013-06-25 02:31:24 PM
Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 02:33:21 PM

smoky2010: I had asked if I was going to cycle back to HR and she said that she was leaving for the day and I would not. I had completed the HR portion off the interview. I think it was in poor taste, I had driven over an hour to the interview to. Jerks!


I had another interview once for a local place that was set up by an contracting agency.  I was on time, I filled out their form and their stupid test, and then they said they weren't going to interview me today and I would have to come back.

I didn't go back and I never talked to that contracting agency again.

Seriously... you have to remember that it's a two way street.  If they don't treat you politely in the interview process then you shouldn't work for them.
 
2013-06-25 02:34:29 PM

smoky2010: Honestly HR people are the used car salesmen of the corporate world.. I have yet to meet one that was genuinely nice or competent.


I used to work with a woman who was an executive assistant, and a very good one too. She was always on top of things and her annual reports were some of the best I've seen. She ended up being a single mother after her husband croaked of cancer, so she applied for the HR job in our department so she wouldn't have to travel so much.

And, I swear to the FSM, she promptly became one of the slackest losers I've ever known. She was always late with our pre-tax medical account payments, she screwed up the vacation schedule so badly that people actually lost days they had accrued, and when I left that job her incompetence cost me $1,200 when she miscalculated a benefit I had earned.

So I guess the question is whether idiots choose HR, or does HR make normal people into idiots?
 
2013-06-25 02:35:24 PM
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall,
Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,Chris L. Jensen
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 02:35:36 PM

OldManDownDRoad: smoky2010: Honestly HR people are the used car salesmen of the corporate world.. I have yet to meet one that was genuinely nice or competent.

I used to work with a woman who was an executive assistant, and a very good one too. She was always on top of things and her annual reports were some of the best I've seen. She ended up being a single mother after her husband croaked of cancer, so she applied for the HR job in our department so she wouldn't have to travel so much.

And, I swear to the FSM, she promptly became one of the slackest losers I've ever known. She was always late with our pre-tax medical account payments, she screwed up the vacation schedule so badly that people actually lost days they had accrued, and when I left that job her incompetence cost me $1,200 when she miscalculated a benefit I had earned.

So I guess the question is whether idiots choose HR, or does HR make normal people into idiots?


t.qkme.me
 
2013-06-25 02:35:39 PM
CSB: I applied for a job with a digital staffing company back after the dot com meltdown. 2 days later they sent me back not one, but two rejection e-mails. I wrote them back, saying I understand not getting the job but did they have to tell me twice?; they wrote back, saying it was their mistake and I should feel free to delete one of them.

/just checked, they're still in business
 
2013-06-25 02:35:47 PM
I was in the final round of a month-long seesion of interviews seated before three representatives of the company.  (Some TV ratings company who share the last name from the actor who played the Dad in "Poltergesit".)

Simply stated, I had become somewhat tired of the process.  When asked "Why do you think you would be a good fit for this position?" by the regional manager, I responded, "Shouldn't that be what you are here to determine?  I can tell you why 'I' think I am a good fit for the job but I am not the one making the hiring decision here."

The other two tried to hide their smiles as the regional manager took affront to my answer.  Suffice to say, I did not get the position.

/fun is going to a job interview where you do not want or need to job
 
2013-06-25 02:35:54 PM

d23: they couldn't even be bothered to send me a message when they rejected me.


Having dealt with HR from the other side, when I was a manager trying to get positions filled, they're probably just as reluctant to rule anybody out as they are to commit to anybody.  Decisions are to be avoided, as each one is a potential liability.

Officially, you're still in the running up until the requisition is officially cancelled.  What if the first fifteen choices turn out to be ineligible for the position?  We'll need to call up the sixteenth pick, who I'm sure will be thrilled that we ignored them for the past five months as they inquired about their status!
 
2013-06-25 02:37:02 PM
The letter to Gertrude Stein was, if anything, a little too forgiving.  Three Lives is probably the worst book I've ever read.


Dumski: What an annoying goddam website that was.


THIS
 
2013-06-25 02:40:12 PM
 
2013-06-25 02:43:05 PM
It seems that publishers (or anyone in a literary field) are the most pompous and arrogant assholes ever.  They should never breed.
 
2013-06-25 02:45:06 PM

Banned on the Run: (18) "He would argue with a signpost."


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 02:49:22 PM

poot_rootbeer: Officially, you're still in the running up until the requisition is officially cancelled. What if the first fifteen choices turn out to be ineligible for the position? We'll need to call up the sixteenth pick, who I'm sure will be thrilled that we ignored them for the past five months as they inquired about their status!


been in the running for 4 years then! :)
 
2013-06-25 02:51:10 PM
csb time.

I once had a good interview and was told they'd get back to me as there were a couple folks left to meet with.  I walked out of the president's office and told the receptionist I was making copies of my SS card and DL for the pres.  This, as a part of my plan to will myself in to a job by behaving and speaking politely, but also as if I already worked at the places I was interviewing.

