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(Onion AV Club)   Eighteen of TV and film's most inept cops who still somehow managed to save the day. "When I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy"   (avclub.com) divider line 62
    More: Amusing, humans, Bradley Whitford, Hot Fuzz, Super Troopers, Point Break, Steve Guttenberg, comic relief, Get Smart  
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6422 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 24 Jun 2013 at 10:08 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-06-24 09:27:51 AM
Sally Decker: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell.

Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the teller, Frank.

Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller?

Sally Decker: No, Jim Johnson.

Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell?

Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the auditor, Frank.

Sally Decker: He had the flu, so Jim

[pauses]

Sally Decker: filled in.

Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who?

Capt. Ed Hocken: Phil Din. He's the night watchman.

Sally Decker: [crying] If only Phil had been here!
 
Det. Frank Drebin: Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell.


Sally Decker: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill.

Det. Frank Drebin: Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice.

Capt. Ed Hocken: Twice is the hold up man.


Sally Decker: Then I guess I did shoot Twice.

Det. Frank Drebin: Oh, so now you're changing your story.

Sally Decker: No, I shot Twice after Jim fell.

Det. Frank Drebin: You shot twice and Jim Fell?

Sally Decker: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once.

Det. Frank Drebin: Well, who fired twice?

Sally Decker: Once!

Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the owner of the tire company, Frank.

Det. Frank Drebin: [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once.

Sally Decker: Twice.

Det. Frank Drebin: ...and Jim fell and then you fired Twice.

Sally Decker: Once!

Det. Frank Drebin: Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker.

Capt. Ed Hocken: We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station.

Sally Decker: Oh, of course!

Det. Frank Drebin: You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.

Sally Decker: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks.

Det. Frank Drebin: Well.

[pauses]

Det. Frank Drebin: Thank you again, Ms. Decker.

[to Ed]

Det. Frank Drebin: Weeks?

Capt. Ed Hocken: Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.
 
2013-06-24 09:33:22 AM
Unforgivable oversight.

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-24 09:38:07 AM

Diogenes: Unforgivable oversight.

[img.fark.net image 330x299]


The suspect is hatless, I repeat, hatless!
 
2013-06-24 09:42:19 AM

Cythraul: Diogenes: Unforgivable oversight.

[img.fark.net image 330x299]

The suspect is hatless, I repeat, hatless!


I have to admit I almost overlooked it myself.  I was looking for pics of Detective Homer Simpson from "Homer to the Max" and it struck me like lightning.  "What the hell am I thinking?!?"
 
2013-06-24 10:10:38 AM
Aww, avclub, you still don't like anything. That's so sad. Maybe stop watching tv already.
 
2013-06-24 10:12:32 AM
Why would the lab demand a million dollars?

and

I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith.
 
2013-06-24 10:16:55 AM
I need to watch more Reno 911.  That show was great.
 
2013-06-24 10:16:59 AM
I'm like a peacock, you gotta let me fly!
 
2013-06-24 10:22:13 AM
Sooooooo underrated.

rocknrollghost.com
 
2013-06-24 10:26:25 AM
img.fark.net
JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!
 
2013-06-24 10:26:28 AM
I didn't know the list would be all comedies or I thought Sgt. Al Powell from Die Hard would be there. He could never pull a gun on anyone again after shooting a kid holding a toy ray run once as a rookie. But he learned to kill again when he gunned down an Aryan, saving John McClane.


Police Squad should have been number one if the list were all comedies.

"That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there."
"Sex, Frank?"
"Uh, not right now, Ed. We have a case to work."
 
2013-06-24 10:26:45 AM
The page is giving me fits. Can someone post the list, sans any comments from the peanut gallery that is tha AV Club?
 
2013-06-24 10:27:29 AM
Where the hell is Barney Fife?
 
2013-06-24 10:28:27 AM
Monk?
 
2013-06-24 10:28:27 AM

Kangaroo_Ralph: Sooooooo underrated.


I really liked it, too bad it didnt get a fair shake.
 
2013-06-24 10:28:41 AM

Rapmaster2000: [img.fark.net image 259x194]
JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!


I love to pull my gun on the cat when I come home. Scares the crap out of him.
 
2013-06-24 10:28:49 AM
img.fark.net

Barney is relieved to be left off the list.
 
2013-06-24 10:29:42 AM

Rapmaster2000: [img.fark.net image 259x194]
JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!


...or Geronimo in....FINAL JUSTICE!

s3.amazonaws.com
 
2013-06-24 10:30:14 AM

Kangaroo_Ralph: Sooooooo underrated.

[rocknrollghost.com image 546x409]


That may have been the greatest mustache on television.
 
2013-06-24 10:31:04 AM

Mugato: Rapmaster2000: [img.fark.net image 259x194]
JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!

...or Geronimo in....FINAL JUSTICE!

[s3.amazonaws.com image 310x421]


Mom, dad, can we have some justice?

Okay, but this is the FINAL justice!
 
2013-06-24 10:38:11 AM
img.fark.net

At least I only appear incompetent...
 
2013-06-24 10:39:14 AM
I miss Sledgehammer.  'How can you say that about women, your mother was a woman and she brought you into this world'. SH: "Prove it."
 
2013-06-24 10:40:03 AM
 
2013-06-24 10:40:08 AM
"You learned to dance like that sarcastically?"
 
