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(Mental Floss)   The six Superman movies that didn't get made, including the awesome-sounding "Superman V", an insane Kevin Smith-written movie with Sean Penn as a Superman that couldn't fly, and fought giant spiders, and of course, "Batman vs. Superman"-dammit   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 34
    More: Interesting, Sean Penn, Dammit!, Batman, giant spiders, Reeve's Superman, humans, Superman IV, James Marsden  
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3188 clicks; posted to Geek » on 24 Jun 2013 at 4:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-24 04:42:30 PM
1 word: doomsday
 
2013-06-24 04:43:07 PM
When are we going to get a comic book related bullshiat tab on fark, to go along with the stupid 'your mom' tab?
 
2013-06-24 04:47:10 PM
Jeebus did yo notice how Almost all of them had the same amin plot point "Superman Dies and is reborn via X"   apparently that Superman as Jesus thing ain;t just in the most recent movie
 
2013-06-24 04:48:12 PM

SevenizGud: When are we going to get a comic book related bullshiat tab on fark, to go along with the stupid 'your mom' tab?


I suspect that you will have stopped lying before such a tab is created.
 
2013-06-24 04:49:35 PM
Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."
 
2013-06-24 04:51:04 PM

Uzzah: Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."


That's probably my favorite Kevin Smith story.
 
2013-06-24 04:52:57 PM
After watching Man of Steel and seeing all the muted colors and "gritty" film rendering, I went back home and watched Superman Returns again.  It's funny.  I didn't remember SR being such a beautifully filmed movie.
 
2013-06-24 04:53:00 PM

Uzzah: Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."


And apparently was one of the things that led Smith to let the project just die on the vine.
 
2013-06-24 05:04:54 PM
Development hell like this is the reason Superman Returns didn't do well enough with $300 million.

Kevin Smith's Prince story is pretty good, too, but I don't get how he still churned out speaking engagements when he wasn't rubbing elbows with insane showbiz folk and thus had nothing interesting to talk about
 
2013-06-24 05:17:33 PM
Remember: something can always be worse

www.blogcdn.com
 
2013-06-24 05:30:00 PM
As I read that article, I realized I had already learned every bit of it from the wiki.

Mighty fine reportin' there, Lou.
 
2013-06-24 05:47:26 PM

ArkAngel: Remember: something can always be worse

[www.blogcdn.com image 450x338]


It would have been something to see. Maybe not something good, but something to see, unlike most of what comes out these days.
 
2013-06-24 06:06:41 PM

kwame: After watching Man of Steel and seeing all the muted colors and "gritty" film rendering, I went back home and watched Superman Returns again.  It's funny.  I didn't remember SR being such a beautifully filmed movie.


I thought I was the only person thinking this.  The muted colors bugged the hell out of me.  Superman Returns had exactly the right tone and visuals, despite misgivings about its storyline.  Superman is supposed to be vibrant and beautiful, "pop joy" is a good description that I read somewhere.  But MoS tried too hard to be like Nolan's Batman trilogy.
 
2013-06-24 06:24:35 PM
To summarize:  Everyone wanted to kill Superman, bring him back, and have him fight Brainiac.  No one has actually used Brainiac yet.  Giant spider.  Gay R2-D2.
 
2013-06-24 06:44:30 PM

Mentat: Gay R2-D2


R2-D2 was the King of Queen C-3PO's world.
 
2013-06-24 08:46:22 PM
Batman vs. superman would be a one-minute bloodbath. You have a very mortal, albeit driven, quasi-hero against a full-fledged, invicible, bullet-proof hero. It'd be a like a cat playing with a mouse for a few seconds, then bam - the most depressing funeral in the history of mankind.
 
2013-06-24 08:52:27 PM

Somaticasual: Batman vs. superman would be a one-minute bloodbath. You have a very mortal, albeit driven, quasi-hero against a full-fledged, invicible, bullet-proof hero. It'd be a like a cat playing with a mouse for a few seconds, then bam - the most depressing funeral in the history of mankind.


You know how I know you didn't read Frank Miller's "Dark Knight Returns"?
 
2013-06-24 08:56:06 PM

Somaticasual: Batman vs. superman would be a one-minute bloodbath. You have a very mortal, albeit driven, quasi-hero against a full-fledged, invicible, bullet-proof hero. It'd be a like a cat playing with a mouse for a few seconds, then bam - the most depressing funeral in the history of mankind.


Not really, after all Batman did have the bat suit made of kryptonite. Would have been a good movie.


/Batman, always pick the Batman
 
2013-06-24 09:05:14 PM

The Banana Thug: kwame: After watching Man of Steel and seeing all the muted colors and "gritty" film rendering, I went back home and watched Superman Returns again.  It's funny.  I didn't remember SR being such a beautifully filmed movie.