The pres came out and asked what i was doing at the copy machine. I begged his pardon and more or less told him the above. He hired me on the spot.

Willing things to happen through action has it's merit.

ymmv
 
2013-06-25 02:54:06 PM

smoky2010: I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.


Asking about the salary range is not wrong.  If the salary is dependent on the applicant's experience and negotiable the employer should still be able to give a range or at the very minimum explain that it is to be determined in negotiations.  In my opinion if I am interviewing someone I would be more wary of applicants who don't ask than I would be of those who do, unless it's stated in the advertisement.

It's kind of important information.
 
2013-06-25 02:57:34 PM

OldManDownDRoad: I've been on four interviews in the past month or so, all very promising. In fact, each interview lasted longer than scheduled when they started asking about extra examples - which, luckily, I had online.

Two I never heard back from, not even a "fark you."

Of the other two, one said they "had to hire more diversity" and the other (as reported by a friend of a friend on the committee) had the committee's unanimous vote for me overturned by a company officer and instead they were told to hire someone who was more "politically correct" - whatever that means.

So, I thought that, at least, they considered me cool enough to tell me the truth. But in the case of both jobs, it was a white middle-aged male who made decision to pass me over in the name of "diversity" so I wanted to call them up and ask when they were stepping aside to let someone who was "politically correct" have a chance.

/another interview on Thursday morning


Good luck on the interview!
 
2013-06-25 02:57:49 PM

OldManDownDRoad: So I guess the question is whether idiots choose HR, or does HR make normal people into idiots?


You couldn't pay me enough to deal with the shiat out HR manager does.  If she is late with something of mine it's because she was busy dealing with high school level immaturity amongst the hourly staff.  It's really pathetic how poorly so called adults can act in the workplace.
 
2013-06-25 03:00:24 PM
Big tits? You're hired
 
2013-06-25 03:03:03 PM

poot_rootbeer: smoky2010: I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.

I suppose it's a minor faux pas to inquire about salary before you've run the manager interview gauntlet, but it's at least as much a faux pas for a company to invite a candidate to a multi-hour onsite interview without first having broached the subject of pay range during a phone screening.  If those expectations don't line up at all, the rest of the process is a waste of time.

And apparently it was.


I remember turning down an interview from *large unnamed computer sciencey company, but you'd guess which one in two guesses* because they wouldn't tell me what the salary range was for the job they were interviewing me for that would require me and my family to relocate from Austin to NYC. They wanted to fly me out with an overnight stay for an all-day interview, missing 2.5 days of work at my current job, and consider moving my wife and toddler away from our relatives across the country to a city with a much (MUCH) higher cost of living, but wouldn't even tell me if the salary was higher than what I'm making now. Seemed kinda rude. I got the impression that they thought "you have a chance to interview with us, and we're so awesome you should just want to work here for free!"
 
2013-06-25 03:05:16 PM
Dear applicant,

tl;dr
 
2013-06-25 03:06:14 PM
Also, most of those rejection letters were actually quite nice in the grand scheme of things. They told the interviewee what they needed to improve on. The Sub Pop one was shockingly rude, of course, but that was the point.
 
2013-06-25 03:06:39 PM

Usurper4: CSB time!!!

I've done some freelance writing over my lifetime, and heard about a magazine called The Luddite (I think?), that was directed towards, obviously, luddites. As soon as I saw that, I remembered that there was a blurb about how the Mennonites in Phoenix were struggling with maintaining their non-modern existence in light of changing times, particularly with their children. So, I had the idea to pitch a story to The Luddite about this struggle.

I received a rejection letter about a month letter...handwritten...on 3-ring binder notebook paper...full of misspellings and grammar errors. The big thing I most remember is how offended the editor was and how insulting he was to me about the fact that I wrote my pitch...on a computer. All kinds of stuff about "You obviously have never read our magazine or even taken the time to look up what a luddite is". He took the time to point out a grammatical error in my proposal (which, according to me and Elements of Style it was not) and tried to point out that I needed an apostrophe in "its" when discussing the possessive form. It was that bad and awesome.

I'm pretty sure I still have that at home...I may need to frame it.


Well, probably because Strunk & White used typewriters and computers to do their style book.  SACRILEGE
 
2013-06-25 03:08:11 PM

poot_rootbeer: smoky2010: I was rejected at a job interview by the HR manager because I asked what the salary was for the position. I was told that the hiring manager couldn't give it out and HR had to.
I was told I would meet with 4 managers and expect to be there for at least 3 hours. I was kicked out after 20 minutes.

I suppose it's a minor faux pas to inquire about salary before you've run the manager interview gauntlet, but it's at least as much a faux pas for a company to invite a candidate to a multi-hour onsite interview without first having broached the subject of pay range during a phone screening.  If those expectations don't line up at all, the rest of the process is a waste of time.

And apparently it was.


Well, I've just been through 3 interviews with various people at a company I applied to, all of whom asked me how much money I wanted. I've always been used to discussing that at the offer stage (if there is one) so found it a bit odd.
 
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