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(Slate)   Dear Prudie, sure I killed a guy, but do my in-laws have to be such dicks about it?   (slate.com) divider line 38
    More: Amusing, Emily Yoffe, marriage counsels, a history of violence  
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19167 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jun 2013 at 1:19 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-06-25 11:43:16 AM
55 votes:
I can kind of see both sides to this issue, having had personal experience with using lethal force against a home invasion.  It was a terrible, traumatic thing, even if it didn't cause actual injury; luckily, the homeowner was too groggy from being woken up in the night to shoot straight, and I managed to get away.

Pro-tip: keep an eye out for pet toys on the floor, those little squeaky things can make a lot of noise when you're not expecting it.
2013-06-25 01:12:10 PM
8 votes:
You're all missing the important part of TFA:

Dear Prudence: Errant Dildo
2013-06-25 12:31:08 PM
6 votes:
I would think that killing a man would at least get your inlaws to be a little politer to you.
2013-06-25 11:31:35 AM
6 votes:
George Zimmerman is writing to Prudie? (i didn't bother to RTFA)
2013-06-25 01:54:23 PM
5 votes:
sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-06-25 12:48:56 PM
5 votes:
Simple solution: just start calling your brother-in-law a rapist. He's probably had sex at some point in his life, so if what you did makes you a killer, what he did makes him a rapist
2013-06-25 01:58:38 PM
4 votes:
What do you do?  To the people who cut all ties you say, "Good riddance" and move on with your life.  To those who want the gory details tell them to go rent "Death Wish" and to stop bothering you about something that you really do not want to talk about.  For those who make snide comments or call you "killer" you just bide your time and at some point when you are alone with them you look them in the eye and in a very low voice say, "There was no break-in.  It was murder and I got away with it.  You're next."
2013-06-25 01:52:20 PM
4 votes:

Evil Mackerel: Sounds like his brother in law needs to have his ass kicked at the very least sued for slander.


global3.memecdn.com
2013-06-25 01:41:13 PM
4 votes:

LeroyBourne: Or you could see this as a blessing in disguise.  No honey, I won't go to anymore in law family functions, they don't want me there, and I will respect that.  Have fun honey, send them my love.  *cracks beer, turns on game and kicks up feet*


This.

My in laws love me.  I really need to change that.
2013-06-25 01:40:18 PM
4 votes:
Solution: start saying stuff like "I would absolutely murder a gin and tonic right now" or "I would kill for a second helping of your delicious casserole" or "STFU or I will kill you too".

Seems fake. I can't really imagine anyone behaving this way. OTOH, if this were true I would guess that the "killer" is an absolute d-bag and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
2013-06-25 01:39:15 PM
4 votes:
Or you could see this as a blessing in disguise.  No honey, I won't go to anymore in law family functions, they don't want me there, and I will respect that.  Have fun honey, send them my love.  *cracks beer, turns on game and kicks up feet*
2013-06-25 01:47:51 PM
3 votes:
Is he from Reno?
2013-06-25 01:45:11 PM
3 votes:

ArkAngel: Simple solution: just start calling your brother-in-law a rapist. He's probably had sex at some point in his life, so if what you did makes you a killer, what he did makes him a rapist


Seen this type of bullshiat.  The brother-in-law thinks he's a tough guy and now is insecure because he's now actually met someone who's killed someone so he's all insecure.

The big problem here is that he should have told them.  He should have sat them down and explained things to them.  It's not like suckers were hiding and jumping behind the bush when they saw him driving by, hanging out his window with his magnum taking out putos and generally acting kinda loco.  He should have told them that even through they may not be able to understand it, but once he just killed a man.
2013-06-25 01:37:16 PM
3 votes:

vpb: LlamaGirl: Sounds like his family and friends are a bunch of assholes. Should he have just let the intruder kill him or another loved one? Would that have been more acceptable?

AND WHO THE FARK IS PRUDIE?!

Some prude.


But that's not important right now.
2013-06-25 01:36:02 PM
3 votes:

xanadian: You're all missing the important part of TFA:

Dear Prudence: Errant Dildo


I was just writing for advice on getting my Taylor Swift cover band started.
2013-06-25 12:33:30 PM
3 votes:

God Is My Co-Pirate: I would think that killing a man would at least get your inlaws to be a little politer to you.


You would think that people who don't want their cars damaged wouldn't park in two spaces, too.
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-06-25 12:08:48 PM
3 votes:

LlamaGirl: Sounds like his family and friends are a bunch of assholes. Should he have just let the intruder kill him or another loved one? Would that have been more acceptable?

AND WHO THE FARK IS PRUDIE?!


Some prude.
2013-06-25 02:42:33 PM
2 votes:
LeroyBourne: Or you could see this as a blessing in disguise. No honey, I won't go to anymore in law family functions, they don't want me there, and I will respect that. Have fun honey, send them my love. *cracks beer, turns on game and kicks up feet*

If I could keep my in-laws away from me by killing someone that broke into the house, I'd tie up the dogs, put up signs that say FREE DOPE, FREE BEER with great big arrows on them pointing to the house and then sit in the den with a loaded shotgun.
2013-06-25 01:53:14 PM
2 votes:
libertyendanger.files.wordpress.com

www.examiner.com

code-interactive.com

forums.pelicanparts.com
2013-06-25 12:37:06 PM
2 votes:

BarkingUnicorn: God Is My Co-Pirate: I would think that killing a man would at least get your inlaws to be a little politer to you.

You would think that people who don't want their cars damaged wouldn't park in two spaces, too.


You would think that people who listen to terrible shiatty music wouldn't crank their car stereos the loudest.
2013-06-25 12:28:55 PM
2 votes:

LlamaGirl: Sounds like his family and friends are a bunch of assholes. Should he have just let the intruder kill him or another loved one? Would that have been more acceptable?