I thought I was the only person thinking this.  The muted colors bugged the hell out of me.  Superman Returns had exactly the right tone and visuals, despite misgivings about its storyline.  Superman is supposed to be vibrant and beautiful, "pop joy" is a good description that I read somewhere.  But MoS tried too hard to be like Nolan's Batman trilogy.


wut
 
2013-06-24 09:18:09 PM

The Banana Thug: kwame: After watching Man of Steel and seeing all the muted colors and "gritty" film rendering, I went back home and watched Superman Returns again.  It's funny.  I didn't remember SR being such a beautifully filmed movie.

I thought I was the only person thinking this.  The muted colors bugged the hell out of me.  Superman Returns had exactly the right tone and visuals, despite misgivings about its storyline.  Superman is supposed to be vibrant and beautiful, "pop joy" is a good description that I read somewhere.  But MoS tried too hard to be like Nolan's Batman trilogy.


I seem to remember Superman Returns looking more like the Matrix than the Matrix did?

But it's been awhile since I saw it and I only watched it once.
 
2013-06-24 09:27:23 PM
Man of Steel overcompensates for the problems of Superman Returns.

Neither achieves a good balance between human drama vs. action. Whereas 'Returns' focuses a bit too much on human drama and relationships, and not enough action, Man of Steel has no time for genuine human emotion or drama, and becomes mind-numbing in its overuse of action.

The Reeves Superman I and II are cheesy products of their time, but they DID hit the right balance between those two competing forces.
 
2013-06-24 10:07:01 PM

Corn_Fed: Neither achieves a good balance between human drama vs. action. Whereas 'Returns' focuses a bit too much on human drama and relationships, and not enough action, Man of Steel has no time for genuine human emotion or drama, and becomes mind-numbing in its overuse of action.


I know the "off" feeling people get from the new one. As much as I loved it I'd be lying if something just didn't seem there in several regards.

They wanted to cover quite a bit, and with as drawn out as the Krypton parts were it looks like it just suffered from too much editing to shoehorn it into a given runtime.

So hoping maybe the 3hr directors cut will smooth some of the edges and flesh out a couple things

(speaking of flesh, moar female kryptonian commander scenes would be nice...)

/or it won't and we'll have to wait for a studio to try again, again.
 
2013-06-24 10:27:29 PM

Rwa2play: Somaticasual: Batman vs. superman would be a one-minute bloodbath. You have a very mortal, albeit driven, quasi-hero against a full-fledged, invicible, bullet-proof hero. It'd be a like a cat playing with a mouse for a few seconds, then bam - the most depressing funeral in the history of mankind.

You know how I know you didn't read Frank Miller's "Dark Knight Returns"?


However, my biggest issue is, Superman depowers himself when fighting humans, especially a 'friend'.  the Cardboard speech comes to mind.  So lets say brainiac/mental type villain, takes complete control of superman, or makes him an unquestioning slave.  Batman has monitors to show him superman, but when villain says "kill batman", batman is just dead.  Superman can fly faster than any video signal would reach batman and a superman with no qualms would make batpaste pretty quickly.  As fast as batman can think, he's human, and thinks at human speed.  Even the flash would tear batman up.
 
2013-06-24 11:50:46 PM

strangeguitar: Uzzah: Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."

That's probably my favorite Kevin Smith story.


I remember hearing this story and thinking Jon Peters deserved to be shot.
 
2013-06-24 11:52:43 PM

You Are All Sheep: However, my biggest issue is, Superman depowers himself when fighting humans, especially a 'friend'. the Cardboard speech comes to mind. So lets say brainiac/mental type villain, takes complete control of superman, or makes him an unquestioning slave. Batman has monitors to show him superman, but when villain says "kill batman", batman is just dead. Superman can fly faster than any video signal would reach batman and a superman with no qualms would make batpaste pretty quickly. As fast as batman can think, he's human, and thinks at human speed. Even the flash would tear batman up.


Poison Ivy did that to Superman and Batman still beat him.

Always remember:  Batman does not fight fair.  The battle is half over before he ever throws a punch.
 
2013-06-25 12:12:15 AM

Somaticasual: Batman vs. superman would be a one-minute bloodbath. You have a very mortal, albeit driven, quasi-hero against a full-fledged, invicible, bullet-proof hero. It'd be a like a cat playing with a mouse for a few seconds, then bam - the most depressing funeral in the history of mankind.


Superhero fights are usually more like "a brief misunderstanding leading to a tussle in which neither party really wants to permanently injure the other, followed by talking out the source of the misunderstanding and uniting to simultaneously punch the villain of the week."

"vs" storylines are never about one character really being out to kill the other for serious, unless it's the Punisher.

//The only thing even close to serious as far as batman/superman goes in the comics so far was Miller's "Dark Knight Returns", and since Batman more or less started it and saw it coming he wiped the floor with supes just to prove he could.  Well, mostly just to prove he could, also to get Kent out of the way.
 
2013-06-25 01:13:54 AM

Deneb81: Uzzah: Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."

And apparently was one of the things that led Smith to let the project just die on the vine.