2013-06-24 10:43:28 AM

CarnySaur: "You learned to dance like that sarcastically?"


The Other Guys is a seriously underrated movie.  And Will Ferrel really tones it down making it worthwhile.
Michael Keaton is fantastic and the sex talk with Eva Mendes.....Oy!!
 
2013-06-24 10:44:53 AM

Crewmannumber6


I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith.


One of the best lines ever delivered anywhere ever.
 
2013-06-24 10:46:19 AM

Rapmaster2000


JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!


"I didn't ask him, I shot him."


"He's landed just short of the green..."
 
2013-06-24 10:46:46 AM

LeroyBourne: I miss Sledgehammer.  'How can you say that about women, your mother was a woman and she brought you into this world'. SH: "Prove it."


Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time I drew my magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, some milk, and some of those little cocktail weenies.
News reporter: Inspector, was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?
Sledge Hammer: Oh yes, I have no groceries at all back home.
 
2013-06-24 10:48:02 AM

Mugato


Rapmaster2000: [img.fark.net image 259x194]
JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!

...or Geronimo in....FINAL JUSTICE!


"You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies?"
 
2013-06-24 10:48:19 AM
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-24 10:52:10 AM

Lsherm: LeroyBourne: I miss Sledgehammer.  'How can you say that about women, your mother was a woman and she brought you into this world'. SH: "Prove it."

Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time I drew my magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, some milk, and some of those little cocktail weenies.
News reporter: Inspector, was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?
Sledge Hammer: Oh yes, I have no groceries at all back home.


I miss that show so much! They need to bring it back!

/Trust me, I know what I'm doing
 
2013-06-24 10:54:47 AM
Hot Fuzz is one of my all time favorite movies. Every time I watch it, I see something new that I'd missed the prior 30 viewings.

/I'm off the farking CHAIN!
//No, my perfect Sunday...
 
2013-06-24 11:02:31 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: Rapmaster2000

JOE DON BAKER IS MITCHELL!


"I didn't ask him, I shot him."


"He's landed just short of the green..."


i1.ytimg.com
"Well, I don't like your mother."
 
2013-06-24 11:04:20 AM

Kangaroo_Ralph: Sooooooo underrated.

[rocknrollghost.com image 546x409]


In addition to being one of the best cop shows of all time, the last five minutes were a perfect attack on procedural dramas.
 
2013-06-24 11:14:16 AM
Second time in a week I get to use this gif!

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-24 11:17:36 AM

mafiageek1980: Lsherm: LeroyBourne: I miss Sledgehammer.  'How can you say that about women, your mother was a woman and she brought you into this world'. SH: "Prove it."

Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time I drew my magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, some milk, and some of those little cocktail weenies.
News reporter: Inspector, was what you did in the store absolutely necessary?
Sledge Hammer: Oh yes, I have no groceries at all back home.

I miss that show so much! They need to bring it back!

/Trust me, I know what I'm doing


I'm more surprised ftfa that it was only on for 2 years, granted I was a kid when it was on (it felt like it was on much longer).  Guess I will be firing up some episodes later tonight.
 
2013-06-24 11:28:51 AM
No Maxwell Smart?
 
2013-06-24 11:29:20 AM
img.fark.net

img.fark.net
 
2013-06-24 11:34:26 AM
No Roscoe P. Coltrane?
 
2013-06-24 11:34:41 AM
I know its not a lead role, but the cop from Harold & Kumar made me chuckle

img.fark.net

Have you heard of jaywalking?
 
2013-06-24 11:46:08 AM
img.fark.net
 
2013-06-24 11:48:05 AM
ralphlosey.files.wordpress.com

Hamburger?

Comedy Gold
 
2013-06-24 11:51:41 AM

Tom_Slick: [img.fark.net image 425x316]

At least I only appear incompetent...


i find it fascinating that he based this character on Porfiry (the detective in Crime and Punishment).

he said, a police story has, basically, one of two types of detectives; the cold, factual, aloof sherlock holmes, or the emotional, intuitive, porfiry.

He chose the porfiry route, and I can really see a favorable likeness in his columbo to dostoevsky's porfiry.  although, not physically.  but, porfiry was a kind of round, short, eccentric detective, who always had that, just one more question schtick... as well as moving around a lot, being a little effeminate, and always winking (maybe ) at the killer.
 
2013-06-24 11:54:28 AM
No love for Beretta?
 
2013-06-24 11:58:40 AM

Tuco'sTacos: No Roscoe P. Coltrane?


Wasn't it his failure that usually saved the day?
 
2013-06-24 12:06:26 PM
Shouldn't the Keystone Kops be on the list? Didn't they start the whole "incompetent police" schtick?
 
2013-06-24 12:12:24 PM
Where is Inspector Clouseau?
 
2013-06-24 12:16:20 PM

oryx: Where is Inspector Clouseau?


He's on the list under Pink Panther. Number 15.
 
2013-06-24 12:37:46 PM
If it had been indivdual cops listed i would have voted Disher from Monk.
 
2013-06-24 12:44:16 PM

Gunny Highway: [img.fark.net image 500x375]

[img.fark.net image 700x473]


I like the new police chief's antics but I miss Barbady's immutable indifference
 
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