AND WHO THE FARK IS PRUDIE?!


You've been on Fark since 2007?  She's a Fark regular, almost a celebrity.  Kind of the Ric Romero of advice columnists.
2013-06-25 07:54:15 PM
1 votes:

Egoy3k: jayphat: special20: Alonjar: [...] America has some of the best police and forensics in the world, hands down.

What "America" do you live in? Is it near Scotland Yard, or somewhere close to Interpol?

My thought exactly. This is the same America where a Sheriff ruled a mans death a suicide because they found a note. Nevermind the fact he shot himself three times. With a bolt action rifle.

Anecdotes are not data.


What internet are YOU on?
2013-06-25 04:03:38 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com

Whoa...Its Kiler
2013-06-25 03:47:35 PM
1 votes:

JustGetItRight: Why?

What business is it of theirs?


So he could have told them something they just could not have understood.  How he could kill a man.

bomboclap.files.wordpress.com
2013-06-25 02:52:30 PM
1 votes:
The video question was the real winner on that page -- Prudence, my boyfriend and I ordered a clone of his penis and accidentally sent it to his parent's address.
2013-06-25 02:42:45 PM
1 votes:

MythDragon: d23: whoisshewhoisshewhoisshe

[forums.pelicanparts.com image 500x716]

it's a treadjack, but DAMN

and more importantly....why is the center console filled with dirty motor oil?


That's where the miniature giraffe would sit.
2013-06-25 02:41:34 PM
1 votes:

d23: whoisshewhoisshewhoisshe

[forums.pelicanparts.com image 500x716]

it's a treadjack, but DAMN


and more importantly....why is the center console filled with dirty motor oil?
2013-06-25 02:31:20 PM
1 votes:
He should take the brother-in-law aside an confide in him that actually, he knew the guy and he'd lured him into his home after he found out he screwed his girlfriend.  "I totally got away with that bullsh*t armed intruder story... I've gotten away with murder... and if you don't keep your farking mouth shut, you're next."
2013-06-25 02:26:44 PM
1 votes:

LeroyBourne: Or you could see this as a blessing in disguise.  No honey, I won't go to anymore in law family functions, they don't want me there, and I will respect that.  Have fun honey, send them my love.  *cracks beer, turns on game and kicks up feet*


i709.photobucket.com

"Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you."
2013-06-25 02:16:45 PM
1 votes:

Lifeless: d23: whoisshewhoisshewhoisshe

[forums.pelicanparts.com image 500x716]

it's a treadjack, but DAMN

Anna Song.  Also goes by Tanya.


Hello, Sweetie!
2013-06-25 02:06:36 PM
1 votes:
Dear Killer,

I read somewhere that one in 1,000 Americans is a murderer. I don't recall if they were counting self-defence or just illegal homicides. But when you walk down the street, these are the people that you meet, they are people that you meet each day. Sorry. Having a flashback to my Sesame Street watching days. Those were good times. I would have stayed at college forever if the money had held out.

Any hoo, you are part of a big club, no pun intended. A lot of Americans have killed and would kill again given the opportunity. While trying to confirm my stat above, I discovered that North America accounts for 80% of serial killers, while Europe only accounts for 16%. Everybody else: Africa, Asia, South America, and presumably Australia and Antarctica, account for 4%.

Makes you think. Clearly guns do not kill people. North Americans kill people. THEY SHOULD ALL BE LOCKED UP SAFELY WHERE THEY CAN'T HURT ANYBODY.

Hey, maybe that is why Obama has drones ready to kill every single damn one of us on the slightest whim of our heavily-screened security personnel. Well, I can't really say they are heavily-screened. I HOPE they are heavily-screened. Most of them are North Americans. They can't be trusted with a trigger. Or else why is Whatzit headed towards the relative safety of Ecuador?

But I digress.

Shoot everybody who looks at your sidewalk suspiciously. It's the only solution.

But back to your problem, Killer. Your inlaws are jerks. It might be considered justifiable homicide if you killed them all. But since you say that your wife is attached to some of the morans, here's what you do. Everytime you are out with some of your inlaws, play a little game. Try to guess who the murdererers are among the people that you meet. Take your inlaws to places where thousands of people are gathered, such as concerts, Veteran's Day parades, the Fourth of July and play the Guess Who the Murderers Are Game. Offer a gun or knife as a prize.

They'll get the message. Especially if you guess one of them, their friends or relatives. You do have expertise after all. Well, not really, but they won't think that.
2013-06-25 01:59:52 PM
1 votes:
Fake stories are fake.

If not, as others have noted, hey, free out from dealing with her douchebag family.
2013-06-25 01:51:37 PM
1 votes:

Gordon Bennett: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.


But I got distracted at the last minute and missed it.  My friends tried to tell me what it was like but it just wasn't the same.
2013-06-25 01:39:55 PM
1 votes:
I wonder how much the person that writes these letters for the column gets? It's like the literary version of pro-wrestling. Except less real.
2013-06-25 01:08:27 PM
1 votes:
Sybarite:
I don't understand where she get this.

i105.photobucket.com
2013-06-25 12:31:57 PM
1 votes:
Prudie made this one up  to scold the pants-wetting guns-always-bad crowd.
2013-06-25 12:27:24 PM
1 votes:

LlamaGirl:
AND WHO THE FARK IS PRUDIE?!


Tete Campbell's wife.
2013-06-25 12:09:07 PM
1 votes:

LlamaGirl: AND WHO THE FARK IS PRUDIE?!


You sound like you're not a quasi-feminist housewife who does nothing but read Slate all day
 
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