Nah, he did his part -- he wrote the script Peters wanted, while trying to make it as faithful to the Superman mythos as possible -- Superman couldn't fly because he was depowered by Brainiac, he put on the Eradicator suit (which, in this script, was a separate entity that talked to Superman) so he could stand a chance against Brainiac, and the giant spider is actually a critter that Brainiac picked up in his travels called a "Thanagarian Snare Beast", which is apparently normally only the size of a tarantula, but grows to giant size under a yellow sun.  If you look at the script he came up with, it would actually make a decent movie, despite Peters' meddling. Then Tim Burton came on as director and threw it out completely.

BTW, if you want to know more about all these aborted projects, as well as the rest of Superman's history on both the big and small screens, I suggest looking up a book called Superman Vs. Hollywood.  It's a great read.
 
2013-06-25 04:19:49 AM

Virtuoso80: strangeguitar: Uzzah: Peters also laid down three rules for the script: Superman couldn't wear his familiar red-and-blue costume, Superman couldn't fly, and Superman had to fight a giant spider in the story's third act.

... which Peters then recycled into the climax of "Wild Wild West."

That's probably my favorite Kevin Smith story.

I remember hearing this story and thinking Jon Peters deserved to be shot.


That's what you get from a man who started in Hollywood as a hairdresser.
 
2013-06-25 07:21:47 AM

Mentat: You Are All Sheep: However, my biggest issue is, Superman depowers himself when fighting humans, especially a 'friend'. the Cardboard speech comes to mind. So lets say brainiac/mental type villain, takes complete control of superman, or makes him an unquestioning slave. Batman has monitors to show him superman, but when villain says "kill batman", batman is just dead. Superman can fly faster than any video signal would reach batman and a superman with no qualms would make batpaste pretty quickly. As fast as batman can think, he's human, and thinks at human speed. Even the flash would tear batman up.

Poison Ivy did that to Superman and Batman still beat him.

Always remember:  Batman does not fight fair.  The battle is half over before he ever throws a punch.


then superman wasn't fully powered.  Superman is just too fast for anyone but the flash to even see him coming.  he probably came at batman at human speed.
 
2013-06-25 08:08:21 AM
I have to wonder at what the fascination with Brainiac was that they kept using & re-using him.

Would love to see a THE BRAVE & THE BOLD movie, but it will NEVER happen.
 
2013-06-25 08:10:36 AM
Batman Superman:

Clark Kent, nosy reporter, is on vacation and bugging Bruce Wayne because as a nosy reporter he wants an in-depth interview for the story he can never print.  Kent thinks Wayne is the most fascinating SOB he's ever met.

Wayne is pissed at Kent because he's a dilettante who never had to work hard for anything and who wastes time playing reporter and having a life.

"If I had your powers I could end all organized crime on the East Coast in a week."

So they cut a deal-- Batman lets Kent hang out and interview him for a week if he'll do anything Batman tells him, "Quid pro Quo, Mr. Kent".
 
2013-06-25 09:02:04 AM

kwame: After watching Man of Steel and seeing all the muted colors and "gritty" film rendering, I went back home and watched Superman Returns again.  It's funny.  I didn't remember SR being such a beautifully filmed movie.


The only thing I didn't get was almost every scene in Superman Returns seemed to take place in the early evening, in that late afternoon sunlight.

There were very few bright colorful scenes. At the time, I reflected that Batman was the night and Superman was the sun, and I know that MOS has a very sepia color palette, but I did feel they acknowledged the sun as a source of power.
 
2013-06-25 09:23:18 AM

exparrot: There were very few bright colorful scenes. At the time, I reflected that Batman was the night and Superman was the sun, and I know that MOS has a very sepia color palette, but I did feel they acknowledged the sun as a source of power.


I just assumed it was in part to amplify the scene at the end as he flew through the clouds into the sunlight before diving back into the ocean.
 
2013-06-25 10:30:58 AM

You Are All Sheep: Mentat: You Are All Sheep: However, my biggest issue is, Superman depowers himself when fighting humans, especially a 'friend'. the Cardboard speech comes to mind. So lets say brainiac/mental type villain, takes complete control of superman, or makes him an unquestioning slave. Batman has monitors to show him superman, but when villain says "kill batman", batman is just dead. Superman can fly faster than any video signal would reach batman and a superman with no qualms would make batpaste pretty quickly. As fast as batman can think, he's human, and thinks at human speed. Even the flash would tear batman up.

Poison Ivy did that to Superman and Batman still beat him.

Always remember:  Batman does not fight fair.  The battle is half over before he ever throws a punch.

then superman wasn't fully powered.  Superman is just too fast for anyone but the flash to even see him coming.  he probably came at batman at human speed.


No, he used a Kryptonite ring to slow Superman down while Catwoman threw Lois Lane off a building, forcing Superman out of Ivy's control.

Again, Batman does not fight fair.
 
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